Posts Tagged ‘Living from the heart’
I am…..You are
Posted in Blessings, Gratitude, Life, Love, Philosophy, Spirituality, tagged #Desiderata, #IamYouare, #MeaningofLife, BEing present, Inner-peace, Life, Living from the heart, Love, Mindfulness, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on March 10, 2015| 6 Comments »
Travelling Through Time
Posted in Life, Love, Magic, Poetry, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged #the standing stones, #Travelling Through Time, dreams, Life, Living from the heart, Love, Magic, memories, Poetry, Spirituality on September 7, 2014| 3 Comments »
- callanish-standing-stones-scotland Image from Pinterest
Travelling Through Time
Amidst the circle of ancient stones
She stood without thought
Feeling a calling deep in her bones
The dangers unknown are naught
Drawn forward, her mind caught
She steps onwards
Her destiny sought
Into a whirlwind she fought
Energies unknown of no import
To keep her mind focused
On the one who waited
To who she is fated
Her love, her life, all she sought
Stumbling suddenly forward
Strong arms encircled her fragile form
Heart to heart, beat to beat, life returned to norm
A new life of dangers yet to be met
A war set to start before the moon set
Riding forth with haste
Hoof beats heard, in close chase
Lost in the foggy wreaths of swift pace
To reach the safety of the manse
Once safely inside
A marriage, to continue the romance.
Through the vortex of time and space
Blessings, Susan ♥
© Susan Jamieson 2014
Trust, Respect and Communication
Posted in Abundance, Gratitude, Identity, Life, Self Development, tagged #Respect, BEing present, Communication, happiness, Inner-peace, Living from the heart, Love, Motivational, Soul Growth, trust on August 18, 2014| 9 Comments »
image courtesy of http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk
“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them”
― Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island
“What Price Trust, Respect and Communication?”
It may sound like a ridiculous question, and in some ways it could be said to be a question that is automatically answered and therefore a waste of time. After all, if you have a “significant other” in your life, then you presume that trust is one of the most important things in your relationship. It is an integral part of everything you do. Or have I misread the fine print somewhere?
I know this is something I have asked myself before, probably more than once, and therefore the answer should be in front of me. Yet, I am continually reminded by others, that life is not always so straightforward. People are seldom one-dimensional, and as far as language is concerned, what something means to one person, means something entirely different to another.
So how can we ensure that what we say and do is clearly understood by someone else? It’s really Communication 101, with a dash of Trust 201, and also Respect 301. Sounds funny doesn’t it, yet also self-evident, don’t you think?
I’ve spent my entire life working on the principle that, what I say I can be held to, at any time. I’m reminded of the film and series “Fifty Shades of Grey”. For many life is like that. (No, I haven’t seen it, but I’ve heard so much about it.) If someone can find a grey area, that wiggle room, they will exploit what they say to get round the finer points of the truth. Yet to me, the truth is all important. It is a foundation block for all life.
Image courtesy of simplelifecelebrations.com
“Friendship- my definition- is built on two things. Respect and trust. Both elements have to be there. And it has to be mutual. You can have respect for someone, but if you don’t have trust, the friendship will crumble.”
― Stieg Larsson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Think for one moment about the misunderstanding, the hurt, the pain and the betrayal, felt by individuals and you begin to realise the importance of truth and trust. You can also add ‘countries’ in this equation, as the furore over the perceived intention on someone’s words has seen entire continents go to war.
Perhaps I am the one “at fault” here. Perhaps I am too black and white, the one who cannot see the middle ground in a situation?
Yet, I’m always reminded of the old Western films, John Wayne, Henry Ford and Paul Newman; even Robert Duvall and Kevin Costner in “Open Range”. They always depicted people of strong character who were willing to die for the truth, the right, and to protect those weaker than themselves. Idealistic isn’t it?
Yet there are times when idealism is what we need to return to, in order to get our country, our world, and our relationships, out of the mire and into the clear skies once more. Are we not meant to be “smelling the roses” each day, “paying it forward”, remembering “kindness, gratitude and appreciation?” I’m surely not the only one who has become lost along the way? I should ask if I have become lost along the way.
Image courtesy of crunchmodo.com
“If we can just let go and trust that things will work out they way they’re supposed to, without trying to control the outcome, then we can begin to enjoy the moment more fully. The joy of the freedom it brings becomes more pleasurable than the experience itself.”
― Goldie Hawn
There was a time when I believed that family was everything, the glue which held all of us together. These were the people who, no matter what happened, you could rely on to “have your back” and help you, come what may. Yes, another idealistic outlook, but there has to be a start somewhere and if not with family, then where?
