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Posts Tagged ‘meditation’

“There are as many worlds as there are kinds of days, and as an opal changes its colors and its fire to match the nature of a day, so do I.”
― John Steinbeck

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Despite the fact that I was relieved I wouldn’t be going on further tours with Cherylane, I still felt let down over how things had turned out. I spent quite some time wondering if I was, in fact, totally wrong about that I should be doing with myself.  In short, I began to wonder if I was meant to be following ‘this’ spiritual path. It didn’t help when I read about her doing her tours and going on a TV show, which she won. I couldn’t help but think of the Jekyll and Hyde and wondered what her adoring fans would think if they knew the real person. But being a bitch doesn’t change what she did and I didn’t want that as part of who I was so I let it ride.

Whether it was simply knowing I didn’t have to go on the road again, or doubting what I should be doing I found myself in a growing amount of pain. In fact it seemed to become substantially worse overnight, each night!  The best the doctors could come up with was… the usual STRESS! Then finally it was decided I had Chronic Fatigue, a name,  but totally unhelpful diagnosis. It appeared that after acknowledging I had CF that I was to ‘learn to live with it’. Rest was all I could do, that and whatever was within my ability to do without causing a flare up. I really love the “live with it” attitude I hear so often. If you’ve got a,b,or c, “accept it”, “learn to live with it” because “it is what it is”.  I must have missed out on the Saint instructions. I’m still struggling to accept the status quo. I feel if I do then I will sink into oblivion.

image from myjustliving.com

Bumping into a friend from my old spiritual circle was a turning point in many ways. I began going to a new circle she was running and the meditations were both soothing and enlightening, Apart from the rampant tiredness which annoyed me when I was meditating, the injury to my neck made it almost impossible to keep my head upright. If I rested my head back on the chair there was always the possibility I would fall asleep.  I was relieved when I was told to stop worrying about it – if I fell asleep I would still benefit from the meditation and Spirit were helping me to heal.  The relief was huge. Guilt over something outside your control can be devastating, especially if you are made to feel you are showing a lack of respect for something outside your control.

I started back with the healing group also and continued my Melchizedek training. It’s difficult to describe the experiences and feelings from the healing and the meditations we did. It felt as though I traveled backwards and forwards in time and space and during the healing, into and through the body. It was mind-blowing to put it mildly. At times I would end the meditations and healings in tears at the incredible things I saw and felt.  Whatever had happened before, I felt I was where I should be. I should add that these experiences occurred when I was giving as well as receiving healing. At least  many of the people I gave healings to said this to me.

There was a continued ‘presence’ of spirit around me. I could sense Dad’s presence by scent and he seemed to be spending more and more time with me. I would hear him calling in my sleep which seemed odd when I knew he had already passed over. Then I realised that each time Dad’s presence was the most strong were the times Mum was having an attack or was ill. Time was passing and I felt an urgency that the one thing I didn’t want to happen was drawing closer.

After my divorce I had eventually remarried. (Some lessons are hard to learn). The honeymoon period hadn’t lasted very long and things had been rocky for a while. Tensions had mounted whilst I was traveling with Cherylane and I had a household of discontent, and it wasn’t solely mine!  I started a small business working from home, healing and card reading which was working out fine. I could limit the clients to how many I knew I could manage so it didn’t overly concern me that it was only slowly growing.  There was a great deal of satisfaction as my skills at healing and accuracy with readings continued to grow. Being at home seemed to ease some of the tensions there, even if they didn’t help my health very much.

I felt that I needed to remain available, but if asked I would have been hard pressed to give anyone an explanation. Meanwhile the pain intensified. I had my gallbladder removed and was disappointed it didn’t help my health improve. It reminded me of my near death experience, well as close to one as I think I’ve had. This happened when my children were both in Primary School. If you’d like to catch up on my near death experience. Just follow the link.

There was an intense feeling of momentous change which left me feeling uncomfortable. I suspected what was coming and desperately wanted to avoid it. So I prayed, for the first time in a very long time, very selfishly, for myself. At least that’s how it felt to me. If  my prayers were answered it was not how I expected, but then they rarely are.

image from embracethechildrennj.webs.com

“Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God.” ~Author Unknown

Blessings,  Susan xx

Next week – Old Doors Close

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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The first peek of the sun over the horizon.

The first peek of the sun over the horizon.

Whatever we are waiting for–peace of mind, contentment, grace,
the inner awareness of simple abundance–it will surely come to us,
but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Sometimes it can be very easy to go with the flow, live in ‘the NOW’ and yet in the same instant in can be very challenging.  This week has been, by its very nature a week a highs and lows. I have felt frustrated with my reactions to events and at others grateful for how things turned out.  Looking back I have to say that it’s all simply part of the tapestry of life.

