
image from msofisticada.blogspot.com
OK, I’ll state from the start this is not a fashion review blog! I am going to talk about how people try to emulate others because they think, feel, believe it is the way to gain support, approbation of just merely acknowledgement of their existence.
This picture is just to illustrate how the world of fashion and the doings of ‘stars’ is constantly commented on and critiqued.
I don’t read the magazines which are piled high in doctors surgeries and hairdressers, where I am told there are comparisons in each edition of who wore what and who looked better in it. I understand where they are going with it, but it’s all relative, isn’t it?
The actual saying is “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”. That is the phrase I’ve been told repeatedly. It doesn’t matter if someone should choose to copy what you are doing. It doesn’t matter if they wear the same clothes you do, get the same hairstyle, wear the same make up…. you get the picture I’m sure. You take it on the chin and rise above it and think to yourself, “What the hell, if they want to do that then let them, it’s really not causing me a problem anyway”. Right! Or is it?
When I first started blogging I didn’t even know there was a term for it. Back in the annals of time I had a pseudonym and wrote to put my thoughts on ‘paper’, away from prying eyes. Wasn’t that a laugh. I was more than surprised when someone actually commented on it and offered a suggestion about what I should do. It was more a diarised version of what was happening at that time and strangely enough I stopped writing shortly after. I realised I wanted the privacy I could only get by having a physical diary and, since my pesky brothers were no longer a problem, I could continue my collection of cute and colourful journals.

image from journalbuddies.com –
As a self-development tool they are extremely useful. There are so many programs around these days which encourage keeping a journal, that being the hip way of describing my old-fashioned diary! They are used for anything your heart desires, improving your concentration, charting changes in mood, temperature if you are trying to fall pregnant, keeping track of expenses and goal setting and to remind yourself what you have to be grateful for when the world seems bleak and against you. In short anything which you feel you want to record about your day.
The strange thing about that is you can become confused about why you are doing something. For example: I know of one person who so admired another who they believed knew more than they did that, when they came across an opportunity to combine two things at once, continue their interrupted self-development, keep journalling and become part of a group activity involving this person, they approached it with gusto. In one sense they were trying to emulate the person they admired. A kind of camaraderie appeared to exist amongst this group and that was ever so attractive to this lonely soul.
Over time it became apparent that this camaraderie revolved around that one person. They were the sun and everyone else revolved around them. The majority of people seemed to hang on each utterance this person made, irrespective of how inane it might be. Attempts at becoming part of this apparent inner sanctum fell flat. Our lonely soul felt ignored and excluded, as usually happens when an outsider tries to join an established group. You may wonder why they felt the need to be part of such a group, but loneliness has a way of driving people to do ‘odd’ things.
So they tried to emulate what our central figure was doing and it was not successful. Not only did their attempt at a blog not garner any interest, the person who inspired it failed to even notice beyond an initial ‘nod’. It must have been demoralising. Other people who began a blog were recommended to their group but not this person or their blog. There was now an urgent need for some kind of understanding and acknowledgment, from somewhere, that what they had to say was valid, important or interesting to some, after all it is a huge blogosphere. Despite wanting to follow the theme they had a sincere interest in, it was impossible to get into the groove and into this circle. No one in this somewhat sycophantic coterie would even acknowledge direct comments from our slowly shriveling soul. There was not only despair, but also condemnation of self, they were rejected so there must be something wrong with who and what they were doing….. right! NO!

image from tivijones.com
Imitating someone, trying to use the formula which worked for someone else was just not the way to go. Finding a formula for themselves – now that was a challenge. Who were they and how were they to get anyone to like what they were writing about? Was it important that someone else liked it? In a perverse way, it had become important, as a form of validation for what they had to say. Who likes talking to thin air all the time?
Yet, as anyone who writes a blog will know, there are hundreds if not thousands of bloggers and if your content is not reaching an audience then you can scream to the four corners and not get a result. It can almost be hard work, a full-time job, to become recognised at all.
I’m happy to say that the lost soul I wrote about has begun to find their feet. They are no longer trying to emulate their former idol since they have become too disillusioned to want to be part of a sycophantic melange. Instead they have forged ahead with an eclectic mix which represents who they are. They don’t know where they are ultimately heading but they have learned that imitation is not the solution to their woes. Their words no longer fall on deaf ears and the longed for interaction with others is slowly occurring.
I have no doubt they will combine all the subject matter which interests them over time, but time is all that is needed if they wish to succeed to the extent they wish to. After all, I was successful when I was writing just for my own benefit since I wasn’t seeking an audience. It’s a strange world we live in and a shame that those who have ‘made it’ don’t acknowledge the courage it may take for someone to try to participate in a group dynamic, especially if it is supposed to be for ‘all comers’.
For what it’s worth, my advice is, be yourself because you are the best at being you there is in this world and if people are going to like what you have to say or who you are it’s much better to do so on your own terms than those of someone else.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ciao, Susan x

