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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

#JustOneHour

Beautiful Orchids

“A garden should make you feel you’ve entered privileged space — a place not just set apart but reverberant — and it seems to me that, to achieve this, the gardener must put some kind of twist on the existing landscape, turn its prose into something nearer poetry.”
Michael Pollan, Second Nature: A Gardener’s Education
“There are many paths leading to a garden and many experiences awaiting those who venture in. No matter what your motive—whether to grow healthy, delicious food; spend time outdoors feeling more alive than your desk job allows; help save the planet; find relaxation, solace, or healing; meet your neighbors; get your hands in the sweet earth; or discover for yourself just how abundant and generous nature can be—a garden rarely disappoints. It’s a magnet for life in all its quirky, beautiful forms.”
Jane Shellenberger, Organic Gardener’s Companion: Growing Vegetables in the West

 

Just a brief pause in the daily grind, a short pause between the semi lucidity that appears before the next round of pills need to be taken.

I managed to look through my window whilst there was light outside, in fact as the sun rose above the rooftops. It was not sunrise, but the next best thing. That pause between the flare of sunrise and it’s promise of a golden day and the gentle light that bathes everything before the heat begins. So, I carefully extricated myself from my covers and hobbled out the door. Creeping as best as my limping would allow, an improbable sight, and one worthy of a photo, but that I couldn’t manage.

I opened the doors careful to make no sound lest my gentle hearted jailor nurse would hear and usher me back to bed, scolding me along the way. He has good reason, it’s not been the best of weeks, and all through a silly accident. Time not to dwell there today.

This morning I saw my Lady’s Slipper Orchid out in full bloom, a smorgasbord of shoots twisting together to make a wonderful welcome to the sunshine. Then I spied my Rose of Sharon, such a luscious deep red and I knew I had to take photos.  Those I have to share later, but I have plenty more to share now. My poor Hypericum had suffered in the heat and after a savage haircut to help the new shoots to grow, it was time to think about watering, I could hear my Hippeastrum’s calling.

“It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.”
George Harrison

I hobbled around the house, praying that unwinding the hose wouldn’t waken my husband, as the hose would sit between the windows of our bedroom. Who would think to put it there? No squeaking tap, the fairies are helping today, and we (the fairies and I) enjoyed a glorious hour watering the plants. You could see the fairies jumping between the globules of water and hear the sylphs playing amongst the puddles. They could have played longer, but I, I had to admit it was enough. Everything had been given a good drink.

Time almost ceased to exist as I watered, but eventually we come back to reality.

Hose draped over the holder, I carefully tip toed on those treacherous black tiles, back into the house. I crept around, closing the door so I could sneak inside and type this out. Time for “Pain Killers” is shrieking in my head, well, in my hips and legs, but that’s for another day.

 

Enjoy my brief escape into garden whimsy.

“When told the reason for Daylight Saving time the old Indian said, “Only a white man would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket and sew it to the bottom of a blanket and have a longer blanket.” ~Author Unknown

 

 

Blessings for a Happy Saturday, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#TheMidnightCaller

Death comes calling

 

The Midnight Caller

∼ 

Twas death himself I’m sure

Waiting silently outside my door

Though no door I’ve ever seen

Could keep him away once lured.

∼ 

He held out his hand

Pale and slim

Yet warm and strong

Inviting

“Take my hand and walk with me

You know that’s what you want it to be

No more pain and strife

No hurt or tears

Not even one more for this sharp life”.

∼ 

But as ever before my answer came

To these beguiling words from Death

“Even for the heartsore

I cannot follow you yet.

My time is not right now

There are others her in this life

Who still need me on this side

They may not know just why or how

But deep inside I know this.

I cannot leave this life

Nor desert them in this way”.

∼ 

This life is heavy

My heart bowed down

No answers can be found

In despair I stand and pray for answers

My belief: that they can be found

∼ 

I sensed a smile play around his mouth

A sparkle in dark eyes

“I see you have not yet given up the fight

So, one more I must bid you, Goodnight

Remember though, I am always here

Waiting for your call

When midnight chimes awaken you

Remember, I wait for you too.”

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 ∼

Image courtesy: michellemonique-deviantart-com

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I

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I can choose either to be a victim of the world or an adventurer in search of treasures. It’s all a question of how I view my life. – Paul Coelho.

