Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Spiritual’ Category

It seems somehow ironic that at the same time as I was making a video for Metatron in Australia, that the same hate and fear, were once again running rampant in London. I was horrified when I turned on the television to hear the news as my video was uploading.

I asked Metatron why he had allowed me, encouraged me, to go ahead with the making of the video when all this was unfolding in London. He response was typical Metatron, “What else should you have been doing?” It is still the truth now as it was when I was making the video, hate and fear, the Darkness which is pervading our world at present, is the same now as it was earlier, as it was months, years, decades, centuries ago. There is still an urgent need for the messages of Hope, of Light, of Peace and ever so much more of Love to be heard.

Metatron has always called those of us who teach and practise his Colour Healing Therapy, his “Lightbearers” and his “Wayshowers”. In that his message is always on point. If we stop sending out our messages of light, his messages of a better way for the world, then the Darkness, the incipient fear and hatred, the Darkness which wants to overshadow the world, will win. It will win by overpowering the light, and this is something we never want to happen.

So, in a calmer moment, I realised that there is nothing within my June message which is not as relevant now as it was when I sat down to make it. Which Is something I should have been more aware of. Metatron always knows what he is doing and helps me to make the right choices too.

This video was scheduled (by me) to be made a week ago. To be on time, in time, for a change I thought. Yet something kept happening to delay it one more day and then another. I also asked myself why this should have been so important, that it be delayed over and over again. Was my message not needed?

The answer to that is the same as always, Divine Timing. We may not see the relevance of Divine Timing at a moment such as this he said, but look at what you have done, what you have said and the words of encouragement you have offered to whoever watches your video. You don’t say that this message is only for this tragedy or another, but that at all times we can take comfort from the tools you can offer. Is there ever a time when Peace and Love and Hope are not needed in times such as these?

So, my heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with everyone in London today. They are with each and every one of the dead, the injured, either physically or emotionally injured, as well as all the first responders and the Police and Military who are now patrolling the streets on high alert. Every person who may be affected in one way or another, I send a light of Hope, Peace and Love to you and pray that it may help you in the minutes, hours, days and weeks ahead. Know always that even on the other side of the world there are people who care and are sending Love and Light to you.

Much love, Susan xx

Read Full Post »

#Escape through the portal

Image courtesy of http://www.ephotozine.com                    Magic of the Standing Stones

Breathe purling in white wreaths from her mouth She moved deeper under the shelter of the ancient Oak tree A shimmering bent the air as A beautiful woman in a purple cape stood sheltered Within the arms of the old tree Deeper in shadow than before A prayer to Luna, moon Goddess, Shine your brilliance this night upon us all But yet hide your radiance from my luminescent skin The sounds of the spell caster following her trail Too close to chance the glow of her face calling him nearer One more leap to reach the Sacred Grove One more chance to journey through to their world again She sent forth her thoughts into the crystalline night There, high in this very tree, the wise and knowing gaze of the Owl A shimmering of her form saw her body become like mist

#Escape through the portal

Image courtesy of animals.timduru.org         She flew as the Owl, her guardian this night.

In its stead a large Snowy Owl Launching itself aloft it sped through the night The screech of the hunter on her trail Swooping down in to the midst of the Sacred Grove Encircled by Alder, Ash, Willow and Holly She landed lightly, shimmering once more into her human form From beneath the Willow strode forth a man, Gathering her close they breathed a silent prayer of thanks Turning they faced the silent stone circle Bowing their heads before the Gods They strode quickly to the portal A sound of pure hatred and rage Pierced the air with a scream As they stepped through the portal Blinding light flashed briefly As the furious raptor circled the grove Emptiness greeted his eyes as the light faded A flash of purple all that remained of her cape His prey had returned to their own time and place For this chase, his time was over.

#Escape through the portal

Image courtesy of http://www.digitalartistdaily.com                  Beauty fled with her love into the realm of the night.

