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#Advance and Retreat

Image courtesy of flickr.com

 “Not to give up under any circumstances should be the motto of our life: we shall try again and again, and we are bound to succeed. There will be obstacles, but we have to defy them. So do not give up, do not give up! Continue, continue! The goal is ahead of you. If you do not give up, you are bound to reach your destined goal.”
Sri Chinmoy, The Jewels of Happiness: Inspiration and Wisdom to Guide Your Life-Journey

There are times when it feels almost impossible to find out why things happen the way they do. At other times the steps you’ve taken to reach a point can be all too apparent. It doesn’t always mean that either scenario is palatable.

Several months ago I determined that I was going to push myself to my limits – and beyond, in order to help with our move, relocation to Queensland. The aches, the pains, discomfort, at times the agony and tears were expected. Not always palatable but, “I’d signed up for this” so I was aware of the possible consequences. In fact, they weren’t possible but probable consequences of suddenly throwing a body, already reduced to what felt like a meagre existence limping through each day, into what was, beyond mere normalcy when contemplating the workload of packing and unpacking a household.

Since then, and our move to Queensland, there has been more of the same. Yet along with that there was also a greater sense of achievement. Here I was after so many dreary pain filled months, achieving more than I had for such a long time. My decision to make my body work, like a normal body would, in ways it had been unable to without a great deal of pain meant I would have to accept the natural consequences. The achievement, the sense of purpose made the pain and tears and discomfort worthwhile.

As the old saying goes, “I paid in spades.” Yet, to me it was well worth it. I was doing something worthwhile. That sense of achievement long missed was a heady drug which helped me feel a little stronger, a little happier and much more contented as each day passed. Such are the things we measure our successes by.

#Advance and Retreat

image courtesy of howtoraiseyourvibration.blogspot.com

I have yet to find a straight road in life. In fact, I sincerely doubt there is such a thing as a straight road through life. Each road is meant to have its bends, uphill, downhill, roundabouts and the usual missed turns which send you back the way you’ve already been. I believe it’s the way we are meant to learn our lessons. Often not simply learn them but by revisiting them, ensure we really have learnt all there is from that learning experience. Cliché’s abound for this, “Two steps forward, one step back” and “Advance and Retreat” seem the most appropriate right now, and yet, that is what life is all about.

The occasional hiccough, the down day or days when things seemed to pile up and that wonderful forward momentum trickled so slowly by, came along with the rich positives. My ever patient husband was my strength and support to help me through and a very dear friend was always ready to offer sage advice and cheer me up. Just sweeping those dark clouds away helped enormously.

 

So What Happened? Well, Life Happened.

 

I needed one final visit to the “No longer Lyme doctor” to get my Genetic Genie result explained. I decided that after going to all the hassles of getting the wretched thing ordered, completed, sent away and the long wait for the results that I might as well find out what it had to say. Learning about my genetic structure seemed a fair recompense for all the pain and heartache over the past fourteen months. In reality, it seemed ludicrous not to get something valuable from this learning experience I had been given. It was also immensely intriguing. Mind boggling but intriguing.

#Advance and Retreat

image courtesy of http://www.crystalinks.com

Then he beat me to the gratifying punch line. Rather than being able to tell him I would not be returning to see him again he jumped in and said he didn’t want to see me again! Hmpf! It was, in retrospect, an odd way to put it, but the end result was the same. However, before I could say, So long, it’s been good, but”…..I was whisked into the Naturopaths office, deluged with a tonne of information and the adjuration that I needed “X,Y and Z” to correct the enzyme breaks shown in my genetic coding.

Now I’ve been through the hoops a time or two and I know how my body reacts to a great many things, especially dietary and medicinally based items. Several rather stressful episodes in the past few weeks had seen my friendly ulcer begin to act up and the attendant gastric reflux rear its burning head once more. It’s no fun at all feeling as though you have a vat of boiling acid churning inside your stomach and flowing upwards to burst out of your throat like an enraged Mount Etna! Upsetting but it was something I could get back under control with a little rest and meditation.