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There have been times aplenty when I’ve wondered where time flies but I never thought I’d find out first hand.
Being a Science Fiction fan I’d always quite fancied the idea of “The Langoliers” by Stephen King – furry balls of steel teeth gobbling time as it passed away. Definitely worth watching, if you can find it. Not however what happened.

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Alas, I cannot say that I have such an imaginative reason for not writing. In fact, even this short effort is telling me my time is running out.I am working on something, it simply isnt finished.  Soon but not soon enough!
From a flare up of an old  complaint I languished in a state akin to despair…until I decided to take a photo of a newly flowering plant.  It’s hard to pass up on those photos. I couldn’t  stand, or rather squish down for the shot, so I sat in the old reliable plastic chair. Mistake! Oh what a mistake!
One moment seated on the chair, the next flying through the air with the greatest of ease. No mean feat, I assure you.

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Alas and alack I’m aching like a forlorn pretzel. Better yet, a crumbled pretzel. Even sitting is no fun – and neither us lying down by the way. All typos due to the phone and screwy eyesight from meds!
I’ll be back shortly, more or less in one piece. (One piece just many bruises). Believe me, there are times I wish for …..a fairy or three to help me. Although they have nade my flowers grow beautifully.
Til later mes amis. No more flying for me!

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Love me, love my fairies helping in my garden.

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Blessings,  Susan 💖
(C) Susan Jamieson,  2014

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#WhatPriceTrust

From the beginning and innocence and trust

Image from: Wings-of-Love-by-Stephen–006.jpg

“Our bodies have five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, hearing. But not to be overlooked are the senses of our souls: intuition, peace, foresight, trust, empathy. The differences between people lie in their use of these senses; most people don’t know anything about the inner senses while a few people rely on them just as they rely on their physical senses, and in fact probably even more.”
C. JoyBell C.
“Trust starts with truth and ends with truth.”
Santosh Kalwar, Quote Me Everyday

I was asked a strange question over the weekend and to be honest, I found it difficult to put the answer into words at first. The question, put simply was, “What price would you put on trust?”

Think about it a little. TRUST, what does it mean to you? Is your answer the same as someone else would think, or say, or even believe? If there are different answers to the question, and they are all valid answers in themselves, does that mean that TRUST is something arbitrary? Or, is there only one answer to what TRUST is?

The Oxford Dictionary explains it thus:

Firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something: relations have to be built on trust

Acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation:

 And synonyms for TRUST: confidence, belief, faith, freedom from suspicion/doubt, sureness, certainty, certitude, assurance, conviction, credence, reliance

#WhatPriceTrust

Trust, the first step is the hardest

I find it difficult to accept that something as important in life as Trust, can be split so that it has different meanings in differing situations. Am I wrong? I don’t believe so. It is that which brings me to another question.

If trust can mean different things to different people, then how many other truths by which we live can mean different things to different people, depending on the situation?

For that conundrum to be even partially acceptable, it means that my world view has been knocked on its head. It also means that my old English teacher would be turning in her grave right now. Each word has a definition, a meaning which is written down for reference. TRUST would have been a big one. I wish I could ask her right now.

I know that the strict definitions and usage of words has become a thing of the past, especially for the younger generation. Yet some words, I believe have a meaning, and only one meaning and it cannot be twisted to gain an advantage.

#WhatPriceTrust

Trust, once gained is irreplaceable

So, my answer was this:

TRUST is something which is earned, not expected. If you fail to live up to your word, you cannot expect someone to TRUST you, and it must be reflected in the way you live and speak. You must show, by your very actions that you are able to be believed so that another may have confidence, a certainty, that what you say is the absolute truth. They can TRUST what you say, irrespective of the circumstances. You can be TRUSTED.

Trust is something I don’t often think about, in and of itself. Trust is a part of my life. It is a part of the way I live my life, without which everything becomes unravelled. Without Trust, life becomes unmanageable.

#WhatPriceTrust

Trust, that’s all you have sometimes.

As a child you trust your parents to do their best for you, and you act in accordance with what they say, because you trust they know what they are doing and therefore, ask you to do what is right. You can trust them.

As a parent, I earned the trust and respect of my children by how I acted and what I said. It is not unusual to find trust and respect go hand in hand. My children are now passing on those same values of Trust and Respect.

