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Archive for the ‘Accidents’ Category

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I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasures. It’s all a question of how I view my life. – Paul Coelho.

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There have been times aplenty when I’ve wondered where time flies but I never thought I’d find out first hand.
Being a Science Fiction fan I’d always quite fancied the idea of “The Langoliers” by Stephen King – furry balls of steel teeth gobbling time as it passed away. Definitely worth watching, if you can find it. Not however what happened.

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Alas, I cannot say that I have such an imaginative reason for not writing. In fact, even this short effort is telling me my time is running out.I am working on something, it simply isnt finished.  Soon but not soon enough!
From a flare up of an old  complaint I languished in a state akin to despair…until I decided to take a photo of a newly flowering plant.  It’s hard to pass up on those photos. I couldn’t  stand, or rather squish down for the shot, so I sat in the old reliable plastic chair. Mistake! Oh what a mistake!
One moment seated on the chair, the next flying through the air with the greatest of ease. No mean feat, I assure you.

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Alas and alack I’m aching like a forlorn pretzel. Better yet, a crumbled pretzel. Even sitting is no fun – and neither us lying down by the way. All typos due to the phone and screwy eyesight from meds!
I’ll be back shortly, more or less in one piece. (One piece just many bruises). Believe me, there are times I wish for …..a fairy or three to help me. Although they have nade my flowers grow beautifully.
Til later mes amis. No more flying for me!

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Love me, love my fairies helping in my garden.

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Blessings,  Susan 💖
(C) Susan Jamieson,  2014

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#Dying Tonight

Celtic Goddess Epona… Facebook.com

 

I thought I might die tonight…. it was all such a sudden thing to happen.  One moment life was normal, the next, the knife-edge trembled. It’s the one thing you can never allow to happen, since that knife-edge is so darned sharp – it doesn’t give many second chances.
It doesn’t matter how,  nor even maybe why, except to me. I’m so very tired. Not just the physical aspect of tiredness, but the pain in my heart, in my spirit, which never seems to leave. I’d give anything to get back to that feeling of “normal” – whatever that may be. I’m wondering if it really exists any longer. Just a lack of sleep, I believe! That and a pervasive feeling of unease and loneliness.
I’m so very sorry for such a short and miserable post. I had planned something very different. Hopefully tomorrow when consciousness returns finally. I am planning on sleep, just not when it should happen – very bad of and for me.
Thank you, my dear friends, I pray you understand a human frailty. (I’m a walking accident at present.) I’m not sure I do or forgive myself for it. (There’s the perfectionist at work again!) Stupid damned accidents overtake everything.  No – I didn’t plan the stupidity, I simply stopped looking and there I was, right in the middle of it and scrambling to make things right. Make things right – is there ever such a silly phrase? I was trying to fix things up. I always do – perhaps that’s my penance, I always manage to make it right again.
Something nice for tomorrow – I promise. 🙂  I’m just too frazzled to get there right now, but it has pictures and tantalizing thoughts, all those nice and happy things I want me to be all about. You know – that irrepressible smile, full of promise and laughter. That’s me….. after a few hours of sleep.

Any publishing snafus were the responsibility of a supposed great phone that has proved a dud….. if anyone has any tips for a Samsung Galaxy S5 – short of smashing it to pieces (gleefully tonight) – I would love to hear them.  (or to get Telstra to take it back and give me a different phone which works ALL the time. That’s a hint to any Telstra people who might be able to help a frazzled, sleep deprived, accident prone …hmm)
Blessings from the klutz.

Susan 💖

#DyingTonight

image from artelartlivejournal.com

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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#TheBlogThatWasn't

image from www-liveinternet-ru       “Live Internet”

“In all the frustration and confusion of life, just take a moment and smile; everything will work out for the best”- Unknown author
~

Three hours ago I started a blog. It doesn’t take that long to get it written, proofed and scheduled for publishing. So what happened tonight to cause this huge delay? Why, none other than the new computer. It’s probably just as well that it is impossible to strangle a computer, although I’m sure it could be a reasonably good flying object. ……

”Excuse me Ma’am, but did you just witness an unidentified flying object travelling past your living room window?”