I was reminded recently  that looking back cannot change what has gone before,and in looking forward I am only borrowing possible problems which may not exist.  It is only by BEING PRESENT that I am living in THE NOW and able to be grateful for what I have. Whilst true, at the time I wasn’t inclined to be thankful for the reminder. In fact I was decidedly ungrateful, feeling I wasn’t being listened to which was simply my reaction to being redirected from the path I was on. In some inexplicable fashion I feel the need to prepare, mentally, emotionally for what may come by examining the past. I’m still learning, obviously!

Perhaps I had lived for so long needing to be in a state of readiness (the flight or fight syndrome) that I’m still thrown back into that mindset when hiccoughs occur.  I have felt the need to ‘get away’ for a while now. The forced interruptions with traffic and building noise whilst trying to battle Lyme disease has been challenging. Unfortunately going away is not possible for a little while. C’est la vie…. that’s life. When we move the impetus to ‘get away’ will no doubt vanish also.

womancryingweakshamefulembarrasmentdestenijourneytolife

There is also no denying that this week, being the anniversary of 9/11 always brings to mind the senseless waste of lives in so many conflicts around the globe. This one in particular highlighted the “collateral damage” as governments call it, when civilians are caught up in the horrors unleashed by the interactions between war mongers.  The soldiers bear the brunt of the backlash and loss caused by the money machine which feeds war and makes excuses for its necessity.  It angers and saddens me and at a time when I feel ‘fragile’, which in itself irritates me, it simply adds to the ‘problem’.

I use the term ‘problem’ loosely since it covers a multitude of sins, so to speak.

Three things happened within days of each other. I was advised I needed  to have my heart checked for a blockage, (shown on the ECG), followed by an urgent request for a brain scan due to a pituitary problem. Until this Lyme disease treatment I had always been very healthy, fit and well. I understand that the Lyme had been laying dormant, yet knowing this and suddenly finding oneself unable to do much of anything except feel time passing ever so slowly, has meant a major refocus. It is frustrating because it was unexpected and I cannot dictate how it will go.

Having been indoctrinated that being ‘idle’ is unproductive and unacceptable, I’m fighting a battle on several fronts. Naturally enough my body, which needs the grace to rest and repair, is finding it difficult when my instincts drive me to ‘do’ something, anything to feel useful. This is always followed by a crash as the scant reserves of energy are depleted again.  Ray is being driven to distraction trying to undo years of conditioning.  (We are both surviving, love has a wonderful healing quality).

A beautiful amethyst heart from Uruguay – why not combine our love of crystals with this beautiful picture as a representation for love?

So this week has been spent trying to get appointments, hours on the phone on hold and then running back and forth to get things done. Of course major reshuffles were needed so that Ray could get me to wherever I needed to be, in between everything else of course.  Gritting my teeth and telling everyone I was alright doesn’t help when you are too wonky to walk a straight line!  Yet even that only held part of my attention.

My son has his birthday this weekend and whilst he is an adult and now in Melbourne, I had to realise that it will be the first birthday since he was born that I will not be with him or able to see him. He is okay, and we will talk, but the sudden realisation on top of everything else was….breathtaking.

So I’m off my game. I have had moments of incredible beauty with sunrises and sunsets, a walk on the beach (the first in ages), photos, (yet to be downloaded) of some crazy sculptures and a walk through my fragrant patch of earth.  I also met a lovely lady, we talked of crystals and things spiritual and I made a new friend.

image from kingtycoon.blogspot.com

Beauty amidst the gross. Peace amidst the chaos. That is the secret, right there. The ebb and flow of the ocean,  the waxing and waning of the moon, the change of seasons. They are all simply a smaller glimpse of the ebb and flow of life.  It suddenly blossomed in my awareness as I meditated that all these things are just that…. things, occurrences in life.

They take moments, large or small in the fabric of our existence. Yet it is we who give them a greater or lesser importance. They do not define our existence, they merely make the warp and weft of our lives. We control the shuttle to make the fabric of our life. We can decide how our life will look. Mangled by the lack of control on the shuttle of a perfect canvass by Being Present and remaining In The Now, totally Mindful of how our thoughts are affecting us.

This is what it is all about….this is my experience. Each day will get better and I’m certain there will be bad ones. Yet the total will add up to a growing balance of good, of gratitude, of peace and love and I will have created the life I want. That;s how it is supposed to be and can be.  So Be It.

