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Posts Tagged ‘health’

Bella, Bella, Bella. It’s love.

Posted in Blogging, Gratitude, Life, Love, Magic, Poetry, Spirituality, Writing, tagged #BeingAlive, #Bella, #BellaBellaBellaIt'sLove, #SusanJamieson, abundance, Blogging, Gratitude, Headache, health, illness, Life, LOA, Love, migraines on March 18, 2015| 8 Comments »

“We must give more

In order to get more.

It is in the generous giving of ourselves

That produces the generous harvest”. … Orison Swett Mardes

For three days now I have planned on being at my computer, having done my morning meditation and my journal, ready to start the day writing. Of course I am referring to that wonderful quote by Robert Burns:

“The best laid schemes of mice and men”.…. Robert Burns

Meaning “The most carefully prepared plans may go wrong.”

Origin

From Robert Burns’ poem To a Mouse, 1786. It tells of how he, while ploughing a field, upturned a mouse’s nest. The resulting poem is an apology to the mouse:

…

“But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane [you aren’t alone]

In proving foresight may be vain:
The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft a-gley, [often go awry]
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promised joy.”
…

The poem is of course the source for the title of John Steinbeck’s 1937 novel – Of Mice and Men. Whilst I find the language a trifle hard to read these days I also find it soothing on the ear, especially if a kindly Scot would read them to me.

I have refused to say these words, or even think them, in my practice of the Law of Attraction, and only bring the positive into my life and what I am doing. So far it is working and my everyday life is filled with happiness and almost miraculous occurrences. Yet, even with the best of intentions I haven’t made it in to my computer to get my blog done. I try to remember how I did it before and I remember two important things.

I was really ill and the ONLY thing I did with my day, apart from the mandatory shower and dress to pretend I was human, was the writing of my blog.
I didn’t have a small bundle of joy who has taken it upon herself to sit on my lap as I try to type.

Bella, the gardening Guru! She loved the long grass so did the snakes!

“Winning is not a sometime thing:

It’s an all-time thing.

You don’t win once in a while,

You don’t do things right

Once in a while, you do them right all the time.

Wining is a habit.

Unfortunately, so is losing.” – Vince Lombardi.

Bella the beautiful, Bella the coffee dog and Bella full of loving cuddles and sharp, sharp teeth, has taken over my time. Taken over my life and I love it! All my time! Okay, I’ll admit it, she was the biggest gift the LOA has sent to me and it has indeed filled my world with a beautiful and new kind of love. The unconditional love of an animal for a human. Or is she loving the human? Or Spirit? Or both?

I have watched her as we go out to the shopping centres and coffee shops, as she sees someone with a bright shining aura, often with spirits around them. If they come too near she becomes fidgety and someone times tries to avoid them, yet I’m convinced she is seeing spirits. Why not? She was present when my husband’s Uncle passed away recently, and after only two brief visits, she cried piteously as his spirit was passing. Immediately I saw him leave she quieted down as if nothing had occurred.

Strange but true.

It has also happened at home. The lights will begin their dance and electrical appliances their light show, often the television at news time (ouch says Ray), and she will begin staring at an area, with such a fixed look, that I know she is seeing someone. Frequently I see a shape or catch a glimpse of someone, but it seems Bella the beautiful, of the sharp teeth, has an acute sense for Spirit activity, It’s not surprising, there have been numerous tomes written about the psychic ability of animals.

So, until my assorted migraines which rip into my skull like hot knives through butter accompanied by the kaleidoscope of multi-coloured and super bright lights whirling around my head and the periphery of my vision, decide to subside, my gallant 1.5kg nurse and companion, will be my permanent guest, wherever I am. That being said, the nasty Nazi Shopping Centre guards officiously asked us to remove ourselves, and the offending pooch from the shopping centre. Hilarious if you could have seen the silent little head, just poking out of the bag she is carried around in.

We complied of course. It seems Redland Bay is not as laid back and accepting as Byron Bay or the trendy coffee shops of Teneriffe and New Farm. That is what I have been told since then, so we will, in due course, have to find out. Like the “Pied Piper of Hamlin” we leave the centres with our stream of young children all waiting patiently to stroke the tiny bundle of love.

Alas, my cross-eyed gaze coupled with my already pounding gyroscopic coloured balls of light in my vision have decreed my story must remain short’

Here is a lovely quote I read at least once a day to keep me motivated.

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.

I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them

and try to follow where they lead.” – Louisa May Alcott

Blessings, Susan♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2015

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New Year – New Beginning

Posted in Abundance, Creativity, Life, Love, Magic, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged #2015, #Attract, #Create, #mentors, #motivation, #newbeginnings, #newyear, #power words, health, support on December 31, 2014| 5 Comments »

Image courtesy of http://www.yummy-wakame.com

“No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!”
― C. JoyBell C.

It’s no particular secret that I’ve been missing for a wee while. In itself that’s an amusing understatement. In point of fact I haven’t written anything myself since around May. That’s deliberately vague since I don’t really want or need to be reminded that I’ve left everything for so long.

I’ve had many ideas for blogs, written them out in beautiful prose, all in my head and nary has a word made it onto the blog. I’ve even begun any number of items but they’ve never reached the ‘birthing’ stage. Why?

There are a number of reasons, but the main one is simply that I felt my words were irrelevant and not worthy of taking up anyone’s time. That too raises a question, why should I think that? After all, whether anyone reads this or not, is in some respects, not the point of the exercise. Certainly, it’s more than nice if it appeals to someone, preferably several someones. Let’s face it, I haven’t lost my sense of pride, just belief that what I say, counts.

