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Posts Tagged ‘Identity Crisis’

“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.”
Thich Nhat Hanh quotes (Vietnamese Monk, Activist and Writer. b.1926)

2 business people backs to each other
Have you ever been in the situation where an innocuous statement has been totally misunderstood and you have  found yourself  hot water as a result?  It’s not very pleasant and sometimes, even with the best will in the world you cannot get the other party to see what you were trying to say.

I believe it happens for a reason, not that we appreciate the lesson at the time, but it is usually a very good lesson to learn.  We are all individuals and we operate from our  own unique frame of reference. We have to simply because we all have different things to learn, at different times, and thus we have gaps in understanding each other   Having said that it most definitely doesn’t make for harmonious living or relationships.  In fact it can tear friendships or relationships apart.

business people arguing
image courtesy of  123rf.com

Humans are  strange creatures. We can wander through our lives in , barely aware of what is occurring around us, unless of course it happens to impinge on something we  have a vested interest in    Take for example, an accountant who is busily preparing his client’s tax returns. It is a busy period and his focus and attention is firmly fixed on getting those returns done, as quickly and efficiently as possible since his clients would like their refunds as soon as possible. If they are fortunate  enough to be receiving one that is.

What would happen if someone from , lets says, the ATO makes an appearance at his office and announces that the rules have  changed, not only that but it means that some, or perhaps all of the work this hard pressed accountant has already done will need to be reviewed or re done!    “Danger Will Robinson!”

The probably hard-working and mild-mannered accountant becomes hot under the collar at the cavalier way in which all his hard work has apparently been undermined. He gets upset and annoyed and heated words are exchanged. He hasn’t advanced his cause with the ATO in any way and may have  ensured his name has been noted for further scrutiny. Not a propitious outcome, is it?

So what has really happened?  The accountant has been preoccupied with his work and perhaps misinterpreted or misunderstood an innocuous statement by the ATO. representative.   The representative on the other hand has been upset at feeling attacked for delivering an insignificant  or perhaps a significant piece of information to help the accountant. Both parties are feeling aggrieved . Misunderstanding is an understatement!

confused person

image courtesy of bigisthenewsmall.com

If either person had been fully present with the other, paying attention to what was occurring around them the misunderstanding  would have been averted.  From this point the situation has two ways of developing: it can either degenerate further or common sense may prevail and it may be smoothed over .  The sad fact is that if each person had paid attention to the other, been fully present with the other than no misunderstanding could have occurred.  It also means that each person would have been showing respect towards the other paying the other the attention they deserve.

The  unfortunate part of this story is that it is repeated often, daily, hourly, by the moment because we have fallen out of the practise of fully being with another.  Our conscious mind is elsewhere and the subconscious substitutes what it feels may fit the bill at the time.   We need to be mindful of our thoughts, our words and our actions and the effect they may have on another.  We need to remember that if we want to have the attention we deserve we must also  give that respect to others.

respect

image courtesy of facebook.com
It is, at the end of the day, only moment of time to ensure we have heard the message being delivered and we do that by being fully present with whomever we are engaged with at the time.  If we pay attention to what is said, ensure we understand what is being said, confirm the message if we are unsure, we are, in essence, in fact, showing that the person and the message  are valued. Wouldn’t that be a fabulous thing to offer everyone we had dealings with, be they work colleagues or family and friends?

I know that I personally would be much more grateful for the time and effort being shown to me, to allow me to remain fully up to date with whatever was occurring.  Being able to be fully present with someone, perhaps even enjoy the exchange, forge a better relationship, make future work together something pleasant and not to be avoided sounds ideal. The benefits far outweigh any possible downside. Is there a down side?

dog sled team

image courtesy of hammerweb.co.uk

Even a dog sled team must work in unison, harmony, despite the “pecking order” to achieve the result of forward motion.
So what do we need to do to ensure that the situation doesn’t arise where someone says, “Did I say That?”  It’s simple, we need to be fully present in the moment, pay attention to whomever or whatever is occurring and hear the message before we start to interpret it. If we can all do that there would be much less angst, misunderstanding and ill will floating around.  The world would be a better and more harmonious  place for all. It’s definitely worth pausing and thinking about.

happy multicultiral group

image courtesy of myspace.com
“The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!” ~Henry Ward Beecher

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happy picture

image courtesy of facebook.com

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.bright sunny day: courtesay of shutterbuck