When two people marry TRUST is a vital in each other….. Any couple who decides to speak vows to live together, does so because they trust each other. Day by day Respect for each other has their Trustworthiness has grown.

A soldier TRUSTS his comrades or he cannot do his job.

#WhatPriceTrust

The first time we learn real trust, we don’t know it.

Trust is invaluable to the world although it is often ignored or misused.

I was asked this question by a battered wife. She was hurting and afraid and more than a little ashamed of her situation. “What price would you put on TRUST?” she asked, as I sat beside her for many hours.

#WhatPriceTrust

Is Trust a Must?

It was a mistake,” you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”
David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary

 

It is the coin by which we pay for our lives. It is as difficult and as simple as that, and once lost or broken can almost be unable to be recovered.

Blessings, Susan♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

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#TakenBySurprise

Reflections of life

 “It was one thing to make a mistake; it was another thing to keep making it. I knew what happened when you let yourself get close to someone, when you started to believe they loved you: you’d be disappointed. Depend on someone, and you might as well admit you’re going to be crushed, because when you really needed them, they wouldn’t be there. Either that, or you’d confide in them and you added to their problems. All you ever really had was yourself, and that sort of sucked if you were less than reliable.”
Jodi Picoult, Handle with Care

Its been one of those strange periods, when you know there is something coming, something unpleasant and you would do anything to avoid it if you could….. but in the end you can’t. It rears up and engulfs you and try though you may you can only try to keep some kind of footing. Some balance as everything turns you on your head.

All month I’ve said “It’s the lunar eclipse”, “It’s the partial solar eclipse”, “It’s just the sun flares”,  and finally “It was just all the above and the planetary alignment and once October was over everything should settle back to normal. Whatever normal happens to be.” I was hoping that would be the case.

Yes, I was right and yet October isn’t quite over yet. More unexpected and unpleasant news on the health front which totally blew me away. Like so many other people I’d been caught out having a “minor episode” and my heart was showing all the signs of the problem which I’d put down to stress. It’s wonderful what stress can get up to.  Yet I’m here and when I get my head around everything I’ll hopefully be back on that even keel and have my scattered wits flowing again. Just not at the moment. I need to find a stable point and be able to hold on until the world stops turning so quickly.

The only thing which has taken me by surprise, is the feeling of being let down, abandoned, by the one person I expected to understand that I was rocked to the core by this news and I thought they would cut me just a little slack. Perhaps I expected too much. It’s been a rough ride this past year and a half, but not all of it was due to my health. I’ve been riding that wave too.

I know I’ve been unpredictable for a week or so. I also know I could have handled this better. It’s not an excuse, but losing both Mum and Dad and then my dance with illness and Chronic Pain…. I simply wasn’t prepared for anything else. My bad!

So, at present I’m feeling as though I’ve been betrayed by someone I least expected it from. I didn’t need that on top of everything else. Silly of me to think it would make any difference.  Life goes on or it doesn’t. In the grand scheme of things I’m unsure if I’d be really missed if I did ‘go’. I know that’s self-pity talking and I’ll ignore it shortly.

I’m really tired and can’t seem to relax or rest. I suppose my mind is just reeling. My meditation is helping but I don’t expect miracles in a short time…. it simply has never worked out that way. I’m getting better, but I suppose I’m a slow learner. I need to let it all out… you know, have a good cry but that’s one thing I have the most trouble with. Letting go and letting my vulnerability be seen.

For good or ill, I’m done today and this is going out as it is. This makes the first time I’ve done this….. I always sit on my post for a few hours and let the ideas settle, but I think I might be able to catch a few z’s. Maybe.

I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger. I’m sorry I let you down by being  human, weak and needing support. I guess I’m not as hard and unfeeling as I thought I was. Perhaps tomorrow you’ll understand that there’s only so much a person can take before something has to give… or break.

So I’ll take my “broken heart” and hide away for a while. Heaven knows you may feel better if I’m out of the way.

#TakenBySurprise

Sunrise, chasing away the darkness

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

To image from Facebook.com

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#Promises

Aching thoughts of a lost love

Promises

I told you I’d be back

But you couldn’t wait that long

I promised gifts and treasure

Yet before that you were gone

How could I be so wrong –again?

