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#TheOnlyChoice

It was close to dawn

The air frosty with a bite that went to the bone

She had on only a thin cotton dress

The only other had been left at home

Home, what was that but a place to sleep

Somewhere to eat and feel less than wanted

A house that was nothing more than a roof over her head

One she no longer wanted nor cared for.

She knew he would be looking for her soon

The man who was her fleshly husband

Searching quietly through each room

Anger would flare when he found her missing

This, her only chance to flee

Giving her a real choice to be

That which she really was

A noise behind her alerted her to dawn

The search for her had commenced

She could stay no longer

The dress, irrelevant in but a few more moments

The sun began its lukewarm climb over the horizon

Pale crimson and gold fingers pointed over the land

She stood tall and raised her hands to the sky

Towards the power of the winter sun

Taking a deep breath

She drew the energy of the sun into her heart

Shaking loose long auburn hair

Ready to take her part

In the distance she heard a forlorn howl

Her form writhed sinuously

Energy coalesced around her

Blurring the outlines of her human form

Once dissipated there stood a sleek wolf

Her hair a deep auburn colour

Lifting her head she howled joyously

The sound being joined by the other, closing swiftly

As they met, jumping with abandon around each other

They nuzzled each other happily

Shouts behind them from the house

Disturbed their welcome of each other

Bright sherry coloured eyes gazed knowingly

Together they loped off quickly through the forest

Her prison shattered for the last time.

#TheOnlyChoice

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2015

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#NighttimeRambles

Enter the land of possibility….. sleep

“Even a soul submerged in sleep is hard at work and helps make something of the world.”
― Heraclitus, Fragments.

Night-time, the time of dreams and restful sleep. Except it doesn’t always work out that way. So went the ramblings of a sleepy eyed and sore body this morning. Since I was awake, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to share a few moments with you. I do hope you join the perhaps somnambulant yet also clear thoughts, thick with the night’s happenings, of this person you might recognise. Since they are one and the same, and it is I, then I hope so. You may laugh, cry and ponder the imponderables from  these ramblings.

 “It was that sort of sleep in which you wake every hour and think to yourself that you have not been sleeping at all; you can remember dreams that are like reflections, daytime thinking slightly warped.”     ― Kim Stanley Robinson, Icehenge

There have been so many nights of late when sleep seems hard to hold onto. I can’t really explain why each time, and yet each time seems perfectly reasonable. I go to bed thinking of someone who is ill or having a hard time, and I spend the night in their company. I practise my Spiritual Healing and pray for their night to be easier. So many nights and so many people, friends, relatives, strangers I’ve merely heard about. I am transported on the back of a huge Powerful Owl and taken to where I am needed. Do I mind this broken sleep which leaves me exhausted and trembling? After the exhilarating rush from my magical Owl ride, well it’s time to “do my thing”.

#NighttimeRamblings

“I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?”   ― John Lennon

No, I never waste time considering this. I am privileged, and have always felt privileged, to be able to help in some small way, even if the person knows nothing of it. To me that is the blessing of being a healer, a Shaman, and a wielder of magic, as someone who cares about the world and all who live in it and the world itself. It is what I agreed to do when I entered this earthly coil, as a Spirit in Human form. I learn still about my place here on earth, but I work as I can, use my “magic’ and healing to aid those I am called to. Silently, and frequently with no-one the wiser that I have been involved in guarding their night’s sleep, their healing, or eased their passing. Such is as it should be, and will remain. This talk perhaps should never be, yet I have been absent so long, and this part of the reason why.

#NighttimeRambles

“Thus fortified I might take my rest in peace. But dreams come through stone walls, light up dark rooms, or darken light ones, and their persons make their exists and their entrances as they please, and laugh at locksmiths.”
― Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, Carmilla

 There are times when these night-time travels feel more like descents into horror as I work “my magic” attempting to bring some ease, some solace to those in pain, to the earth which shudders in agony. Mother Nature, Gaia, cries for release from the agony mankind inflicts on her.

At present there is yet another Cyclone wreaking havoc north of Australia … more people suffering, dying, their cries loud in my ears, reverberating in my heart. Who am I to turn away from these? What is a night of broken dreams, these I can easily make up later? Forgive my ignorance of geography… it has always been my downfall and yet it never stops me being taken by the hand, a Guardian Angel or my Guides and taken to where I might be helpful. I am humbled that I am able to be called and fulfil my part in this day, this night, these pain filled moments.