Blessings to everyone for a bliss filled day.  Susan x

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image from totalbalance.com.au

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.”
Thich Nhat Hanh, Stepping into Freedom: Rules of Monastic Practice for Novices

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I realise that for many the idea that “A new you” can be attained from something a mundane as meditation may be enough to turn you away completely. What isn’t perhaps as well explained is that meditation can be done in hundreds of ways, not simply sitting still in the lotus position. Also “a new you” is not the aim of meditation, it is tuning into the inner essence and finding peace and clarity in our rushed and hurried world.

Now if I tried to sit in the true lotus position, or even as this lady is I would be crippled as soon as I tried to move. That is if my back hadn’t already told me it was very unhappy – which means in agony. So the experience of attending a traditional yoga or meditation retreat, whilst still pulling me, is simply not on the cards any longer. Even my tarot cards tell me so!

image from http://www.flickr.com A walking meditation along the beach.

The beauty is that meditation can be done any way you like. Yes, many people will say you must have your feet on the ground, you must sit with your spine straight, but suppose that isn’t always possible or practical? What if you don’t have any feet to put on the ground? What if you have a back injury and sitting upright is not possible?

The entire premise reminds me of ‘old school’ church philosophy: you must go to church/mosque/synagogue in order to commune with your deity. Whilst I in no way intend to offend anyone’s personal religious beliefs I have to ask what happened before we built these edifices to worship in? It takes only two people gathered for the same reason to have unity of purpose, and that does not specify inside a dwelling of any kind. In fact I firmly believe that you can commune and worship your deity when you are alone, and possibly achieve a greater closeness than in a crowded ‘house’.

image from lotusflower888.blogspot.com

Which is why meditation can be so useful. It can be done with a group of people and it can be done solo. My husband and I meditate together and it is a wonderful time out of our day together. The main point is that whatever happens is the right thing to happen. I have been told that falling asleep in a meditation group is bad manners, shows disrespect for the facilitator, and yet after being so disappointed at my ‘failures’ to stay awake at times I finally found someone with a different viewpoint. Their premise is that if you fall asleep during meditation it simply means that you need more healing and spirit helps you with that. Beautiful!

My favourite way to ‘get in the zone’ or ‘zone out’ is an exercise from Robert Jordan‘s books for his characters the Aes Sedai.  In my mind’s eye I think of a curled up rose bud and slowly allow it to open until it is fully open. I always use the Peace Rose as it is one of my favourites but any colour would do. I find that by focusing on that I can forget everything else. Perhaps not traditional but it works for me!

image from aikoyoshida.wordpress.com

Of course any pastime which allows you to forget ‘everything’ is a meditation. A walk along the beach, wandering through the bush or forest, sitting on a rock in the sun, doing the ironing, listening to a piece of music, rocking a baby. There isn’t a “one way fits all” meditation. Occasionally it takes a little time to find the one which suits you. Many guided meditations work wonderfully if you need something to help you along.

At the end of the day finding an oasis of peace and tranquility in our daily lives is precious and if we use the tools we have at our disposal we can tune in to that new, calmer person. Insights come which have eluded us and we feel better about not only ourselves but other people and issues as well. If we can do that, even if only for a few moments then we are well on the way to achieving that air of peace and calm we yearn for.

“Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobtrusively.”
Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation

May you enjoy “Tuning in to a New You” and find you have always been there.

Blessings  Susan

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Sunrise over the ocean, peace and tranquility and fresh new energy for the day ahead. From our garden at Kiama.

Sunrise over the ocean, peace and tranquility and fresh new energy for the day ahead. From our garden at Kiama. Memories of our brief holiday.

No one who achieves success does so without acknowledging the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude”.   Alfred North Whitehead

It never ceases to amaze me how, in one single day you can feel like you’ve been on a giant roller coaster. You have no idea whether you are standing on your head or your rear at any given moment, yet later you know that there is nowhere else and nothing else you would rather be doing.

This, dear hearts is LIFE, in all it’s complexity and simplicity.

image from mediawebapps.com

From a beautiful calm, peaceful start of the day. Meditation completed and a wonderful glow inside. Cuddles and a snuggle in bed, after all it’s Sunday and we can afford to have a sleep in today. The day is promising to be beautiful, apart from being a wee too hot for my liking – I’m so grateful for air conditioning.

image from yenra.com

Oops, first call of the day and things are a little wonky on the rails, trying hard to hold on and not scream too much. (Can you guess I’m nervous on a roller coaster!) I don’t know if I’m on my head or the world has suddenly turned on its axis.  How strange and suddenly things can change.

image from arolemodel.com

OK, my brother appears to have caught a stomach bug, severe enough to take him into hospital. They have everything well in hand and he’s being well looked after. Unless I hear otherwise, all is well with the world again.

