When nothing else exists, no thought, no options except to try to escape from where you are… the unthinkable becomes thinkable. Then it is a very small step to doable. In the words of one who has travelled this path….
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Owls and Orchids 
You’ve got me this time Susan. I’ve never ‘known’ a place that could bring you to such literal pain that it would seem saner to end it.
But I have been somewhere that has brought me to such ‘insanity’ that I thought I was going to really lose it.
No pain, but a pervasive torture that in and of itself may seem nothing, but like you describe, a constant where it physically and emotionally grinds away at your presence here on Earth until you reach a point and say ‘I can’t do this any more’.
I’m referring to an inner ear infection that I’ve had since September last year. Tinnitus that constantly rings day and night, vertigo that any movement brings on a bout of sea sickness where you lose your stomach, let alone your mind, and bleeding from my ears, leaving me thinking ‘was that dark bit my brains or just another part of my anatomy’.
And please, I do not even attempt to compare where I’m at in this situation, not even remotely, as I know that constant pain you guys refer to can seriously reduce quality of life until you reach that point of hopelessness.
It’s just the mind and where it takes you in either circumstances. How it tests what has meaning or not, what has purpose or not…or even just plain old ‘why’.
What are we trying to find within ourselves to be on a path that seems to override life and all of its interactions. Its purpose seems to have been removed when we are bombarded with a particular input that makes it impossible to do anything else.
The only thing that I can see or feel within under these circumstances…is that ability, even under the most trying of circumstances, to find that something within, that rock (that sometimes still feels like quicksand at times on the way to finding this ability), that in hindsight we find that it allows us to really look within and find another beauty about who we are.
The many times we have gone through something and in the end allows us to ‘see’ and realise just who we are within.
As I said earlier, I’m in no way comparing. It is just that place we can go to in extreme circumstances within, that eventually guides us. There is no right or wrong in anything we do. It is our own journey’s to find that love within and I in no way dare to put anything against what you or the reblogged friend is going through. Just an understanding of what I have seen so far in my journey. Maybe this will start a ripple that will bring help from another quarter, guidance from somewhere or another’s journey that will bring relief from that battle that always seems to be there.
Regardless Susan, much love and empathy for you both and a hope, for at the least, an understanding of your journey, for when we do understand something, it makes it just a little easier to live. Namaste
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