Blessings, Susan ♥ © July 2014 Susan Jamieson

Read Full Post »

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” Aldous Huxley

The departure from Israel was much smoother than anything to date. So smooth that I thought I was dreaming, or perhaps it simply didn’t worry me any longer. I was catching a plane to Athens, so perhaps that made the difference?  Whatever the reason, I was ensconced in a delightful business class seat and the trip was relaxing and I zoned out fairly quickly.

On my arrival in Athens I stowed my “extra’ baggage in short-term storage. The guys there were so helpful and it was quickly done. It was certainly easier moving around with just one bag!

Athens was a brief stop. A few days to catch my breath and reacquaint myself with the Acropolis and the sites around town. I was still very much in my introspective state and was aware of the energies as I wandered around. I was still in this wonderful place of accepting whatever happened and the expanded feel of energy as I wandered around was magical.

Even though I had only a small amount of time I felt no urging to run around trying to see everything. It was more important to capture the feel of the places I visited. I saw the Acropolis and Parthenon again, the National Gardens, and Syntagma Square. It was a peaceful bubble amidst the hustle and bustle of the frenetic pace of Athens.

I was leaving Athens for another unknown experience, Geneva and eventually Fribourg, Switzerland.

I was meeting a friend in Geneva, someone I met through an overseas Pen Pal site a few years earlier. Still it was a little nerve-wracking as I asked him how I would pick him out of the crowd. “Just look for the pink shirt” I was advised, and I must admit it didn’t really help with the nervous anticipation. At least I only had one bag to “man handle” and I went through the airport so quickly I wondered what was happening. The Swiss seemed so “laid back” after the high tension of the Middle East.

#InSearchof

The BMW 6 series fast and hot!

As I left the airport proper, not having seen my friend, I saw this very tall person who looked exactly like his photos, dressed in a pink shirt next to his hot car. His two door BMW had the top down and I could see the beautiful face of a Sky Terrier peering over the seat. Oh – heaven and sadness all at once. I realised I must have looked a fright in my very casual but comfortable travel wear. However, that’s how I was and it made me, in my joggers, look like a dwarf next to my six-foot six tailored friend. Suitcase stowed away we set off – WITHOUT SEATBELTS FASTENED!

I was horrified and bemused as he explained that they weren’t used, unless the police were around. (But there was one, at least an ex-police officer, in the car!).   The drive was exhilarating as we sped (yes sped) along the main road through the byways of Geneva to reach his home.  As the car stopped outside this innocuous home, where I had agreed to spend the night, I was feeling a little apprehensive but so relaxed at the brisk temperature and the beautiful sight of spring bulbs in flower.  Memories on England sped through my mind.

 

Through the front door I was given my next breath-taking surprise. The entrance was so deceptive and inside I found a veritable mansion. I felt so under dressed, and in need of a shower and an elegant dress. Well the shower was easy, but the dress not so easy. All my good clothes which I had carried around needlessly were now in storage at the airport!  So I settled for a good change of clothes and some reasonable shoes and made myself ready to find my way through this enormous house to the computer room.

Since he was in the computer business, in a large way I should add, there were computers on computers and at least six working machines. By that I mean all going on different programs. It was an enormous array and he could follow all of them. (Feeling very below par as I struggle to get my computer to do basic things for me.)

I had my next surprise over freshly brewed coffee. I had totally lost track of days and dates and arrived there expecting just another Friday. Yes it was, but it was also Good Friday, and everything was closed. (Great timing Susan). After a few phone calls we were faced with the fact that dinner in Geneva was out of the question. Not a problem I was told, we will go to France for dinner! What?! France! How!  We drive over the border, just bring your passport.

So we set off for France. Now I admit I am geographically challenged and I had no idea where I was going. Of course France and Switzerland share the same border. A short drive in the twilight and we had crossed the border without any fuss. Drat! I had not been able to get my passport stamped in Geneva (not done due to their status) and because we weren’t stopped, no French stamp either.  Oh well. My next surprise was the number of dogs allowed inside the restaurant. It seemed almost every other table had a pooch sitting quietly under the table – or next to it.