After we moved from Byron to Redland Bay I was overtaken by another bout of “what ails me”. I knew that in time it would go away. Yet I was unprepared for how long it would hang around, zapping me of energy, motivation and ultimately belief in who I was and what I was doing. It destroyed my peace and kept me anchored in pain.

The Duck Pond

Then I attended a wonderful retreat. I could hardly believe my good fortune. I could barely scrape myself out of bed before mid-afternoon each day and here I was agreeing to a program which meant I needed to be out of bed before 7am and eat breakfast – (what, food before mid-day?) so that I could start the program by 9am. None of this sounds very onerous, yet it was a huge challenge, one I was willing to push past all my boundaries in order to attend.

Things didn’t turn out quite the way I’d hoped. I upset someone, perhaps several someones and it was extremely upsetting. I was on the brink of returning home, simply because I didn’t want to ruin the event for everyone else, as it had been ruined for myself. Attempts to apologise (for what I didn’t know I had done), went horribly wrong and someone I admire greatly, who is (was?) a mentor, appears to be not now speaking to me. At least I must suppose so since my attempts to communicate have passed silently with the passing of the days. I still hope but I don’t know.

However, all the above is 2014 and now it is 2015. The energies have turned and not one thing, but everything has now changed. We, all of us, have entered a new phase. All the heavy and argumentative energies we have struggled with for the past several years have now gone and we have entered a lighter, freer period. People will change as the energies have changed. I have changed.

Clourful bejewelled dragons

Like all things throughout history, change occurs whether we will it to be so, or not. These changes are exciting and have given rise to much planning and proposal – No – I’m not getting married, divorced, separated or having a baby! I’m so pleased that’s out of the way!

There is a new website planned and a new ‘persona’ and blog. It will be good for me and for you also. I read a blog two days ago about a “Power Word” rather than a resolution, resolutions which are rarely followed. I chose two words, Attract and Create. They both fit and I’m working on a phrase to link them and yet I know I have no need to do that.

So, I’m back, in the nicest sense of the word, and I will Create blog posts as often as I can whilst I Attract what I need to Create the new website. You will be able to see it when I have Created it and its first blog.

Happy Days Everyone! Happy 2015.

May all your Blessings come to be.

Golden Sorceress, Golden Dragon

“Dare to dream! If you did not have the capability to make your wildest wishes come true, your mind would not have the capacity to conjure such ideas in the first place. There is no limitation on what you can potentially achieve, except for the limitation you choose to impose on your own imagination. What you believe to be possible will always come to pass – to the extent that you deem it possible. It really is as simple as that.”
― Anthon St. Maarten

Blessings, Susan♥

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Advance and Retreat

Posted in Challenges, Health, Life, Life lessons, Personality, tagged #advance and retreat, #WPlongform, BEing present, coping skills, frustration, Gratitude, harmony, health, Lyme disease, self acceptance on July 29, 2014| 8 Comments »

Image courtesy of flickr.com

“Not to give up under any circumstances should be the motto of our life: we shall try again and again, and we are bound to succeed. There will be obstacles, but we have to defy them. So do not give up, do not give up! Continue, continue! The goal is ahead of you. If you do not give up, you are bound to reach your destined goal.”
― Sri Chinmoy, The Jewels of Happiness: Inspiration and Wisdom to Guide Your Life-Journey

There are times when it feels almost impossible to find out why things happen the way they do. At other times the steps you’ve taken to reach a point can be all too apparent. It doesn’t always mean that either scenario is palatable.

Several months ago I determined that I was going to push myself to my limits – and beyond, in order to help with our move, relocation to Queensland. The aches, the pains, discomfort, at times the agony and tears were expected. Not always palatable but, “I’d signed up for this” so I was aware of the possible consequences. In fact, they weren’t possible but probable consequences of suddenly throwing a body, already reduced to what felt like a meagre existence limping through each day, into what was, beyond mere normalcy when contemplating the workload of packing and unpacking a household.

image courtesy of http://www.cartoonmotivators.com

Since then, and our move to Queensland, there has been more of the same. Yet along with that there was also a greater sense of achievement. Here I was after so many dreary pain filled months, achieving more than I had for such a long time. My decision to make my body work, like a normal body would, in ways it had been unable to without a great deal of pain meant I would have to accept the natural consequences. The achievement, the sense of purpose made the pain and tears and discomfort worthwhile.

As the old saying goes, “I paid in spades.” Yet, to me it was well worth it. I was doing something worthwhile. That sense of achievement long missed was a heady drug which helped me feel a little stronger, a little happier and much more contented as each day passed. Such are the things we measure our successes by.

image courtesy of howtoraiseyourvibration.blogspot.com

I have yet to find a straight road in life. In fact, I sincerely doubt there is such a thing as a straight road through life. Each road is meant to have its bends, uphill, downhill, roundabouts and the usual missed turns which send you back the way you’ve already been. I believe it’s the way we are meant to learn our lessons. Often not simply learn them but by revisiting them, ensure we really have learnt all there is from that learning experience. Cliché’s abound for this, “Two steps forward, one step back” and “Advance and Retreat” seem the most appropriate right now, and yet, that is what life is all about.

The occasional hiccough, the down day or days when things seemed to pile up and that wonderful forward momentum trickled so slowly by, came along with the rich positives. My ever patient husband was my strength and support to help me through and a very dear friend was always ready to offer sage advice and cheer me up. Just sweeping those dark clouds away helped enormously.

So What Happened? Well, Life Happened.

