image from mindfulnessworkshops.dk –
“I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my life, I am going to be with me and I don’t want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop being my own critic. It’s high time that I accept all the great things about me.”
― C. JoyBell C.
One of the biggest lessons we have to learn is that of acceptance.
- Acceptance of who we are.
- Acceptance of who someone else is.
- Acceptance that what has occurred is in the past, and if we let it go it has no power over us. Acceptance, it can be easy or it can be hard. Yet once we have learned it, we can be literally set free. Free from the pains of the past and released into a brighter today and tomorrow.
Part of my training through life has been to analyse everything which had or was occurring and determine what course of action should be taken as a result of that. Whilst that is good, as far as it goes, it can lead to an immense amount of heartache. In analysing everything for motive and purpose we can easily forget the personal, the individual in the events. Motivation for why things occur can muddy the waters even further, leading you in ever increasing circles until you reach a state of information overload and decisions, if needed, become even harder to reach. It can also tend to make you hold o to the painful memories as a way of reminding yourself not to make the same mistakes again. We inflict pain on ourselves. Insanity!
image from yogagoddess.us –
“Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”
― Heath L. Buckmaster, Box of Hair: A Fairy Tale
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Acceptance of Who We Are.
That shouldn’t be so difficult, should it? Yet some of us twist and turn on the whim of others trying to find out if we are acceptable. In the never ending pursuit of finding ourselves acceptable, to ourselves or to someone else we forget the greatest gift of all, our innate selves. In this entire Universe there is only one person with our DNA, our ways, mannerisms, thoughts and feelings. We are unique, a fact we often overlook or are coerced into not seeing. We forget that we do not have to be measured by the rules or guidelines of someone else. We may not be perfect to them, but we are who we are. Perfectionism may be an ideal to some, but it can be sterile and devoid of real feeling and emotion. Accept who you are, as a work in progress and doing the best you can at any given time. That is all that is truly asked of us, and it is beautiful.
image from rediscoveredfamilies.com
“Maturity, one discovers, has everything to do with the acceptance of ‘not knowing.”
― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves
Acceptance of who someone else is.
It is perhaps a conundrum of life itself that if we are able to accept who we are, then we are often unable to accept others, since we project the best of ourselves onto others and may find them lacking. Of course, the reverse is also true, in that projecting the least acceptable of ourselves onto someone else, may mean that we accept far less from someone than we deserve. Life is a journey, at times straight forward and at others immensely complex. Just like people. If we accept the premise that we, as an individual, are always acceptable, doing the best we can at any given time, then we must also extend that to others. How can we expect more of others than we are willing to accept and give of ourselves? We are all human beings, but we are beautiful Spirits having a human experience. Learning can be messy and we can only work through the labyrinth one step at a time. Accepting the successes and failures is what makes is who we are. Unique.
image from playingwiththeuniverse.blogspot.com –
“Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.”
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven
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Acceptance that what has occurred is in the past, and if we let it go it has no power over us.
So many people have scars they carry for a lifetime over what has happened in the past. Like a festering sore we allow it to continually stab at us, reminding us of failures, times we didn’t reach our best, times we let someone down and they suffered as a result. Yet the truth is, it doesn’t matter. We can only expect of ourselves, of others, the best that is possible in that particular moment. In That Moment! In fact we can only expect if ourselves, projecting our expectations on others is unfair as it takes away their free will and ability to earn.
What we learn in a day, a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime after that, cannot change what has gone before. Not by one iota. Why then carry this enormous weight with which to punish yourself? If you can say to yourself, everything that has happened, what I have done, what others have done, forms the fabric of my past. The cloth that I weave now may look different to the one I wove before. Yet it is still perfect in its difference. It is unique, as I am.
The measure of life is change. Look back and read the lessons you have learned from your past. Not with regret or self-flagellation, or blame of others, but as a lesson learned and phfft….. let it go. The past has already gone and can no longer affect you unless you allow it to.
Face forward and greet the day. The present, the only portion of time we can have any effect on, for the future is yet to appear. Make peace with the past. Accept you, the people who populate your past and the fabric of your past. Accept all that has been as a lesson, and look to the bright future, armed with the knowledge accepting the past has granted you. It has also released you from the chains which helped keep you shackled to painful memories. Acceptance helps remove the pain. I know because I have been there and can vouch that it works.
Acceptance – is the key word to having a wonderful life.
image from lifecorked.com
“All that is left to bring you pain, are the memories. If you face those, you’ll be free. You can’t spend the rest of your life hiding from yourself; always afraid that your memories will incapacitate you, and they will if you continue to bury them.”
― J.D. Stroube, Caged in Darkness
May you find your Acceptance in life and look forward to a bright future.
Blessings, Susan ♥
© Susan Jamieson 2014
Owls and Orchids 
I think the older I get the more I grow to accept myself. I believe as you say that acceptance is the key to a good life. Thanks for sharing Susan.
