Posts Tagged ‘Melody Beattie’

Image from kathytaylortrigeminalnueralgia.blogspot.com.au

Image from kathytaylortrigeminalnueralgia.blogspot.com.au

I have thought of myself as a reasonably strong person during my life. At times it has been because I had to be, there was no other way to “get the job done”.  At others it was simply because it had become expected that this was the person I was. You can fool most of the people most of the time, for the very simple reason that they don’t bother to look any deeper than necessary. Make up I have found, can perform miracles in hiding how you truly feel. When feeling my worst the majority have commented on “how well I look”.  It’s quite sad really that people so easily overlook what is in your eyes.

For many people it makes them uncomfortable if they have to acknowledge that someone needs help. Often the person who needs help puts up a barrier to keep others away. It is difficult to accept that ‘you’ cannot do what everyone else takes for granted. Often times there is a dread of feeling that you are being “found wanting” or worse “not good enough” and “a burden” and so you try to hide the truth.

Life is busy, more so now than ever before. We are expected to get through so much more than we used to and yet have only the same number of hours in the day. People push themselves ever harder to keep up, to maintain the front of being super capable and now so many are falling under the pressure. Yet to admit they cannot keep up carries a horrendous stigma.

image from gingerfnp.com –

Stress – a dreaded word, almost a death sentence to a career, and in society today is almost akin to “a four letter word”.  These are the people who need a friend, need emotional support without being overpowering. What they don’t need is judgmental people saying unpleasant things about them or to ostracize them as though they are contagious.

I loathe being ill. It has taken me over a decade to persuade new doctors to finally look at things differently, different doctors who have finally done different tests and found things my body and mind told me were ‘not right’ so long ago. I have Lyme Disease and the damage to my back cannot be fixed.  Like so many things which are found ‘late’, it means it/they have reached a ‘chronic’ phase. You need a degree to be able to understand the nuances in terminology.

image from http://www.talend.com Huge pile of medical journals.

Thanks heavens for the internet… although knowledge is power it is also daunting.

This post was never going to be written although I have begun it several times over.  Today was another doctor day. It’s been a tough week. The news wasn’t altogether brilliant, in fact I suppose I’m in a bit of shock. I was always fit and healthy. After all I was a devotee of the Jane Fonda exercise era. Diet and fitness were part of my ‘bible’.

I’ve written before about the huge needles used in the nerve ablation I had on both my neck and back. I need to have it done again. The nerves have regrown and the added pain factor is – well, if I can get rid of it then it has to be better, eventually.  That I was expecting, it was one reason I needed to have a long chat with the doctor today. But I’ve had  a niggling and at times rather unpleasant pain in my chest, I’ve tried to persuade myself it’s just the bug die off, just reaction to the meds, simply anxiety over having to make my husband do so much more than I expected.

So, leaving it until the very last I mentioned it, as casually as possible. ECG immediately of course! Naturally I expected to be told it was just anxiety, stress, try to relax and meditate more, it was all normal. It wasn’t. There is a problem and I must have tests done. The problem with my back and neck means I can’t do the straightforward stress test…IV drip and chemical induced heart stress test. Sounds so much worse, but it’s not. I refuse to believe it is.

image from emlyceum.com

I couldn’t find a guinea pig… so a monkey it is.

It’s so damned complicated. The procedure for my back, because it has cortisone involved, increases stress. Jeez, I’m so glad I knew that years ago!  This means no back treatment until the stress test is done, and the barrage of blood tests.  Only after that can I book in to get some pain relief. It’s really a laugh when you think about it. I also wrote “Is trying to get well making you sick“. How right that was.

So, after my long, drawn out explanation, and no, I’m not pleading for sympathy, I’m going to try to write a few posts to have in reserve so I can keep my promise to myself to write regularly whilst I might be dragged away to be prodded and poked by gigantic needles once more.

No doubt I’ll keep you informed – briefly that I’m still with the land of the living because I’ll probably be reminded by a little pain and suffering.  More than that I wanted to reassure you that despite the sudden unexpected news I am grateful that I am alive. I am grateful that I have some great doctors looking after me and treatments I can have to get me back on my feet and living a wonderful life. It may be a little grim at times now, but it is transitory.

I have a battery of helpers. Louise Hay‘s books, Gratitude Journals and Blessings to count, Richard Bandler’s  book, “Using your brain for a change” a great NLP book, John Holland’s great relaxation meditation amongst others, and we hope to move somewhere quiet in the country soon. Plus, and it is a HUGE plus, I have Ray, who is chief nurse, cook and bottle washer, chauffeur, cheer squad and anything else he can do.

image from http://www.facebook.com

I am very grateful for all I have, and I have YOU, my fellow bloggers, who read my posts, like them and follow me and send me messages so that I know I’m not alone. I am very grateful for you too.  I have challenges but life is good.

So, whilst Charles Dickens in Oliver Twist, got the sentiment almost right, I would have to say, “Please Sir, I want some more” (Not)! I think it’s time for an “all change” and better times ahead program.

Thank you, one and all.

Blessings   Susan xx

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
Melody Beattie

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