Posts Tagged ‘Emotion’

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“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them”
― Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island

People are strange creatures at times, especially where matters of the heart are concerned. It seems that when love comes knocking at the door, many times common sense, or self-preservation goes out the rear exit.  It’s a sad and potentially disastrous situation and I’m certain it’s the reason so many relationships appear to end up falling apart. It’s sad because it leaves behind pain, heartache and often wariness to let love enter again.

When we are young and feeling invincible we rarely want to take advice from our elders. Advice from our parents, who cannot possibly know what ‘we’ feel is simply ridiculous. So when things start to feel wrong, we are reluctant to approach them for advice. So who do we turn to? Often its our friends…. the same age, the same experience, the same lifestyle as we ourselves have. So we get the same level of advice as is currently running through our own minds. In the end, there is a struggle to make things work or your friends will support you as you try to get over the ‘break up’.

What a difference it would make if our lifestyle was more akin to that of our great grandparents. The family unit was closer. There was more communication and reliance on parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles even cousins to teach us the ways of life. With the spread (or breakdown) of the family unit, that cohesiveness has vanished and sometimes we are left without a support network of any kind. Divorces are commonplace and rarely amicable, with children losing a stability taken for granted in bygone times.

It seems there is no guide-book for life, we are meant to flounder along and either succeed or fail depending on how we manage to navigate the currents of life. So many people in pain. So many people who in trying to do the best they can become shadows of the people they could be. It’s a time when sub personalities become dominant as they try to protect the vulnerable “Inner Child” from being hurt more than necessary.

However a downside to this is the burying of emotions which need to be dealt with so that growth as a person can continue. If left buried these emotions can rise to the surface at unfortunate times and create havoc, possibly even ruining the opportunity to have a successful relationship. Understanding human relationships, reactions, emotional responses and even how men and women speak to each other can be invaluable and yet are ignored by our ‘education system’.

Recently I read about a couple in their middle years (fifties) who failed to understand how they related to each other, their communication styles, to the extent that a wonderful relationship failed. How much simpler if, instead of fostering the divisiveness between cultures, between people, we learned how to really speak to each other, irrespective of race, colour, creed or gender simply between one human being and another. (Think the “5 Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman, for example.)

It makes so much sense, could save so much heartache and save so much money on the need for interminable therapy later in life as we learn these lessons, if we could have been equipped with this knowledge as we began our solo journeys into adulthood. If everyone began by reading this one simple book, and I don’t for a moment believe it is necessarily the quintessential answer, it might, just might be a beginning to learning how to relate to one another in a more meaningful way.

Perhaps I’ve seen too many families broken apart, too many broken people to not want to try to remedy the situation if we can. There are too many books, experts who are willing to say they can teach people how to understand the secrets of language and behaviour between the sexes. Isn’t it worth a try? For ourselves as well as our children’s sakes?

Love and happiness are our birthright, not a lucky dip.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love


May happiness follow you all the days of your life. You are always loved.

Blessings, Susan x

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Yesterday seems like an eon away and tomorrow as far yet to come. It’s strange how time has a way of folding in on itself when you least expect it.  Yesterday morning was full of “sunshine and roses” and I was planning for this blog.  I cannot remember a single thing I was going to do, but  I can say it did feel impressive at the time.

The afternoon had become a struggle of tears and anguish and I wondered why I was doing anything at all as I had to retreat to my bed again. My “inner Light” was dimming as I struggled again with understanding of what was going on. My brain refused to function and my body  – well it loves to follow suit. It seems it’s an “all in together” kind of party.

Last night was tears and despair as I let everything overpower me. I lost my “Inner Flame” and the darkness was complete. I’m sure everyone knows the picture, it’s so familiar. I simply wanted a landmark and something to hold onto.

image from janetleigh.wordpress.com

At moments like these, especially when the fog hasn’t lifted I search for those people who give me inspiration. I look to those wonderful souls who have so much more to overcome and do so with dignity and a wisdom far in excess of my own. I feel awed and humbled, and usually it is more than enough to read some of their beautiful words to bring me back into the light. Today, has been a struggle.

