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Posts Tagged ‘9/11’

The first peek of the sun over the horizon.

The first peek of the sun over the horizon.

Whatever we are waiting for–peace of mind, contentment, grace,
the inner awareness of simple abundance–it will surely come to us,
but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sometimes it can be very easy to go with the flow, live in ‘the NOW’ and yet in the same instant in can be very challenging.  This week has been, by its very nature a week a highs and lows. I have felt frustrated with my reactions to events and at others grateful for how things turned out.  Looking back I have to say that it’s all simply part of the tapestry of life.

I was reminded recently  that looking back cannot change what has gone before,and in looking forward I am only borrowing possible problems which may not exist.  It is only by BEING PRESENT that I am living in THE NOW and able to be grateful for what I have. Whilst true, at the time I wasn’t inclined to be thankful for the reminder. In fact I was decidedly ungrateful, feeling I wasn’t being listened to which was simply my reaction to being redirected from the path I was on. In some inexplicable fashion I feel the need to prepare, mentally, emotionally for what may come by examining the past. I’m still learning, obviously!

Perhaps I had lived for so long needing to be in a state of readiness (the flight or fight syndrome) that I’m still thrown back into that mindset when hiccoughs occur.  I have felt the need to ‘get away’ for a while now. The forced interruptions with traffic and building noise whilst trying to battle Lyme disease has been challenging. Unfortunately going away is not possible for a little while. C’est la vie…. that’s life. When we move the impetus to ‘get away’ will no doubt vanish also.

womancryingweakshamefulembarrasmentdestenijourneytolife

There is also no denying that this week, being the anniversary of 9/11 always brings to mind the senseless waste of lives in so many conflicts around the globe. This one in particular highlighted the “collateral damage” as governments call it, when civilians are caught up in the horrors unleashed by the interactions between war mongers.  The soldiers bear the brunt of the backlash and loss caused by the money machine which feeds war and makes excuses for its necessity.  It angers and saddens me and at a time when I feel ‘fragile’, which in itself irritates me, it simply adds to the ‘problem’.

I use the term ‘problem’ loosely since it covers a multitude of sins, so to speak.

Three things happened within days of each other. I was advised I needed  to have my heart checked for a blockage, (shown on the ECG), followed by an urgent request for a brain scan due to a pituitary problem. Until this Lyme disease treatment I had always been very healthy, fit and well. I understand that the Lyme had been laying dormant, yet knowing this and suddenly finding oneself unable to do much of anything except feel time passing ever so slowly, has meant a major refocus. It is frustrating because it was unexpected and I cannot dictate how it will go.

Having been indoctrinated that being ‘idle’ is unproductive and unacceptable, I’m fighting a battle on several fronts. Naturally enough my body, which needs the grace to rest and repair, is finding it difficult when my instincts drive me to ‘do’ something, anything to feel useful. This is always followed by a crash as the scant reserves of energy are depleted again.  Ray is being driven to distraction trying to undo years of conditioning.  (We are both surviving, love has a wonderful healing quality).

A beautiful amethyst heart from Uruguay – why not combine our love of crystals with this beautiful picture as a representation for love?

So this week has been spent trying to get appointments, hours on the phone on hold and then running back and forth to get things done. Of course major reshuffles were needed so that Ray could get me to wherever I needed to be, in between everything else of course.  Gritting my teeth and telling everyone I was alright doesn’t help when you are too wonky to walk a straight line!  Yet even that only held part of my attention.

My son has his birthday this weekend and whilst he is an adult and now in Melbourne, I had to realise that it will be the first birthday since he was born that I will not be with him or able to see him. He is okay, and we will talk, but the sudden realisation on top of everything else was….breathtaking.

So I’m off my game. I have had moments of incredible beauty with sunrises and sunsets, a walk on the beach (the first in ages), photos, (yet to be downloaded) of some crazy sculptures and a walk through my fragrant patch of earth.  I also met a lovely lady, we talked of crystals and things spiritual and I made a new friend.

image from kingtycoon.blogspot.com

Beauty amidst the gross. Peace amidst the chaos. That is the secret, right there. The ebb and flow of the ocean,  the waxing and waning of the moon, the change of seasons. They are all simply a smaller glimpse of the ebb and flow of life.  It suddenly blossomed in my awareness as I meditated that all these things are just that…. things, occurrences in life.

They take moments, large or small in the fabric of our existence. Yet it is we who give them a greater or lesser importance. They do not define our existence, they merely make the warp and weft of our lives. We control the shuttle to make the fabric of our life. We can decide how our life will look. Mangled by the lack of control on the shuttle of a perfect canvass by Being Present and remaining In The Now, totally Mindful of how our thoughts are affecting us.

This is what it is all about….this is my experience. Each day will get better and I’m certain there will be bad ones. Yet the total will add up to a growing balance of good, of gratitude, of peace and love and I will have created the life I want. That;s how it is supposed to be and can be.  So Be It.

Blessings to everyone for a bliss filled day.  Susan x

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