I needed one final visit to the “No longer Lyme doctor” to get my Genetic Genie result explained. I decided that after going to all the hassles of getting the wretched thing ordered, completed, sent away and the long wait for the results that I might as well find out what it had to say. Learning about my genetic structure seemed a fair recompense for all the pain and heartache over the past fourteen months. In reality, it seemed ludicrous not to get something valuable from this learning experience I had been given. It was also immensely intriguing. Mind boggling but intriguing.

image courtesy of http://www.crystalinks.com

Then he beat me to the gratifying punch line. Rather than being able to tell him I would not be returning to see him again he jumped in and said he didn’t want to see me again! Hmpf! It was, in retrospect, an odd way to put it, but the end result was the same. However, before I could say, So long, it’s been good, but”…..I was whisked into the Naturopaths office, deluged with a tonne of information and the adjuration that I needed “X,Y and Z” to correct the enzyme breaks shown in my genetic coding.

Now I’ve been through the hoops a time or two and I know how my body reacts to a great many things, especially dietary and medicinally based items. Several rather stressful episodes in the past few weeks had seen my friendly ulcer begin to act up and the attendant gastric reflux rear its burning head once more. It’s no fun at all feeling as though you have a vat of boiling acid churning inside your stomach and flowing upwards to burst out of your throat like an enraged Mount Etna! Upsetting but it was something I could get back under control with a little rest and meditation.

I did tell the Naturopath all this, explained in great detail since they seem to think you have no idea what you are talking about if you are not graphic. I explained – decisively, that anything not in capsule form would act like a gigantic irritant wreaking havoc on my stomach. I mustn’t have been clear enough. My powers of description must have deserted me since it was apparent she failed to believe me. Did I really care that these things were supposed to help my stomach and ulcer? Not if they were going to feel as if I were dying in the process.

image courtesy of http://www.principioattivo.it

The lowest ebb if my day is early morning at present and I was supposed to toss this vile concoction down my throat into an empty stomach to start the day. I love liquorice, but this vile stuff is not liquorice flavoured at all – it’s a pale imitation, a foil on the very word designed to befuddle and cloud the senses. Feral, foul and disgusting.

One week later and I feel too wretched to get out of bed. My throat is raw, my stomach in turmoil and the thought of a drink, not even food, is palatable. Add to that the almost indescribably migraine… what was I contemplating? This strange thought keeps circling my mind like a shark through bloody waters….”Why?” “Why did I do this to myself when I was beginning to feel so much better?” I have, yet again, paid an obscene price to once again poison myself in the name of getting well.

image courtesy of academyoffood.blogspot.com

Frustration, pain and anger, not a good mix for a stomach in turmoil. Nothing to show but a return to the nightmare and another email suggesting a garlic cleanse (eight whole cloves of garlic swallowed with water, no food for a day and febrile reaction, followed by a coffee enema). PLEASE.

NO! I’m sorry, but enough is enough. I’ve done everything I was asked to for fourteen months only to learn it was all for nothing – I don’t and never did have Lyme disease. I warned you I couldn’t tolerate this kind of natural “stuff” and what would happen and you didn’t listen, just pedaled your potions. A day in bed contemplating the next step has seen me decide that a polite but firm email is all I need to do. I am retiring from medical experimentation.

I’ve reached my place of clarity. I’ve had my hard-won taste of a return to normalcy. It was painful but it was an achievement of being able to act like everyone else. I’m not ready to take even a small step back to where I’ve been. There will be other ways to “fix” anything which may need fixing but not at the expense of my sanity and health. After all, what is health? It’s being able to live, laugh, move, do the normal things of life without pain and agony. It’s feeling loved and being loved and being able to love life again. Slowly but surely I am reaching that beautiful place and I will get there, without needing to pour copious amounts of money into someone’s pocket for pills and potions.

image courtesy of healthsaints.com

“A quitter never wins-and-a winner never quits.”
― Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

Welcome back health and harmony.

I will Advance only and Retreat no more from this battle to be all I can be.

Blessings, Susan ♥

Postscript:

I admire and applaud all those who work in a health or alternate health capacity. What works for one may not for another and vice versa. I have recorded my feelings and responses to what I have been through and whilst they are true for me they may not be for another. I pray for good health for all people, including me. 🙂

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Desperate Measures

Posted in Blessings, Coping Skills, Creativity, Depression, Gratitude, Health, Identity, Life, Love, Photography, Uncategorized, tagged #being Susan Jamieson, #deperate measures, #dog beach, #helpul people, #independence, #living life to the full, #normal life, #patient, Chronic pain, exercise, health, Ideas, sunrise on February 3, 2014| 14 Comments »

image from http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk

“I did the only thing I knew how to do: I built my own walls of silence to disguise my desperation and what later came to be recognized and diagnosed as depression.”
― Sharon E. Rainey, Making a Pearl from the Grit of Life

A strange thing happens when I sit or recline to write. Either I’m eager as a beaver because I feel I have a stunner of an idea, I sit and look at a blank screen and finally something surfaces like a safety line thrown to a drowning person, or I languish forlornly staring at the accusing emptiness and suddenly words will flow and something is on the page. Ideas like bubbles blowing in the breeze wash over me in a magical haze and words appear in front of me.

Amazingly, the latter are the best of all, so I need to tap into my well spring of creativity or, do more prep work because I love writing and love seeing the finished item as I hit that publish button. I was told many months ago that writing for the acclaim of others was a waste of time. If I didn’t like writing for myself it was a lost cause and I should simply stop right then. Incredible as it sounds, that advice was true then and is still true now.

Having said that, it certainly is wonderful having people enjoy what I write and comments are always appreciated because they give me a chance to learn more, about myself and this craft of writing. Yet this is not what I wanted to talk about.