 

#InSearchof

image from nickhardcastle.wordpress.com

It was a big day and due to my insomnia issue I was still wide awake when we returned to his home. We watched clips on the hoax or not of the Twin Towers and the plight of Palestinians and the harshness of the Israelis. It was an interesting evening to say the very least. After a final cup of coffee, very late in the morning I actually felt a little sleepy – jet lag I assumed. I was advised to take a glass of water with me as he would be setting all the house alarms and once in the bedroom wing, the door would be alarmed.

I was alarmed – I am a night wanderer and I was being told I would be in one tiny wing of bedrooms and unable to leave. No! I trusted this gentleman and would have to content myself with iPod and book! The slate shower was much colder to enter so late in the morning as it had absorbed the chill from the air, but the hot water was magnificent. The bed was so soft and warm under the doona that I eventually fell asleep.

Unbelievable! I slept in! Not only did I sleep in, it was 9am when I woke up!  I was so embarrassed and hurried to get ready so I could leave my room and see my host, who had volunteered to drive me to Fribourg rather than catch the train.  Yet it was no trouble, I had a leisurely breakfast with more freshly brewed coffee, an entrancing walk through the grounds of his house, entranced by all the spring bulbs growing freely throughout his lawn before we decided to leave and head for Fribourg.

We drove with the top down all the way, but it’s what happened along the way that was so unexpected.

 

Next week…..Fribourg and Home.

 

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

 

If you would like to read more of the story, here ar a few of the earlier parts to the story….

In search of… Part 21

In Search of…Part 20

In Search of…Part 19

 

Read Full Post »

#Anewdimension

image from apps.rhs.org.uk                Lost to the scents of the fragrant garden

A New Dimension

The flickering candlelight

Lit the room with a warm and friendly glow

The scent of jasmine and lotus

Rose with every movement of the air

There were thick white towels everywhere

But the room was warm, perfectly comfortable

I lay down listening to the soft music

Lulling me to sleep

The warmth, the fragrances and the music

Was a lullaby in the dimly lit room

Sensing movement to my side I sighed

As warm scented oil was gently flowed onto my skin

The warm room redolent of fragrances of an exotic garden

Made my senses slip into a hypnotic state

As strong yet gentle hands circled and then slid down

Moving over muscle and around bones

Easing the tightness

Loosening the tension

Until my body was floating in another place

A dimension of scents, warmth and touch

A heavy languorous feeling enveloped me

Strong hands helped me to move onto my back

As fresh oil redolent of the tropics

Once more were gently massaged into my skin

The room disappeared

The table ceased to exist

I floated in a cocoon of fragrant blooms

Flickering starlight played at the corner of my eyes

As feather light touch tickled my senses

All too soon I drifted deeper into another dimension

Where nothing existed but warmth and scents

From candle and flowers,

The silken touch redolent of tropical blooms

Melted thought until only feelings existed

Sensations seeped into my mind

Floating away to some far off place

Where I remained lost to sensuous delights

Who knows how long I stayed there

Time had no meaning, no reference

Whilst the cocoon of delights beckoned

I should return eventually

When the senses are fully sated

Yet how long that will take

My ministering fragrant angel

Alone can tell.

#Anewdimension

image from http://www.colourbox.comOff to another dimension

Read Full Post »

Magical Standing Stones
image from lavandallegra.blogspot.com    Magical Standing Stones
                                                           

~

Scudding clouds

Threw shadows across the lane

She knew not what could be hidden there

But down this lane she must travel

To reach the standing stones

~

If all went to the plans they made

Then she would meet her love

Just as the moon reached mid-heaven

And they would be together thereafter

~

Hopefully she prayed

The moon would have cleared the scudding clouds

And the lane would not seem darkly threatening

And unpleasant to her fevered imaginings

~

It was so strange

She had walked this lane by day and night’