 #NighttimeRamblings

“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Critic as Artist

 Yet last night was strange. Time after time I was hurled from sleep feeling that I was twisting on the end of a heavy rope, slowly choking, and my breath a whisper in my ears.

Perhaps that would have been alright but for the intense pain in my neck, as though I had, in reality and not my otherworldly dimension, been swinging from some gallows tree. Perhaps I was caught in the storm wrack wreckage, and suffocating in some other way. Morbid and difficult thoughts to lull one back to sleep. Was I in the present or the past? Does it matter at the moment? I find that once I have managed to get some real sleep I can, often with little difficulty, work out the real from the tempest tossed nightmares.

#NighttimeRambles

Even amidst the pain and suffering there are lessons to be learned. My trusting warm bundle, curled in my lap, reassured me that the day is like many others. Bella, my little love wrapped saviour, sighs contentedly as I type. Is this a simple sign that I am doing the right thing?

Dogs, indeed most animals have an almost uncanny ability to detect when something is wrong and lend their own love and support. Not just to me but to those I help. She cried piteously when my husband’s Uncle passed away recently. She now sits watch, guarding me whilst she sleeps so peacefully, yet awakens within a moment if she senses anything amiss.

#NighttimeRambles

“No matter how much you cry, the tears will dry. No matter how many nightmares, flashbacks, visions, or terrors you endure, they will pass. To weather these in order to find your true self and the happiness you deserve, that is not a risk. To waste the time you have in this body, never showing your soul to yourself or anyone else, living in fearful misery – that is really the most dangerous thing you can do.”
― Vironika Tugaleva, The Love Mindset

So I must believe that I am doing all the things I should. Healing where I may with the gifts I have been given. Quietly and unobtrusively, without fanfare or applause. Perhaps the time will come when these stories can be told. If the time arrives and t serves its purpose then share them I shall, but until then they remain the vague reasons for my absence and the increasing pull towards my bed. My wonderful bed, to catch up on the restful sleep the body needs to continue the work Spirit has asked of me and I have readily agree. I am no-one special. I am simply one more Spirit on this earth bound place who is learning how to be silently useful when I am called.

#NighttimeRambles

May your nights be restful and safe. May I be there should you need me or you call. May our journeys commence at each day break.

 

Blessings, Susan. ♥

© Susan Jamieson. 2015

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#IamYouAre (more…)

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“Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.”
Shannon L. Alder

 

It shouldn’t surprise me any longer, yet it still can. We live in a society where, by and large, everyone is slotted into a stereotype. If we don’t fit into a recognized stereotype, or worse still, refuse to fit into these groups, then we find ourselves outside society.

Once upon a time, in the dim and distant past, and now found only in books, the term used to be called, “Being sent to Coventry”. It was horrendous. Not being accepted by your fellow peers, being non-conformist, can be a lonely existence.

Until, that is, you realise that it isn’t a detrimental thing not belonging to the mass of “sheeple” as someone I know once referred to the mass of followers of the accepted trends. (Following along like sheep).

It seems that being different, an individual, even if you yourself are unaware that you are an individual, can be confronting to others. It can make you feel that there is something not right with who you are, even if you are not seeking to ask anyone to walk your truth. They can be confronted by what they see in you.

They can also be more than a little uncomfortable at seeing you as a mirror, shining back to them the insecurities they are hiding from, and unable to accept. If this happens they are more than likely to ‘attack’ you, indirectly of course. Direct confrontation, even to discuss, in an adult fashion, the differences they see between you and them, is foreign. In order to make themselves feel “righteous” they must try to convince others that you are the one at fault, doing something wrong.

Yes, you are simply being you, but that is enough. They will seek to undermine you and cut you down, and you will not even know why.

So, like the ladies of the First Wives Club, a great movie about loss, despair, growth and claiming your own power, you have to rise up, like the Phoenix and be all that you are.  It is a powerful feeling to recognise, even if you need a little help to get you over that line, that you are more than simply okay as you are. You are YOU.

You are a Spirit in a human body and learning all you can. You are learning to be all that you can be, and as long as your motivation is for the Highest Good of all and with the Best Intentions for everyone, including yourself, then it is a wonderful thing to be your unique self. This is living a Spiritual Life. Live your life and love it, all of it.

#YouDon'tOwnMe

“It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power!”
Robert T. Kiosaki

 

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 

 

 

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#TakenBySurprise

Reflections of life

 “It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing to keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you’d be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you’re going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn’t be there. Either that, or you’d confide in them and you added to their problems. All you ever really had was yourself, and that sort of sucked if you were less than reliable.”
Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care

Its been one of those strange periods, when you know there is something coming, something unpleasant and you would do anything to avoid it if you could….. but in the end you can’t. It rears up and engulfs you and try though you may you can only try to keep some kind of footing. Some balance as everything turns you on your head.