I am a terrible ‘patient’. Terrible doesn’t cover it. Abysmal is closer to it really. I hate the whole illness, can’t do things, must take pills by schedule, do this, do that, everything ordered by someone other than myself. This is not independence. I am, or rather was a fiercely independent person. No – I still am. I haven’t changed, I simply have had to accommodate some changes that irritate but I have to accept as a necessary evil! Temporarily!

For three days I’ve been incredibly emotional after a ~~unpleasant~~ , horrific dream. Even though it turns out the dream is not as bad as it felt, it left me emotional. I hate emotional. It is a loss of control, it is an undermining of the little independence I have left and it leaves me tired, in pain, unimaginably so, and with a burning desire to do something, anything to make me feel, even for a short time that I am ‘normal’ once more.

Ocean Shores 4.30am

Normal, what a stupid word to use. What is normal? Well, for me it is being able to do what I want, when I want without needing any assistance, even that given freely and with love. Independence. It is a heady draught and having it taken away is dis-empowering. Yes, everything revolves around empowering ourselves. Illness removes that empowerment in the cruelest way.

So, after another sleepless night and emotional day before it, I lashed out. I secreted my clothes and sand shoes in the laundry before ‘officially’ going to bed. At 4am I decided my husband was deeply enough asleep I could afford to get up. He is used to me getting up and down during the night now anyway. Quick trip to the bathroom and a little makeup, just in case someone should see me and I crept out to the laundry where a light wouldn’t disturb anyone.

Yes, I sneaked out of the house like a teenager breaking curfew! I even had the forethought to grab a water bottle and my phone. I haven’t walked to the beach where I live and I’ve been here a year. I haven’t sat on the beach and seen the sunrise (at the beach) for a year either. I used to do both regularly when I was alone, independent, before I was engaged or married. I was like a drunken sailor, or a drugged up lunatic, weaving and staggering down this hill. I thought the beach was at the bottom of the road. A kilometre later I reached the sandy access to the beach.

All I could hear was the pounding of the waves. I wished I’d brought my camera but I don’t think I would have made it to the beach if I had. My whole body trembled from the exertion and I staggered down onto the hard sand to sit down. Thankfully seeing someone staggering in the soft sand doesn’t raise eyebrows. I was there and I wasn’t going to be able to move. But I was THERE!

Sunrise at Ocean Shores Beach 5am

I watched the sun rise above the horizon and the clouds.

It was beautiful. It wasn’t hot – I can’t take the heat and the meds had made me burn easily. I could feel the calm wash over me with every wave breaking along the shore line and the rays of the sun peeking over the horizon. I hadn’t known it was a dog beach. A dog. OMG – how much I want a puppy, a miniature fox terrier and all my own. It’s like an ache, never ending. The dogs began appearing with their owners and I was truly happy when they came over to say hello. To pat them, scratch behind their ears and look into those kindly brown eyes, was blissful. Strange how little it can take.

My photos are grainy – even the lauded iPhone can only do so much. But I will be returning with my camera,and soon. By 7am I was beginning to feel more than a little uncomfortable. Couldn’t move my legs properly and turning around brought a sharp twinge. A few more canine cuddles and I knew I couldn’t wait, it was time to start the trek UP the hill to get home. The sun was now a blazing ball in the sky but it was still cool.

Sunrise Ocean Shores 6am

I hit my first hurdle. I couldn’t stand up, couldn’t twist around and couldn’t bend my legs enough to kneel up. Just a little problem. Soft sand….. I finally managed to flop around like a beached whale until I I got one knee pulled under me enough to lever myself onto hands and knees. Humpf! This is what emotional independence gets you. Somehow I made it upright only to fall flat on my face – almost, hands and knees again. After my third staggering attempt and fall someone noticed it wasn’t quite normal and offered to help.

Help! I had to acknowledge I needed help to get up that soft sandy dune and she was a nice and concerned lady. So we managed to get to the seat at the edge of the dune so she could stretch after her walk and I could regroup after hiking up the sand dune! I was determined to walk up that darned hill. I stood up and walked to the footpath with my new found friend. My body, not one part of it, wanted any part of moving in a co-ordinated fashion. I staggered like a drunken sailor with palsy until I finally reneged on my independence and accepted a lift to the top of the hill. So much for being independent. After showering and changing I’ve been sequestered in bed, complaining body reminding me of my foolhardy outing at every turn. Yet desperate circumstances require desperate measures to be taken.

A mini foxie friend at Ocean Shores

I may have paid for my intemperate haste to be independent, but I have my doggie pics and a few hours of remembering what it felt like to be able to go where I wanted, when I wanted to with impunity. For a while I forgot I was this person with an illness. I was Susan all over again and it felt wonderful. One day, one day soon, I will be that person again… come hell or high water I will be.

Blessings, Susan x

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Imperfectly Perfect

Posted in Blessings, Creativity, Gratitude, Health, Life, Love, Lyme Disease, Philosophy, Photography, Psychology, Spirituality, tagged acceptance, BEing present, coping skills, Gratitude, health, Life, Love, Lyme disease, Mindfulness, pain, Photography, self acceptance, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson on January 16, 2014| 23 Comments »

Heavy orchid spray I love my orchids

Imperfectly Perfect

“Excellence is the Result of Caring more than others think is Wise, Risking more than others think is Safe, Dreaming more than others think is Practical, and Expecting more than others think is Possible.”

― Ronnie Oldham

~

Doing anything half-heartedly gains you very little except dissatisfaction with life, and the reason is very simple; it is because you are settling for second best. There are hundreds, if not thousands of quotations, some by the rich and famous and some who would like to be. What they all have in common is to tell you what you should do to reach the top, whatever the top happens to be for you.