We cannot talk to each other any longer because everyone seems to feel the need to ensure they are “one better’ than you are. It makes them feel so much more satisfied if they can “blame you” for saying or doing something, even if they have no idea what actually happened. It makes me feel saddened at the loss of that family bond. I know my parents would be more than disappointed.
These simple “codes of life” apply across the spectrum, from the individual relationships, friendships to the dynamics of country interaction.
Image courtesy of http://www.quoteswave.com
“We’re paying the highest tribute you can pay a man. We trust him to do right. It’s that simple.”
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird
In the end, I feel, we have to build trust and respect through communication. It is essential we do this if we wish to survive and bring the world forward into a better place than it is presently. Is this not the meaning of our journey here on earth?
If I say, I will tell you the story of my life, so that you can learn from it, avoid the pitfalls which brought me low, then I must follow through with that promise. I cannot decide to change my offer after I have begun, because I think I can “make more money from it” by selling it to someone else. I cannot say, I will make this promise with you, yet if another country offers me more, then I will forget our arrangement and go with the new offer.
We have to respect our own words first and foremost so that others know they can trust us. They can believe in our words because we have shown them our word is important. It was one of the founding blocks of society when we began forming societies. Respect and Trust in our Communication with ourselves and with others. I don’t believe things have changed much at all. If only everyone else understood those three little words…. We could avoid so much hurt and pain, so much bloodshed. Understanding could be second nature.
So many clichés and yet they are all true. My you find your Truth and Respect for yourself and your fellow spirit along life’s journey and learn the dance of communication to bring us closer together.
Image courtesy of sherwoodfleming.com
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”
― Stephen R. Covey
May all our days be filled with understanding so that we can trust one another from a place of respect. Let us then communicate from our hearts.
Blessings, Susan ♥
© Susan Jamieson, August 2014
In This Wonderful Life
Posted in Abundance, Gratitude, Life, Love, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged #In this Wonderful Life, BEing present, Gratitude, Inner-peace, Life, Living from the heart, Love, Mindfulness, Motivational, Self Development on July 31, 2014| 17 Comments »
image courtesy of wallpapers-xs.blogspot.com
“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.”
― Jess C. Scott, The Intern
In this wonderful life, this often difficult to understand existence we share with the world around us and all its inhabitants, we can be forgiven for wondering what is wonderful about it. It can drive us to distraction and also to the heights of ecstasy, all within the space of moments. It can make us question our reason for being, our reason to stay, and our reason for the apparently innumerable atrocities we are bombarded with daily.
I rarely watch the news broadcasts, the innumerable advertisements, radio broadcasts or read the newspapers. Good news is hard to find in any of these places and the horrors are far too many to count. It is difficult to find the “milk of human kindness” whilst being deluged with the nightmarish ability of some people to perpetuate abominable acts.
Yet, even accepting all of this, I still feel, still believe, that this life is wonderful. We have been gifted with an abundance of beauty, of goodness, kindness and the opportunity to share our happiness, gratitude and kindness with our fellow Spirits, our fellow travellers on life’s road. We have the choice, should we decide to do so, to make a difference in our world, even if it is only in a small way. Even the small acts of kindness and gratitude add up and make a significant difference to others and to our world. Without these simple acts of goodness we would surely be in a dark place.
image courtesy of artorifreedom.deviantart.com
“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”
― Gilda Radner
I see the struggle some people have to endure, the hardships and terrors, homelessness and cruelty and I know that our small acts of consideration are immeasurably worthwhile. The “Thank You” to a waiter or shop assistant for serving us with a smile, helping us to find something we want and in doing so, making our day better. They deserve the same acknowledgement. It makes my heart light to return a smile, a “Thank You” and more, to let their superior know that they’ve done a good job. It takes but a small moment and can mean so much.
We can have no idea what is happening in their lives – the hardships or losses which might be lightened, even slightly, by a kind word or gesture. I remember one sad-looking lady, going about her job in the coffee shop, smiling in all the right places, going out of her way to help by bringing someone an extra jug of milk with a smile. A smile tinged with sadness – hiding the loss of someone dear. A gentle touch on her wrist, a connection between our eyes as I thanked her for her kindness and for just a moment, I saw that dark cloud lift, just a little. Letting her boss know how good the service was and seeing her smile again – worth so much to know I may have made a small difference for just a moment. Who knows how important such a moment may be?