I did tell the Naturopath all this, explained in great detail since they seem to think you have no idea what you are talking about if you are not graphic. I explained – decisively, that anything not in capsule form would act like a gigantic irritant wreaking havoc on my stomach. I mustn’t have been clear enough. My powers of description must have deserted me since it was apparent she failed to believe me. Did I really care that these things were supposed to help my stomach and ulcer? Not if they were going to feel as if I were dying in the process.

The lowest ebb if my day is early morning at present and I was supposed to toss this vile concoction down my throat into an empty stomach to start the day. I love liquorice, but this vile stuff is not liquorice flavoured at all – it’s a pale imitation, a foil on the very word designed to befuddle and cloud the senses. Feral, foul and disgusting.

One week later and I feel too wretched to get out of bed. My throat is raw, my stomach in turmoil and the thought of a drink, not even food, is palatable. Add to that the almost indescribably migraine… what was I contemplating? This strange thought keeps circling my mind like a shark through bloody waters….”Why?” “Why did I do this to myself when I was beginning to feel so much better?” I have, yet again, paid an obscene price to once again poison myself in the name of getting well.

#Advance and Retreat

image courtesy of academyoffood.blogspot.com

Frustration, pain and anger, not a good mix for a stomach in turmoil. Nothing to show but a return to the nightmare and another email suggesting a garlic cleanse (eight whole cloves of garlic swallowed with water, no food for a day and febrile reaction, followed by a coffee enema). PLEASE.

NO! I’m sorry, but enough is enough. I’ve done everything I was asked to for fourteen months only to learn it was all for nothing – I don’t and never did have Lyme disease. I warned you I couldn’t tolerate this kind of natural “stuff” and what would happen and you didn’t listen, just pedaled your potions. A day in bed contemplating the next step has seen me decide that a polite but firm email is all I need to do. I am retiring from medical experimentation.

I’ve reached my place of clarity. I’ve had my hard-won taste of a return to normalcy. It was painful but it was an achievement of being able to act like everyone else. I’m not ready to take even a small step back to where I’ve been. There will be other ways to “fix” anything which may need fixing but not at the expense of my sanity and health. After all, what is health? It’s being able to live, laugh, move, do the normal things of life without pain and agony. It’s feeling loved and being loved and being able to love life again. Slowly but surely I am reaching that beautiful place and I will get there, without needing to pour copious amounts of money into someone’s pocket for pills and potions.

#Advance and Retreat

image courtesy of healthsaints.com

“A quitter never wins-and-a winner never quits.”
Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

Welcome back health and harmony.

 

I will Advance only and Retreat no more from this battle to be all I can be.

 

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson July 2014

 

Postscript:
I admire and applaud all those who work in a health or alternate health capacity. What works for one may not for another and vice versa. I have recorded my feelings and responses to what I have been through and whilst they are true for me they may not be for another. I pray for good health for all people, including me. 🙂

 

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If you had to describe your day as a traffic sign, what would it be?

At present I’d have to say “Steep dangerous descent and Beware Falling Rocks. I know that’s two but that’s about right at the moment.

#ShareYourWorld

image from http://www.gadling.com Which way to miss the falling rocks?

When you are with your friends, do your interactions include much touching—for example, hugging, kissing, rough housing, rubbing backs?

I’m not into the grandiose gestures seen on sporting fields these days – I feel it I a tad childish. I’m a touchy feely person by nature but then I’m also reserved. I have few friends from childhood or school (read none) and I don’t think my Senior would have been happy if I went around hugging and kissing everyone when I was in the police. Jeez, the question is loaded – my husband and I do Reiki, no rough housing there, everything has stages.  Now I need someone to rub my back 🙂 

#ShareYourWorld

image from http://www.dailymail.co.uk     Back slapping and hugging but no kissing I fear!

 

Would you like to have more of this? (Note: the answers may vary depending on where you live on this wonderful planet.)

Do I want the whole world to come knocking on my door, rough housing and rubbing my back? I’d probably toss them out with a helping hand for being a pest. I like my space and I’m happy to share it with people who ‘feel’ right, but it’s not a given. I love my children tho they are now adults and I have no grandchildren. Hugging, kissing and rough housing with them may be the order of the day but not yet. Do adults with a normal IQ and not sports ‘fans’ rough house amongst themselves?

