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Posts Tagged ‘belief’

A #Cup of Tea and #Peace

Image courtesy soulevolutioncenter.com.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

It’s been almost two years since I really gave serious thought and enthusiasm to writing my blog. I’ve missed it. Yet, even though I missed it, I felt there were shackles holding me back. Not even holding me back, but crushing me into immobility and worst of all, silence. Whilst I will talk in later blogs about the past two years, today I’m just setting the stage and being totally honest, a rarity in many circles.

I had a rough night on Saturday night, sleepless until dawn, although I rarely speak of it.
During my wonderfully deep sleep, I had a dream. I was on a windswept beach, a house (where I lived) in the distance and the rolling waves of the ocean coming into the bay constantly. The emptiness of the beach didn’t matter, I felt so totally at peace that it was almost like an aphrodisiac. It felt almost as if it was drawing me to it. Am I meant to simply pack up and go searching for this Nirvana like place? The idea is incredibly attractive. However, the most important fact if all was the overwhelming thought;

“I CHOOSE TO BE AT PEACE.”

It seems that most of my life I’ve been searching for that simple thing – PEACE! All the “Self Help Gurus”, “Professional Development Gurus”, “Spiritual Gurus of New Age Spirituality ” had failed to help me reach that simple state – PEACE. Yet this little dream had shown me that it was there all along and the rolling waves of the ocean had rolled back the blocks preventing me from feeling amazingly at ease within myself. It cannot be found “out there “and all the guided meditations under the sun won’t get you there until you find “YOUR KEY”.

What was the “KEY?” For me it was simply “ALLOWING”.

Strange isn’t it, until you know that for the majority of my life I had struggled to control events in order to get through each day, each challenge, and each individual moment and appear to have everything “under control”. Being in control was the sole way of retaining my sanity, or so I thought. By “Allowing”, I was allowing whatever happened to simply happen and letting it flow past in the River of Life.

I also realised I had no need to try to save or change it. My Being does not require anything other than to BE. – I have no need to try to affect it in any way, other than to simply BE true to myself and allow peace to flow over and through me at all times.

A#Cup of Tea and #Peace

Orchids always peaceful.

Now I am able to release the past in truckloads. hurts from words or deeds, done or undone are flowing past in that River of Life. I can finally release the feeling of being crushed by the virulent attack by a supposedly Spiritually Advanced lady who called herself my “MENTOR” and “FRIEND” yet dumped on me without the courtesy of seeing or speaking to me. Her heart wrenching, demeaning words have been shown to be worth less than the air time it took to send me a text message on Face Book. The accusations she accepted so readily shown to be lacking in truth, honesty and respect.

That said, thanks to her words and wounds, I have plagued and tormented myself enough by what she said, trying to understand who could have said something to make her change her opinion of me when I have known her for twenty years. Known her and shared my private information with her during a psychic session which was used to rip me apart.

Yet now it’s gone. PEACE has been granted by a higher power and I am deeply grateful for that. Universal Laws have a way and means of correcting everything. She, the apparently undisputed Authority on all things Metaphysical, “HAS NO POWER OVER ME.”

A #Cup of Tea and #Peace

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“When tea becomes ritual, it takes its place at the heart of our ability to see greatness in small things. Where is beauty to be found? In great things that, like everything else, are doomed to die, or in small things that aspire to nothing, yet know how to set a jewel of infinity in a single moment?”
― Muriel Barbery, The Elegance of the Hedgehog

So, after all the hurt and pain she helped create over these past two years, I can say I am at peace. Peaceful and Content. If she should happen to see tis, or hear of it, and is able to honour her invitation – “A cup of tea at my table at any time”, then I would be delighted to accept. After all, she offered that and more several times at least.

“When I say it’s you I like, I’m talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see or hear or touch. That deep part of you that allows you to stand for those things without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate, peace that rises triumphant over war, and justice that proves more powerful than greed.”  ― Fred Rogers

Know that you are always loved.

Blessings,

Susan ❤

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#WhatPriceTrust

From the beginning and innocence and trust

Image from: Wings-of-Love-by-Stephen–006.jpg

“Our bodies have five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, hearing. But not to be overlooked are the senses of our souls: intuition, peace, foresight, trust, empathy. The differences between people lie in their use of these senses; most people don’t know anything about the inner senses while a few people rely on them just as they rely on their physical senses, and in fact probably even more.”
C. JoyBell C.
“Trust starts with truth and ends with truth.”
Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

I was asked a strange question over the weekend and to be honest, I found it difficult to put the answer into words at first. The question, put simply was, “What price would you put on trust?”