These small acts of kindness, or “Random Acts of Kindness” as they have become known, are often as precious as gold or silver. They spread ripples out into the world, growing ever larger and with unknown consequences. I have even heard a story about how one small act of kindness stopped someone from taking their life. They later said it was this small thing which made them decide they would keep trying and then they helped someone else and they found the strength to keep going.
- image courtesy of flickerhivemind.net Wonderful Life in Nature
“To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.”
― Arundhati Roy, The Cost of Living
image courtesy of robsmovievault.wordpress.com
We have all seen or heard of the film “Pay it Forward”. A beautiful film which has immortalised on-screen this effect of doing small acts of kindness and how it can grow beyond anything we may imagine. Yet, it is only one side of the coin. We can be selfish, self-centred and consumed by our own wants, ignoring everyone and everything else.
If you watch the daily news, read the daily papers, even the internet, you can be inundated with the horror stories which can destroy any chance of peace of mind. Occasionally it is impossible to ignore the stories of cruelty perpetuated by other people. Children beaten so badly, like a young toddler today that he could not be saved. We can be brought down by these stories, these acts of barbarism to such an extent that we can find no answer to the question of “Why?” Why do these things happen to innocents before they’ve had a chance to explore this wonderful life?
image courtesy of 1hdwallpapers.com Magic is all around us – always.
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
If this question is asked there is usually someone who will say they were angels, not meant to stay here on earth. Yet I find little comfort in this. Even accepting the premise that they chose this life, however brief it was, cannot lift the weight on our hearts at their pain and suffering.
Bad things happen because, at present, good people do not do enough to create enough ripples of kindness to prevent bad things happening. It is a wonderful life. It is filled with wonder and joy, happiness and kindness. We can and do make a difference if we chose to. We don’t need coaching to do this because we already know what to do. Being kind, grateful, generous, are already a part of us. We have to make a conscious choice to follow those beautiful parts of ourselves and we can effect wonderful change around us.
image courtesy of http://www.pinterest.com
When was the last time you smiled at a stranger, or dropped spare change into a buskers cap? When did you last smile at your waitress and genuinely thank her for serving you, thanking her for looking after your needs? When did you thank the lady at the checkout, the baker in the bakery, the butcher for selecting a beautiful cut of meat from the local farm or the stall holder who was selling fresh home-grown vegetables for you to enjoy? There are so many ways we can all make this world a wonderful place, our daily lives a “Wonderful Life”.
image courtesy of http://www.care2.com
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP
image courtesy of theoldrectorydonard.com
So I would ask you – remember to be Mindful, be in the moment, stop to consider how you think and act and remember that one small act of kindness or generosity can indeed be the small seed to save a life or even save the world. In this Wonderful Life we can make magic happen.
Blessings, Susan♥
© Susan Jamieson 31 July 2014
Bittersweet Moments
Posted in Angels, Gratitude, Life lessons, Spirituality, tagged #Bitterswet Moments, Earth Angels, Gratitude, humanity, Life, life lessons, Living from the heart, Love, Soul Growth on July 24, 2014| 5 Comments »
Image courtesy of http://www.ankuanand.com
“Finishing a book is bittersweet. You spend days getting to know the characters. Learning their nuances, their faults, their loves, their lives. They become your friends, acquaintances, enemies. And after the story ends, you miss them. You look for them in your own life, wonder where they’ve gone, you forget that they aren’t real. You fall in love with the hero and dream of him at night. The strange girl becomes your best friend. Their heartaches become your heartaches. You laugh when they laugh. And cry when they die. Eventually you realise they aren’t a part of your world, you were just briefly visiting theirs.”
― Whimsical Enlightenment
Love, life, time, all have a way of taking you unawares at times. People too have a remarkable knack for tripping you up, but the best of all is memory. We have a wonderful capacity to remember the wonderful moments and, if not forgetting, then at least “greying out” the not so wonderful times. It’s a safety mechanism – I’m absolutely convinced of that.
Being in a situation where you have a lot of time on your hands, after all the minutiae of each day has been finished, can allow you to review, not only your day, but your life, or at least the larger events in your life. This isn’t a bad thing, in fact it can be an invaluable tool of transformation. If there is one thing I have learned it’s that you can never stop learning. There is always something, some way in which I can be better, do something better, help someone more….. I’m sure you get the idea.