#ShareYourWorld

imge from mg.co.za                 Lots of hugging and rough housing but if there is kissing in there I don’t want to know!

What do you feel is the most enjoyable way to spend $100? 

At the moment we are really into the energy of crystals so…. I’d have to say that would be my choice and making sure I had some to donate along the way.

#ShareYourWorld

A small part of my crystal display

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

Last week was so full on I didn’t have a chance to breath – not good. I’m grateful we got a head start in looking at a house which turned out to be great. This coming week – recuperating from overdoing things and planning on moving.

 

#ShareYourWorld

image from blog.extraspace.com   Packing – Moving – Shudder Argh!

 

As you can see I am not a rabid sports fan, but I can appreciate that others are. So this week I get to take the mickey out of the sporting bum huggers and back slappers. 🙂 My apologies for any bruised sensibilities.

Once you life the lid surprising things can come out.

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#Shareyourworld

image from artelartlivejournal.com

 “Writing is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public.”
Paulo Coelho

 

Do you believe in extra-terrestrials or life on other planets? 

#ShareYourWorld

image from mensajesfedgalacticayashtarcommand.blogspot.com   Our Pleidian ‘cousins’

Without a doubt. I can scarcely believe that we, human beings are the most advanced species in the Universe. We haven’t yet learned how to stop killing ourselves at every twist and turn, nor how to love and cultivate our own planet. Give that, I find it dubious that “we” are the only species to be able to travel the vastness of space, and let’s not forget, space is a lot vaster than we have yet to travel.

So, in reality I feel we are fairly low on this totem pole and there are other species who can already travel, with ease the vastness of our Universe, and communicate with others. We would be in a pretty pickle if we found another sentient species – reduced to something akin to hand gestures. Or are we so full of our own pomposity that we expect them to speak in our language?  

What type of pet or pets do you not want to have?

#ShareYourWorld

image from http://www.news.com.au In Cairns, a Golden Orb spider tries to eat a brown tree snake.

Snakes, spiders, ants, bats – anything that creeps, crawls and slithers or reminds me of Vampires!  If I had to make a choice I’d take the Vampire over the bats, I may become the eternal undead, but I wouldn’t have a disease which kills anything it touches – oh wait, they do, don’t they. Still, Twilight reigns!

If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?

#ShareYourWorld

image from http://www.momto2poshlildivas.com Rainbow coloured heart shaped crayons

Purple is my hue, but then blue is too. We were given a rainbow for a reason…. So we could have all those beautiful colours, so I’d have a rainbow crayon which changed colours as you used it. Like a variegated crochet cotton.

What type of transportation would you be? Why?

#ShareYourWorld

image from http://www.caranddriver.com The unparalleled Maserati Quattroporte S

A Maserati Quattroporte S,  because they look so darned hot and the speed…..“I feel the need, the need for speed”. Thank you “Top Gun”.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

#ShareYourWorld

image from naturalhealthwarriors.com   The power of the mind.

Last week brought me some wonderful personal insights and growth… yes I’m being mysterious since it will be part of my blogs to come. I’m also grateful to the many WordPress bloggers who share my blog and their time. It is always a pleasure and has grown to mean something  special.  This week, I’m looking forward to getting the ‘go ahead’ on the new house we’ve just seen. Exciting times ahead, I’m sure of it. Your thoughts and well wishes that we get this house will be greatly appreciated, since I’m sharing my world, I invite you to be a part of mine too.

#ShareYourWorld

image from lifecoachingwithang.com    Intuition!

From the mouth of Alan Alda, and of course my favourite blue hue, and a butterfly as well. Now, that’s appreciation!

 

Another peek at me 🙂

 

Blessings, Susan♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

 

 

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#Shareyourworld

image from artelartlivejournal.com

“The power of getting to know one another is so immense, eclipsed only by first getting to know ourselves.”
Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

~

If you were an ice cream cone how many scoops and flavours would you be and why?

I have to admit that where ice cream is concerned, because I have so little of it, when I do my inner child comes rushing to the fore and so I really enjoy myself.