For many a long year

And never before had simple shadows

Cause such anxiety in her heart to wonder what was afoot

~

Tendrils of low-lying fog crept silently across the lane

They seemed to appear from the shadows themselves

Reaching towards the warmth of her flesh

Thicker grew the tendrils of mist

As she hurried towards the lane’s end

~

And breathing a heartfelt sigh

She emerged onto the open tor

Towards the standing stones she hurried

Her love to meet her there anon

Yet silence fell strangely around her

As she stood within the stone circle

~

The moon was yet to reach mid-heaven

As she wandered round the circle

And as she heard a noise before her

She took a step forward and the spell was cast,

As she passed through one of the portal stones

With no sound, no light, no movement

She vanished from earthly sight

Transported to who knows when

And for how long we cannot know

~

But as the last chime of midnight

Rang clearly from the village green

Her love appeared over the hilltop

To search for her, calling her name softly

Yet never did she appear

Though he came each night thereafter

And tales still speak of him long centuries later

Wandering around the stones

As he calls her name searching for her still.

~

Magical Standing Stones
image from dearscotland.com                      Magical Standing Stones

~

May fortune smile upon your journeying.

Peace, Love and Joy.  Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

Read Full Post »

Being Thankful

image from sunni-survivinglife.blogspot.com – #Being Thankful

Being thankful isn’t always easy

In fact sometimes it’s downright hard

But the evangelists tell me it’s all just an attitude

Well, Grammy Jen tells me I have an attitude

And what’s more I should just get rid of it

So I’m a might confused about what I should do

~

Like yesterday

Momma told me to get to the wash

And I pounded and pounded to get Tommy’s jeans clean

That basket was like to tear my arms from my shoulders

But right in the middle of the yard

Little Bobby went scooting past on his wagon

I got my feet all tangled and down went the wash

All over that dirt yard

And I started to tremble something fierce

~

Momma whooped me plenty for being so careless

And I had to pound those clothes extra hard this time

Every time I pounded those clothes

I pretended I was pounding some gratitude in there

It helped take my mind off the whooping

But it didn’t make me feel any better

~

Later when I was helping Momma with dinner

Tommy told her I tore his jeans

He only has one good pair cos he’s always tearing them

So she whooped me some more with the big old spoon

For being so careless with Tommy’s jeans

I know it wasn’t Christian like but I snuck a bug

On his plate of squirrel stew

He never noticed and I figured God would understand

It’s sure hard to be thankful when it seems like it’s always my fault

Being Thankful

image from dougsploitation.blogspot.com #BeingThankful

~

I figure if I keep being thankful

Even when it’s always my fault

Maybe eventually all my daily ‘ thankfulness’

Might fill the biggest old barn around

And then instead of all that whooping

I might get a barrel full of hugging

To make it all worthwhile

~

But Grammy says it don’t work like that

She says, “Girl just fill yourself with gratitude,

Don’t worry about all that attitude,

God’s watching all we’re doing, and girl you’re doing just fine,

So go on now and sneak down to the river and play

Momma’s gone for the rest of the day.

And Tommy’s out after squirrels,

I’ll look after little Bobby and today we’ll both

Get our fill of thankful and gratitude

And I’ll see that sweet smile of yours for a while”

~

So I ran down to the river and swam for hours and hours,

Lay on the grass and watched the angels in the clouds

And I could feel all that thankful and gratitude Granny told me of

And I knew that everything was going to be alright

Because I could see my road stretching far away

On God’s beautiful highway.

Being Thankful

image from forums.vwvortex.com – Seward Highway, AK       #BeingThankful

 “Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.”
― John Henry Jowett

Thankfulness and gratitude are used almost interchangeably. For those things we are giving thanks for, we are expressing our gratitude for. There is no need to become bogged down in the correct terminology, if we are looking at life, at our day and being grateful or thankful for the good things which happen, then we are doing all the right things to make our world a better place.

Focus on the good things, no matter how small and more of those good things are magnetised towards us and life can become a wondrous place. It’s that easy – just remember that like attracts like.

May your days be filled with thankfulness and gratitude.

Blessings,  Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

Read Full Post »

Insight into Life

image from spykebytes.me

Peering

Through eyes tight with pain

Wondering

How long this is going to last

Thinking of a way to make it past

This annoying hindrance

Life and love surround me

Happiness and joy

That everyone can see – but

What lies beyond this world of mine?

What more is there when I close my eyes?