Then gifts and treasures, too small for you

Were the all love that my heart could hold

More than enough to fill your heart and soul

Enough to fill your world with everything you wanted

A heart to hold every breath you breathe, so softly

Arms to melt every ache you felt, so tenderly

A mind to remember every loving wish, so caringly

All to bring magic back in your life, so brilliantly

A paradise unimagined by anyone else

Was yours for free

If you waited for me

But you were gone

Gone so far from me

All my gifts lie unopened

Unwanted and neglected

The love I have is in my heart

A heart now broken and unwanted

Pain and heartache lie within a withered husk

All I have is a hole where it used to be

So I pray with the tiny spark I have left

Let the emptiness of the Universe fill that hole

All that I can hope for to recreate my soul

To breathe life into that withered husk

The husk that remains of a once filled heart

Universe willing I can find the strength to carry on

Without this small hope life isn’t worth going on

For me, this is the last time to fight for life

It is, quite simply, the last fight

Hello death, my erstwhile companion

You have my reservation.

©  Susan Jamieson 2014

 

image courtesy of lmelton2003.deviantart.com

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#LifeCycles

A tree of life

“We trust nature to know what it is doing, but we are not nearly so kind, understanding and trusting of our own rhythms and cycles. It’s ridiculous that we are so hard on ourselves. Can we not trust that the very same forces that created the rhythms and cycles of nature created our own? Of course we can. We often don’t, but we can, if we remember.”
Jeffrey R. Anderson, The Nature of Things – Navigating Everyday Life with Grace
#LifeCycles

The Duck Pond

One of the first things we noticed when we arrived in Redland Bay was the beautiful “Duck Pond”. We have since spent some beautiful afternoons walking around the boardwalk and finding the myriad of life forms the area was teeming with. One of the intriguing sites from the lookout was the trunk of a huge tree. I have since found out it was a giant Jacaranda tree which was covered by a carpet of purple blooms each spring.

However, that was far from the sight I saw from the lookout. It was a huge dead trunk. It seemed somehow sad to see such a magnificent tree slowly dying, branches pointing towards the heavens but still standing tall and proud.

#LifeCycles

The old dead tree

At the very top was an unusual ‘U’ shaped pair of branches, almost like a crown. I could see the tree in its glory days, flowers waving in the breeze like a bejewelled crown on its ‘head’. It didn’t seem to matter what the light was like, the dead tree had a majesty unique to itself.

Deciding to take a different walk one afternoon we walked towards the old tree. There were raucous screeches coming from the tree, more sqawks, strident and ear splitting and occasionally a soft cooing sound.

Walking along and looking into the heavens along a pitted footpath is a sure fire way to turn your ankle, which is what I did. However, perched on a fence post I had the opportunity to really take a good look at the dead tree trunk. Far from being dead the tree was actually brimming with life. Life of a far different kind.

#LifeCycles

Sulphur Crested Cockatoo

There were Sulphur Crested Cockatoos, Major Mitchell Cockatoos and Eastern Rosellas. At the very top of the tree, to the right side were a strange looking pair of birds I was sure I’d seen before. Camera at the ready I saw an amazing sight – a pair of Coucal, nesting in the hollow in the top of the tree. Their long tail made it easy to recognise them from the first time we saw them on the Gold Coast.

#LifeCycles

Rosellas

Each cavity in the dead stump had been claimed by a pair of nesting birds. There was a cacophony of sound as we moved along the path to pass the dead tree stump. Entranced we spent an age simply watching the birds fly back and forth and after taking a careful look around, hopping into their own particular ‘hole’. As long as we were in sight of the tree the sentinel, the Cockatoo keeping watch, made a raucous call to warn everyone strangers were around. The local magpies and crows were chased away quickly by a horde of colourful denizens of the dead tree.

We have been back several times now, and although we can hear the chirping of many babies, my camera isn’t strong enough to get a picture of the babies in their nest. What has been wonderful, for me, is realising that this dead tree stump has as much life in it now as it did in its heyday – just very different.

In so many ways that old dead tree is symbolic of life. Just as it began as a small seedling and took time, food and water to grow, until it reached its full potential, so do we. It went through so many stages in its growth before it reached its mature state, had to stand strong and tall before wind and weather, sun, rain, hail and cold. Yet it survived and produced a magnificent display of flowers year after year. Who knows how it ended its life as it now is? I was unable to find out, but it has obviously been severely cut back and hasn’t recovered.