I love the waffle cones, there is something really childlike about trying to get around the cones and stop the ice cream from escaping. Since the cone is so large I’ve found two scoops more than enough, but I manage somehow to finish it all. Flavours, at the moment (and I’ll be honest and say I had an ice cream just a few days ago), I really enjoyed the white chocolate and macadamia vanilla ice cream and teamed that with the boysenberry ripple. I just love the boysenberry flavour so it’s a winner hand’s down.

Of course having a deep red/purple ice cream with a white one makes for some interesting inner child at work time. All I will say is thank heavens all those little serviettes come with it.

#ShareYourWorld

image from en.paperblog.com –

Are you left or right handed?

I’m right handed, always have been and never felt the inclination to try left handed except when I’m trying some automatic writing. It still looks more like an angry gerbil has scrawled across the page but I’m hoping for some improvement.

Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?

This is such a loaded question. If I’m on an information hunt I’ll have as many questions prepared as I think I need to cover the issue. I’m sure I may have driven some poor sales people to the brink of insanity but “them’s the breaks”.

If I’m about to tell someone what I think of them – because I’ve been on the receiving end of bad service, then I definitely don’t rehearse. I’ve found my creative juices flow and I’m wonderfully pithy and can shred the unwary with little effort. I even feel sorry for them occasionally.

If I have no idea who may be on the other end then I have a range of one liners to ditch them quickly if I have no reason to be pestered, but if it’s family then it’s time to let the loquacious beast loose. (My Mum and I used to talk for hours at a time and never noticed the time passing, and we could do this every day).

#ShareYourWorld

image from footage.shutterstock.com

How many rings before you answer the phone?

Psychology again. If it’s a return call and I need to read the riot act it’s always good to let the phone ring a little before answering. Yes, I know it’s cruel. However, most of the time I just want it answering as quickly as possible. I have yet to find a ring tone I really want to sit and listen to.

#ShareYourWorld

image from doggysstyle.wordpress.com

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I got my new computer last week and think I may have ironed out most of its peculiarities (fingers crossed, cross your eyes and spit into the wind). That being so I have to now get Skype set up so I can get in touch with my Bestie who is not well at the moment. (That’s fingers crossed and a nod and a wink to the powers above).

I hope you’ve enjoyed the light hearted approach to this week’s answers. It’s good to let the inner child out to play occasionally. You never know what might happen.

See you next week.

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.”
Audrey Hepburn

~

Would you prefer a reading nook or an art, craft, photography studio?

Anyone who has seen my previous posts will know how much I love books so it would come as no surprise to know that I would choose a reading nook. After saying that I would have to add that it would need to be a very large ‘nook’ or I would never be able to fit all the books I already have in it, plus leaving plenty of room for more.

Despite all the doomsayers telling me that print media is on the way out, I still adore the smell of a new book, the fresh print, the crisp pages and the delightful sound of a book opening for the first time. Yes, that’s me, a book lover!

#Share Your World

image from images.businessweek.com – Can you smell all that ink?

Would you prefer the TV in the living room or another room?

Ideally I would prefer to have the TV in a media room. Having said that we don’t always get exactly what we want the first time around. Working from home takes a lot of room, mainly because we both love stationery and office paraphernalia, so depending on how large a home we have – we may need to succumb to a smallish media room and as a last resort the living room.

#Share Your World

image from certifiedpropertyrestoration.com     Too cosy – No!

What colour would you like your bedroom to be?

I’m repainting my bedroom in blue or shades thereof. At the moment I really like a beautiful shade of aqua I’ve seen which I can get mixed up. Failing that I can go into blues and compliment things around that. It’s such a peaceful shade (either aqua or blue).

#Share Your World

image from http://www.mrkate.com              Yes – I could sleep here!

Would you prefer a one floor house or multiple levels?

No contest here, definitely a lowset (one floor) house. Being able to sit in the living room or library (nook) and look out the window to watch the wild life is really relaxing and I’m all for anything which allows me to relax whenever I like.

#Share Your World

image from http://www.mustdobrisbane.com            The beautiful Ormiston House.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?

I’m grateful I was told I may not have Lyme disease, although it’s a double edged sword since we’re back at square one trying to work out what is going on. Now that is frustrating!