Think about it a little. TRUST, what does it mean to you? Is your answer the same as someone else would think, or say, or even believe? If there are different answers to the question, and they are all valid answers in themselves, does that mean that TRUST is something arbitrary? Or, is there only one answer to what TRUST is?

The Oxford Dictionary explains it thus:

Firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something: relations have to be built on trust

Acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation:

 And synonyms for TRUST: confidence, belief, faith, freedom from suspicion/doubt, sureness, certainty, certitude, assurance, conviction, credence, reliance

#WhatPriceTrust

Trust, the first step is the hardest

I find it difficult to accept that something as important in life as Trust, can be split so that it has different meanings in differing situations. Am I wrong? I don’t believe so. It is that which brings me to another question.

If trust can mean different things to different people, then how many other truths by which we live can mean different things to different people, depending on the situation?

For that conundrum to be even partially acceptable, it means that my world view has been knocked on its head. It also means that my old English teacher would be turning in her grave right now. Each word has a definition, a meaning which is written down for reference. TRUST would have been a big one. I wish I could ask her right now.

I know that the strict definitions and usage of words has become a thing of the past, especially for the younger generation. Yet some words, I believe have a meaning, and only one meaning and it cannot be twisted to gain an advantage.

#WhatPriceTrust

Trust, once gained is irreplaceable

So, my answer was this:

TRUST is something which is earned, not expected. If you fail to live up to your word, you cannot expect someone to TRUST you, and it must be reflected in the way you live and speak. You must show, by your very actions that you are able to be believed so that another may have confidence, a certainty, that what you say is the absolute truth. They can TRUST what you say, irrespective of the circumstances. You can be TRUSTED.

Trust is something I don’t often think about, in and of itself. Trust is a part of my life. It is a part of the way I live my life, without which everything becomes unravelled. Without Trust, life becomes unmanageable.

#WhatPriceTrust

Trust, that’s all you have sometimes.

As a child you trust your parents to do their best for you, and you act in accordance with what they say, because you trust they know what they are doing and therefore, ask you to do what is right. You can trust them.

As a parent, I earned the trust and respect of my children by how I acted and what I said. It is not unusual to find trust and respect go hand in hand. My children are now passing on those same values of Trust and Respect.

When two people marry TRUST is a vital in each other….. Any couple who decides to speak vows to live together, does so because they trust each other. Day by day Respect for each other has their Trustworthiness has grown.

A soldier TRUSTS his comrades or he cannot do his job.

#WhatPriceTrust

The first time we learn real trust, we don’t know it.

Trust is invaluable to the world although it is often ignored or misused.

I was asked this question by a battered wife. She was hurting and afraid and more than a little ashamed of her situation. “What price would you put on TRUST?” she asked, as I sat beside her for many hours.

#WhatPriceTrust

Is Trust a Must?

It was a mistake,” you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”
David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary

 

It is the coin by which we pay for our lives. It is as difficult and as simple as that, and once lost or broken can almost be unable to be recovered.

Blessings, Susan♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

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#Guiding Light

image from cghub.com –

“Whatever you are physically…male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy–all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside.”
Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