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Forgiveness is the best gift you can give yourself. It’s not hurting anyone, but you. After all these years I was finally to do that and it was such a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders and I’ve been headed in a much better direction, ever since.
Mindfulness is the way I try to live my life everyday. Live in the moment, and only the moment. Yesterday is gone, nothing you can do to change any of it, other than forgiving yourself or someone else. No one is promised a tomorrow, so why waste today’s energy on worrying about a tomorrow that may or may not come. This moment, right now, is all that matters.
Mindfulness takes awhile to master, but it’s a much better way of living.
xxxWild Thang:)
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Working on it all the time. There has been a bit to go through. Mindfulness is also slow going – wretched pain gets in the way and don’t want to be in the NOW with the pain. Practice makes perfect as they say.
Lady in Red. x
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I know……………..it does take a long, long time. I’m still working on it every day. Practice, practice, practice. My pain has been horrendous after having a few “good” days when I was able to get most of my goals done, and well, you know what happens then, time to pay the price. Hang in there, my dear friend.
Peace, love, hugs and all that other jazz,
Wild Thang:)
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I’m fighting and I realise fighting is exhausting. This new pain in my arms is really kicking my butt. Without any exaggeration it feels like someone has a hoe with red hot tines and they are trying to scape off skin, nerve and bone from my neck to my fingertips. No rhyme or reason, no timing or breaks. wake up and it is there. I can’t hold anything and I can’t stand up. Can’t stand to be held up either.. totally screwed. Heat packs burn like hell but eventually numb it enough to let me get to the bathroom.
I’ve been oil pulling and nearly choked this morning. The pain is sitting in my biceps all the time, deep, feels like its just waiting for me to relax again and come back. It;s taken all day to bring it under control. and most of that was semi conscious. I can’t really wake up – or do I not want to.
Can’t talk to the bloody doctor and these ‘nurses; are useless. My GP won’t have it that I have Lyme so no go there. Hospital… you know how I feel. I think thats enough for here. lol
Peace love n hugs and jazzy stuff
Lady in Red x
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Such wise words. Well said, Susan!
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Thank you 🙂
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Beautifully said Susan! Thank you for sharing 🙂
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So true. Too much introspection on past can stifle. Some branches of counselling adopt this premise. Can’t remember what it’s called. Maybe person centred? Not sure. but in essence it says what you say here. That to constantly relive the past never heals. Accept it and let it go so that you can get on with the present.
A good reminder for all of us. Thanks for sharing, Susan.x
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I watched someone be led round in circles with issues in the past – by supposed therapist, and they never made any progress. I felt as though I was getting whiplash from going round and round. In the end i told them (the therapist) point blank that I felt they were a waste of time and energy. That if they were going to do nothing but allow this person to go round and round and over the same things each time they were making the problem much worse. I also suggested they revisit the Hippocratic Oath – if they weren’t going to help then get out of the damned way. It was an interesting day 😉
Sometimes I feel people put so much faith in therapists/counselors that they forget that they can do things to help themselves. It is very hard and yes, people need help, but a person like that who is doing nothing to help is, in my book, actually causing harm. Time for me to get off my soapbox. 🙂
Susan x
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No you’re right. My sister used to work with troubled young people and many of them received counselling that went on for years! How is that helping? It’s like rehashing stuff over and over again. Almost as igf the counsellor is enjoying the experience or something.
I think the whole accept and move on has to be the way. Some people might need to help to embrace that certainly. But I’m not big on the whole indefinite navel gazing.
In fact, Eagles did a fab song some while back called ‘Get Over It’. A bit harsh sounding but it does kind of suggest that we all have to move on instead of harping on.
Just found this illustrated version. Don’t know if it’ll work if I insert the embed code here. I’m never sure. 😉
I suppose the message is to grieve and then move on. Otherwise life goes down the toilet.
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True, some people seem to need more help than others and some need a refresher course later on. But finding real ways to help them move on – yiu know, real intervention not onlooking is what I can helpful. i was told it was their job to allow the patient to find their way to their own answer… what baloney. In my opinion that’s double speak for fleecing the unwary and ill.
They want to charge the big money for their training, well they should put their training into practice. My opinion of course. 😉
Susan x
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Bugger! I forgot to insert it. Lol. 🙂 x
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Feck it. Why does it never embed? Anyway it links. 🙂 x
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Love it,,,, just reading this brings a smile to my face… I needed that lol 🙂
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Wonderful post! I have reached this point in my life–acceptance, but I seem to wander off the path. Thank you for bringing me back. I love the first quote by the way.
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You’re welcome. We all fall to the wayside from time to time, but coming back is the important thing. Glad to have you along for the journey. 🙂
Blessings,
Susan x
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how insightful! wonderfully written and lots to think about. thank you
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