Time for a little R & R for us too. Been a really busy week, and we need the time to catch our breath before  Monday comes around.

image from zazzle.com

This beautiful story about a man who took his arthritic dog out into the ocean each day to ease its pain and  made headlines as well as donations for his care.  The dog is now on medication and able to live a decent life again. Its strange and humbling how people will rally around if they know what is  happening. So wonderful.

“The truth shall set you free”. If only everyone realised that.

image from redwolf.newsvine.com

Hope there’s nothing is going round, not feeling brilliant myself. Very low energy and another virulent migraine. It’s tiring having them and becoming even more tiring as they come with so much frequency.  Also picking up on a few people not being well and its preying on my mind, so meditation for health and well-being for everyone. Feeling the need to talk to someone but that list is thin on the ground…. sometimes I wish people could read my mind.

image from justthespot.com.au

Well, my brother is now on a cardiac monitor for the night. Whilst I am VERY grateful that he is being cared for in hospital it would have been nice to find out from my brother(s) and not via social media. It appears I’m in the dog house again – correction, I love dogs. I’m on the outer, outer field! You know  – way out of left field. The life of a dog ain’t easy sometimes.

image from idlehearts.com

Holding on to my “attitude of gratitude”. No matter what the problem is  I know that  am doing all I can to help. Praying for everyone’s health and well-being and speedy recoveries, healing of family relationships and healthy communication between people.

Now to “talk” myself into that peace and harmony from my early morning meditation once more. Letting go of the grief from misunderstandings  and praying for a better tomorrow.

image from pinterest.com

Thoughts become actions when taken without thinking of the consequences. Words are also actions and can cause the same hurt and are sometimes harder to forget.

For the lessons I am learning I am grateful. For the strength to learn those lessons I am mindful that I have chosen this path. I am learning how to BE present through difficult situations and maintaining my understanding and compassion. I hope I am learning my lesson well. I most certainly don’t want to repeat it.

image from verybestquotes.com

Melody Beattie

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image from myfairywallpaper.blogspot.com –

People are like stained – glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

It is impossible to deny, there is both light and dark inside everyone. Each human being, each soul has the ability to perceive both the light and the dark.  This simple fact is explicit in everything we do and say. It provides the balance by which we grow as human beings and as souls in a human body.

There are times when, despite our best endeavors we are overcome by the dark, by “the bleakness”. I first heard this term in a novel I was reading.  In short, a race of people who were warriors, the Aiel,  detested another, the Tinkers,  who followed the ways of peace, who not only turned the other cheek but would sooner die than raise a weapon in their own defense. During a sacred Aiel ceremony, where a man would become either a clan chief or die, or a woman would become a wise one or die, they learned their entire people’s history. What they learned was the peaceful Tinkers were actually the original Aiel people.

Understandably, this sudden turning upside down of their world was overwhelming. Those who were unable to deal with this dropped their weapons and simply walked away. It was described as “being taken by the bleakness”.  For those who recognise the plot, it is from a Robert Jordan series, “The Wheel of Time”. For brevity I have shortened the explanation greatly.

image from    modernmartialartist.com.au

And the symbol used in the book:

image from http://www.comicvine.com

It intrigued me, not only for the magic and abilities of the characters, but for the way the dichotomy between the light and dark within ourselves can be similarly described. It was also interesting that the Yin Yang symbol was adapted to illustrate the light and dark forces at play.

As souls having a human existence we strive to reach the light, to increase its presence in our lives, in our bodies and souls.  We practice drawing the white light of the universe down, through the crown chakra, flooding our body with positive energy and removing any negative energy.

image from soundofheart.org

In meditation I follow this daily, and as a practice in the shower it is soothing and energising.  There are times when I can only reach that feeling of calm whilst I am meditating or showering ( a shower meditation), but the dross of the day sometimes overwhelms me again. It irritates me and I try to remind myself that I am only human, a soul in a human body and I am a long way from perfection. Anyone who knows me will recognise that I have been going through my own form of “the bleakness” of late.

Yet that in itself is also comforting – eventually! I am like a Willow, I will bend before the storm but I will not break like the mighty Oak. We draw our inspiration from strange places, places which are important to each of us but may have no relevance to another.We have to acknowledge our dark side, those undercurrents of “bleakness” so that we are able to see the light in all its glory when it occurs, just like the sunlight after a storm.

It is a measure of our soul growth that, in the midst of chaos and despair we still strive for the light.