It seems difficult for me to acknowledge that today is Friday, that the ‘end’ of the week is almost here. When I sat down to type I suddenly wondered where the week had flown and what I had achieved during that time to make it appear to have vanished. An entire five days vanished almost without me being aware of it.

image from anndr.deviantart.com In your imagination anything is possible

Of course I could make excuses and blame something or nothing for the ‘loss of time’, yet the sad fact is, I don’t have a good reason. What I think may be of even more concern, is the fact that I don’t feel that I’m on my own with this. Would you say I was being “Mindful” or that I was “Being present” in everything I had done?

Strangely enough the answer is yes. I complete my Gratitude Journal every morning, refresh my Affirmations and send my healing to those I know and those I don’t. I complete my Life Change 90 program each day, all reminders of times passing and making the best use of it for myself and others. And of course, I write. When I have completed my morning ritual I think about writing and I write, whatever it is that has made an impact on me or whatever ‘comes’ to me.

image from aniisah.wordpress.com – Time where does it go?

Today, time was concerning me. The fact that I felt I was losing time… great chunks of time which I couldn’t really account for. Was my mind taking a siesta? Were my subconscious busy planning things for me to do in the future? I’m not sure and that lack of surety has made me feel uncomfortable. Have I been losing time that I haven’t been aware of? That is a truly scary thought.

Thoughts of Alzheimer’s, blackouts, seizures, or other malady which have no name, just visceral fears, ran amok through my mind. The fear of losing one’s faculties is a great one since there is usually little chance of coming back from such a problem. “Accepting what is”, as I have read previously, would simply not be something I could comfortably acquiesce to.

image from http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk Bubbles of time floating away

I have to add this little incident which occurred moments ago. My husband told me he had a rather unpleasant headache, something which is unusual for him. However he is off in his little den with computer, doing heaven only knows what. Since there was silence in the house I called out to him – and since he is concerned about my welfare he came to see that I was alright. Checking on his ‘timetable’ to the days close I asked him if he had taken his little blue headache tablets. He replied in the negative. He had become caught up in whatever he was doing and his headache was still thumping away, something I can validate only too easily. In a mock stern voice I said, “Well, you’d better take some immediately, and I mean that with the utmost infection!” Infection? The moment the word escaped my lips I knew it was wrong and he fell into gales of laughter. Charming! It is said that laughter is the best medicine, but take it from one who had some dreadful headaches, laughing with a headache is to be avoided. At least for me it is.

Pre Lyme meds

Taking the humour from the situation, I ask myself where my mind was. What was I thinking about? Was I thinking? Was I being courteous, mindful and present with my husband? I was thinking about him, his headache, and his little pills and hoping he would be finished soon, so he could rest. So what caused the slip?

Truthfully, it is a little unnerving, a little frightening, and preys on my mind. I can blame ill-health, the brain fog, the medication, but is it? Is that the cause of these slip ups and loss of time? I believe there is nothing serious wrong, but it remains an unanswered question.

I question whether I have the right diagnosis since I feel no better after nine months of treatment than before, in fact I feel worse, much worse. New horrors are affecting my mind, my stability, feeling as though my spine will fall apart like a domino stack at any moment, cracks and creaks and severe muscle and joint aches. All these should surely be getting better by now – or at least some of them?

image from gardeningwithconfidence.com Because beauty hides the pain

Today I looked at some photos taken just two years ago, just after we became engaged. Happy days! I have some photos taken just a couple of weeks before my Lyme diagnosis and all the medication I began taking. In both instances I looked happy, full of life and energy, and slim and smart. I know people say being slim is not a benchmark for how your life is and “If you’re fat, you’re fat – accept it”. No way! Not this little black duck. If I had been overweight previously I could say it was a fair comment. The only difference is the medication and my worsening physical state.

So I’m left with a conundrum and many questions. Perhaps that is the reason for the slip. I hope if any of my ‘fellow Lyme sufferers” or the “Fibromites”, or fellow bloggers I have come to know, have any insights, suggestions, or anything to calm overwrought nerves, I would be more than simply grateful. In fact, if anyone has any words of advice to offer I would listen since I know that solutions come from many strange and otherwise discounted places.

Orchids, always Perfect

I know I am “Imperfectly Perfect”. I might also be “Perfectly Imperfect” and that is how it should be. I am who and what I am. I care, for the people I have come to know, their hopes, their dreams, their problems and hurts. You, my readers, have become dear friends and I trust my dear friends to tell me the truth, their truth as they see it. From there it is my responsibility to find my truth.

That, to me is what a community is all about. It is, I hope, what our WordPress community has become. I have been welcomed, in my idiosyncrasies and that is a great gift, one I willingly reciprocate because friendship is a great gift.

I can live with “Imperfectly Perfect” since I accept I am a “work in progress. We all are.

My Dancing Lady Orchid.

“When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it.” ~Bernard Baily

When the world seems full of imperfections, and answers are hard to find, there is a perfection in Orchids which soothes my heart, my mind and my soul.

Blessings, Susan x

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We The People

Posted in Coping Skills, Gratitude, Health, Identity, Life, Philosophy, Psychology, Uncategorized, tagged #affordable healthcare, #chronic ill health, #Doctors Without Borders, #equality of the people, #Government Health Policies, #healthcare, #illness doesn't discriminate, #We The People, Chronic pain, Gratitude, health on January 8, 2014| 39 Comments »

image from http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk

We the People.