It hasn’t recovered to its former glory, but has become home to so many other creatures, many more than I could see. There would be bugs and beetles, spiders and ants, perhaps even a tree snake. It is still a wonderful example of life adapting to diversity. As we do during times of crisis or great change.

Like life’s ending when we move on to another sphere of existence as spirits, so too has the tree moved on to another phase of its life cycle. There is a calm symmetry to the rhythm of life as I watch the old tree and its denizens and think on the changes in my own life, in life in general. Nothing lasts in its current form eternally. Eventually everything leaves its current form and becomes something new and different, its next phase of life.

#LifeCycles

The circle of life

During the hard times, painful times, sad times and joyous times, there is a profound truth to the reality of the Cycle of Life. I’m more than happy with that.

“Life can be magnificent and overwhelming — That is its whole tragedy. Without beauty, love, or danger it would almost be easy to live.”
Albert Camus  An Absurd Reasoning

Other photos: http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk, http://www.developmentsolutions.org.uk,
blog.asiantown.net

Blessings, Susan♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 

 

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#WolfSister

The Spirit of the Wolf

Wolf Sister

She lay there

Heart thumping painfully

Blood seeping slowly

Onto the white snow

Praying for strength

Just a little more strength

To see her to the stone circle

Through the portal

Finding safety once more

Her thoughts reached forth

Questing for her mate

The other half to her soul

The one to make her whole

A howl, hauntingly strong

Calling from the other side

Waiting for her to come

Soon….. Soon, she sent

Pulling herself to her feet once more

The proud she-wolf stood

Limping painfully onwards

Hiding from the man scent

She slipped from shadow to shadow

A trail, blood-red in her wake

A chorus of howls suddenly split the night

A curse heard deeper in the forest

The men hunting her paused

Looking fearfully for the wolf pack

She could smell the magic in the air

As she crept nearer to the stones

An unearthly humming filled the night

To the chorus of howls

Lurching into the safety of the stone circle

She was met by her mate

Nuzzled by her friends

One by one

As the air shimmered brightly

Their wolf form disappeared

Two women and three men stood before her

Waiting….

She held her head low

Gathering her strength for the change

The air shimmered in purple hues

Standing in the she wolf’s place

A beautiful woman now stood

One by one

Holding their partner’s hand

They stepped through the portal

Another night

Another adventure

A close call

Safely home again

Inside each, the memory

Deep in their cells

Their other half,

Wolf Brother and Wolf Sister

Waiting for the time to run again.

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 

Image courtesy/wolf pasticcio.www-blingcheese-com.jpg

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“You must find yourself before you can know where you belong, yet to find yourself first you must know who you are. However, you will never really know who you are if you are always allowing other people to define who you should be, so be yourself and if you are still unsure of who you are then reinvent yourself.”
― Andrew James Pritchard, Smoke and Mirrors

It was difficult to settle to anything on the flight to Singapore. My last night had shown me what another lifestyle could be like. Gone were the onerous responsibilities of looking after everyone else. For a time I was treated like a Goddess and it had felt simply wonderful. I suddenly found myself reluctant to take up the reins of that heavy load of responsibility once more. I realised that there was something more to life and I had scant time to consider what I wanted from the rest of my life.

The stopover in Singapore was barely long enough to freshen up and have a coffee before it was time to catch the plane for the last and final leg of my journey. What had I been searching for? Had I found it and what did I want to do now? They felt like simple questions in one way and yet I also recognised that they were extremely important. Definitely not something to decide on a whim but to give careful thought to. Luckily, I had hours to do just that and after my sweet sleep in the lap of luxury in Athens I was wide awake.

#InSearchOf

Flying home. Image courtesy of http://www.customercentric.info

Singapore Airlines lived up to their reputation for making their passengers feel spoilt and very well looked after. There seemed to be an endless supply of food and drinks being offered. Drinking alcohol and flying didn’t appeal to me so the sensuous aroma of good coffee was a welcome distraction. The head steward, seeing me awake when everyone else slept, kept me company for a considerable time. Another friendly reminder that I was not alone.

As the time passed I realised that this was one of the things I had been searching for, some evidence that I was not alone. I had spent my entire adult life to this point being something for someone and had rarely had the luxury of spending time on myself. If my short stopover in Athens had shown me one thing it was that I deserved to be “spoilt” and the luxury of that one night epitomised the fact that I was worthy of good things and good times. I had no longer any need to put everyone before myself. I deserved to be spoilt too and now, I could do just that.