All of those useless human emotions which serve us to ill effect have clogged my antennae. Envy – what could I possibly say to you that has not already been said by someone far better than I ever could? Or my Self Pity, such a useless emotion which only serves to make everything much worse. Scrub that!  Anger, always at myself for falling into this trap and allows the acid inside to eat me up a little faster, plus of course gives me a lovely dose of pain to chase it down with.  I always was one for getting a full measure of whatever was doing the rounds.

I believe I tried, I was up early, the softly falling rain at that time, the frog chorus and a few hardy bird calls. I tried my meditation with the hope, dream, the belief that if I succeeded, because I truly wanted to send out healing to everyone, that I could overcome this miasma.

image from shamamabear.wordpress.com

I love this image, it speaks of where I am whilst I meditate, so beautiful and serene, calm and at peace, at one with the world and arriving at that magical place of “stillness” where the heart, mind, body and soul are at one. I struggled – I had a massive dose of humanity hit me and I struggled to find that inner calm, my “zen place”. Each time I found myself getting close to it, it slipped away like smoke.

Like so many people in adversity, I really detest “giving in” or perhaps I should say I hate being beaten.  I did what I could with my meditations, since I have been repeating variations throughout this long day. It was interspersed with one catastrophic period as I struggled to complete a business activity which I was running out of time with.  It’s been a month of struggling with these things. I had hoped, that by now, so close to the full moon, that I would be getting ahead of them, but 2012 hasn’t finished with me yet so perseverance is still the key.

image from bestinspirationalquotes4u.com

On some deep level I know that even if I appear to move at a snail’s pace I must be making forward motion.  You see I can’t go back. The past is gone forever once it has left this moment.  The present will be gone as soon as I blink and will become the past. There is only the moment. I must BE in the moment. Be Present and Mindful. That is all I can do because the future is yet to come and what I do in this Mindful moment is all which can affect that future for me. It is all which may change the way things are right now.

It would be nice if we could “Turn Back Time” as Cher sang and undo all those things which have led to this moment, but it is impossible and impractical. In “The Butterfly Effect” they tried just that. Every time he, (Ashton Kutcher in the film) went back and changed the past he also changed the future – for the worse. It’s not a good way to be.

image from peacefulnessofnature.blogspot.com

I have difficulty passing up a chance to include one of my favourite little friends, in my favourite colour into my story.  They are, in essence, “My Way”. They are my image for being present, for being mindful, acceptance of the moment and hope for the future. Such ephemeral beauty is uplifting and also humbling. It helps me to put everything into perspective.

When I see them, in my mind’s eye, I cannot believe that I am simply “along for the ride” in this life. I cannot accept that I can do nothing to change the future, if I accept I am a Spirit having a Human Experience.  That is the essence.  All those apparently useless emotions are learning experiences. Perhaps painful, perhaps overwhelming at times, perhaps even for a short time appearing to win the battle. Yet only for a time.  Why does this make a difference?

Because even if it is for the briefest of moments, sometimes so brief I may miss it at first there is that moment of tranquility. Spirit has overcome the physical, overcome the struggle to remain heart centered and I realise I have been there, I AM there!

image from fernlifecenter.com

So, I will go forward, through the tears and pain. I will go forward and take my desire for healing others with me. If I have to go through the muck and mush, then so be it. There is beauty there for me, the rose, the butterfly, love and compassion for others and so much more which will transcend this miasma which drops over me with regularity.

As the saying goes, “This too shall pass”. It does, it always does. At times it is a little too dark to see the way ahead and we have to trust that something along the way will provide that light for us. It always does.  As so many of the people who provide me with inspiration and humble me with what they are going through, then I know my pain, despair and hopelessness will lift eventually and I will regain that beautiful “stillness” my “zen butterfly” space and the light will return.

image from feelmylove.org

Until then I will continue to be human, remind myself that I am a spirit having a human existence and allow myself to slip without beating myself up too badly. It’s what we do. It’s what we are meant to do.

The past is gone, the present soon will be, the future is all we have to make it better, so that’s what we must do.

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”   Buddha

You are always in my thoughts, my heart, and I send you all peace, love and well-being.  Blessings.  Susan

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