image from http://www.facebook.com
“For what it’s worth, my advice is, be yourself because you are the best at being you there is in this world ”
Here here.
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Thank you, you are most kind. Self awareness is often a rocky road to follow, especially if one is struggling with illness. I fall back on my mothers favourite saying, “if it doesn’t break you it will make you stronger “. A wise woman 😊
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Really great post. We are each born with a desire to fit in, to belong, but somewhere along the way it’s important to embrace our individuality and accept ourselves for who we are. It’s so easy to say and hard to do because it takes a lot of courage to walk where no one has trodden, not follow someone else’s footsteps or imitate a formula. I guess that’s what creativity is truly about. Thanks for the great reminder!
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Thank you Sarah, its very easy to let the clouds lead you astray. As with all illness it’s often difficult to find the sunshine, especially if it burns you to a crisp! I think I like the thought, “the harder the goal the sweeter the victory”, I’m paraphrasing 😊
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Ah Susan, (aka lost soul) what a wonderful post this is, really coming from the heart, where all good writing comes from. There are valuable lessons in there, naturally I’ve tweeted it. It doesn’t matter who you are writing for but it’s sweet when someone out there in the black hole known as the blogosphere actually connects. A definite case of a tiny voice in the wilderness.
Cheers
Laurie.
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There’s no hiding from you, is there Laurie? Yet it’s a story I’ve heard so many times. Like our previous lives, you belong to a closed circle, camaraderie is tight and you know you have someone to share the load….. Sometimes.
Breaking into a new and supposedly supportive environment can be disillusioning. Being a person who questions the right if the sun to shine ,😮 I have to ask about the genuineness of certain situations.
Ah well, another lesson learned and that’s all to the good. It all depends on how far I need my halo to sit or slip in the coming weeks. 😉
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Nope and I dig deep. 🙂 Seriously, it’s akin to getting in a shark cage and watching everything that comes near. Eventually you float outside of the cage and find that it wasn’t as bad as you first thought. The world’s full of knockers (not that kind) and they try to pull others down. Just keep doing what you’re doing, you’re attracting a following and you have plenty to write about. It all sounds like you have been let down rather badly in the past as far as writing goes. I recommend the rhinoceros hide approach, you know the one we had in the ‘Job?’ It’s still there, it works wonders. You know I started writing seriously in 2010 and blogging in June 2011. With the writing it’s easy to get precious about your baby, mainly because you’ve put your heart and soul into it. With the blogging for the first six months I was delighted when I received spam. *Glory be, someone’s looking at my blog.* I was almost tempted to correspond with them. I’ve gotten over my writing, one woman from a writing group I was in turned up at a book launch last month and said to me, “Oh, I see you’re still writing that perverted pornography?” – “Ah, you’ve read it then?” To think I helped her whenever she needed it.
Cheers
Laurie
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So often, people flock to a ‘Guru’, only to find that the so called ‘Guru’ is just as lost as them! Maybe even more so.
Some of the self proclaimed Gurus, calling themselves “The master of (whatever)” attract a following and are actually frauds, knowing little or nothing about their supposed mastery, but are using a marketing technique to promote something they sell or do. That IS fraud! Lots of evidence of this around now.
Others find people drawn to them for a variety of reasons, perhaps publicity or a long term and large following and their profile or persona strikes a chord with the followers on Twitter, FaceBook or wherever. However, if the person realises they have become a Guru in the eyes of the followers, they either need to front up and take that role, provide the support and mentoring that the followers are seeking OR step back from it and not be guilty of deceiving a gullible group of people, made gullible because of their needs.
Whilst there are genuine masters of their craft out there, before anyone decides to follow them, they need to see evidence of both their mastery AND their commitment to their followers. The number of sycophants is NOT a recommendation, it’s the amount of support going the other way that counts!
GREAT post, this has been a problem for a very long time!
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I thoroughly enjoyed this share. Comparing myself to others has slowed me down at times in the past, and whether it is a positive or negative comparison, it always leads to dead ends. Seems like real sharing comes from equality. We are all at times like birds just leaving the nest, faced with the tumultuous task of learning to fly, and we forget… It is what we were created to be!
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Imitation kills…thanks for putting it so succinctly. In this world where everyone is expected to conform to the so-called rules of some authority figures, celebrities or society, this post is an opening door to freedom…love your work…thanks so much 🙂
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