Being static is a form of ‘death’. If we are unable to continually, even in small increments, move along and be all we can be, then we are wasting our lives and our opportunities to grow. It may sound ridiculous to say that, as an adult I wasn’t to continue to grow, but what is the other option available? Stagnation – I really don’t think so. It makes me think of mould and mildew and fungus and spores, and whilst I love certain types of fungus, I’m not overly enamoured of becoming one. So the idea is to continue to grow and evolve.
Evolution – setting the spirit inside free. Image courtesy of http://www.the-universal-link.com
Evolve, what a wonderful word that is and how much it can conjure up. When I take a look at life, from the very beginning, we can see how much life has evolved, changed and the miraculous things which have eventuated as a result of the evolution. Granted, there have been some best forgotten ways in which things have changed, but like all children, we have to make mistakes in order to learn.
This, is ultimately what I believe we are here for. We are here, on this beautiful planet, our home, to learn. We are here to grow and become all that we can be, so that as evolved beings we can go onward and create better things, better places, be better beings than we have been thus far. Once again, it may sound far-fetched, but it is the only sound, dare I say it, even logical reason for some of the horrendous and the magical things we see happening around us.
We see people broken by events who take their own lives and sometimes those of others. We see people spending days trying to coax stranded whales and dolphins back into the ocean. We can see people who carelessly speed and cripple or maim themselves and others and we also see those angels who walk the earth. The people who rush in where “mere mortals fear to tread” and help care for the hurt and injured, the trapped and fearful in their hour of need, without thought for their own safety. When you pause to consider the depth and breadth of possibilities, you have to acknowledge that it truly is inexplicable.
Earth Angels. Image courtesy of Josephine wall art.com
“Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive.”
― Joanne Harris, Chocolat
I recently returned to my doctor who I have known for several decades. In fact, I think of him more like a friend than just my doctor. He knows me, my family and he has cared for me through some of the worst times in my life. I knew he had been involved in an accident, but was totally unprepared for the sight that met my eyes when I saw him. A dog had tripped him whilst running and as he fell, awkwardly, as he put it, his thigh “exploded”. The x-ray on show bore testament to the agony he must have suffered.
His hip had to be replaced and his thigh is wired and bolted and screwed together. His shoulder is also bolted and screwed into place. Yet he was there, in his surgery, tending to his patients. A true earth angel. My heart clenched in sympathy to see him struggling around. My stomach knotted up with anguish as I instinctively moved to help him to get up from his chair. The irony, if I helped him we would both need help, to get back off the floor! Yet there I was with a person I care for and could not help. I sent him Reiki, and am continuing to do so. It’s a small offering for someone who cares so much for others.
Dying Zoo Worker Gets Goodbye Kiss From Giraffe – Image courtesy of ABC News abcnews.go.com
What has this to do with “Bittersweet Moments”? Nothing and yet everything. It was a moment in time which was bitter in the knowledge that I was unable to really help another human being. It was, also a sweet moment as I realised that I cared for someone, enough to feel their pain and send them healing, as much as I could. It gave me the hope that, if we two could feel and support each other in this small way, then there is much greater hope for the larger scope of humanity. There is the belief that, rather than annihilating ourselves and the world we live in, we may evolve and share the beauty of this world with future generations to come.
So, despite the doom sayers, I will continue to do what I can, where I can, and say a prayer of thanks for all those who do the same, in the knowledge that we are all working towards evolving into more evolved spirits, who will shine with a light and purity that will make a difference to all. This, to me, is at the core of “Bittersweet Moments”.
“When Life is Well say THANK YOU & CELEBRATE, and when life is Bitter say THANK YOU & GROW.”
― Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way
Blessings, Susan ♥
© Susan Jamieson July 2014
Pushed to the Limit
Posted in Challenges, Coping Skills, Identity, Life, Life lessons, Love, Motivation, Personality, Philosophy, Psychology, Self Development, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged #domestic violence, #self respect, acceptance, coping skills, frustration, life lessons, Living from the heart, Love, memories, Relationships, sadness, Spirituality, support, Susan Jamieson on January 24, 2014| 14 Comments »
image from ogdenutahcriminaldefense.com
“Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
There are times when, irrespective of how much you try to do otherwise, you fly off the handle. These episodes are usually preceded by periods of intense pressure, things not going according to plan or life generally not playing out the way you hoped. Colloquially they are called “knee jerk’ reactions. They are usually regretted almost immediately as soon as the blood cools down sufficiently for coherent thought to return.
If, like me, that cooling off can be fairly quick, most of the time, it leads to a great deal of soul searching and castigation for behaving in a manner which isn’t liked. However, many times the damage has already been done. Trying to set things right is quite often impossible.
