- If Only I Could, I surely Would
“Life is all about timing… the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable… attainable. Have the patience, wait it out; it’s all about timing.” Stacey Charter
I know about the sleep of the damned. It’s not quite what you might think. No diving into a hellish deep, tortured souls tearing you apart – perhaps it is for some, but not for me.
Mine lies somewhere between a light doze and wakefulness. It’s the lightest doze imaginable where my heartbeat plays time with my thoughts. Thoughts in colour and action to make sleeping a sometimes joke. Occasionally I’ll slip in the transition between the two and fall into sleep’s welcome embrace. Of late, it’s filled with vibrant dreams, some easy to understand, some so confused I’m not sure where the middle, beginning and end are. But that too is immaterial here.
For several weeks, I have fought a good fight against the effects of a niacin flush. Sounds like a fancy cocktail, but without the little umbrella! Instead, it’s a detox strangle – melodramatic, I’m sure. Yet I told “them” I was allergic to “B” vitamins. I’ve had to be careful for years, guarding myself against anything containing “B” vitamins which it seems my body cannot tolerate, all except B12, in which I am so deficient they call it ‘Pernicious Anaemia’!
So my niacin flush – beautiful blushes of sunset red or sunrise hues – more like sunrise I think, as it’s followed by the rising heat of the blush and a raging conflagration – akin to a wildfire. It cannot be quenched or put out, nor tamped down. I have to allow it to – yes, flush through my body.
Like most things it’s good and bad. The good is the benefit of the detox, removing those things harmful to me. The bad – oh just the crippling migraines, light sensitivity, crushing aches and pains as though my body is being torn apart.
Even this could be managed with good rest. Yet the pain, muscle, bone, head all combine to throw a huge barricade across that nebulous boundary between the twilight doze and real sleep, hence the “sleep of the damned”!
It’s frustrating since I crave organisation. I like my ordered routines. Poetry, stories, conversation and more, photos and sharing my thoughts. That has been tossed out like yesterday’s garbage, until my niacin flush has gone away.
If I find it frustrating, it may be worse for those trying to follow my blog, since you have no idea what or when I’m publishing. It pains me to say it, as so much else does at present, but I’m having to learn patience. It’s a dreadful curse, one I’ve fought most of my life. But I promise you this, I will be back on track, with my writing and my schedule, just as soon as I’ve put out my bushfire!
Since today was my day to visit my doctor and half a dozen hypodermics later, thought is a vague thing, and vision is blurry. You might say the spirit is willing but the body is weak. Hence this little explanation for you to understand my dilemma. Now I look forward to another night of the sleep of the damned again!
Blessings, Susan, ♥
© Susan Jamieson, 2014
© Executive Sorceress, 2014
Owls and Orchids 