I am going to be critical of our respective health care systems and patient treatment, so if you will be offended, skip this post.

I have read posts from friends I care about, posts which have reduced me to despair. I wonder where we are all going and what the purpose behind this is. It seems almost too much to ask a person to accept and yet that is what we are being asked to do – but by whom?

In my heart I see the suffering of my friends and search my heart, my soul, for some way to help them and stop this insidious separation of healthy people from those who are struggling with theirs. Why has this treatment of the ill as an unwelcome burden on society resurfaced with such callous indifference?

This reminds me of the days of biblical times where the lepers were isolated because they believed all forms of leprosy were a curse from the gods and contagious. It reminds me of more civilised days where the ill and infirm were locked way as an embarrassment. The improvements in our healthcare systems, in the knowledge of our doctors and specialists were supposed to bring better healthcare to the sick.

image from http://www.leprosymission.org.uk Spinalonga, off the north-east coast of Crete operated until 1957

It appears from changes that are occurring that this is now in decline. The day may come, sooner than we wish, when only those with money are able to have good healthcare, good doctors. I am at a loss to understand the thinking behind these changes.

As part of the “first world” countries, we send doctors, nurses and billions in healthcare to “third world” countries whilst at the same time we fail to offer the same degree of care, the duty of care, the Hippocratic oath doctors must swear, in the care of people in our own countries.

I am truly grateful that we have “Doctors without Borders” and other groups. I admire and respect their dedication and service. I would like to say the same thing about the service offered at home.

image from hellaheaven-ana.blogspot.com

The reality is apparent. Politicians, doctors, specialists, have the financial means to see the best person to attend to their needs in hospitals or otherwise. OK, they have earned it. I do not believe the rest of society, because they are not as financially independent, should be denied the same level of care. I am grateful for their abilities, I am grateful they are successful, yet I fail to see why these abilities should be the privilege of the wealthy.

Recently I read a letter from a doctor who said he was only responsible for diagnosing the problem and ‘ordering’ the medication for the patient. Any ancillary care was up to the patient to arrange, if they could afford it (detoxing, herbs, massage, science, food as medicine, meditation, alternative therapiesor physiotherapy etc.). Is this a case of Russian Roulette?

image from http://www.nnym.org – Which one today? Red and Yellow and Pink and Blue, Purple and Orange and Green..…

Things in Australia are different from in America or Britain. I understand the new ‘Obama-care’ is reviled for disenfranchising people. In Australia, if you are ill and are unable to afford private health insurance you may as well forget care at all because by the time the public system gets to you, you are probably too ill to benefit from it.

It is the usual case, if you cannot afford to pay for private health cover (I did until recently) then you are out of luck. You cannot see a specialist, go to a private hospital or get any assistance from any source. You go on a never-ending waiting list. Yet the doctor says: go to your local hospital. But, whatever you do, do not go via a friend’s car or you will sit in the waiting room forever. As unpalatable as it sounds, and as much as you wish to be “independent”, take the ambulance. At least you will be in the emergency room; probably in a hall, but there none the less.

image from http://www.australiandoctor.com.au

You see, here in Australia, unfortunately I cannot speak for America or Britain, we have a dire shortage of doctors, even if the Government and AMA disagree. We accept overseas students to train to be doctors and specialists, who then, instead of returning home afterwards and thus saving every country the need to send OUR doctors there to treat their people (remember “Doctors without Borders”), they remain here for a much better lifestyle and pay. We cannot even afford to see these doctors. We therefore accept trainee doctors in hospitals from overseas and the commentary of that defies logic.

Why can they not allow our children who want to be doctors and specialists to train in our Universities and then treat us? Why? Because all the places are taken by these overseas students who amazingly cannot speak English and need translators when they get into difficulty. I beg your pardon? They cannot speak English? How can they study or treat patients later? It’s a miracle; they develop the ability by osmosis the moment they graduate.

image from http://www.placidarabic.com

I am told we need the overseas students to help pay for our Universities. What is our damned Government doing, in fact what is every damned Government doing? My friends, and countless others who are ill and in pain, who need to see doctors, specialists or have hospital care, are being manipulated by the various systems being underhandedly put in place to see that they are not cared for.

If ‘we’ as a global society can spend billions on overseas healthcare in aid programs, then it behoves us to ensure that at home, our own people are given the best healthcare possible. After all, each “first world” country accepts hundreds, if not thousands, of refugees each year. Each person is given free healthcare – but the tax payers of the country are treated with less dignity and respect than the refugees.

image from http://www.news.com.au Just swimming in cash

I do not begrudge anyone healthcare, irrespective of who they are or where they hail from. I simply believe that, as the Americans would say, “We the people” are entitled to the best care possible without gouging our pockets to receive it. I’m sorry, but I have yet to see any healthcare professional walking around in pain and not able to obtain assistance. We should also be able to.

image from happy-people-group-fb.jpg articles.mercola.com –

May peace, love, health and happiness be yours.

Blessings, Susan x

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And so this is Christmas

Posted in Abundance, Blessings, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Gratitude, Health, Life, Moon, Philosophy, Uncategorized, Writing, tagged And so this is Christmas, BEing present, Boxing Day, Christmas, Christmas Day, Gratitude, health, life lessons, Love, New Year, self acceptance, So this is Christmas, Spirituality, unconditional love on December 28, 2013| 9 Comments »

image from creationinateapot.com The Holly and the Ivy

“False friendship, like the ivy, decays and ruins the walls it embraces; but true friendship gives new life and animation to the object it supports” Richard Burton

And so this is Christmas

There is a certain element of “Why are you doing this?” It’s a question that surges through my mind often at midnight. Most people, or many people, are already in bed or at least preparing for bed. Their day is almost over and they are calm, relaxed and settled for the night. It is time to get into the rest and healing mode and allow our body to repair and recharge for the next day.