#InSearchOf

Four Seasons Hotel, Egypt, Luxury in every corner

I also realised that I had been thinking about the many pleasures I’d had as I travelled throughout the Middle East, Athens and Switzerland. These were no longer out of my reach. Ex-husband’s ‘away’ no longer had to rule the day. I could elect to travel in style and enjoy myself. I no longer had to deny myself these things. I deserved to enjoy my life and be spoilt too, if that’s what I wanted. I had asked the Universe to help me to find the reason for my life, where my life could go and what it would feel like to share my happiness and enjoyment with others. I had attracted to myself some of the wonders the world had to offer and my Guides, Angels, the Universe, were all willing to aide me in finding this happiness.

#InSearchOf

Surounded by Guides, Angels and Spirits.   Image courtesy of soulsanctuaryreiki.com

In my search for who I was and why I was here, I had come to realise that as a spirit in human form I could, with the help of the Universe, experience whatever I was able to manifest and the means to do it. I could even attract to me the happiness I had long been seeking and which had eluded me except in small ways. The many courses I had taken, subjects studied, my PhD in Metaphysics and all the healing courses, all were stepping stones to realising how wonderful life can be. It also made me realise that I could be helpful to others, both as a teacher and healer. Far from being “useless” as I had been told so many times, I was more than simply “useful”. I was able to see a life of helping others but also one where I was bringing happiness to myself and others, and being able to travel as I had wished to for so long.

I had, as my plane finally touched down in Brisbane, realised that my life was just beginning in many ways. A vast new array of possibilities was there for the choosing. I knew, inside my heart and soul that my life of service was just beginning. I still had much to learn, yet this time my work would be recognised and accepted. I would no longer have to feel unworthy or useless.

#InSearchOf

Bateman’s Bay, NSW

I also realised that being close to the ocean, or a body of water larger than a puddle was important to my wellbeing. I was already being assisted in finding my place in life. I was going to sell my home and move to the coast to live. Pursuing my teaching and healing would also come. How and why it would happen was not really important, knowing it would happen was. If I was to be alone or with others would also come to me as time passed.

Suddenly, I knew that my search, far from being over, was just beginning and the best part of it was still to come. A lightness I had not felt for such a long time fell over me like the caress of angel’s wings and I smiled with happiness at the thought of tomorrow and the next day and each one thereafter. As my son stepped through the gates to greet me I felt love welling up from deep inside. The pain and loneliness which had driven me on my trip had been replaced with such joy and contentment that I knew happiness would follow. How? That was part of the journey to unfold.

#InSearchOf

Susan, ready for the next phase of life

“Coming back is the thing that enables you to see how all the dots in your life are connected, how one decision leads you another, how one twist of fate, good or bad, brings you to a door that later takes you to another door, which aided by several detours–long hallways and unforeseen stairwells–eventually puts you in the place you are now.”
― Ann Patchett, What now?

I have not yet stopped searching because I also realised that to stop the search is to deny myself the excitement and happiness which is my birthright, my Spirit’s right to experience. The Spirit has an unquenchable desire to learn and to assist, both our own self and others. Until I am sure that the next step in my journey has been completed I will keep moving forward, knowing I will meet the teachers I need and those who are to be with me along the way.

It has taken me the time I needed to learn that my search isn’t over, but also that it is not a sad thing but a continuing excitement if I but allow it to come to me. With this I am content and I am happy for my search to continue as I teach, heal and learn wherever I happen to be.

#InSearchOf

Image courtesy of http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk    Where will the journey take me?

 

“Reach deep within, and reconnect with the essence of your being.”
― Bryant McGill, Voice of Reason

 

Blessings, Susan

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 

 

Related articles

In Search of, Part 24, Going Home

In Search Of, Part 23, Switzerland

In Search Of, Part 22, Athens and Geneva

In Search Of, Part 21, Back to Tel Aviv

 

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#Life'sWoundings

Life can tear you apart

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
C. JoyBell C.

Life is not always peaches and cream, or so I’ve found. Things happen, for which you are totally unprepared, and in the process you can feel exposed, vulnerable and disenfranchised.

