Posts Tagged ‘Hal and Sidra Stone’

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From earliest times men have been seen as the ‘Hunter – Gatherers’ and are still working on levels of sub personalities in this mode. However, in today’s society their personas have become much more divergent. Here is an example of what an atypical days in the life of a modern day married man might look like. This is a follow on from “A day in the life of….What’s Your Name?”

6am     Wake Up. ‘The Husband‘ greets his wife before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

7am      Breakfast. ‘The Husband‘ tries to talk to his wife whilst ‘The Father’ pays some attention to the children before he has to leave for work. He feels a little frustrated that he hasn’t been able to give either his wife or his children enough of his time.

7.30am   ‘The Husband’  leaves for work, getting into his car he becomes ‘The Aggressive Pusher’, jumping between lanes, tailgating in an attempt to get to work early and get a head start on work at the office.

8.30am  ‘The Executive’ walks into the office, politely speaking with fellow colleagues whilst ‘The Dictator’ demands coffee from his secretary, taking out his frustrations on the first person available.  ‘The Rationalist’ apologises for being abrupt when she brings in his coffee. ‘The Coordinator‘  arranges for meetings to be scheduled during the day.  ‘The Chairman’ runs these meetings ensuring everything runs to schedule. As the group leaves ‘The Flirt’ pops out to share a few moments with one of the girls.

12 noon   ‘The Executive’ walks quickly to the luncheon appointment. ‘The Connoisseur’  selects an impressive meal, suitably impressing the clients. ‘The Raconteur’ regales the clients with small anecdotes and little personal touches to endear himself with the clients and build a rapport to help establish a further working relationship. ‘The Flirt’ shows a little charm towards the ladies and receives a few coy smiles in return.

1.20pm   After lunch,  ‘The Executive’ has the clients in his office signing contracts. ‘The Banker’ steps in as he pays some of his personal accounts, followed by ‘The Husband’ as he brings his wife up to date so she wont pay the same accounts. ‘The Executive’ returns, calling on the secretary to arrange through ‘The Coordinator’ for more meetings the next day.  On the way out of the office ‘The Mate’ comes out as he exchanges banter with the male colleagues.

5pm    ‘The Husband’ (he’s been thinking about home) gets in the car. ‘The Marauding Speedster‘ takes over as he sees an open stretch of road and he wants to feel some wind in his face. ‘Road Rage Roger’ may make an appearance if he’s held up too.  Along the way he sees an elderly lady standing next to her car, apparently broken down.  ‘The Protector’ appears and he stops to help her out. Back behind the wheel again ‘The Speedster’ takes over until he reaches home.

6pm   ‘The Husband’ arrives home and greets his wife. The children surround him and ‘The Father‘ appears. For a time ‘The Inner Child’ surfaces as he plays with his children. The children are reluctant to go to bed so ‘The Stern Older Judge‘ appears and shuttles them off to bed.

7pm    ‘The Husband’ is able to spend some quality time with his wife, talking over the days affairs and asking after her day. ‘The Lover’ appears as the night  passes and he helps prepare the romantic bath for his wife. ‘The Seducer’ is preparing the way for romance.

9pm  Fully relaxed and he and his wife share some couples time, bringing each other up to date on their respective days, (although he doesn’t mention flirting with the ladies). ‘The Romantic’ has prepared a glass of wine and perhaps some chocolates to enjoy.

10.30pm    ‘The Armchair Sports Fan’ watches some sport whilst his wife has a long hot soak.

11pm      Soft music and lighting fill the bedroom from the fragrant candles he has lit. Refreshed and languorous from her bath she walks into the bedroom. ‘The Husband‘/’The Lover’ meets  ‘The Wife‘/ ‘The Lover’ and………..‘The Seducer‘ meets ‘The Seduced‘, or is it vice versa?

image from http://www.sitcomsonline.com (Herman’s Head)

I’m complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it’s shredded.    Unknown

This is a lighthearted look at a real situation. We are all complex human beings and these sub personalities assist us to complete sometimes difficult or mundane facets within out life. Look for example at the soldier; he undertakes hazardous duties which, under normal circumstances he would be unable to do. Training alone does not make a good soldier. ‘The Warrior’ is available for him or her to call upon to help him perform his duties, to keep him alert to danger and keep him safe.