All my life I’ve been told I should behave in certain ways. I was “better than my protagonist” and so held to a higher standard. “I knew better than that” and so should have controlled that impulse to retaliate. When you are placed on a pedestal and expected to live up to everyone’s perception of who you are, it can be extremely difficult to find the real you. You may not even recognise the‘real you’.
image from cstl.semo.edu
There have been times, over the years, when that pedestal has rocked alarmingly as I tried to keep my footing living up to so many other people’s ideas of who and what I was. Can you imagine how difficult it might be to understand what you want in life when you are so busy living up to someone else’s ideal? The saddest part of the situation is that it all begins with the best of intentions.
Hard as it may be to understand I was a very shy and quiet child. Head down and mouth closed so I drew as little attention to myself as possible. Yet all the time I was trying to live up to firstly my parent’s expectations of me and later my first husband, my work colleagues, my brothers, and then it seemed everyone else. Everyone had this idea of who I was and how I would respond in certain circumstances. My first husband had a whole list of ways in which I was allowed to behave and respond that I hardly knew who I was. Sad, pathetic but true. The fact that I did respond as they expected, because it was expected, simply cemented these thoughts in their mind. Sadly, very few of these personas held more than a grain of the real me.
image from http://www.paulkiritsis.net
Not wanting to disappoint anyone it was easier to continue to play the roles I was ‘given’. It was safer in one particular area to follow the ‘rules’ than to face the consequences. At the same time I was able to hold down responsible positions, firstly as a police officer, later as a bank official and mother, school chairpersons and so on. I wasn’t actually hidden away where it may have been easier.
Realisation, when it seeped in was the beginning of the real humiliation. Knowing I had been this milksop of a person when I could think, had opinions and could do so many things was quite devastating. The fact that my husband was a police officer meant that I had nowhere to go and no-one to go to. Who would believe me over a serving police officer? It simply didn’t happen, not when the domination is psychological and emotional.
It is still hard for me to write these words, to accept them as reality and realise what I allowed myself to become – a doormat. I was a slave programmed to perform to command. I can never look at a woman in a domestic violence situation and condemn her, man, woman or child in that situation because it can be started so insidiously that it is too late by the time you realise. I was a slave to my ex-husband’s drive to achieve financial stability. The fact that he failed to support his children after I left, usurped part of my settlement and told the children it was theirs, all added to the ongoing manipulation. He is still doing this to my children, though they are grown and through them he is doing it to me because he knows they are the only way he can reach me.
image from paulissakippisms.com –
Why have I told you all this. Because if it happened to me it can happen to anyone and if someone reads this and recognises where they are in this cycle and can get out, it is worth my embarrassment. If it helps someone reach out, to me or to someone else it is worth the embarrassment. I am tired of allowing him this hold over me. I am taking my life back, all of it and I refuse to allow him the space in my mind, in my life ever again.
This is real. It can happen to anyone, at any time. Please, if you recognise someone who is drowning under this type of treatment, offer a helping hand. Tell someone in authority and help them before it’s too late. Life is a precious gift and shouldn’t be destroyed by insecure bullies.
I am a woman, flesh and bone, heart and soul.
“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
― Shannon L. Alder
Everyone has the right to respect, like breathing, take it away and the soul dies. – Susan Jamieson
Blessings, Susan x
© Susan Jamieson 2014
What a lot of Hokum.
Posted in Challenges, Coping Skills, Depression, Gratitude, Health, Identity, Life, Lyme Disease, Philosophy, Psychology, Self Development, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged # X Files, #babesiosis, #being presnent, #elf development, #Imperfectly Perfect, #ME/CFS, #Star Trek, #We The People, acceptance, Bartonella, coping skills, frustration, Living from the heart, Lyme disease, Mindfulness, pain, self acceptance, Soul Growth, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on January 17, 2014| 4 Comments »
image from http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk
“The purpose of government is to enable the people of a nation to live in safety and happiness. Government exists for the interests of the governed, not for the governors.”
― Thomas Jefferson
What a lot of Hokum for We The People.
~~~~~
I had originally decided to do a short blog and call it ‘The Spirit is willing but the flesh is Weak”. Yet the more I thought about it the more I realised it simply was a hoax. Most importantly I was simply fooling myself. It sounds so pathetic to continually say, “It’s been a bad week” or “I’ve had a rough couple of days” or any number of other platitudes.