In my opinion, there is nothing more undermining than to be “called to account” for something which was alleged to happen, and for which you are not given the right to respond. It is especially onerous, in my opinion, if this tramples an area where you may be vulnerable, and even more so if the person who is mentoring that group drops the ball.

We go through life learning as we stumble along. We make friends, meet partners, have families, make and lose workmates, the death of family and friends, the list goes on. Along the way there is the possibility we may ‘suffer’ what has been termed “Wounding’s”.

To clarify, in this instance, a wounding is a life event which has traumatised you in some way. It’s not very difficult to find, a divorce, death of family or friend, abusive relationship etc.

#Life'sWounding

Growth is often painful

Some of us bounce back with ease. Some however, do not and hold this wounding inside, so tightly, it cannot find a way out. We cannot let it go, cannot grieve over the situation, because we have never felt safe enough to talk about the ‘incident’. If we finally feel we are in a place, safe enough for us to ‘share’ our story, we can be taken unawares by thoughtless judgement. This can be especially so, if both persons shared their ‘story’…

Long ago I recall being told that, it was of paramount importance to hear both sides of a story, before making a decision, as to what needed to be done in response. I have never forgotten the advice. I also believe that anyone who decides to ‘complain’ about another person, they should be willing to confront that person with their complaint. This seems to cause many complaints to be retracted.

I too, have had a “Great Wounding” which left me so traumatised I could not talk about it for many years. To this day I shy away from discussing it. However, I was recently in a place where a select group was gathered. Each person I interacted with in the first couple of days seemed to have their own story behind them, as we all do. After listening to someone discuss their situation I, unfortunately, shared some of my own “Wounding.”

#Life'sWoundings

The art of listening.

I was more than dumbfounded, when, as we made our way back into the meeting room I was taken to one side and informed I had “Inappropriately Shared” something. “People had complained”. I was temporarily unable to think, or speak as shock set in. To say I felt that I should leave and return home – more than crossed my mind. “Who, I wondered”. “What could I have said which was ‘Inappropriate’?” Then, No, why should I be forced away?

I remained, though it did mar my time there. To feel that every word, act or nuance, needed to be weighed and measured, made for an uncomfortable situation. I had only worked with a couple of people at that point, and the opportunity to speak with people only in a group situation apart from that, so the list of people who could have complained was small.

Is it worth remembering? Only the lessons. The lessons of forgiveness and compassion.

 

#Life'sWoundings

It is much sweeter to forgive than condemn

“Forgive but do not forget, or you will be hurt again. Forgiving changes the perspectives. Forgetting loses the lesson.”
Paulo Coelho

The incident, onerous enough by itself has embedded itself into the original “Wounding”. Being singled out later, in group, as an example of one who had come there with a “Great Wounding” in their past, did not help. I will continue, alone, to try to reconcile this “Wounding” from my past, finding compassion for those who behaved in this way. There will never be another discussion about it.

As for what happened in a group of my peers:

I forgive the pettiness of the person who felt the need to complain, even though they lacked the moral fibre to speak directly to me…. despite sharing their own story, and, If I was talking with them, and they preferred not to.

I forgive being spoken to in the manner and place I was. Leadership dictates such a discussion be private, or so I have been taught.

I forgive being used as an object lesson for the group…. Without giving permission to discuss my personal affairs before anyone else, and when there were other people there, who were also said to have shared their “Great Wounding’s”. I am still confused by exactly what constituted “Inappropriately sharing”, but the time to talk about that has passed.

#Life'sWoundings

The Secret of Life?

Lessons in Life arrive when we least expect them and often in ways we wish were different. I may not have liked this lesson, or lessons, but I can and will learn from them I already have learned from them.

I trust that if I am the person someone approaches with a “Great Wounding” and a need to share, that I have the grace and compassion to listen with as much understanding as possible.

I hope that I can recognise the privilege shown to me, that they feel safe enough to discuss something which may have devastated their life.

Finally, I pray, that if I ever have a situation in which I am uncomfortable or do not wish to be a part of, that I have the moral fibre to speak to that person myself. Showing them the dignity and respect they deserve and not behaving like a school child tattling on another.

 

#Life'sWoundings

Forgiveness, the lesson of life.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

It has been a time of much learning from many lessons.

 

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 

 

 

Images courtesy of:-

http://www.avani-mehta.com : wordsofbalance.com:  http://www.pinterest.com http://www.searchquotes.com: encwor.blogspot.com

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