image from http://www.josephinewall.co.uk “Snow Flake” #spirit of Christmas
“Christmas, when observed with the right spirit, still has the power to call miracles from Heaven to Earth.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway
I’ve let myself down this year. More than this I’ve let everyone else down. I lost the spirit of Christmas. After meditating for a long time to gain some perspective, some equanimity to look at everything I’ve made some remarkable discoveries.
- As well as an existing back/neck problem which has seen me ‘confined’ for long periods I finally discovered:
- I have Lyme disease and a host of companion diseases to confront.
- From being “flat on my back” from the injury now I’m “flat on my back” from the medication, most of the time
- I have been challenged to re-define my approach to the spirit of Christmas
image from caixinhadepirlimpimpim.blogspot.com
I found that I had allowed my existing beliefs about who and what I am, my beliefs about “how” Christmas should be and my role in it, the very spirit of Christmas, to push me into a position where I was severely depressed because I could not meet these expectations. What was more devastating was that I allowed this to almost ruin Christmas this year.
image from http://www.superstock.co Remember – if you were naughty you got coal in your stocking?
I have found, with the help and support from my husband and some very dear friends that this does not have to be my reality at all. The spirit of Christmas which is so important to me is still alive within me. Whilst this may sound such a simple thing it is, in itself, incredibly profound. Anything which alters your perception in such a manner is life changing, if you allow it to be.
I found:
- I have pain, at times intense and unremitting pain, but it does not define me, it is not ME
- I have some nasty bugs running my internal programs but they do not define me, they are not ME
- The lack of support for the spirit of Christmas I have always held as a family tradition is not defined by the presence of others, they are not ME
Most importantly I have found that:
- I am a unique spiritual being having a human existence, my spirituality is not affected by any pain I might suffer, I am ME
- My unique spiritual being is not the zillion bugs attacking my human body because I am ME and
- It is my spiritual being which creates the magic, joy and belief in the Spirit of Christmas because I am ME
Such a simple and profound statement: I am ME.
image from http://www.juxtapost.com –
Knowing who and what you are, is something which people search for their entire life. I have not found the full scope of Who, and What I Am, but I am content that I have found the ME who is here, right now.
I have always known and accepted I was a “work in progress” since that is the purpose of my spiritual presence here. I simply forgot that changes in the lives around me, which affected my own life, did not change my purpose. I had to learn how to adapt to those changes, to learn something new perhaps, but I retained the essence of who I am. I can retain the spirit of Christmas within me.
I am so grateful that this incredible appreciation has arrived now. I have been struggling with my meditation but today I found it was there all along. I have welcomed it back with so much happiness that it feels as though a great light has been re-lit and a beacon now shines in the place of the darkness the depression had enveloped me in.
- “Beacon of Light” walking into sunshine Spirit of Christmas
- I am celebrating Christmas Day with my husband, our first alone together and it is going to be uniquely special because we are together.
- I am celebrating Boxing Day with my son and his girlfriend, a first, which is another uniquely special occasion.
- I will see my daughter when I can before New Year’s Eve, and I am grateful I can see her then. Whilst she cannot be here “at Christmas” she is here in spirit, in my heart, which is all I need at the moment.
- Most importantly, my parents, Mum and Dad, will be here in spirit. I miss them more each year but I now know, beyond any doubt, that they will be with me as I sit at my dinner table with my husband eating our Christmas dinner.
- In all of these and many more the spirit of Christmas I rejoice in is alive and well within me.
It may be the first time I have been ‘alone’ on Christmas Day but it will also be the first time that I have been able to put aside the crushing loneliness their absence brought – even if it is just a little. It makes it a little easier not to have my family physically with me at Christmas when I have always believed that family and the spirit of Christmas were synonymous with each other. I have no idea when or why that changed but since it has and I cannot turn back the clock, I have to “move with the times”.
As the saying goes, “life goes on”, and it does, whether we will it so or not. Whether it hurts or not, life always goes on. It is a spiritual lesson our human selves must accept. When we do, life isn’t as bad, even if just by a little.
Whilst my family may be moving in other directions, as their lives change, then so has mine. Now I have a wonderful and loving husband who spoils me, not just on Christmas Day but every day. As our love grows it encompasses all the changes which occur. Our spirit of Christmas is alive and growing each year.
image from twu.ca
“When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things – not the great occasions – give off the greatest glow of happiness.”
― Bob Hope
When so much seemed to have been taken away I looked and saw that I have so much to be grateful for, a family who are strong and capable individuals, who care enough to want to be around, and a husband whose love will wrap me round and always keep me safe and warm.
The Spirit of Christmas – what a wonderful thing to be grateful for, I know I am. I hope you are too!
Blessings for a wonderful Christmas with the Spirit of Christmas alive in your own hearts.
Merry Christmas, Susan x
© Susan Jamieson, 2013
image from http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk –
Owls and Orchids 