Owls and Orchids

“Losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. But losing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel.”    ― H.G. Wells

It’s so very easy to stick to a plan when the world feels all sunshine and roses. It becomes progressively harder when the storm clouds start to build up and almost impossible when you are fighting the gales.  That’s a nice way of describing things. The other way is, when life feels as though the ‘shit has hit the fan” you can do nothing except duck and hide – if luck is with you!

The truth is I’m not sure where I’ve been lately. I could make an excuse and say I’ve been a little unwell, I do love the masterful understatement! Yet I look around me and see others who I feel are far worse off than I, read their blogs which show so much strength and courage and then I feel ashamed that I haven’t the inner fortitude to do even a smidgen they are doing. Yes, I know I’m not supposed to compare myself to others. Unfortunately, my brain, which is sporadically working, doesn’t appear to be wired that way.

My present truth – I’m more than a little lost in the forest and not sure which way to go to get out and the light has definitely faded if indeed it hasn’t already gone out.

The idyllic country cottage – too many Jane Austen books! The stairs would have me on my knees in no time.

The main problem, at least the way I see it, is that I want a “home” yet it has to have enough space to have a wretched office in it.  We both have this need to have a well established office. That’s fine until you take two individuals who have exactly that and then merge their homes, which is what we have done.  When you have a finite space to use you simply cannot squish wood and nails into a small enough package – that’s insane isn’t it? There isn’t a bag you can suck the air out of which will make a desk smaller, and it doesn’t matter how much you might wish it so, or try, it simply wont go! Madness!

What we would love to be looking at! The problem here is very simple. Anyone who has this idyllic and beautiful home and outlook are not going to be leaving it – they would be mad to do so. So we have to file it away on our dream board for a future goal – and believe me it’s already there!

Is there a touch of self-pity in here? I think so and that makes me feel truly disgusted with myself….. where is that vaunted backbone I’ve been told I have?  I’m afraid it’s feeling as though it’s been attacked by a mad butcher, and the urgent need to smile winningly at the real estate people as they show you the houses that simply don’t fit the bill is – well why go there?

I’m just calling on my fairy godmother to wave her magic wand and sort this out.  I’m so grateful she always hears me call.

I’ve just realised I’ve lost my way with this, but it feels like a good romp through the byways of the lost. I hope you get the picture. I’m still here, at least parts of me, and I’ll resume normal programming when the wires are jacked in the right spots.

Waiting for the light to go on.

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Albus Dumbledore.