That’s not to say that they aren’t true, it’s just that I’m tired of using the same statements as if I trot out one after the other when things are… challenging. I’m not sure quite where I am on this sliding spectrum which I use to gauge how well I’m travelling. Truthfully, I’m feeling more than a little sick and tired with being sick and tired and not really knowing if I’m on the right track.
image from http://www.pcuseful.com Train track leading where?
For so long I dragged myself to the doctors and presented the same old symptoms, tiredness, aches in joints and muscles, my motivation slowly drained away as it became more and more difficult to do things. I’m a perfectionist. I’m also a control freak. I like things to be neat and tidy. I can find nothing wrong with being able to tell anyone exactly where to go to find anything they need in my home. At least I could do that a couple of years ago.
There are my detractors who accused me of OCD, but heck, at least I didn’t need to upend my home to locate a letter I need. I revel in my individuality and I don’t expect anyone else to follow suit – each to his own.
image from frommylivingroom.blogspot.com Everything in it’s pace and a place for everything.
Then I was told about Lyme disease. It seemed to fit so many of the anomalies in the symptoms I had. The medication protocols are – unpleasant. If Fibromyalgia causes Brain fog then Lyme – its co-infections and the medication to ‘treat’ it definitely increases it exponentially. But I’m no quitter. I’ve gone through the protocols, dragged myself in ever decreasing circles of confusion and despair trying to determine if I’m simply grasping at straws. And I’m still not finished.
I’ve blogged about it because I’ve struggled to find support groups or people who are willing to share information. How odd. Here is a disease the AMA refuse to accept is in Australia, penalise doctors who treat it and we cannot find anyone to give us recommendations to people who are helping the ‘sufferers’. Those who find these people, usually friends, or friends or friends, keep that information to themselves. Why? Is getting well to be a hoarded treasure? Bygone days of the privileged living and the disadvantaged fading away unnoticed.
image from alternews.com – Where did the floor come from?
I’m not simply tired, I’m exhausted. My arms scream at me in pain for typing, but this is my only outside contact. It’s lonely not being able to see or speak with people. One more day of crawling up the hallway is making me shake uncontrollably. Is this Lyme disease, Bartonella or Babesiosis or some other confounded co-infection I’ve yet to be advised of; or is it Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS or one of its familiars?
I was feeling blah this morning. I had several appointments and I’d had a rough night. In fact I crawled up to the bathroom and cried for about an hour. I’m not giving in, but where the hell do I go? How do I persuade my GP to look at my symptoms differently – not simply hand out stronger pain meds that leave me FOGGY!!!
To be able to think is such a gift. To know you are making sense and perhaps helping someone who needs to read this… that is my impetus for continuing. I have no answers, just a zillion questions. I want answers because I feel the medical establishment owe us that much – and then decent treatment. I have a right to a quality of life that is good enough to let me do what I’d like without crippling me. There is no need for it. If the damned doctors and insurance companies had done their due diligence when I had my accident, my simple accident, I wouldn’t be in this predicament now. I truly believe so. I wish I could sue the bejaysus out of them.
image from http://www.ehow.com How can I help you?
For the first time today, I ‘listened’ to someone who had always presented a positive push for the treatments they were given, the illness that accompanied them and was able to do so many physical activities I dream of doing’. Today I listened to them bemoaning their shuffling gait to reach the beach, crying because of the brain fog, the inability to raise your head from wherever it lays, and not be able to DO anything. I admire this person, but here they are, for the first time in my space.
I want to offer advice but I am unable since no-one shared advice with me, I have none to offer except to say, I understand, I am there still, drowning in this misery but determined not to let it win.
image from http://www.bannerhealth.com I’m right here, You are not Alone!
I am going to search for these mysterious support forums and try to find out if these diseases have the same symptoms or not and what works for them. I have a few answers from dear people today. Yoga terrifies me because the pain is well established but I’ll try. I may not have an answer, but by heavens, I will control my environment as much as I can so I can enjoy, to the fullest extent, the life I have been handed. I will also pass on any information I uncover – as a reference only, to be talked over with your doctors so that perhaps, in the fullness of time, we can beat these blasted torturous diseases. Such is my hope. Such is my prayer for all of us.
image from childrensbookshop.circlesoft.net Here come the answers!
As human beings, as Spirits having a human existence we search for answers. This is a prime directive so that we can learn. There is “a strange new world” out there, “new life and new civilisations” and, even more important, “The Truth is Out There”.
image from aliens.wikia.com
What more could we ask for? Who was right, Spock or Kirk? Does “The good of the many outweigh the good of the few” or Does “The good of the one outweigh the good of the many?