Sightless I sit in solitude

I hear a baby bird calling for its parents

It’s time for food his cheeping says

Another calls its incessant too-wit

To herald another shower of rain

A whirring at the window

Tells me a dragonfly is near

Coming to see what this strange barrier is

A rumbling grows louder as it nears

A car is straining to make it in top gear

There is a low susurration of sound

As the ocean follows its ebb and flow

I hear bubbling grow in heated tempo

As a kettle is brought to boil

I smell tea brewing in the pot

And hear it pouring into a cup

I smell the delicious aroma as it is brought near

I catch the aroma of something sweet

A pastry of some kind I think

Yet there is a sharp tangy scent carried with it

A filling of tart fruit inside the pastry

The taste, sublime, even more intense

As the fruit and pastry are carefully nibbled

The tea is sipped slowly

The fragrant aroma floats over the tongue

And seeps into the senses

A sigh – Who could know

Fruit Danish and tea could taste even better

And the world outside could be heard

With a greater intensity

By resting my eyes from the pain

The world has given me a new refrain

A delight for the senses refreshed again

To see and hear is such a boon

Yet they live again renewed

Eyes open once more, almost too soon

Insight to Life

image from midstridemoxie.blogspot.com

A million words can be used to describe identity and what it means to you or I, and when we’re done, a million more can be used to interpret what we’ve said. Identity, part of that unique quality which remains almost indescribable. We can catch a glimpse, a new insight into identity and turning around find a new insight is laid bare before us.

“Don’t let a day go by without asking who you are…each time you let a new ingredient to enter your awareness.”
Deepak ChopraThe Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

Blessings and Insights to enliven your days.

Ciao, Susan  x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

This is the last post of my NABloPoMo challenge. 30 posts in 30 days.

Read Full Post »

Acceptance

image from lightworkers.org                     The Angel of Acceptance

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”   Lao Tzu

Acceptance, such an easy word to say, an easy thing to recommend, but not always as easy to do. Without looking outside oneself for a moment, lets look at how we accept ourselves and our lives.

In good times it is relatively easy to be happy and content with life, to accept who you are, your life, which includes friends and family, to be content with your work or career and plan for the future. If there are bumps in the road it is usually fairly easy to steer your way through the hazard and arrive at your intended destination with a cheerful disposition. There are, of course, occasions when the bumps might be mountainous and you need the rely on family and or friends to get you over the hurdle. It may even happen that your destination gets changed and new and different options are suddenly brightening your horizon. It’s not all beer and skittles but its doable.

Yet, if life has thrown you a curve ball for which there could be no preparation or forewarning, how adept would you be at accepting that? All your plans, thoughts for the future, goals, hopes, dreams, torn asunder and you feel at the whim of fate. Family and friends alike seem to lose patience with you for not “Sucking it up” for not “Getting on with it” and “Getting a grip on yourself”. Even if they are still there you feel lost, alone, abandoned. You feel as though you are looking through a mask at the world or the world is looking at you through a mask, neither can see the other as they are.

Acceptance

image from http://www.josephinewall.co.uk     The illusion of connection

To accept oneself in a situation where all you have known and loved, worked towards, planned for has been cruelly taken from you, is, I believe, a big ask. It takes time, time to learn how you, as you are now, fit into your new world view. It’s not easy having to ‘ask’ the very people who are part of your life to learn to accept you as you are now. There is a part of you, large or small, which resents having to change, resents having to ask people to accommodate those changes. In fact, it can be nothing short of a mammoth struggle.

It feels as if you are somehow diminished by something you haven’t asked for and do not want. It feels against the natural order to have to ask for ‘special treatment‘ or ‘acceptance‘ because you cannot be the person they have known thus far, that you are not the person they knew thus far. In fact you may desperately not want to be this person.

Yet, the changes are permanent or even semi permanent but you have no idea how long the change will be, you have to come to an understanding of the reality which is now yours. I have heard that the people around you have to make allowances for your changed behaviour, your mood swings, grumpiness and sadness at being unable to do all that you did with such ease and flair before. They may even avoid you. They may even stop seeing you completely because they don’t wish to accommodate those changes.  The charitable people will call them ‘fair weather friends’.