Like a protagonist in any battle we often feel thrown from one extreme stance to another. It is somewhat like being a tennis ball or a basket ball, any ball in sport, we are tossed, seemingly at whim to and fro until we are unsure where up or down is.  I know that anyone reading yesterdays blog will wonder if the same person is writing this. Change can happen quickly or not, a slow return or smashing volley.

image from http://www.odt.co.nz – The Nadal, Federer match.

Like a small bud opening to the suns first rays, we are small and fragile but can open to be a beautiful bloom. Even though our ‘life’ may be short there are more buds on our tree and we will continue to grow and flower with the sun, the light shining on us. We can only wake each day, or take a deep breath during the day and make that decision to keep going. Find something, even something small to be thankful for. Grateful for the scent of the opened roses, freshly mown grass, the laughter of children playing, the warmth of your husband’s hand in yours. It may even be a simple ‘thank you’ from someone for something you thought too insignificant to remember, yet it was important to them. They are often hard to remember when things feel grim, but like the turning of the seasons we cannot stop them if we continue to be mindful of everyday things and grateful that we can be resent to experience them. No, the battle may not be over, but then neither am I.

image from jbeachyphotography.blogspot.com


May you too find your heavenly fire to light your way out of the darkness, my blessings and gratitude for you will continue each day, hopefully brightening your day knowing that there is indeed someone out there who truly cares for you for no other reason that you are there.

“There is in every true woman’s heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity; but which kindles up, and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.”  ~Washington Irving, The Sketch Book, 1820

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dreaming lady

image courtesy of waking-up.org

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”
T.E. Lawrence, Seven Pillars of Wisdom: A Triumph

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I am so very grateful for my dreams as they bring me solutions I cannot find when I am awake and hopes and plans for the future I want to make.  They bring light and life, colour and hope when things seem dark and bleak. They reassure me that the morning will come and all things are possible to those who dream, even day dreamers.

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There are so many people who with absolute certainty, will tell you that they do not dream.  What they are really saying is that they do not remember their dreams. I’m certain of this because the sub conscious is never asleep, it continues to process everything which has happened, not only during the day just past but also from days long gone. As our subconscious tries to find solutions or explanations for whatever has occurred during that day, it draws on the vast store of information we have accumulated.

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Our bodies are amazing organisms. In the course of one hour, let alone one day, millions of processes are performed to enable us to do what we want or need to do.  The powerhouses of these processes are the heart and the brain. Without one the other cannot function, a brain without a heart dies, a heart without a brain, a breathing but unknowing organism.  Without dreams, we would go insane.  It’s like a master computer mainframe on a maintenance pattern,  if the backup is incomplete the computer malfunctions.  Not an analogy I like but it seems apt and accurate.

brain as a computer

image courtesy of shinyshiny.tv

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Tim Berners-Lee said: “Let’s use the internet as a giant brain”.  

So the idea is hardly new.

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So what happens when someone either cannot sleep or whose sleep is so interrupted they cannot reach that deep  rem pattern where dreams occur?  In extreme cases I’ve heard of people going insane.  Insomnia is the bane of modern society as the pressure of doing more in less time stresses so many that they lose the ability to relax.

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At present I almost envy those who are able to meditate easily, relax at will and sleep soundly with the peace of small  children.  I say almost because I realise envy is a useless emotion, gaining no-one anything.  Yet I cannot help but dream of finding out what it feels like to relax, meditate with ease and sleep the sleep of the innocent.

meditating in bliss

image courtesy of wedharma.com

This is one of my favourite pictures of someone blissfully meditating in a beautiful place. It’s one of the places “I go” to meditate and relax, or at least try to.  Sometimes it comes easy and sometimes it slips through my fingers like drops of water into a pond, unable to be held.

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Today I need my blissful retreat and have found only droplets of water trickling through my fingers.  It feels as though the “weight of the world” lies heavy on my shoulders and whilst I know this is an exaggeration, it is hard to find that “attitude of gratitude” I’ve been cultivating like a tender seedling for so long.  What disappoints me most is that it should disappear so easily. I will bounce back, I always do, and I will continue my gratitude journal since I have found so many more things I had previously not considered to be grateful for. This is a beautiful thing.

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“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

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I am designing my order for a delightful dream. I will start it off before I fall asleep and my subconscious will embroider something far better than I could have imagined.  My “Dream Catcher”  hanging over my bed will keep those unsettling thoughts far away and tomorrow will be a bright, new and optimistic day.

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I look at the beautiful orchids my husband brought home for me, without words saying “I love you, I’m here for you and I will slay the dragons if they appear in your dreams”.  Love is such a wonderful and powerful gift. I have been truly blessed.

image courtesy of someone dreaming
image courtesy of  hweiming.com

“The appearance of things change according to the emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty really are in ourselves”- Kahlil Gibran.

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