So I ask myself once again, why am I sitting here at this time of night? The answer is fairly simple.

And so this is Christmas

Am I tired? – Well yes I am. It’s been a big day. In fact it’s been a five big days for me, and I struggle with having to accept the reality of that. After all, Christmas only comes once a year. This year my husband did much of the physical work getting ready for the big day. In fact we both shared the work of readying the turkey. What I couldn’t manage I instructed him on what to do. Not being able to do it all myself was irritating. I’m sure it was quite trying for him too!

And so this is Christmas – Christmas Day

Technically, Christmas Day should have been relatively easy going as we were spending the day alone. There was neither family nor friends calling in that day, we were a duo of orphans for the day. Yet somehow, the very fact that it was Christmas, the expectations I had of the day, made it a day where, by days end I was feeling drained. Happy but none the less drained. I already know that this had to do with the change in my routine of many decades (oh I’m so ancient!) transitioning into a new phase. It’s something I have to work on and it is already part of my plan for 2014.

image from http://www.bigfatballoons.co.uk

And so this is Christmas – Boxing Day

Boxing Day was a special day; my son and his girlfriend came down to spend it with us. Once again my husband did much of the work, under supervision, but by the end of the day I was exhausted. I had a beautiful day but I drastically under estimated how I was going to respond to the physical part of the day. From spending whenever I needed to resting, to spending all the day talking, joking and reminiscing. Including preparing, with help, the lunch, and afterwards, the clean-up, it was a surprisingly big change. Whilst being really happy to see them I was truly disappointed that I hadn’t coped better. Reality can be a harsh task master or task mistress.

image from http://www.wallpaperhdrfree.com

And so this is Christmas – Friday

Hence, Friday was a mandatory day of rest. It had been decided beforehand when we realised my daughter would be unable to get down for Boxing Day and due to work pressures we agreed to travel up to Brisbane to see her. Once again I underestimated how much the mere trip would tire me. I find it frustrating, aggravating and annoying, and I have yet to come to terms with those feelings. We had a lovely lunch, more talk, laughter, reminiscing, and I also got to play with our dogs. One was mine but they have both been together since puppies and, since it would have been too difficult on the dogs, or was it on Natalie, she ended up with both dogs. It was wonderful and nostalgic at the same time seeing them again. It is astounding how draining the emotions can be, and yet eliminating them reduces the humanity of a person. I’ll stick with emotions and learn how to deal with these things in the coming year.

So this evening I’m feeling ‘fried’. The aches and pains are back and the brain fog is starting to creep from the corners of my mind with each passing minute. I knew it was going to happen when we arrived home and I could feel the stiffness as I tried to get out of the car.

image from http://www.warrenphotographic.co.uk

And so this is Christmas – Today

I mentioned in an earlier post, “I’m a work in progress” and I accept that I am a spirit having a human existence. All these physical and emotional knots are things I have to learn to deal with. That’s not to say they have to be easy, nor even hard, they simply are to be learned. I have time, plenty of time in which to learn these things. There will be days when I wish I didn’t have to learn them, days when I wish it would all go away. I’m hopeful there will be days when I can sail through these lessons with equanimity and aplomb, but I have a way to go yet before I reach that point.

quote by Audrey Hepburn

For now, I’m doing the best I can. I hope I see things realistically, without rose coloured glasses and without too much of the ‘poor me’ syndrome which I despise. No, I don’t like this situation but I have to learn to deal with it, without becoming a psychoanalysing “Dr Phil”, and without feeling sorry for myself at every twist and turn. A little is okay, but too much is…. Well it’s too much. I’m sure my husband will let me know if I go too far down that track.

So, I’m hoping everyone has enjoyed the festive season thus far and is gearing up for New Year if they are going to be ‘doing it’. Personally I think I’ll be spending it quietly with my cards and books. There is a New Moon on the 1^st of January and I will most probably get myself ready for that. It’s something my husband and I look forward to. That’s the plan at this point in time. You can have a drink for me.

Blessings. Susan x

Christmas Traditions (owlsandorchids.com)

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Whooo are you?

Posted in Gratitude, Health, Life, Uncategorized, Writing, tagged acceptance, BEing present, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Gil Grissom, Gratitude, healing sleep, health, Living from the heart, Owls, Owls ands Orchids, sleep, Susan Jamieson on December 14, 2013| 4 Comments »

Well it’s happened -finally. A long day of running around with little but fumes in the tank and I’ve reached the end…. of the road for tonight. But I couldn’t forget you, or let you think I’d vanished. I wouldn’t like to think you’d had to call for the CSI team to come and look for me.. mind you Grissom is not too bad and getting inside his head would be rather interesting. If I could get him away from his bugs.

So there it is…. I’ve gone home to roost…

image from http://www.mrwallpaper.com

I simply had to do it, I mean, an orchid doesn’t really let you know it’s asleep but an owl, well an owl simply roosts in his tree and listens to what is going on around him. Its all in the posture you see.

image from http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk

So to one and all a very good night, I’m taking this aching body and hoping to rest.

May you all have a good one too.