Perhaps I haven’t learned to be so gracious yet since I simply call them – something much less charitable. Perhaps I’m still struggling with acceptance. It always seems to be a contradiction in terms. I cannot fail to accept the status quo since I cannot change it. I can, by dint of will and prayer, ask for help from my Guides, Angels, Spirit helpers, to allow me to understand why this is so and how I can manoeuvre my way through it. I can try to find a way to turn my topsy-turvy life around so it appears to have some semblance of cohesion. Whilst my days become nights and my nights become days and my social interaction is reduced to doctors, specialists and, by the grace of the Universe, my friends in cyberspace, I, whilst struggling within my cocoon, can continue to work towards acceptance.

Acceptance

image from http://www.illustrationsource.com    The miracle of connection.

I read recently that acceptance is “letting go.” To paraphrase the analogy, it was to allow the river of life to embrace you, as you are, to fall into its depths and allow your pain, your struggle, your everything to be subsumed by the gentleness of the river until you rise to the surface, renewed, the struggle released and acceptance of life ignited in your heart and soul. The wonderful idea of finding that peaceful acceptance is a glorious reward.

It would make the tears and anguish, the struggle have some meaning. It would bring the strength to continue to find new meaning, new ways to simply Be, be in the moment, be mindful, to allow that spiritual being to shine forth once more.

There is no guarantee that the bright spirit which began this journey is the one which will complete it. It simply means that the bright spirit whom you are will complete its journey in its human form. The struggle part of the journey which we chose before we arrived.

It may not be easy. I may need help for which I have to learn to ask. If that help is not found then I will need to look elsewhere. I am carrying the strength of my forebears, my ancestral family in spirit, and I know they will always be there if I can find no others to walk this path with me. They too can help me to learn to accept whatever my life offers me, with a grace and composure which may crack, but which will eventually lead me to my safe haven.

I will never be asked to do more than I can bear. I will never be asked to walk this path alone. I only need to see those who are with me and for this I am most grateful. It may have taken time for me to reach this understanding. I may slip from time to time, but acceptance will always be there for me. I simply need to understand that I am acceptable as I am and in that knowledge, peace is waiting.

Acceptance

image from ispygod.net      “I am always there”

Acceptance, in its many forms, from both without and within, can be found, but only if we truly wish to find it. It may not be easy and a supportive environment and friends can make it much easier, but even alone, it can be done.

May we all find acceptance and peace. It is our birthright if we but take it up. With the right outlook and patience, even I will make it. With your help.

Many Blessings,

Susan xx

© Susan Jamieson 2013

Read Full Post »

image from spirit_elements-www-josephinewall-co.uk

image from spirit_elements-www-josephinewall-co.uk

Recollections of that Christmas are strange, some vague and others thrown into stark relief. At times I felt alone in a darkness so profound I wondered if I would ever emerge again. I can remember desperately wanting to make it as happy and carefree as possible, easy and light, a remembrance of all the beautiful Christmas’ we had spent together. Above all it had to be as far removed from the reality of the situation as possible.  Despite the strain in Mum’s face, she was happy. Her family were around her and the love was overflowing. It was all I could have asked for. I was grateful my prayers were answered.

As though Christmas had never occurred it was back to ‘normal’ as soon as the New Year came around.  Hubby had spent plenty of time fuming over my response and as a result I wasn’t too surprised when, early in the new year, he advised me he wasn’t interested in trying to make a go of things, he wanted a divorce. It was a bad move on his part. I had a strong feeling that I should move and quickly. I haven’t felt such an urging before so I did exactly as he asked. As soon as the courts opened for business in the new year I went in, filled out the paperwork and less than three months later it was all over. He got his divorce finalised (the decree nisi) on his birthday. It wasn’t planned that way by me, but I have a feeling Spirit, and of course Dad had a lot to do with the speed of things. I had more important things on my mind. The darkness was drawing in. I also decided to change my name – I needed to sever the ties to him completely.