Reply: “Umm, err, well, no not really. There was a flicker at the corner of my eye, but I really couldn’t tell you what it was.”

No, of course not. Who would want to admit that it was a low flying computer flung with great venom for failing to supply – a connection to the internet!

I have been known to be guilty of impatience. I have been known to occasionally have a little flash of temper if things go awry too often. I can sulk like the best if the occasion warrants it, but there is something about a computer that refuses to connect to the internet which can make my blood boil. After all, that’s what the wretched thing has been designed to do. It is no longer a glorified typewriter, although I have to admit I wouldn’t mind a simple typewriter occasionally.  But this is a “state of the art” new computer, with all the added gadgets and gee gaws some computer nerdy person has been able to think up. It is its prime purpose, to connect the unwary to the internet, to be embroiled in heated debate over the merits of light or dark chocolate.

It has even been known to waste time by ensnaring the unwary into political rambunctious behaviour which frequently ends in persons being ejected from certain ‘prestigious’ groups. It hasn’t yet been accused of causing a gun fight at dawn or pistols at six paces and I’m sure that given time we’ll see the computer equivalent. If I look, and I’m sure not very hard, I’ll find games somewhere that will allow me to do just that.

However, if I can’t connect to the internet and do what must be done or what I want to do, then the very least it can offer me is the chance to say, “Beam me up Scotty”. Then I can away to a distant galaxy where no-one needs to do the washing or the ironing and no-one ever seems to get dirty or have showers, although now that I think about it, I’m sure I saw someone on Star Trek with a strategically draped towel at one stage. I’m not certain which “star date” they’re in at present.

Perhaps even better would be a hypnotic whirling light which transports me through a magical time warp to the Scottish highlands in the seventeenth century for a romp through the heather. Although that may not be such a good idea. I have a notion I may have read that women were supposed to be quiet back in those days and that would be a cruel and unusual punishment.

Aha! I knew this would happen. After finally giving up the idea of being able to get my planned blog done and amusing myself with some light hearted rambling, my computer has decided to play with me after all. Connection achieved. A satisfied smile lingers briefly around my mouth but it’s far too late. I’m tired and I need my sleep if I want to regain my health and sanity. Well, one out of three isn’t such a bad deal, is it?

#TheBlogThatWasn't

image from footage.shutterstock.com

I’ll keep my health and sanity for tonight, and the computer can retain its connection to itself until tomorrow, when I will give it a strong talking to in the vain hope that it has gained some ‘artificial intelligence’ overnight, and we can achieve a suitable working relationship. Harmony reigns supreme for the time being.

Good night all, or Good day. Perhaps a simple, enjoy yourself now, whatever takes your fancy. The serious Susan will return tomorrow for her scheduled blogging.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
Epicurus

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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#What's the Safety Word?

Image from footage.shutterstock.com –

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

Everyone has heard about the ‘safety word’. The safety word is the serious-I-mean-it-now time-to-stop word. The word the ‘client’ arranges when he visits his S&M bondage person so he doesn’t accidentally get himself killed during the ‘play’.

What I wonder, is the safety word when you’ve had enough of the ‘merry go round’? I’m referring to that time when you feel you literally cannot face another minute of the hurt, the pain, the torment, the abuse, the depression, the………. (just fill in the blank).

It almost sounds like the beginning to a play or a movie script. The notes followed by the story board before shooting begins. Except it isn’t part of a fictitious film, instead it’s a serious and real part of life. Not the calculated gambles people want to take with their fetishes or fantasies. If something goes wrong there then you almost have to say – ‘they knew what they were getting themselves into.’ But what happens when life pushes you too far?