Bright Blessings,

Susan xx

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Sunrise Sunset

Posted in Abundance, Gratitude, Health, Life lessons, Philosophy, Photography, Poetry, Psychology, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged acceptance, Amatuer photography, BEing present, Chronic pain, coping skills, frustration, Gratitude, health, Inner-peace, Living from the heart, Lyme disease, Mindfulness, Moon, pain, patience, Spirituality, Sun, Susan Jamieson on December 6, 2013| 4 Comments »

Sunrise, Molten Gold

Sunrise

It’s beaten me to it once more

Sunrise

Golden bright

It’s light so strong it makes your eyes water

Sunrise

Over the placid blue waters

Neither wave nor a ripple to mar the blue

Sunrise

Casting glimmering flights of molten gold

Between the ripples over the water

As though the light itself was alive

Sunrise

The start of another day

Yet the Sunset heralded the end of yesterday

And I wonder where the night went

Why did it flee so quickly

Like velvet across bare skin

Soft and smooth as it slides free

Darkness

Brings no release from this waking prison

Yes I am still here for the pain I ride

Gives me have no measure of illusion to hide my face

As I hide it from the accusing light of the sun

Boring deep inside this pulsing mass I call a brain

Tentacles of pain surviving any prodding

Like a living thing it takes its nourishment

From the agony inflicted in its wake

Surcease

From this pallid existence

Between moments of peaceful calm

Hard fought with acceptance and calm

Each moment a drop of relief

So small it could be overlooked

Yet there it is

Comfort

From knowing I have the secret

The Secret

Peace, calm, acceptance, mindfulness

The tools

I now have to overcome this

Nemesis

Called Pain

Moon over water at Byron

Have a great weekend

Ciao, Susan x

Peace lily – the right flower for the right time

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No Way Out

Posted in Blessings, Coping Skills, Depression, Gratitude, Health, Life lessons, Love, Lyme Disease, Personality, Philosophy, Psychology, Self Development, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Voice Dialogue, Writing, tagged acceptance, BEing present, coping skills, frustration, Gratitude, happiness, health, Law of Attraction, life lessons, Louise Hay, Lyme disease, Mindfulness, pain, Relationships, self acceptance, self care, self healing, self help, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on December 4, 2013| 12 Comments »

image from bigjoyyoga.com

“Being truly happy in life involves you feeling more in control of the direction your life is going.”
― Deborah Day

I’ve been really chipper for a while now. I haven’t let the occasional bad day get me down. Who am I kidding – they’ve all been miserable to some degree or another, but I’m getting that attitude of gratitude and focusing in on the good things. I’m working the Law of Attraction every day to bring health, wealth and… oh the list is huge.

But it has been a struggle today. I woke up after a fabulous sleep, which is a huge blessing, in an absolute mess. I couldn’t move, get out of bed or get to the damned bathroom unaided. I know Ray is here to help me but that’s not the point. I am grateful for the help, always, but sometimes it would be really nice if I could get up without waking him because I’m in pain. If he hears me moan, even a little, he jumps out of bed and rushes round to help me, just ask the corner of the bed which he regularly bashes into.

image from euromednews.ru

What seems worse is that the pain didn’t go away, despite wheat packs, pills, potions and waving my magic wand! Each time I tried to stand the world turned. That’s quite neat, isn’t it? It’s a Blessing the ensuite is so close and I can bounce off the walls to get in there. Trust myself with the kettle – oh no. How about a sharp knife to cut my muffin? I don’t think so. Fry the bacon or an egg? Same thing applies. Thank heavens it’s an electric cook top even if it’s ready for the trash.

So, from early I’ve been cataloging my blogs. I mean, what would happen if WordPress had a glitch and all my blogs disappeared? So I’ve been copying them across to a word document and then saving them in my blog folder. Who said I couldn’t do tedious? I’ve already found some posts where the picture I used seems to have vanished like Aladdin when he said Abracadabra.

image from http://www.slideshare.net

Now I was irritated, as well as the annoyance with the mobility bug, as if I needed anything else. What was worse was I felt that old friend of mine “The Black Dog” sitting just behind me waiting to visit. The misery I felt just seemed to amplify everything else.

I needed to make some decisions about my super fund which made me irritated enough to want to strangle someone. But what’s the point? It’s not going to make the damned pain leave me alone. It won’t let me see clearly, and without a blazing headache to make the keyboard move all by itself – Yes, it’s true; I have a possessed keyboard which makes intergalactic messages at the drop of a hat – or in this case a finger.

image from positiveimperative.com

Okay, so what am I to do. What steps can I take to get rid of this feeling that I have “No Way Out? Right, out comes the self-healing and self-help basket!

I acknowledge to my body that, yes, I am in pain and therefore I am going to have to stay in bed until it goes away.

I accept that I sometimes need help getting around so that I don’t make things worse by bumping into everything, or falling over!

I give myself permission to allow Ray to look after me and do the daily chores. He’s already said he’s happy to do this so why make a big deal out of it every time?

If I need to I can and will have a nap during the day. It helps to ward off the intensity of the migraine.

Okay…. I have my diploma in Financial Planning and courses in share trading in my portfolio,(Yes I really do), so there is no drama with the super fund. I may not like it but damn it I CAN DO IT. My four step self-help and healing plan will work fine, if I stop doing blogs at midnight. I CAN DO IT.

Yes, the phrase is from Louise Hay, but there are so many self-help books with oodles of advice in my library that they’re almost interchangeable in parts. I can do it and as soon as I hit the publish key this is going to be shut down and the land of nod will come calling.

image from http://www.techforluddites.com

Are you listening, my voice of self-doubt? I can do it and I don’t need you to get me all frazzled over nothing. So off you go and let my nurse come out and help with the self-care program.

For anyone feeling as though there’s no way out, remember that there is always something you can do, even if it’s acknowledging that just for a while you may need to let someone help. It’s okay. In fact, it’s good for you, and me too.