Owls and Orchids

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“After great pain, a formal feeling comes. The Nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs.”     Emily Dickinson

Eventually, no matter how hard you try, when faced with a situation you can neither change, escape or end you find yourself in a state of RAGE!

Pain does that to you. It erodes your ability to control anything, and I do mean anything. You lose all opportunity, choice, chance or ability to effect the world around you. You become controlled by it.

So, in an attempt, futile though it may seem to be, you decide, in some far recess of your brain, that part of your brain which is still related to the instinctual, reactive part of you to fight, to rage against the pain you feel. That deep dwelling, ancestral animal part of you will not sit by, it rages against this pain with its own ferocity.

I’m beginning to wonder if it lasts long enough would you eventually devolve back to that pure reactive animal instinctual creature? The simple fight for your life mode, fight for your sanity, only the fight is against what is happening inside you.

I’ve been trying all day to hide this damnable pain. It ‘s dug deep into my ribs and my hips, bored holes into my head and I’ve tried to breathe through it. My mantra, “I WILL NOT DO THIS” to stop any tears was wearing very thin.

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From the struggle came this poem.

Of Humanity at its Best

When the pain is biting hard

In your body, side and brain,

And your joints feel pulled apart

By irons of fire, like molten magma.

When you know through foggy thoughts

That no tears will quench this fire

And no pleas will stop the hurt

From those sharp daggers of pain

Then from somewhere deep inside

Comes the darkest of our species

That animal which dwells so deep

Of our ancestors whose farthest reach

Rises up and to the fore

Screaming loudly “I WILL NO MORE”

And no more crying do you make

For the pain they will not slake

And you will ride that awful ride

Through the darkness of the soul

Til respite comes once more.

Futile, it may seem

To fight against such might as this

But for some

That is all that’s left

To save humanity at its best.

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“So great was the extremity of his pain and anguish, that he did not only sigh but roar.”     Matthew Henry

From the ashes of defeat rises the Phoenix. May we all rise and soar high.

Bless   Susan xx

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