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Posts Tagged ‘masks’

Who is this person looking back at me

In the depths of this pool

Reflected back at me

Do you know me

Have I seen you before

Can you tell me if we spoke

Or did we just pass by

I wonder if you can see me

Or is it just a shadow of who I am

Did I really show you my true self

Or was I hidden behind another mask

It isn’t such a strange thing I ask

I really can’t remember when

The last time I let a stranger in

To see beneath the masks I wear

So many now it’s crowded here

There are so many to choose from

If I decide it’s safe to try

I might let you see me as you wander by

I doubt I’ll let you know who I am

Nor to speak to or get to know

Know who I truly am

For then I have to start anew

And craft a new me,

For you

… Shazam

Susan

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“And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.”
-D.H. Lawrence

woman with neck pain

image courtesy of hancockchiropractic.com
There are so many differing reasons for not sleeping, from the obvious, simply not tired, or perhaps something preying on your mind and you cannot, try as you might, find the means to quieten your thoughts enough to reach slumber. You could, of course, simply be dropping in and out of sleep, for me that’s even worse, and infinitely more tiring.

Tonight, though I have tried many things, I am thinking of later today. I am not worried, at least not overmuch about it, but I have the next stage of my medical procedure to face, and despite being reconciled to it, I am thinking over the – possibilities. The thought of having to undergo the thirty-two needles again, in order to have the nerves heated until they die, is in itself awesome. The ‘trial run’ with the medial branch block, was, in itself painful enough. It has caused a few restless nights and even more tired and restless days. It is to be expected, but it is none the less, unpleasant. I would be more than a fool not to be concerned, and I haven’t been accused of that for many a long time. Perhaps it is the thought of it being my neck which is to undergo the procedure first. My back is scheduled for next week.

medial branch ablation neck

image medivisuals.com

I have been advised of all the pros and cons. I am aware that for a week afterwards the pain is increased, significantly. There is so much to do and I am concerned that being ‘laid up’ may cause a problem with getting things done. It’s always the way. I have three appointments next week, other than this, and being ‘off my game’ is not the way I prefer to approach them. Since there is no other choice available, I have to make the nest of it. Some would say that is brave, however I see only the practicality of the situation and will try to muddle through. For me, failure is not an acceptable option.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
Winston Churchill

As I lay in bed tonight I listened to my Mopoke Owl, calling, not mournfully, but comfortingly to me:” All will be well” and I will overcome the inconvenience of tight scheduling. After all, it is my responsibility that caused the tight schedule in the first place. I allowed myself to put off these procedures because there was so many other things happening. Now, everything has bunched up and if I want to get it over and done with I have to put up with the pain and inconvenience. Simple semantics really.

So, I give thanks for the benefit of make up! Vanity perhaps, but under the mask I paint I can attempt to hide any pain or suffering I am feeling. I can talk brightly and make jokes and long for the meeting to be over so I can slink into self-pity for a wee while. In truth it will be the drive home which will cause the most discomfort since I cannot brace my neck and I cannot make the trip any shorter. Thankfully, it should only be an hour or so each way! Not too much really.

woman in masked make up

image courtesy of 123rf.com

I am trying to focus on my father in-laws coming eightieth birthday. He is being given a surprise birthday party, and since I am new to the family, it will be wonderful to have all the family together to share such a wonderful event. It is especially treasured since both my parents have passed away, and I miss not being able to share these milestones with them. I suppose I might be a little envious too since I would have loved knowing I had these milestones to celebrate with them – in the flesh at least. I am comforted in knowing that they are no longer in pain, and I can talk to them day and night and know they hear me, and speak with me. Life take such strange twists and turns really. They are, in truth, only a thought away.

talking with spirits
image yukisplayground.webs.com

So, I have this weeks treatment on my neck, (I guess I’ll be stiff-necked over the issue) and then next Monday the rather more painful treatment on my back. The fact that it is more painful is surprising for the doctors, but as I explained to them, it has been thirteen years getting to this point. I cannot expect that it would be a walk in the park, however much I might wish it so. The week following that is expected to be quite unpleasant. I then have a weeks grace afterwards when I can gather my resources and hope everything goes well. I will need it to get myself organized for the trip down south. After all, it is for an important event and I need to do all the usual vanity things, such as getting my hair and nails done, and getting a nice outfit organized! There has to be some upside to this.

We are planning on taking our time, easy stages and then afterwards, having a small belated honeymoon. I am looking forward to that, and, laptop in hand, will be looking forward to some lighthearted blogs about the party and the holiday. The gift of having time to rest and recuperate, take our exploring at our own pace, is an immense gift in itself. It’s something we haven’t done for an age and I feel the need to simply ‘be’. I know my friend will understand that only too well. As my grandmother would have said, “It will be grand”. It certainly will!

Kiama
image besthoneymoonideas.org

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.”
Khalil Gibran

Sometimes, all we need is to look on the bright side of life. My husband will be there and he is the best antidote and nurse I know. I am most surely fortunate.

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