My day started out quite like any other day of late.  It was later, much later than I really liked but when one has trouble sleeping it isn’t very often one gets to see the sun rise  unless one has spent the night awake…like now.  However, it was a beautiful morning, I could tell from my bleary squint through the window that the sun was shining, and I could hear quite distinctly the songs of the birds visiting my back yard. I have been blessed with a large pond in the back yard and all manner of ducks, water hens, herons, egrets, ibis, cockatoos, kookaburra and so one decide to visit at times during the day. I realise how very fortunate I am.
So the day began in a semi normal fashion. I staggered, bleary eyed from my bedroom to the en suite, trying desperately not to kill myself by bumping into too many walls, desks, dressing tables etc.  On the way out I heard a welcome voice promising a wonderful restorative, a nice cup of Earl Grey tea to wake me up for the day.  Wonderful. I am so lucky. This is where the day began to transform…. just as my eager hands were reaching for this heavenly cup it was snatched back, and a voice from somewhere above me reminded me I had a blood test to go to – a fasting blood test! Urgh!!

This was so not what I wanted to hear. I’m no slouch with needles, they’ve never bothered me, no matter how large they appeared. It’s all over with relatively quickly anyway. However, I’d had barely three hours sleep, a long line of three-hour nights and I was feeling more than a little seedy.  I was not a happy camper and didn’t want to leave my warm cocoon. Into the bathroom I was chivvied and in an indecent time I was showered and dressed, ready to have my precious and dwindling supply of blood siphoned once more.  Okay, I know it replenished itself, but there comes a time when you begin to wonder if they can continue to take it and you wont run short! One blood test later and I was more than ready for my Earl Grey.

Blood test: courtesy of popsci.com.au

A quick trip home for some refreshments, and I realised I had another appointment, due very shortly, with the post office to get my passport ‘renewed’.  Renewed is not the right term because it hasn’t expired, but I did get married a couple of months ago and it needed updating since I had decided to change all my documents over to my new married surname.  There are arguments for and against this. It’s lovely after the wedding and I’m old-fashioned enough to think it’s appropriate, but this has been a nightmare.  You see it’s not the first time I’ve been through this.  The first time was really easy, over in a flash, not many things to change I suppose. The last time was a mammoth effort. I had decided to change my name by “Deed Poll” although they have now changed the name, but the essence is the same.  I didn’t want to feel I was ‘going back’ to my old name, I wanted a new start, moving forward, putting the past behind me and upward and onward to brighter and better things. Strangely enough it was, whilst being a mammoth task to gather all the documents, in reality a painless procedure and all the name changes were done inside ten days. Quite good I thought considering the greatly amassed number of cards and papers I had accumulated since the first time.

Then the ‘fun’ began. Most of the legal departments will not accept a marriage certificate as a name change validation if you have changed your name previously by “Deed Poll’, you have to change it formally by  ‘Deed Poll’ yet again. So, application for marriage certificate – good enough for most places, two hundred dollars for a name change certificate to satisfy the nit-picking departments.  I was not happy.  However, all paperwork complete I trotted off to the post office to get my passport sorted out and then we can plan a belated honeymoon.
Freycinet National Park Photos
This photo of Freycinet National Park is courtesy of TripAdvisor” alt=”Honeymoon idyll: courtesy tripadvisor.com” />

Now I really had thrown a spanner in the works. The marriage certificate – great – change of name, hmm. A long conversation in the back room and another equally long phone conversation to the passport office and all the paperwork is being sent in and they will then decide if they can do it or I have to pay for a new one because of the name change form! Phooey!  Not that the girl at the post office wasn’t helpful. The original Australia Post photos were from an old camera, beware, if they are taken  on an old camera they are no longer the right size. Luckily she took new photos at no charge. The others had been taken the day before, thankfully the receipt was in the bag.  At least one thing went right. So now the wait begins. Two weeks until the new one should arrive or I’ll get  a call to say they’re not happy.

Fingers crossed,  all I want is a passport, like the one  I already had but with a different name on it. What have I done…. should I have stayed with the old one??? What about the UK passport – that one was a nightmare the first time round. I must have done something really wicked to be punished this way. Perhaps I’ll have a better day when I do that one. Pleasse ?!

Passport; courtesy of australia.edu  “Who are you”????  by The  Who..

Do you know who you are? Have you had the same kind of experience or feelings after getting married and changing your name? I can’t be the only one to have come upagaisnt this issue – can I?

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