
image from http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk
“You must find yourself before you can know where you belong, yet to find yourself first you must know who you are. However, you will never really know who you are if you are always allowing other people to define who you should be, so be yourself and if you are still unsure of who you are then reinvent yourself.”
― Andrew James Pritchard, Smoke and Mirrors
It was difficult to settle to anything on the flight to Singapore. My last night had shown me what another lifestyle could be like. Gone were the onerous responsibilities of looking after everyone else. For a time I was treated like a Goddess and it had felt simply wonderful. I suddenly found myself reluctant to take up the reins of that heavy load of responsibility once more. I realised that there was something more to life and I had scant time to consider what I wanted from the rest of my life.
The stopover in Singapore was barely long enough to freshen up and have a coffee before it was time to catch the plane for the last and final leg of my journey. What had I been searching for? Had I found it and what did I want to do now? They felt like simple questions in one way and yet I also recognised that they were extremely important. Definitely not something to decide on a whim but to give careful thought to. Luckily, I had hours to do just that and after my sweet sleep in the lap of luxury in Athens I was wide awake.

Flying home. Image courtesy of http://www.customercentric.info
Singapore Airlines lived up to their reputation for making their passengers feel spoilt and very well looked after. There seemed to be an endless supply of food and drinks being offered. Drinking alcohol and flying didn’t appeal to me so the sensuous aroma of good coffee was a welcome distraction. The head steward, seeing me awake when everyone else slept, kept me company for a considerable time. Another friendly reminder that I was not alone.
As the time passed I realised that this was one of the things I had been searching for, some evidence that I was not alone. I had spent my entire adult life to this point being something for someone and had rarely had the luxury of spending time on myself. If my short stopover in Athens had shown me one thing it was that I deserved to be “spoilt” and the luxury of that one night epitomised the fact that I was worthy of good things and good times. I had no longer any need to put everyone before myself. I deserved to be spoilt too and now, I could do just that.
I also realised that I had been thinking about the many pleasures I’d had as I travelled throughout the Middle East, Athens and Switzerland. These were no longer out of my reach. Ex-husband’s ‘away’ no longer had to rule the day. I could elect to travel in style and enjoy myself. I no longer had to deny myself these things. I deserved to enjoy my life and be spoilt too, if that’s what I wanted. I had asked the Universe to help me to find the reason for my life, where my life could go and what it would feel like to share my happiness and enjoyment with others. I had attracted to myself some of the wonders the world had to offer and my Guides, Angels, the Universe, were all willing to aide me in finding this happiness.

Surounded by Guides, Angels and Spirits. Image courtesy of soulsanctuaryreiki.com
In my search for who I was and why I was here, I had come to realise that as a spirit in human form I could, with the help of the Universe, experience whatever I was able to manifest and the means to do it. I could even attract to me the happiness I had long been seeking and which had eluded me except in small ways. The many courses I had taken, subjects studied, my PhD in Metaphysics and all the healing courses, all were stepping stones to realising how wonderful life can be. It also made me realise that I could be helpful to others, both as a teacher and healer. Far from being “useless” as I had been told so many times, I was more than simply “useful”. I was able to see a life of helping others but also one where I was bringing happiness to myself and others, and being able to travel as I had wished to for so long.
I had, as my plane finally touched down in Brisbane, realised that my life was just beginning in many ways. A vast new array of possibilities was there for the choosing. I knew, inside my heart and soul that my life of service was just beginning. I still had much to learn, yet this time my work would be recognised and accepted. I would no longer have to feel unworthy or useless.
I also realised that being close to the ocean, or a body of water larger than a puddle was important to my wellbeing. I was already being assisted in finding my place in life. I was going to sell my home and move to the coast to live. Pursuing my teaching and healing would also come. How and why it would happen was not really important, knowing it would happen was. If I was to be alone or with others would also come to me as time passed.
Suddenly, I knew that my search, far from being over, was just beginning and the best part of it was still to come. A lightness I had not felt for such a long time fell over me like the caress of angel’s wings and I smiled with happiness at the thought of tomorrow and the next day and each one thereafter. As my son stepped through the gates to greet me I felt love welling up from deep inside. The pain and loneliness which had driven me on my trip had been replaced with such joy and contentment that I knew happiness would follow. How? That was part of the journey to unfold.
“Coming back is the thing that enables you to see how all the dots in your life are connected, how one decision leads you another, how one twist of fate, good or bad, brings you to a door that later takes you to another door, which aided by several detours–long hallways and unforeseen stairwells–eventually puts you in the place you are now.”
― Ann Patchett, What now?
I have not yet stopped searching because I also realised that to stop the search is to deny myself the excitement and happiness which is my birthright, my Spirit’s right to experience. The Spirit has an unquenchable desire to learn and to assist, both our own self and others. Until I am sure that the next step in my journey has been completed I will keep moving forward, knowing I will meet the teachers I need and those who are to be with me along the way.
It has taken me the time I needed to learn that my search isn’t over, but also that it is not a sad thing but a continuing excitement if I but allow it to come to me. With this I am content and I am happy for my search to continue as I teach, heal and learn wherever I happen to be.

Image courtesy of http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk Where will the journey take me?
“Reach deep within, and reconnect with the essence of your being.”
― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason
Blessings, Susan
© Susan Jamieson, 2014
Related articles
In Search of, Part 24, Going Home
In Search Of, Part 23, Switzerland
In Search Of, Part 22, Athens and Geneva
In Search Of, Part 21, Back to Tel Aviv