Walking down the hall

In the middle of the night

Looking closely at the window

Its crenelated features casting a gloom

Deep into the house

Wondering why it was so dark, eating up the light

Suddenly I felt something else was there

Looking closely into the shadows

I almost called out

Cold suddenly flooding from the recess

Froze the words in my mouth

In a moment my footsteps stopped

I was frozen in place

Staring silently towards the shadows

Deepening around the tapestry

~

What was there my mind sluggishly pondered

To cause such a numbing feeling

I realised to my dismay

That I could no longer move

Like the iciness pervading my mind

Its effects permeated my body

Whatever lingered there

It had a devastating effect on my will

Despite feeling chilled in body and mind

My heart beat wildly in my chest

Silently I called on my Guides

To guard my spirit

To save my body

I waited frozen in place

Hearing a blood freezing slurping

Sounding like a giant slug

Sucking and pulling itself from the depths

The cold roiling from the recess deepened

My heart beat faster in my chest

I wondered if my time had come

~

Then out of the corner of my eye

I saw a brilliant light

Glowing softly and drawing closer

Warmth began to spread through me

Like new life as this light drew ever closer

To the sound of an angry hissing

Coming from the dark corner

I felt the blood begin to pump through my body

And my mind began to clear once more

Enveloped by this comforting light

I felt my fear evaporate

Cocooned in the spiritual glow

Of the light shining along the hallway

Banishing all shadowy corners

I heard a furious sound

Half slither, half screech and all fury

Dwindling into the recess

Hidden by the tapestry

~

Those fearful tales I’d heard

Of people vanishing in the night

Were no longer far-fetched tales

Told to scare the unwary at night

But to keep everyone safe in their beds

Away from the slithering death

Which waited with bayed breath

At least so I told myself

As I hurried back to my warm bed

Surrounded by my Guiding light

Keeping me safe from harm all night

“There’s a sorrow and pain in everyone’s life, but every now and then there’s a ray of light that melts the loneliness in your heart and brings comfort like hot soup and a soft bed.”
Hubert Selby Jr., Requiem for a Dream

Blessings  Susan  ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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Life was busy in my early thirties. I was married, had two small children and we were running a small business. I was also going to the gym and felt fitter than I can ever remember being in my life so far. Then I started to feel, ‘not quite well’.  Exercise would cure anything, after all it had cured my  weight problem so it would fix this. I exercised harder. I looked better but felt worse. The doctor said I was fine, fit and healthy.

After several years of increasing problems I finally saw a specialist and it was decided I needed a hysterectomy – urgently.  I wasn’t concerned, I had my children and as I explained to the doctor, if anything did happen to one of my children (even though I knew nothing would) there would be no way I would want to try to “replace” them with another child.  I don’t know how much that thought was caused by knowing my children were going to be okay, or the unacknowledged situation which was slowly deteriorating at home. Either way I wanted this problem solving.

I went into hospital and the operation went really well. For the first time in three years I felt really good. Apart from an injunction to rest for several days, no heavy lifting, I was allowed home several days later. Unfortunately my mother in law had been asked to come down and help with the children whilst I was “laid up”. Another irritant, my husband couldn’t be bothered taking a few days off to help me or his children until I could take over again. Work came first, last and everywhere else before his family – oh, apart from his mother that is! (Yes, I realise my feelings have yet to be exorcised about the M.I.L. but that’s another story).

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Two days after I came home I started to haemorrhage slightly. I was doing more than I should, M.I.L. simply didn’t want to really help. Back to the specialist but everything seemed okay. However, by the next day it had become something I couldn’t ignore and I had to tell my husband. Another day went by as I felt things becoming worse. Finally it was apparent that the “wait and see” attitude wasn’t going to work.  It was now Sunday and the caring response was, “Well, let’s wait until tomorrow and see if it has changed at all”. OK, apparently I could bleed to death before it was urgent enough to take me to the hospital.

By 11pm I was really ill. I was losing buckets of blood. (It may be a slight exaggeration but that’s what it felt like). I had become as white as a sheet and finally the decision came to call the doctor.  Would you be impressed to be called at 11pm on a Sunday night? We were sent off to the hospital and whisked into Emergency. Of course, not knowing what had been happening the doctor had instructed the hospital staff to “monitor me for a few hours and let him know how much blood I was actually losing”. In retrospect that was so funny.

Ensconced in a room with an adjoining bathroom I barely heard the door close before I needed to rush into the bathroom; Hubby buzzing frantically for the nurse. Of course, by the time she arrived I was perched on the edge of the bed and she was holding a bedpan for me. Oh – too late! I wasn’t happy to be berated for not waiting, or finding out I was to be monitored for a few hours. Bedpans, oh how I detest bedpans.

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I was in clean pyjamas so I took the nurse’s advice and climbed into bed. Oh dear! It appeared climbing up into the bed set things moving. I “yelled” reasonably quietly for my hubby to grab the bedpan and precariously climbed “on board”. Well, she had her sample to check but the altitude (or the blood loss) had an unexpected effect.