We all deserve a better future.
Blessings, Susan x
© Susan Jamieson 2014
Related Articles
My Husband, My Lover, My Friend.
Posted in Abundance, Accidents, Challenges, Coping Skills, Depression, Gratitude, Health, Identity, Life, Love, Lyme Disease, Philosophy, Psychology, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged #Life lessons, acceptance, BEing present, coping skills, frustration, Gratitude, happiness, Inner-peace, Living from the heart, Love, Lyme disease, Mindfulness, pain, Relationships, sadness, self acceptance, Self Development, Soul Growth, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on January 12, 2014| 26 Comments »
Ray and I on our wedding day May 11, 2011
“This is what our love is––a sacred pattern of unbroken unity sewn flawlessly invisible inside all other images, thoughts, smells, and sounds.” ― Aberjhani, The River of Winged Dreams
My Husband, My Lover, My Friend
It’s been a rough week here and although I’ve tried to play it down, inside my head and in my posts, there have been times when the thought of simply ‘giving up’ wasn’t far away. It’s very difficult to remain positive when you wake up and the moment of consciousness brings the awful knowledge that your entire body is screaming in agony.
It’s becoming a real nightmare, a waking nightmare and this morning was the worst to date. Let me explain, although it’s really hard for me to write this. I cannot move my legs, body, head or shoulders. I am fortunate that my hands and lower arms appear to be okay. I wake up feeling as though I’m in a roasting oven, on well done! I cannot push the covers off and I cannot get out of bed, (I can’t move).
image from autobio-blogs.plazilla.com
I’ve tried everything I can think of to get out of bed without waking my husband, especially as sometimes I wake really early and I’m ruining his rest. He needs it, he has to look after someone who is cranky because she can’t do the things she has previously done alone and I’m not in the right head space to “give in gracefully” and acknowledge that for the moment, this has to be my reality.
image from http://www.123rf.com – Is this what is coming?
So let’s go back to this morning. I had a magnificent sleep, six hours of deep sleep. It’s a shame it was drug enhanced but I can’t fight that any longer either. But, I heard Ray get up and that was enough to wake me. It was a world of hurt and I had no idea what to do. My entire body was locked in this agonising position and I had to move. I simply had to.
image from http://www.thedailydecibel.com
From a mental angle it is full on despair, a waking nightmare I cannot banish. Giving in is against my entire world view. I have always stood my ground, but that has become a joke since I cannot stand. Not first thing in the morning.
The first challenge is getting upright and Ray has to hold my hands and when I say “Pull” he has to pull me upright quickly. This morning I screamed as he did this. (Going slowly is more painful.) Ray has to slowly pull each leg around until I can reach the floor and then once again, pull me to my feet. He has to make sure I don’t fall backward or forwards or I’ll be on the floor. I’ve mentioned the ‘damned stairs’ before but this morning they almost defeated me. But he wouldn’t let go, nor would he give in and we painfully made our way along the corridor.
image from owlsandorchids.com Is this all that’s left?
It has brought home the simple dignity chronically ill people suffer which is taken by others as something they just have to get used to. I wonder if, in the same position, they would find it so easy or welcome! Well, we made the journey, back to bed and sitting back brought another stifled scream. (I have some pride left). It was not going to be an easy day. I swore I wouldn’t take the tablets but I was afraid, seriously afraid I might have to call the ambulance. Maybe it’s the meds but that’s tantamount to throwing in the towel and I’d rather the unthinkable than that.
So, doped up and basically incoherent I remained in a land somewhere between reality and who knows? I do know that after Ray had left I felt someone sitting down and then a cuddling into my legs, but that’s another story.
Image from http://www.prweb.com
We decided on a bath, detoxing again, but with added special things Ray thought up. He helped me to the main bathroom, (when we build I’m having a bath in the en suite!) and the most beautiful sight met my eyes. My special bath salts, lavender-scented had been liberally placed in the bath, extra Epsom salts, my coconut body wash, coconut scented body cream, candles, my bath pillow and my iPod. I could have cried. It was exquisite – and I forget to get a photo so this will have to do…
How can something so wonderful be so painful? Getting in and lying back caused another loud groan, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me. (Note to self – larger bath needed in our en suite). It was hot, as it needed to be and as I felt the warmth slowly seeping into my body, I felt a wonderful feeling enveloping me. I got my iPod and some meditation music and I was left in peaceful silence.