All month I’ve said “It’s the lunar eclipse”, “It’s the partial solar eclipse”, “It’s just the sun flares”,  and finally “It was just all the above and the planetary alignment and once October was over everything should settle back to normal. Whatever normal happens to be.” I was hoping that would be the case.

Yes, I was right and yet October isn’t quite over yet. More unexpected and unpleasant news on the health front which totally blew me away. Like so many other people I’d been caught out having a “minor episode” and my heart was showing all the signs of the problem which I’d put down to stress. It’s wonderful what stress can get up to.  Yet I’m here and when I get my head around everything I’ll hopefully be back on that even keel and have my scattered wits flowing again. Just not at the moment. I need to find a stable point and be able to hold on until the world stops turning so quickly.

The only thing which has taken me by surprise, is the feeling of being let down, abandoned, by the one person I expected to understand that I was rocked to the core by this news and I thought they would cut me just a little slack. Perhaps I expected too much. It’s been a rough ride this past year and a half, but not all of it was due to my health. I’ve been riding that wave too.

I know I’ve been unpredictable for a week or so. I also know I could have handled this better. It’s not an excuse, but losing both Mum and Dad and then my dance with illness and Chronic Pain…. I simply wasn’t prepared for anything else. My bad!

So, at present I’m feeling as though I’ve been betrayed by someone I least expected it from. I didn’t need that on top of everything else. Silly of me to think it would make any difference.  Life goes on or it doesn’t. In the grand scheme of things I’m unsure if I’d be really missed if I did ‘go’. I know that’s self-pity talking and I’ll ignore it shortly.

I’m really tired and can’t seem to relax or rest. I suppose my mind is just reeling. My meditation is helping but I don’t expect miracles in a short time…. it simply has never worked out that way. I’m getting better, but I suppose I’m a slow learner. I need to let it all out… you know, have a good cry but that’s one thing I have the most trouble with. Letting go and letting my vulnerability be seen.

For good or ill, I’m done today and this is going out as it is. This makes the first time I’ve done this….. I always sit on my post for a few hours and let the ideas settle, but I think I might be able to catch a few z’s. Maybe.

I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger. I’m sorry I let you down by being  human, weak and needing support. I guess I’m not as hard and unfeeling as I thought I was. Perhaps tomorrow you’ll understand that there’s only so much a person can take before something has to give… or break.

So I’ll take my “broken heart” and hide away for a while. Heaven knows you may feel better if I’m out of the way.

#TakenBySurprise

Sunrise, chasing away the darkness

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

To image from Facebook.com

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#Life'sWoundings

Life can tear you apart

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
C. JoyBell C.

Life is not always peaches and cream, or so I’ve found. Things happen, for which you are totally unprepared, and in the process you can feel exposed, vulnerable and disenfranchised.

In my opinion, there is nothing more undermining than to be “called to account” for something which was alleged to happen, and for which you are not given the right to respond. It is especially onerous, in my opinion, if this tramples an area where you may be vulnerable, and even more so if the person who is mentoring that group drops the ball.

We go through life learning as we stumble along. We make friends, meet partners, have families, make and lose workmates, the death of family and friends, the list goes on. Along the way there is the possibility we may ‘suffer’ what has been termed “Wounding’s”.

To clarify, in this instance, a wounding is a life event which has traumatised you in some way. It’s not very difficult to find, a divorce, death of family or friend, abusive relationship etc.

#Life'sWounding

Growth is often painful

Some of us bounce back with ease. Some however, do not and hold this wounding inside, so tightly, it cannot find a way out. We cannot let it go, cannot grieve over the situation, because we have never felt safe enough to talk about the ‘incident’. If we finally feel we are in a place, safe enough for us to ‘share’ our story, we can be taken unawares by thoughtless judgement. This can be especially so, if both persons shared their ‘story’…

Long ago I recall being told that, it was of paramount importance to hear both sides of a story, before making a decision, as to what needed to be done in response. I have never forgotten the advice. I also believe that anyone who decides to ‘complain’ about another person, they should be willing to confront that person with their complaint. This seems to cause many complaints to be retracted.