Weaving atop my bedpan I said, “You’d better call the nurse, I’m going to pass out!” Nurse appeared and bedpan was unceremoniously removed as I said, “I’m going over now” and backwards I toppled. There was a delicious feeling of floating and I watched the scene from above the bed. Mayhem ensued. The nurse called the sister who called the doctor on duty. From somewhere another sister appeared.

image from astralsociety.net

There I lay with someone at each arm and leg, blood pressure cuff tight and everyone patting an arm or leg and none too gently, trying to find a vein. My blood pressure reading had tanked. I got the giggles. I felt as though I was watching everything from a huge distance, my hubby wringing his hands in the corner. I heard my voice saying, “It’s alright, it’s not my time to go yet.” The startled looks set me to giggling once more. There was a feeling of drifting away yet being connected to what was happening. Sometime later I realised I was looking at a nurse who was looking somewhat uncomfortable and an IV line was in my hand. Whilst I knew on one level it was wrong I have to admit I felt strangely vindicated when I saw the ashen look on my hubby’s face.

After an emergency operation I woke to find my hand the size of a grapefruit. The IV needle had “tissued” (gone through the vein and into the tissue) and I was uncomfortable. Actually it bloody hurt! Even though the emergency staff had put the IV in, because I had health cover, now that I was no longer “in danger” it could only be changed by a private pathology nurse.  You guessed it, they wouldn’t be on duty for several more hours. They refused to let me sign a waiver, I had to wait until someone came on duty and in the meantime the fluid in my hand continued to build up. Each inadvertent movement was excruciating.

Four hours later I had the IV moved, but my hand took days to recover. Strange that it was my hand I was more concerned about. My specialist popped in to see me. Apparently I had managed to lose a critical amount of blood, much more and they wouldn’t have been able to ‘save me.” I felt like saying “I told you so” but didn’t. He said they couldn’t find any reason for the haemorrhaging but neither could they refute that it had occurred. Tied up tighter than a trussed turkey I was allowed home several days later.

I have no idea ‘where’ I went when all the drama happened. I felt serenely peaceful and had the feeling that I was being told so many things, but I couldn’t remember anything later. I still believe that when the time is right I will remember. It was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had, and telling everyone ‘it wasn’t my time to go yet’ still has the power to make me giggle. I simply knew that although it was really serious, everything was going to be fine. I wasn’t finished with this life; I had too much to do.

image from justchow.blogspot.com

Live life to the fullest and never ever look back, there is a reason for the future and a reason for the past. Love till it hurts and laugh till you cry and when your life flashes before you, make it worth while. Be happy for what you have done, and be happy for what you have over come, and most of all always be proud of what you have become.”   – Ritu Ghatourey

Some things as easy to explain. Some simply seem strange. Some are taken on faith or belief. I know what happened and one day I’ll remember what I need to from this experience. Years later I still find it funny.

.

Blessings.  Susan  x

© Susan Jamieson

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“The past is the beginning of the beginning and all that is and has been is but the twilight of the dawn.”     H. G. Wells

Have you ever wondered why the day follows night

Seen the sunrise and wondered if its alright

Have you ever wondered why the person you waited for all your life

Turns out to be the one who can hurt you more than ever in your life

If the heart is made for love why does it need to be broken

For all the wise words spoken have said that love is not a token

Meant to be given in jest

Then thrown away with the rest.

Is this pain felt inside meant to let you know you’re alive

I’m waiting for the lesson I should learn

From this time spent in pain

Yet none ever seems to come

Does this mean I have to go through this again

My heart handed out on a platter

Filled with love, hope and laughter

Not to be used like fodder and shattered

Like a tool to be used of no value and cast aside

Leaving me bereft and without anything but pride.

Or is that simply an illusion

Something more to add to the confusion

Should I wish for a heart of stone

Never more to feel so cold and alone

It’s the numbness I now crave

In the darkness of the grave.

For I want no more of this pain

Useless wasted time flushed down the drain

Tears hidden inside flooding through me like rain.

“She’d cried over a broken heart before. She knew what that felt like, and it didn’t feel like this. Her heart felt not so much broken as just … empty. It felt like she was an outline empty in the middle. The outline cried senselessly for the absent middle. The past cried for the present that was nothing.”   Ann Brashares, Sisterhood Everlasting

The human  heart is made to love, has an infinite capacity to love. That’s what I’ve read so many times and heard from so many people. It seems that, if all the wise people I’ve read and heard from are correct, that it’s almost a given that the heart is meant to be broken and mended again and again. Yet I have to ask myself, to what purpose?  Is there some unknown quality granted to a heart which feels torn asunder over and over again that I am somehow missing? Really, it’s a serious conundrum. What possible purpose could be served by having to go through so much agony over and over again?

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