I’m looking forward to seeing a house we’ve seen on the internet. If it ticks all the points we may be moving. New house – definitely the way to go but the physical act of moving – oh no, what a bummer!

#Share Your World

image from chewychunks.wordpress.com Thankful for life.

Another corner lifted 🙂

Blessings, Susan  ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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#Pushed to the Limit

image from ogdenutahcriminaldefense.com

“Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

There are times when, irrespective of how much you try to do otherwise, you fly off the handle. These episodes are usually preceded by periods of intense pressure, things not going according to plan or life generally not playing out the way you hoped. Colloquially they are called “knee jerk’ reactions. They are usually regretted almost immediately as soon as the blood cools down sufficiently for coherent thought to return.

If, like me, that cooling off can be fairly quick, most of the time, it leads to a great deal of soul searching and castigation for behaving in a manner which isn’t liked. However, many times the damage has already been done. Trying to set things right is quite often impossible.

All my life I’ve been told I should behave in certain ways. I was “better than my protagonist” and so held to a higher standard.  “I knew better than that” and so should have controlled that impulse to retaliate.  When you are placed on a pedestal and expected to live up to everyone’s perception of who you are, it can be extremely difficult to find the real you.  You may not even recognise the‘real you’.

#Pushed to the Limit

image from cstl.semo.edu

There have been times, over the years, when that pedestal has rocked alarmingly as I tried to keep my footing living up to so many other people’s ideas of who and what I was. Can you imagine how difficult it might be to understand what you want in life when you are so busy living up to someone else’s ideal? The saddest part of the situation is that it all begins with the best of intentions.

Hard as it may be to understand I was a very shy and quiet child. Head down and mouth closed so I drew as little attention to myself as possible. Yet all the time I was trying to live up to firstly my parent’s expectations of me and later my first husband, my work colleagues, my brothers, and then it seemed everyone else. Everyone had this idea of who I was and how I would respond in certain circumstances.  My first husband had a whole list of ways in which I was allowed to behave and respond that I hardly knew who I was. Sad, pathetic but true. The fact that I did respond as they expected, because it was expected, simply cemented these thoughts in their mind. Sadly, very few of these personas held more than a grain of the real me.

Not wanting to disappoint anyone it was easier to continue to play the roles I was ‘given’. It was safer in one particular area to follow the ‘rules’ than to face the consequences. At the same time I was able to hold down responsible positions, firstly as a police officer, later as a bank official and mother, school chairpersons and so on. I wasn’t actually hidden away where it may have been easier.

Realisation, when it seeped in was the beginning of the real humiliation. Knowing I had been this milksop of a person when I could think, had opinions and could do so many things was quite devastating. The fact that my husband was a police officer meant that I had nowhere to go and no-one to go to. Who would believe me over a serving police officer? It simply didn’t happen, not when the domination is psychological and emotional.

It is still hard for me to write these words, to accept them as reality and realise what I allowed myself to become – a doormat. I was a slave programmed to perform to command. I can never look at a woman in a domestic violence situation and condemn her, man, woman or child in that situation because it can be started so insidiously that it is too late by the time you realise. I was a slave to my ex-husband’s drive to achieve financial stability. The fact that he failed to support his children after I left, usurped part of my settlement and told the children it was theirs, all added to the ongoing manipulation. He is still doing this to my children, though they are grown and through them he is doing it to me because he knows they are the only way he can reach me.

#Pushed to the Limit

image from paulissakippisms.com –

Why have I told you all this. Because if it happened to me it can happen to anyone and if someone reads this and recognises where they are in this cycle and can get out, it is worth my embarrassment. If it helps someone reach out, to me or to someone else it is worth the embarrassment. I am tired of allowing him this hold over me. I am taking my life back, all of it and I refuse to allow him the space in my mind, in my life ever again.

This is real. It can happen to anyone, at any time. Please, if you recognise someone who is drowning under this type of treatment, offer a helping hand. Tell someone in authority and help them before it’s too late.  Life is a precious gift and shouldn’t be destroyed by insecure bullies.

#Pushed to the Limit

I am a woman, flesh and bone, heart and soul.

“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
Shannon L. Alder
Everyone has the right to respect, like breathing, take it away and the soul dies. – Susan Jamieson

Blessings, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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