Would we have it any other way? Perhaps only with Politicians, where we could expect that ‘The Negotiator’ or ‘The Politician’ would perform according to his promises, and not be ‘The Turncoat’ or ‘The Cheat’ or ‘The Deceiver’ they often turn into.  Such are the complexities of sub personalities.

Another, different look at this intriguing subject in a later blog.

Blessings, Susan x              ‘The Writer’ or ‘The Blogger’.

If you are interested in this article you might like to read:

Which ‘me’ are you talking to?

A Day in the Life of……What’s Your Name?

NB. The Voice Dialogue technique was the work of Hal and Sidra Stone. They identified hundreds of sub personalities and their interaction with each other and other people. This article in no way is a definitive work on the topic. If interested more detailed explanations can be found on their website.

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image from shindo25.deviantart.com

What’s the matter with her? [Jasper] asked Griffin.
Griffin shook his head. ‘Nothing. She’s just two personas struggling for dominance in one body.’
[Jasper] … Poor little thing.”   ― Kady Cross, The Girl in the Steel Corset

In many ways it may be difficult to imagine having so many personalities all wrapped up and active inside one body. So here is a little example of the type of changes you might recognise.

6am       Wake up – ‘The Wife’ is getting herself ready for the day ahead as she chats to her husband.

7am        Breakfast – ‘The Mother’ Time to wake the children (if they aren’t already awake), and get them  organised for breakfast, shower, dress for school. ‘The Wife’, still around as she gets her husband off to work.

8am        In the car – ‘The Taxi Driver’  as ‘The Mother’ takes the children to school.

8.30am  ‘The Mother’ becomes ‘The Taxi Driver’ as she leaves the children and the ‘The Kamikaze Driver’ as she hurries to et to work.

9am        ‘The Secretary’, subservient to her boss and on top of her game in the office. ‘The Office Organiser’ pops out from time to time to arrange matters in the office.

12noon    ‘The Secretary’ leaves for lunch and ‘The Tyrant’ demands better service from the deli worker. ‘The Aggressive Bully’ appears as she talks to the customer service personnel when she feels she isn’t being served well. ‘The Inner Child’ appears when she realises she may be late back at work and is worried her boss may be upset.

1pm         ‘The Secretary’ seamlessly takes her seat, assisted by ‘The Office Organiser’, with a short breakout for ‘The Wife’ when she talks briefly with her husband, followed by ‘The Mother‘ when she calls to check her children have been collected from school before returning to ‘The Secretary‘ to complete her work day.

5pm       ‘The Secretary’ leaves work and becomes ‘The Kamikaze Driver‘ as she tries to get home as quickly as possible, stopping en route to collect her children, becoming ‘The Mother’ followed by ‘The Taxi Driver’ as she ferries the children home. Once home ‘The Mother’ takes over again.

6pm       ‘The Mother’ is fixing dinner as her husband arrives. ‘The Wife’ greets him and thereafter ‘The Mother’ and ‘The Wife‘ play tag team until the children are in bed and husband and wife are alone.

9pm      ‘The Wife’ and her husband enjoy some couples time before she decides to have a long hot soak.

10.30pm  ‘The Integrated Woman’ enjoys a long hot soak, surrounded by candles, soft music, oil scented bath water and heavenly peace and quiet.

11pm      After her bath ‘The Wife’ goes to bed and becomes ‘The Lover’ and ‘The Seductress’ with her husband before she falls asleep to dream her dreams.

image from http://www.scenicreflections.com        Representation of ‘The Three Faces of Eve’

“It all made sense — terrible sense. The panic she had experienced in the warehouse district because of not knowing what had happened had been superseded at the newsstand by the even greater panic of partial knowledge. And now the torment of partly knowing had yielded to the infinitely greater terror of knowing precisely”
Flora Rheta Schreiber, Sybil: The Classic True Story of a Woman Possessed by Sixteen Personalities

This is a very simplistic example of sub personalities at work. They are so subtle at times, so obvious, that we don’t realise that they are sub personalities at work. In fact most of us take it for granted that it is simply a part of our one persona.

Voice Dialogue, as taught by Hal and Sidra Stone, teaches therapists how to speak to these sub personalities during a Dialogue session.  The theory in Voice Dialogue is that only by becoming fully integrated with all your sub personalities are we able to utilise the strengths these sub personalities can provide.