In early March Mum was rushed back into hospital and we, at least I, had been told that she wouldn’t be going home again. She hated the hospital and couldn’t rest. I was called earlier each day because she was calling for me, so I was there from 5am or earlier until 7pm when my brothers arrived for their hour-long visit! All day I made sure she received her morphine shots to ease the pain.  When they wore off during the night she was too ‘out of it’ to ask for more. My brothers thought she was doing okay because they only saw her after a day with regular pain shots. She was alert and pain free for their short visit. They refused to accept how dire the situation was. Several falls from bed and very nasty injuries and the hospital talked hospice. Mum was terrified since, even in her muddled state, she was aware what it meant. She wouldn’t be going home. It was prophetic that she had always said she would die in a hospital and that had made her more concerned about hospital visits during her life.

image from blog.iloveqatar.net

I was taking some enormous risks. I wasn’t sleeping, hardly eating and began having strange ‘black outs’ as I was driving to the hospital. At 120km/hr it was scary, and yes I was exceeding the speed limit.  They had begun when she was at home but I wasn’t going to say anything. She needed me with her. I was the one who bathed her and changed her clothes, helped her into and out of bed. I held her hand and prayed as I sent Reiki into her frail body. I think by then I had stopped thinking about anything else. I had to be there.

The day I was informed she was being transferred to the hospice was horrendous. I had been there again since 4am after she had fallen from bed and had seriously hurt her arm. It was heart wrenching to see the nurses try to dress the wounds, finally admitting when they couldn’t remove the dressings that it didn’t matter if they were changed.  My universe was collapsing.

The day was a nightmare.  The ambulance transfer was a trip from hell. Once we reached the hospice I helped get Mum changed and into her new bed. She curled up and “went to sleep.” I continued to give her Reiki until my brothers began to arrive.  They arrived around 7pm. After a half an hour they decided to leave since Mum was obviously “asleep”. My gut told me to stay. My car was back at the other hospital. Despite knowing I shouldn’t leave I allowed myself to be persuaded to go to my car and go home. Something inside screamed at me to stay, but out numbered and feeling cornered I felt I had no choice. I was so wrong and I can never forget that.

I debated, for the longest time, about going back to her, but I hadn’t seen my children and I was feeling drained. I arrived home as the phone began ringing. My mother had passed away ten minutes after I left her. I don’t remember the drive back, only coming back to myself when I arrived at the hospice as saw my brother there. I was angry. He had arrived first and had decided to sign all the paperwork. He didn’t want to stay at all. He didn’t want me to stay either, but he did want me to go back to Mum’s house with him  (where he was living) to talk about what ‘we’ had to do. A new nightmare was about to begin, one which would threaten to drown me.

image from bleeding_eye_by_flauschvampire91

image from bleeding_eye_by_flauschvampire91

That walk through Mum’s front door felt like a knife wrenching through my heart. Inside my head a scream reverberated. I wanted out! I wanted a little space to think! I needed to find something to hold onto! I was adrift in uncharted waters and I was drowning already. Somehow, some way, I had to find how to keep going and stay sane. I felt I was faced with a stacked deck, just how much that was true was to come to light soon enough.

.

Next week – A New Nightmare Begins.

© Susan Jamieson 2013

Read Full Post »

in flow, the relationship between what a person had to do and what he could do was perfect. The challenge wasn’t too easy.
Nor was it too difficult. It was a notch or two beyond his current abilities, which stretched the body and mind in a way that made the effort itself
the most delicious reward. That balance produced a degree of focus and satisfaction that easily surpassed other, more quotidian,
experiences. In flow, people lived so deeply in the moment, and felt so utterly in control, that their sense of time, place, and even self melted
away. They were autonomous, of course. But more than that, they were engaged.”
― Daniel H. Pink

I had a plan. Just a simple plan. I only had one important outside event to undertake today and I felt I had plenty of time to sit down and write.  I even had a reasonably good story line worked out – not off the cuff for a change. Halloween only comes once a year.

Yet life is about being “In the Moment”, being able to adapt to what occurs and still make it valuable and fulfilling. It is also “Being Mindful”.  It sounds so trite at times and yet it is profound. If we get it right then life flows and everything is easy, there are no hard parts to butt up against. At least if we do we are able to handle them with ease and grace and life simply is.