I came back to myself as the water lost its heat but over an hour had passed and I was a wrinkled prune – almost. Helped out and dried off and then the final surprise, the beautiful coconut butter lotion… He carefully and slowly rubbed it in from my toes to my neck and down my back. I had the most incredible massage of my back. His magical fingers caressed the painful knots and tender spots and relaxed the rest of my back. I was covered from head to toe with lotion and I felt amazing. Every muscle had turned to jelly.
image from http://www.dreamstime.com
Helping me dress and back upstairs we had a beautiful cup of tea.
I realised how lucky I was. I found in one inexplicable gift from the Universe, my soul mate who is my husband, my lover and my best friend. The pain notwithstanding, I realise I’m so darned lucky. To be loved and accepted by such a wonderful man, someone who not only stands by me, but helps me through my nightmare is a rare blessing. I don’t make it easy on him at times and my guilt becomes another torment. I feel stuck in this limbo, yet supported by a magical earth angel.
What more can I say? Love is beautiful and found in unexpected place and at unusual times. Enjoy it anytime you can.
image from 2guysphoto.wordpress.com
I feel my love flowing to all my friends out here, and to all the people everywhere. Love will eventually change our world. It is too great to ignore forever.
Blessings and love to all.
Susan x
© Susan Jamieson 2014
~
For the Love of My Life and for the Love of Your Lives, whoever they may be.
The Withering
Posted in Creativity, Death, Life, Love, Philosophy, Poetry, Things Metaphysical, tagged #The Withering, despair, heartbreak, Living from the heart, Loneliness, loss of self, love lost, rejection, sadness on January 10, 2014| Leave a Comment »
image from lg-design-deviantart-com
The Withering
“Through dangers untold ….and
Hardships unnumbered”……
A faint smile
The merest lifting of each corner
Of her mouth
Fleeting
Already gone
Hidden
Beneath the shadows
Looming in her eyes
Dark pits of despair
Pushing her feet onward
Pulling her soul apart
Through the lies uncovered
And the heartbreak unbearable
The final destruction
Rending of her true self
Feelings
Emotions
Expressions
Unacceptable
Clinical discourse only
Measured in droplets of blood
Darkest heart blood
Turned in wood
Hidden beneath
Night’s cloak
And cloud
© Susan Jamieson 2014
The Portal of the Standing Stones
Posted in Creativity, Life, Love, Magic, Philosophy, Poetry, Things Metaphysical, Uncategorized, tagged #New Bewginnings, #Portals, #Standing Stones, #The Portal of the Standing Stones, Life, Living from the heart, Love, Magic, Relationships, Soul Growth, unconditional love on January 6, 2014| 8 Comments »
callanish-standing-stones-scotland Image from Pinterest
The Portal of the Standing Stones
.
Silently
She slips from between warm sheets
Quietly
She tip toes towards the door
Noiselessly
She slips through the timber door
To small whispers
Of her dress as she hurries by
Mist
Trickles from her ruby lips
As the chill air envelops her form
Moonlight
Filters softly through the trees
As she hurriedly passes along
The narrow path
Made by countless feet
Towards the eerie moors
Shadows
Mockingly shiver and shake
As she rushes by
Wreathed with mist
They appear grotesquely misshapen
Their branches seeming
To reach for her slender form
Silver moonlight
Beckons her onwards
Through the twisted trees
Suddenly
The open expanse of moorland
Beckons her frantic footsteps
Glistening brightly on the dewy grass
Moonlight
Guiding her path
She trembles
Involuntary and
Incessant
As chill fingers wriggle along her spine
Ahead
The proud shadows of the Standing Stones
Behind
The waving branches of Spanish Moss covered trees
Forward and the future
Unknown to be sure
Backwards and despair
With a man unknown
Chosen as husband, but not by she
Soft pearlescent moonlight
Shines soothingly amidst the stones
Suddenly
A dark form moves
From beside the tallest stone
The form in ghostly moonlight
Becomes the figure of a man
Dark as night
His clothing hides
His presence from the unwary
Reaching his side they blend together
Two dark shapes become one
Strong arms enfold her slender red form
As they carefully walk widdershins
Round the Standing Stones
A Pause
A glance
Each looking deeply into the others eyes
A tender smile shared
A quick kiss
And hand in hand
They walk through the arch
Of the tallest Standing Stone
One moment of this world
The next
Together in another place
No-one knows
Safe together,
Loves sweet embrace
Protects them for all time.
The Portal of the Standing Stones.
image from desktopnexus
Will you walk through the Standing Stones?
Bless Susan x
© Susan Jamieson 2014
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