An immediate example can be seen when the recent horror of the soldier killed in the UK. People rushed to protect the fallen soldier. “The Protectors’ had all come to the fore. The lady who confronted the armed man, ‘The Amazon’, strong, unafraid (in that instant) and able to stand her ground.  Those who comforted the soldier, ‘The Carers’ who only sought to give aid and comfort in his final moments. The police who captured those responsible, ‘The Enforcers’.

NB. Use of this sad and horrific example is not aimed at causing further grief, hurt or diminishing the horror of what occurred. No offense is intended to the family or anyone associated with the incident. My heartfelt condolences and prayers are with the family and those affected by this event.

Blessings   Susan x

Next I will explore the atypical day for a man in this scenario.


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image from fineartamerica.com

“I’m talking to myself in two different personas now. I’m reaching for a full-throttle meltdown and why not? Why stop halfway? Why not just go for it, jump on and ride the wave?”
C.K. Kelly Martin, My Beating Teenage Heart

Communication – The way we talk to each other; the way we talk to ourselves, is a complex sharing of thoughts, words and feelings. It is influenced by not only how we are feeling, what we are doing or who we are talking to but more importantly who we are when we are talking.

No matter how straightforward we may appear to be to the outside world or to each other, we are a complex mix of personalities.  By this I do not mean simply personality traits but complete personas. You might almost say, with a degree of confidence, that at any given time you could be talking to a different person. Have you ever noticed or had that feeling when talking to someone? There are times when you feel that you simply don’t know who you are talking to because they seem so different from the one you are used to talking with.

Had and Sidra Stone, founders of “The Voice Dialogue”, (more about that in a later blog), identified hundreds of sub personalities within each person. Each of these sub personalities affords us the ability to handle or perform in certain situations. Just think of the stories you hear about the super human feat performed by people in dangerous situations, later they have no recollection of what they did or how the did it. In fact they often say that they could never imagine doing something like that since it is so far outside their normal ‘persona’. The person who runs into a busy street to save a child who has wandered into traffic, no thought for their own safety, this is an example of a sub personality suddenly ‘stepping in’ to do something which would be unimagined by this person under their normal circumstances.

Take a look at your life. Can you identify how many roles you have performed so far? We are each imbued with certain predetermined roles given our family dynamics.

As a child you are a son or daughter, brother or sister. These roles are carried with you throughout life and at times may be more dominant than at others. In the fullness of time there may be a change to husband or wife, or partner, and further to father or mother. Even with these changes you are still son, daughter, brother or sister.  If all falls into place there may be Grandfather or Grandmother.  These are the traditional and acknowledged roles.

In the matriarchal society we saw the changes for a female moved from maiden to mother and then crone. These changes were also closely tied to the wheel of life and the seasonal cycle of the year.

image from carolyn-thelongroad.blogspot.com

Yet no matter the time of year, the time of life or the relationship, the face we see in the mirror can reflect any facet of out personality, or sub personality.The person we forget about is YOU, the face who most closely represents the ‘true you”. Have you taken the time to find out who you really are?

Each of us need the time to become in tune with who we are, our inner dreams and desires, what makes our heart and soul come to life.  At times what stirs our hearts and minds will be different from those desires we once had.  Something else is compelling us to move in another direction. Have we changed or is another part of our persona begun to direct the story of our life?

Some of the sub personalities identified by Hal and Sidra are; The Inner Critic, The Protector, The Mother, Inner Child, The Enforcer, just to name a few.  Think of the film, “The Three Faces of Eve”, based on a true story where a woman was found to have clearly distinct and separate personalities dominant given certain circumstances. Eventually the doctors found many more than three personalities and we are no different – we simply control the extreme elements or sub personalities.

When we meet someone they remember us as who we are at that time and that is how they greet us when they meet us next time, regardless of where we are in life.

Voice Dialogue has been developed by Drs Hal and Sidra Stone since 1972. They have been active teachers of the method since that time. You can read more about these two extraordinary people at their Delos website.

Hal and Sidra Stone, Voice Dialogue Training, Melbourne 2002

“One’s own self is well hidden from one’s own self; of all mines of treasure, one’s own is the last to be dug up.” – Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I look forward to talking to you, or you, or you at another time.

May all of you be happy.   Susan x

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