Talking to people is easy. For some reason I’ve been fortunate that people find it easy to talk to me. I’ve been told many things. I’ve been blessed by sharing the good news of a daughter’s engagement, a son’s engagement, marriages, the unhappier news of divorces, accidents, windfalls and tragedies. It may sound strange to include windfalls as part of the unhappier news, but for many people it hasn’t brought them the happiness they hoped for. Sometimes yes, but many times they have found themselves in a much worse place than they were before their good fortune.

Sometimes there simply are no words to express how you feel. Sometimes you need to rely on a hug or holding someone’s hand and send them strength because there is nothing you can say or do to change things. Having to tell someone their child, husband or wife is dead is one of those times. Words just aren’t made to let people understand you feel their pain.

I had many talks with ‘Sharon’, a lovely lady who was always putting herself down. She simply couldn’t believe she was good at anything she did or that she was wanted or needed by anyone. Despite having a good job she was convinced she was stupid, since her husband continually told her she was. Even though she had two children she couldn’t persuade herself that there was any purpose to her being there. She convinced herself that they would be better off if she was no longer around.

Sharon took a bottle of pills and curled up waiting for the end to steal quietly over her. Her husband came home early and she was rushed to hospital. Unfortunately she didn’t get the help she needed and her unhappiness and feelings of low self-worth grew. Her husband helped her with that part. When she finally left him he embarked on a calculated plan to undermine her self-confidence and she found herself spiraling further down that dark hole.

She moved and I lost track of the family for a while. In trying to out run the influence of her ex-husband she isolated herself from everyone who knew her. She avoided anyone he knew and anywhere he was likely to go. There was nowhere for her to turn to. Her children moved out, as they do when they finally grow their wings and she fell into a deep depression. Depressed or not she still managed to work.

I met her again a short time ago. She often spoke to me of her struggle with ‘The Black Dog’, but being alone it was too difficult for her. She began trying to out run her problems. She would drive day and night when she was not working until she finally fell into a stupor to get some rest. But you can’t roll those dice for long before the stakes get too high. It’s almost like putting your hand in a basket of snakes and expecting not to get bitten.

Sharon told me she didn’t want to leave her children without some kind of support. She didn’t want them to be dependent on their father to “look after them”. Years later he still influenced how she thought and she didn’t trust him to do the right thing by his children. So her game of Russian roulette on the roads didn’t seem to make much sense on one hand, but knowing how her ex-husband had eroded her self-worth, it did.

It felt as though she was holding on by some tenuous thread and at times I wasn’t sure she really heard me. She did see a doctor and get medication, but it was going to be a long haul back.

Sharon died in a pile up on the motorway. She was on her way home from her mother’s funeral. A drunk driver had lost control and ploughed into the oncoming traffic. Her car was hit head on.

What was Sharon’s safety word?  I can’t help but wonder if she had a safety word.  Who could she have called out to, so that she could stop the merry go round? If she had a safety word when should she have used it?

Tell me, do you have a safety word?

#What's the Safety Word

image from s279.photobucket.com

Blessings, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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#My Husband, # My Lover, # My Friend

Ray and I on our wedding day May 11, 2011

“This is what our love is––a sacred pattern of unbroken unity sewn flawlessly invisible inside all other images, thoughts, smells, and sounds.”   Aberjhani, The River of Winged Dreams
My Husband, My Lover, My Friend

It’s been a rough week here and although I’ve tried to play it down, inside my head and in my posts, there have been times when the thought of simply ‘giving up’ wasn’t far away.  It’s very difficult to remain positive when you wake up and the moment of consciousness brings the awful knowledge that your entire body is screaming in agony.

It’s becoming a real nightmare, a waking nightmare and this morning was the worst to date. Let me explain, although it’s really hard for me to write this. I cannot move my legs, body, head or shoulders. I am fortunate that my hands and lower arms appear to be okay. I wake up feeling as though I’m in a roasting oven, on well done!  I cannot push the covers off and I cannot get out of bed, (I can’t move).

#My Husband, # My Lover, # My Friend

image from autobio-blogs.plazilla.com

I’ve tried everything I can think of to get out of bed without waking my husband, especially as sometimes I wake really early and I’m ruining his rest. He needs it, he has to look after someone who is cranky because she can’t do the things she has previously done alone and I’m not in the right head space to “give in gracefully” and acknowledge that for the moment, this has to be my reality.

#My Huasband, # My Lover,#  My Friend

image from http://www.123rf.com Is this what is coming?

So let’s go back to this morning. I had a magnificent sleep, six hours of deep sleep. It’s a shame it was drug enhanced but I can’t fight that any longer either. But, I heard Ray get up and that was enough to wake me.  It was a world of hurt and I had no idea what to do. My entire body was locked in this agonising position and I had to move. I simply had to.

From a mental angle it is full on despair, a waking nightmare I cannot banish. Giving in is against my entire world view. I have always stood my ground, but that has become a joke since I cannot stand. Not first thing in the morning.

The first challenge is getting upright and Ray has to hold my hands and when I say “Pull” he has to pull me upright quickly. This morning I screamed as he did this.  (Going slowly is more painful.) Ray has to slowly pull each leg around until I can reach the floor and then once again, pull me to my feet. He has to make sure I don’t fall backward or forwards or I’ll be on the floor. I’ve mentioned the ‘damned stairs’ before but this morning they almost defeated me. But he wouldn’t let go, nor would he give in and we painfully made our way along the corridor.

#My Husband, #My Lover, #My Friend

image from owlsandorchids.com       Is this all that’s left?

It has brought home the simple dignity chronically ill people suffer which is taken by others as something they just have to get used to. I wonder if, in the same position, they would find it so easy or welcome! Well, we made the journey, back to bed and sitting back brought another stifled scream. (I have some pride left). It was not going to be an easy day. I swore I wouldn’t take the tablets but I was afraid, seriously afraid I might have to call the ambulance.  Maybe it’s the meds but that’s tantamount to throwing in the towel and I’d rather the unthinkable than that.

So, doped up and basically incoherent I remained in a land somewhere between reality and who knows? I do know that after Ray had left I felt someone sitting down and then a cuddling into my legs, but that’s another story.

We decided on a bath, detoxing again, but with added special things Ray thought up. He helped me to the main bathroom, (when we build I’m having a bath in the en suite!) and the most beautiful sight met my eyes. My special bath salts, lavender-scented had been liberally placed in the bath, extra Epsom salts, my coconut body wash, coconut scented body cream, candles, my bath pillow and my iPod. I could have cried. It was exquisite – and I forget to get a photo so this will have to do…

How can something so wonderful be so painful? Getting in and lying back caused another loud groan, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me. (Note to self – larger bath needed in our en suite). It was hot, as it needed to be and as I felt the warmth slowly seeping into my body, I felt a wonderful feeling enveloping me. I got my iPod and some meditation music and I was left in peaceful silence.

I came back to myself as the water lost its heat but over an hour had passed and I was a wrinkled prune – almost. Helped out and dried off and then the final surprise, the beautiful coconut butter lotion… He carefully and slowly rubbed it in from my toes to my neck and down my back. I had the most incredible massage of my back. His magical fingers caressed the painful knots and tender spots and relaxed the rest of my back. I was covered from head to toe with lotion and I felt amazing. Every muscle had turned to jelly.

Helping me dress and back upstairs we had a beautiful cup of tea.

I realised how lucky I was. I found in one inexplicable gift from the Universe, my soul mate who is my husband, my lover and my best friend. The pain notwithstanding, I realise I’m so darned lucky. To be loved and accepted by such a wonderful man, someone who not only stands by me, but helps me through my nightmare is a rare blessing. I don’t make it easy on him at times and my guilt becomes another torment. I feel stuck in this limbo, yet supported by a magical earth angel.

What more can I say? Love is beautiful and found in unexpected place and at unusual times. Enjoy it anytime you can.

#My Husband, #My Lover, #My Friend

image from 2guysphoto.wordpress.com

I feel my love flowing to all my friends out here, and to all the people everywhere. Love will eventually change our world. It is too great to ignore forever.

Blessings and love to all.

Susan x

© Susan Jamieson  2014

~

For the Love of My Life and for the Love of Your Lives, whoever they may be.

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There has been a small but unavoidable hiccough to normal blogging. Until my computer decides to co-operate I am unable to operate.
To say I’m frustrated is a colossal understatement and lightning has scorched the walls of the house (inside!).
I’m hoping I can get something sorted out tomorrow, or later today. In the meantime I hope you enjoy a FB offering.
I will get back to everyone once my connection and I are communicating again.
Blessings. Susan
(c) Susan Jamieson 2014

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Being Thankful

image from sunni-survivinglife.blogspot.com – #Being Thankful

Being thankful isn’t always easy

In fact sometimes it’s downright hard

But the evangelists tell me it’s all just an attitude

Well, Grammy Jen tells me I have an attitude

And what’s more I should just get rid of it

So I’m a might confused about what I should do

~

Like yesterday

Momma told me to get to the wash

And I pounded and pounded to get Tommy’s jeans clean

That basket was like to tear my arms from my shoulders

But right in the middle of the yard

Little Bobby went scooting past on his wagon

I got my feet all tangled and down went the wash

All over that dirt yard

And I started to tremble something fierce

~

Momma whooped me plenty for being so careless

And I had to pound those clothes extra hard this time

Every time I pounded those clothes

I pretended I was pounding some gratitude in there

It helped take my mind off the whooping

But it didn’t make me feel any better

~

Later when I was helping Momma with dinner

Tommy told her I tore his jeans

He only has one good pair cos he’s always tearing them

So she whooped me some more with the big old spoon

For being so careless with Tommy’s jeans

I know it wasn’t Christian like but I snuck a bug

On his plate of squirrel stew

He never noticed and I figured God would understand

It’s sure hard to be thankful when it seems like it’s always my fault

Being Thankful

image from dougsploitation.blogspot.com #BeingThankful

~

I figure if I keep being thankful

Even when it’s always my fault

Maybe eventually all my daily ‘ thankfulness’

Might fill the biggest old barn around

And then instead of all that whooping

I might get a barrel full of hugging

To make it all worthwhile

~

But Grammy says it don’t work like that

She says, “Girl just fill yourself with gratitude,

Don’t worry about all that attitude,

God’s watching all we’re doing, and girl you’re doing just fine,

So go on now and sneak down to the river and play

Momma’s gone for the rest of the day.

And Tommy’s out after squirrels,

I’ll look after little Bobby and today we’ll both

Get our fill of thankful and gratitude

And I’ll see that sweet smile of yours for a while”

~

So I ran down to the river and swam for hours and hours,

Lay on the grass and watched the angels in the clouds

And I could feel all that thankful and gratitude Granny told me of

And I knew that everything was going to be alright

Because I could see my road stretching far away

On God’s beautiful highway.

Being Thankful

image from forums.vwvortex.com – Seward Highway, AK       #BeingThankful

 “Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.”
― John Henry Jowett

Thankfulness and gratitude are used almost interchangeably. For those things we are giving thanks for, we are expressing our gratitude for. There is no need to become bogged down in the correct terminology, if we are looking at life, at our day and being grateful or thankful for the good things which happen, then we are doing all the right things to make our world a better place.

Focus on the good things, no matter how small and more of those good things are magnetised towards us and life can become a wondrous place. It’s that easy – just remember that like attracts like.

May your days be filled with thankfulness and gratitude.

Blessings,  Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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