I too, have had a “Great Wounding” which left me so traumatised I could not talk about it for many years. To this day I shy away from discussing it. However, I was recently in a place where a select group was gathered. Each person I interacted with in the first couple of days seemed to have their own story behind them, as we all do. After listening to someone discuss their situation I, unfortunately, shared some of my own “Wounding.”

#Life'sWoundings

The art of listening.

I was more than dumbfounded, when, as we made our way back into the meeting room I was taken to one side and informed I had “Inappropriately Shared” something. “People had complained”. I was temporarily unable to think, or speak as shock set in. To say I felt that I should leave and return home – more than crossed my mind. “Who, I wondered”. “What could I have said which was ‘Inappropriate’?” Then, No, why should I be forced away?

I remained, though it did mar my time there. To feel that every word, act or nuance, needed to be weighed and measured, made for an uncomfortable situation. I had only worked with a couple of people at that point, and the opportunity to speak with people only in a group situation apart from that, so the list of people who could have complained was small.

Is it worth remembering? Only the lessons. The lessons of forgiveness and compassion.

 

#Life'sWoundings

It is much sweeter to forgive than condemn

“Forgive but do not forget, or you will be hurt again. Forgiving changes the perspectives. Forgetting loses the lesson.”
Paulo Coelho

The incident, onerous enough by itself has embedded itself into the original “Wounding”. Being singled out later, in group, as an example of one who had come there with a “Great Wounding” in their past, did not help. I will continue, alone, to try to reconcile this “Wounding” from my past, finding compassion for those who behaved in this way. There will never be another discussion about it.

As for what happened in a group of my peers:

I forgive the pettiness of the person who felt the need to complain, even though they lacked the moral fibre to speak directly to me…. despite sharing their own story, and, If I was talking with them, and they preferred not to.

I forgive being spoken to in the manner and place I was. Leadership dictates such a discussion be private, or so I have been taught.

I forgive being used as an object lesson for the group…. Without giving permission to discuss my personal affairs before anyone else, and when there were other people there, who were also said to have shared their “Great Wounding’s”. I am still confused by exactly what constituted “Inappropriately sharing”, but the time to talk about that has passed.

#Life'sWoundings

The Secret of Life?

Lessons in Life arrive when we least expect them and often in ways we wish were different. I may not have liked this lesson, or lessons, but I can and will learn from them I already have learned from them.

I trust that if I am the person someone approaches with a “Great Wounding” and a need to share, that I have the grace and compassion to listen with as much understanding as possible.

I hope that I can recognise the privilege shown to me, that they feel safe enough to discuss something which may have devastated their life.

Finally, I pray, that if I ever have a situation in which I am uncomfortable or do not wish to be a part of, that I have the moral fibre to speak to that person myself. Showing them the dignity and respect they deserve and not behaving like a school child tattling on another.

 

#Life'sWoundings

Forgiveness, the lesson of life.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

It has been a time of much learning from many lessons.

 

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 

 

 

Images courtesy of:-

http://www.avani-mehta.com : wordsofbalance.com:  http://www.pinterest.com http://www.searchquotes.com: encwor.blogspot.com

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#The Midnight Caller
Death can be beguiling and enticing.

The Midnight Caller

 

Twas death himself, I know

Waiting silently outside my door

Though no door I’ve ever known

Could keep him away once lured.

≈ 

He held out his hand

Pale and slim

Yet somehow I knew also warm and strong

“Take my hand and walk with me

Away from all you feel

You know that’s what you want to do.

Leave all the pain and strife behind

No further hurt, no tears, no fight

Not even one more struggle

To suffer in this life.”

≈ 

But as ever before my answer came

To the beguiling words from death

“Even though I may be heartsore

I cannot follow you yet

My time to leave is not yet now

There are others here in this life

Who still need me on this side.

They may not know just how or why

But this light I have deep inside, knows this.

So, once again I say to you, No.

I cannot leave this life.

Nor ever desert them in this way

Though my heart bleeds daily for release.”

≈ 

This life is heavy

My heart bowed down

No way forward can be found

In despair I stand and pray for answers

Stubborn belief they can be found.

≈ 

I sensed a smile play around his mouth

A sparkle in the depths of his eyes

“I see you have not yet given up this fight

So once again I must bid you goodnight.

Remember though that I am always here

Waiting for your call

When midnight chimes awaken you

Remember, I wait for you too.”

≈ 

I cannot prove who called this night

At the stroke of the midnight hour

Yet the voice, the words echoed familiarly

And the essence I felt I knew.

≈ 

In my heart I know

Death called this night

And once more I closed the door.

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

Image courtesy of http://www.yeshairstyles.com

 

 

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