I had an energy healing yesterday which is far too involved to go into tonight. It’s late and it has been a big day. I know it’s been a big day because of the healing… I simply know this and I’m not going to try to downplay it.

I had a simple EEG scheduled just after lunch.  I was so filled with all the information from my healing that I think I lost focus on getting into a sleep ritual, something I must do. I haven’t slept now for four nights and I’m a little unglued, as one does become without good sleep.

My dearly loved and irreverent hubby decided it would be hilarious to photograph me at the worst possible moment.  The Sputnik like photographs have been confiscated and consigned into the ‘never to be revealed to the light of day’ locked casket and I have the only key. The penalty has yet to be decided upon and the delivery will have to be totally unexpected.

I am pleased to say I did NOT look like this…  this is more a Young Einstein copycat, but not me.

However, I had a head full of blobs of sticky goo which would not come out. Painfully teasing the lumps from my hair was unpleasant, seeing my hair looking like I had already had a Halloween fright was not part of the plan. I had shops to visit… an outing planned to change the tempo of my days.

A quick shower later and my hair looking reasonable after a quick shampoo, I at lest looked part of the human race again. However, something happened on the way to the receptionist. My body didn’t want to follow orders.  I’d had a torrid time during the part of the EEG when the lights were flashing, flickering strobe like  and generally trying to bore through my frontal lobe. Most disagreeable.

Back at the car I focused on my beautiful latte to come, sure to pick me up again. However, the walk to the coffee shop was painfully slow and painful! All the ‘comfy’ seats were taken – one booth by what I can only assume were a pair of madams discussing their girls. You didn’t need to eavesdrop, their conversation was loud enough to broadcast over the centre. Educational – no, irritating – oh yes!

“We let ourselves loose on that simple blank piece of paper, and our bodies spill. The terror, the love…embodying our stories page after page. In a sense, the pen was our tongue, it is how we delineate the world.”
Coco J. Ginger

The Pen Shoppe, a delight, a torment, a veritable smorgasbord of beautiful objects for me to drool over. Yes, I’m a stationery collector and beautiful pens tops the list – although the list is quite large. Fortunately my husband also loves all things stationery… cool isn’t it!

Yet I wasn’t getting my subtle charge from my favourite surroundings. After a short visit we popped next door to my yummy delicious and resistance destroying, Crystal Shop.

The Crystal Cafe... too good to pass up

The Crystal Cafe… too good to pass up

The energies in here have always perked me up but today I was dragging myself around. If I could have found a geode large enough I think I would have crawled inside.  After a really short visit for me we left and decided to come home. Once back I faded into semi oblivion for two hours. I still feel slightly disconnected so I’m closing with well wishes for Halloween and I’ll catch up tomorrow, after all, memories last forever.

“Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen, Voices whisper in the trees, Tonight is Halloween!”

– Dexter Kozen

Blessings, Susan xx

© Susan Jamieson 2-13

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

Bipolar For Life

Memoirs of a Wounded Healer

thoughts alone

Just some thoughts along the journey back home

A Window Of Wisdom

Whispers from spirit heard with your heart

Sacred Ascension - Key of Life - Secrets of the Universe

Discover your True Self through the Vibrational Messages from Behind the Veil

shamanictracking

Opening doors to enhanced life experiences by uncovering the unseen

Kindness Blog

#Kindness Changes Everything

Witch Reads

magical book reviews

Kit Perriman

The Hill - A Historical Novel About Witches

weatheredwiseman

A Weathered Wise Man's Look At Life

firesidewitchblog.wordpress.com/

A personal journey with the Ancients in a World of Ritual, with the Intent to Heal.

Mystical Magical Herbs

by friends who love herbs and want to share what they know...

Sunhealers

Nurture the Body, Free your Soul

aisha north

Channelings and words of inspiration

The Sky Priestess: Dr Bairavee

Spiritualist and Doctor of Political Science

Circle of the PussyWillows

A Wiccan Circle Based on Green and White Magick

%d bloggers like this: