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Posts Tagged ‘pain’

Sunrise Sunset

Sunrise, Molten Gold

Sunrise

It’s beaten me to it once more

Sunrise

Golden  bright

It’s light so strong it makes your eyes water

 Sunrise

Over the placid blue waters

Neither wave nor a ripple to mar the blue

Sunrise

Casting glimmering flights of molten gold

Between the ripples over the water

As though the light itself was alive

Sunrise

The start of another day

Yet the Sunset heralded the end of yesterday

And I wonder where the night went

Why did it flee so quickly

Like velvet across bare skin

Soft and smooth as it slides free

Darkness

Brings no release from this waking prison

Yes I am still here for the pain I ride

Gives me have no measure of illusion to hide my face

As I hide it from the accusing light of the sun

Boring deep inside this pulsing mass I call a brain

Tentacles of pain surviving any prodding

Like a living thing it takes its nourishment

From the agony inflicted in its wake

Surcease

From this pallid existence

Between moments of peaceful calm

Hard fought with acceptance and calm

Each moment a drop of relief

So small it could be overlooked

Yet there it is

Comfort

From knowing I have the secret

The Secret

Peace, calm, acceptance, mindfulness

The tools

I now have to overcome this

Nemesis

Called Pain

Sunrise Sunset

Moon over water at Byron

Have a great weekend

Ciao, Susan x

Sunrise  Sunset

Peace lily – the right flower for the right time

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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No Way Out

image from bigjoyyoga.com

“Being truly happy in life involves you feeling more in control of the direction your life is going.”
― Deborah Day

~

I’ve been really chipper for a while now. I haven’t let the occasional bad day get me down. Who am I kidding – they’ve all been miserable to some degree or another, but I’m getting that attitude of gratitude and focusing in on the good things. I’m working the Law of Attraction every day to bring health, wealth and… oh the list is huge.

But it has been a struggle today. I woke up after a fabulous sleep, which is a huge blessing, in an absolute mess. I couldn’t move, get out of bed or get to the damned bathroom unaided. I know Ray is here to help me but that’s not the point. I am grateful for the help, always, but sometimes it would be really nice if I could get up without waking him because I’m in pain. If he hears me moan, even a little, he jumps out of bed and rushes round to help me, just ask the corner of the bed which he regularly bashes into.

No Way Out

image from euromednews.ru

What seems worse is that the pain didn’t go away, despite wheat packs, pills, potions and waving my magic wand! Each time I tried to stand the world turned. That’s quite neat, isn’t it? It’s a Blessing the ensuite is so close and I can bounce off the walls to get in there. Trust myself with the kettle – oh no.  How about a sharp knife to cut my muffin? I don’t think so. Fry the bacon or an egg? Same thing applies. Thank heavens it’s an electric cook top even if it’s ready for the trash.

So, from early I’ve been cataloging my blogs. I mean, what would happen if WordPress had a glitch and all my blogs disappeared? So I’ve been copying them across to a word document and then saving them in my blog folder. Who said I couldn’t do tedious? I’ve already found some posts where the picture I used seems to have vanished like Aladdin when he said Abracadabra.

Now I was irritated, as well as the annoyance with the mobility bug, as if I needed anything else. What was worse was I felt that old friend of mine “The Black Dog” sitting just behind me waiting to visit. The misery I felt just seemed to amplify everything else.

I needed to make some decisions about my super fund which made me irritated enough to want to strangle someone. But what’s the point? It’s not going to make the damned pain leave me alone. It won’t let me see clearly, and without a blazing headache to make the keyboard move all by itself  – Yes, it’s true; I have a possessed keyboard which makes intergalactic messages at the drop of a hat – or in this case a finger.

No Way Out

image from positiveimperative.com

Okay, so what am I to do. What steps can I take to get rid of this feeling that I have “No Way Out? Right, out comes the self-healing and self-help basket!

  • I acknowledge to my body that, yes, I am in pain and therefore I am going to have to stay in bed until it goes away.
  •  I accept that I sometimes need help getting around so that I don’t make things worse by bumping into everything, or falling over!
  • I give myself permission to allow Ray to look after me and do the daily chores. He’s already said he’s happy to do this so why make a big deal out of it every time?
  • If I need to I can and will have a nap during the day. It helps to ward off the intensity of the migraine.

Okay…. I have my diploma in Financial Planning and courses in share trading in my portfolio,(Yes I really do), so there is no drama with the super fund. I may not like it but damn it I CAN DO IT My four step self-help and healing plan will work fine, if I stop doing blogs at midnight. I CAN DO IT.

Yes, the phrase is from Louise Hay, but there are so many self-help books with oodles of advice in my library that they’re almost interchangeable in parts. I can do it and as soon as I hit the publish key this is going to be shut down and the land of nod will come calling.

Are you listening, my voice of self-doubt? I can do it and I don’t need you to get me all frazzled over nothing. So off you go and let my nurse come out and help with the self-care program.

For anyone feeling as though there’s no way out, remember that there is always something you can do, even if it’s acknowledging that just for a while you may need to let someone help. It’s okay. In fact, it’s good for you, and me too.

Now who wants to get away from Kevin Costner?

“She felt trapped, but she didn’t have to. The world is wide open and ready, waiting for us to escape this bubble and join it.”
― C.M. Stunich, Losing Me, Finding You

Blessings to all, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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Being Thankful

image from sunni-survivinglife.blogspot.com – #Being Thankful

Being thankful isn’t always easy

In fact sometimes it’s downright hard

But the evangelists tell me it’s all just an attitude

Well, Grammy Jen tells me I have an attitude

And what’s more I should just get rid of it

So I’m a might confused about what I should do

~

Like yesterday

Momma told me to get to the wash

And I pounded and pounded to get Tommy’s jeans clean

That basket was like to tear my arms from my shoulders

But right in the middle of the yard

Little Bobby went scooting past on his wagon

I got my feet all tangled and down went the wash

All over that dirt yard

And I started to tremble something fierce

~

Momma whooped me plenty for being so careless

And I had to pound those clothes extra hard this time

Every time I pounded those clothes

I pretended I was pounding some gratitude in there

It helped take my mind off the whooping

But it didn’t make me feel any better

~

Later when I was helping Momma with dinner

Tommy told her I tore his jeans

He only has one good pair cos he’s always tearing them

So she whooped me some more with the big old spoon

For being so careless with Tommy’s jeans

I know it wasn’t Christian like but I snuck a bug

On his plate of squirrel stew

He never noticed and I figured God would understand

It’s sure hard to be thankful when it seems like it’s always my fault

Being Thankful

image from dougsploitation.blogspot.com #BeingThankful

~

I figure if I keep being thankful

Even when it’s always my fault

Maybe eventually all my daily ‘ thankfulness’

Might fill the biggest old barn around

And then instead of all that whooping

I might get a barrel full of hugging

To make it all worthwhile

~

But Grammy says it don’t work like that

She says, “Girl just fill yourself with gratitude,

Don’t worry about all that attitude,

God’s watching all we’re doing, and girl you’re doing just fine,

So go on now and sneak down to the river and play

Momma’s gone for the rest of the day.

And Tommy’s out after squirrels,

I’ll look after little Bobby and today we’ll both

Get our fill of thankful and gratitude

And I’ll see that sweet smile of yours for a while”

~

So I ran down to the river and swam for hours and hours,

Lay on the grass and watched the angels in the clouds

And I could feel all that thankful and gratitude Granny told me of

And I knew that everything was going to be alright

Because I could see my road stretching far away

On God’s beautiful highway.

Being Thankful

image from forums.vwvortex.com – Seward Highway, AK       #BeingThankful

 “Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.”
― John Henry Jowett

Thankfulness and gratitude are used almost interchangeably. For those things we are giving thanks for, we are expressing our gratitude for. There is no need to become bogged down in the correct terminology, if we are looking at life, at our day and being grateful or thankful for the good things which happen, then we are doing all the right things to make our world a better place.

Focus on the good things, no matter how small and more of those good things are magnetised towards us and life can become a wondrous place. It’s that easy – just remember that like attracts like.

May your days be filled with thankfulness and gratitude.

Blessings,  Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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Gratitude

Gratitude – hold it in your hands
#gratitude

“When you express gratitude for the blessings that come into your life, it not only encourages the universe to send you more, it also sees to it that those blessings remain.”
― Stephen Richards

There has been much discussion on Gratitude and how important it is in our lives.  What has also been shown is that if we only look at our world with open eyes we can see much to be grateful for. All it takes is a change in the way we look at our daily life. Let’s take a walk through an average day.

We wake up after a wonderful sleep. A bed, what a wonderful thing that is; it certainly provides a much more comfortable sleep than roughing it on the floor.  Let’s be grateful for the people who thought up the idea of sleeping on a framed bed, mattresses and pillows and beautiful sheets, blankets and quilts (duvets, eiderdowns).

Gratitude

image from http://www.thetextileicon.com   #gratitude

Showers and baths – we know baths have been around for ages, and they’re certainly my preference for a long relaxing soak, candles, scented soaps and soothing music, so we can be grateful for the people who thought of the idea of building a tub (instead of bathing in the river), and all the changes since then; candles – yes they’ve been here for aeons too, and scented, it took someone to think about the idea first before we had the pretty ones we use today; soap, this is a good one, they used a lye soap many years ago, what skin it didn’t remove was definitely cleaner. Our soaps today come in endless varieties and forms and some smell divine, given your own preference of course. Now, Showers, they take convenience bathing to a whole new level. We have scented shower gels and soaps that smell divine. New inventions and it’s wonderful to be grateful for them.

Gratitude

image from fineartamerica.com   #gratitude

Music, we know has been with us for a long time, but it has been born on the backs of old shepherds, blowing on reed flutes to calm their flocks. It has changed incredibly since then. We’ve seen Beethoven, Rachmaninoff, Bach through to Eminem, Ronan Keating, Seal and Katy Perry. Again, depending on age and preference we have so many to be grateful for.

Yet the day is only begun, we have the benefits of cars, trains and trams, buses, lifts, high rise buildings made from structural steel and concrete.  Early morning, coffee from the barista, croissants from the patisserie and so it goes on. Where would we be today without all these wonderful conveniences to lighten or brighten our day – so many things to be grateful for?

Gratitude

image from http://www.fotomage.com #gratitude

Not everyone will have all these elements in their daily lives, but most people will recognise many of these time and energy saving technological and lifestyle advances in their environment.

Now, take a look at the average day from the perspective of a person with a chronic illness or ailment. Their day might look like this: They wake in the morning (if they managed to sleep at all) in their comfortable bed. Yes, they’re grateful the bed is comfortable, unlike the board and feather mattresses of old, but they also feel a sense of loathing towards what is in effect their prison.  It’s preferable to lying on the floor, but it is a prison none the less and no sensible person likes a prison.

Now let’s look at a bath or shower. Well, depending on the illness, it is likely that there is no choice, a bath it has to be.  With all the allergies and sensitivities they may not be able to use the beautifully scented soaps, bath lotions and candles, nor the scented

moisturisers and lotions afterwards. In fact, whilst being grateful for the bath, which is cleansing and refreshing, the effort it has taken has now made them so exhausted they need to return to their prison, the bed. Yes, they are grateful they can be clean and fresh, have good clean towels, and soap which is easy on the skin. All these things are new, and, of course there is gratitude that they are here and that there is an option which doesn’t inflame any of their conditions, but options make life enjoyable, don’t they?

Depending on each person’s predicament, the idea of coffee may be impossible. They may once have been able to enjoy going out with friends and enjoying a coffee morning or lunch, but now that’s a thing of the past. They remember fondly or sadly those days. Yes, coffee machines and baristas, wonderful inventions and something to be grateful for…. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they could only…..

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if only they had good health and could go to work? Yet that is not the case and they have to rely on the wonders of modern medicine and doctors. We rely on our doctors and medications to make us well, the advancements have been amazing and of course we are immensely grateful for everything we have today.

Gratitude

image from hylaco.com #gratitude

Unless…. The diagnosis is such that there is no cure or medication, neither modern nor naturopathic which can ease the pain or symptoms. Of course there is gratitude for all the developments and knowledge the medical fraternity have gained, yet there is also frustration that with all the advances, there has been no cure found for this or that. Time rolls on and for the chronically ill life seems to draw out all too slowly and painfully.

Sometimes, healthy or ill, people are simply grateful if they are acknowledged in their daily life.  Ill or healthy, if ignored by those around you it is hard to be grateful for being where we are. We have to seek smaller things to be grateful for. We have to hold onto the happy times which occur, the times when we are able to do that little bit extra, spend time with loved ones and friends, even if they are few and far between or we have to pay in pain and suffering later. We hold tight to the pleasure and gratitude we feel when the good times visit us. For the memories we will have later.

Gratitude

image from http://www.dailymail.co.uk #gratitude

Things change day by day, advances are made day by day and we can only go on hoping that one of these days the change or the advancement will mean a cure for whatever ill is visiting us. We can be grateful that there are people always searching for answers and breakthroughs to the challenges which face us.

The more we are grateful for those people and things in our lives already, for the people who are the inventors or researchers who make the changes which improve life, the more we will see changes to be grateful for. It is not always easy, sometimes it is downright difficult, yet if we look for those small things then we may find, one day, we are looking at the big thing we were hoping for.

“Living your life through Gratitude, is not one of comparing how you are better than someone else; or Gratitude only for what you own or obtain or achieve. Living your life through Gratitude, is seeing that the world would be missing something very valuable if you were not in it.”
― Sumner Davenport

May your day be filled with love, happiness and gratitude.

Blessings.  Susan x

Gratitude

image from yourbrainatwork.org #gratitude

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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Insight into Life

image from spykebytes.me

Peering

Through eyes tight with pain

Wondering

How long this is going to last

Thinking of a way to make it past

This annoying hindrance

Life and love surround me

Happiness and joy

That everyone can see – but

What lies beyond this world of mine?

What more is there when I close my eyes?

Sightless I sit in solitude

I hear a baby bird calling for its parents

It’s time for food his cheeping says

Another calls its incessant too-wit

To herald another shower of rain

A whirring at the window

Tells me a dragonfly is near

Coming to see what this strange barrier is

A rumbling grows louder as it nears

A car is straining to make it in top gear

There is a low susurration of sound

As the ocean follows its ebb and flow

I hear bubbling grow in heated tempo

As a kettle is brought to boil

I smell tea brewing in the pot

And hear it pouring into a cup

I smell the delicious aroma as it is brought near

I catch the aroma of something sweet

A pastry of some kind I think

Yet there is a sharp tangy scent carried with it

A filling of tart fruit inside the pastry

The taste, sublime, even more intense

As the fruit and pastry are carefully nibbled

The tea is sipped slowly

The fragrant aroma floats over the tongue

And seeps into the senses

A sigh – Who could know

Fruit Danish and tea could taste even better

And the world outside could be heard

With a greater intensity

By resting my eyes from the pain

The world has given me a new refrain

A delight for the senses refreshed again

To see and hear is such a boon

Yet they live again renewed

Eyes open once more, almost too soon

Insight to Life

image from midstridemoxie.blogspot.com

A million words can be used to describe identity and what it means to you or I, and when we’re done, a million more can be used to interpret what we’ve said. Identity, part of that unique quality which remains almost indescribable. We can catch a glimpse, a new insight into identity and turning around find a new insight is laid bare before us.

“Don’t let a day go by without asking who you are…each time you let a new ingredient to enter your awareness.”
Deepak ChopraThe Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life

Blessings and Insights to enliven your days.

Ciao, Susan  x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

This is the last post of my NABloPoMo challenge. 30 posts in 30 days.

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Falling Softly

Like spring raindrops

Slowly trickling

Ever downwards

To the faint beat

The pulse of life

Always with gentle heat

The beat that’s all life

Slowly etched

In widening caverns

Like Tears of Acid Rain

Dreams unspoken

Love gave no token

By growing isolation

Rejection

Raindrops of blood

Acid etched by sorrow

Never more tomorrow

Alone

Tears of Acid Rain

Tears of Acid Rain

image from bleeding_eye_by_flauschvampire91

Ciao, Susan

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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Just One Day.….

Just One Day

image from quotes-lover.com

Just One Day… there’s been a theme running through my mind all day. In fact it’s a recurring theme. I wonder what life would be like if…

Just One Day:- I could wake up, feeling great, stretch languorously and get out of bed and hop into a nice hot shower. Dress and go make breakfast for my husband and I.

Just One Day…..

Just One Day:- I wonder what it would be like to  jump out of bed, smiling at a day already planned. A leisurely breakfast with my husband before hopping into the car and setting off for town. A little shopping and then meeting a few girlfriends for lunch. Sitting and chatting and swapping stories of our day and plans for tomorrow. What would that be like, just one day?

Just One Day.

Just One Day

image from andyouaremysunshine.tumblr.com

Just One Day:- What would it be like if I could get out of bed, pull on my exercise gear, joggers and hop into the car and go to the gym for an hour, or, if I preferred, just go for a run along the beach with my husband. We could just walk leisurely along, holding hands and talk about… what we are planning for the future. Our new home, our new life, happiness and excitement. Perhaps we could plan a holiday, a flight to somewhere? What would it be like, just one day?

Just One Day..

Just One Day

image from quotepixel.com

Just One day:- What would it be like to wake up and smile, not holding my breath waiting for the pain to let go just enough for me to breathe properly, then getting out of bed, without needing to be helped upright and held steady until I won’t fall over.  Walk to the bathroom alone, without needing to be supported each step of the way, before being helped back to bed for heat packs to be brought to ease the pain, and wondering if this will ever stop.

Just One Day….

Just One Day

image from quotesoflife.info

Just One day:- What would it be like to have a leisurely breakfast and not handfuls of pills to swallow which need a set regimen to take them.  No running out the door to see girlfriends, they vanished long ago when it became impossible to rely on my presence. Nor an hour at the gym, that’s long gone as the ‘issues’ became greater. Neither a walk along the beach because I wouldn’t make it to the sand, without thoughts of a walk through the sand.

Just One Day…..

Just One Day

image from twicsy.com

Just One Day:- I finally find I can emotionally accept that this is me in the present moment, I accept who I am and where I am and what is currently happening to me and peace begins to rise up in me. Fighting against this reality can only make me more frustrated, while the reality that I am alive, within this moment can make me stronger than I knew, see the greatness of what is and the love in all things.

Just One Day:- I accept this pain, in so far as it is my present reality, but not my only reality. It will not define who and what I am. Love for me is as bountiful as my love for others. I am not diminished if that love is not returned, but if it is then I am richer than I knew.

Just One Day:-

Just One Day

image from misskryan.edublogs.org

~

I began this day thinking of this film about C.S.Lewis which of course meant that I thought of Sir Anthony Hopkins. Here is a man, who has in life, taken all life has to offer without apology, making no concessions to anyone, and accepting the consequences as they came.

This is what I have come to understand when I thought about what might happen if I had “Just One Day“……………..

~

  “Pain is a pesky part of being human, I’ve learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.” ― C. JoyBell C.

~

Life goes on, with or without me. I have no intention of being left behind, nor of being remembered because I was in pain… I am me, a spirit in my own right and my own beauty. I would not change it if I could because I am growing through this and becoming…. the best that I can be.

This is me, it might also be you. We may walk together, unknown or known, but sharing the same light. It is a light in the darkness we all share at times… but the night always passes.  Please share this post, who knows who out there might just be wishing, for just one day…

~

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ― Lao Tzu

~

If this connects with one person, if this resonated within one heart, lightens one spirit, then take this gift today, for each and every day.

~

Blessings to all,  Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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Mousehunt

image from mybirdie.ca –

Dearest, Are you there?

I heard a mouse squeak under the stairs

Not to worry, Honey

That’s just the window sticking in its track

~

Dearest, Are you there?

There’s something squealing now over there

It’s alright, Honey

The branches scraping on the Jacaranda

Just touching the door on the verandah

~

Sweetheart, Are you there?

I’m sure I heard some screaming down there

Dearest, It’s alright

There’s really nothing to worry about

~

Sweetheart, Please tell me what’s going on

I’m sure there is something there

Now I can hear a sobbing in the air

Yes Darling, I’m sure you’re right

I hit my finger in the dark –

As I chased that mouse under the stairs

Then I chased it through the squealing door –

Which hit my dodgy knee when I tripped on the floor

But I didn’t start to sob –

Until I caught my finger in the closing door

Mousehunt

image from soltherapy.wordpress.com –

Which I couldn’t see –

Because the bulb had blown

In the torch I was holding as it fell and broke

As I was trying to catch that danged squealing door

To stop it from closing

~

Dearest, Are you saying the mouse got away?

It’s always best to look on the brighter side of life.  Poem inspired by my wonderful Mum. Final image inspired from a riotous film called….”Mousehunt”.

Find a chuckle in your day, keep the blues away.

Happy weekend.

Ciao, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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Life Change

image from genzoman.deviantart.com

“You are one thing only. You are a Divine Being. An all-powerful Creator. You are a Deity in jeans and a t-shirt, and within you dwells the infinite wisdom of the ages and the sacred creative force of All that is, will be and ever was.”   ― Anthon St. Maarten,

There is no guarantee what lies in store for us. If we are truly lucky we may have flashes of knowing, our intuition kicks in and we are sure we know what to do. We make choices based on our ‘gut instinct’ and everything seems to fall in our favour.  Life seems truly blessed. Our lives are all if not more than we hoped for. Yet there is always room for a “Life Change“.

I’m sure we’ve all felt we need a “Life Change” at some time or another. Some people might call it a ‘run of luck’ and thank their lucky stars that things are going well. By the same token others will say “it’s just a run of luck” when things are going badly and they hunker down until their luck should turn again. It’s simply a turn of phrase, taken whichever way is most suitable for the circumstances.

We are all given certain ‘gifts’ or talents which we bring with us when we are born. Sometimes we feel that people have charmed lives, and at others we feel they may have been dealt a bad hand. Yet each time someone has a run of bad luck, or are dealt a bad hand there is something they can do to alter it. They can have a “Life Change” at any time, even when times are good they could be better. Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes we can change our life around. We have the ability to change how we think and act to make our lives into what we want them to be. This is the reason for self development.

Life Change

image from kcbobatoon.empowernetwork.com

“Start with big dreams and make life worth living.”   ― Stephen Richards

 

.

Throughout the journey we call life we have the choice to be happy, sad, healthy, wealthy, grateful or envious and so much more. It may sound strange or even far fetched when we are sitting at the bottom, feeling defeated by circumstances, ill health or deserted by those we thought were friends. I know, I’ve been there. Yet it is possible to climb out of that black pit. We have a choice to make a “Life Change.” We may not be mega wealthy like Bill Gates, we may not be an Olympic athlete like Sally Pearson or a dancer like Patrick Swayze but we can be the best that we can possibly be. We can turn our lives into the dream we always believed and hoped possible. We can learn to spend wisely and grow our money, we can learn to be a good sport and enjoy our activity and we can learn to dance and feel the “wind beneath our wings.”  We have a choice to develop our gifts.

There are many people who teach meditation, relaxation, life coaches, business coaches, doctors to aid us in improving our health or managing it, natural therapies and so much more. We have to make a conscious choice to refuse the status quo and change things.  We need to decide that a “Life Change” is possible and we want it.

Yet it can be difficult to organise all these changes on our own. At times everyone could use a little guidance to get started, stay on track or be encouraged. My husband and I have been working towards getting a plan together, one which would help me to manage my own challenges by creating a “Life Change“. I needed to refocus myself, my energies and plan new dreams and goals to take into consideration my health and be able to adapt as I become healthier.

Life Change

image from kaotickell.deviantart.com

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”    ― Albert Einstein

I’ve already started my “Life Change” program. It’s not all ” beer and skittles” or “sunshine and roses”. I still have bad days and need help picking myself up, but I’m hoping things are going to be much better very soon. It’s easier to see the light again if the dark clouds arrive and that’s a great help.

When I’m fighting a battle on a health front, when things don’t go to plan, when I wish things were different, it seems strange to be starting a self development ‘program’ and yet I felt that it has been the ideal time to start. If I can do this when things aren’t easy then I know I can make even more changes and kick more goals when life is better. So, I’m reaching for my stars. I wanted to share my excitement with you, my friends in cyberspace.  Perhaps I’ll need a hand to help me up if I slip, but I’m happy I have a path I can see clearly now.

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life’s A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you’ll move mountains.”    ― Dr. Seuss

May you kick all your goals each day. Together we can change the world.

Ciao, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson  2013.

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“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”   ― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

A strange thing happened to me tonight as I read through the blogs I follow on my reader.  Someone I have come to know very well, and for whom I have the greatest admiration for, was obviously having a very hard time. In fact, as I was reading this post my husband walked in to find tears streaming down my face. At that moment, at trying to explain what ‘was wrong,’ I came to a startling realisation.

For the first time in many long years I have found, here in cyberspace, on Word Press, a group of people who have become friends. In fact they are very dear friends, and this has happened without my being consciously aware of it. The realisation was, for me, quite momentous. I have spent the better part of my adult life without friends.

There had been several reasons. My ex was a police officer and many people find that confronting. They were polite, to a point, but really didn’t want to socialise. Then there were those who wanted to believe the worst of any police officer, and his family, during the Fitzgerald Corruption hearings, and as you can imagine some very cruel things were said. He had a phobia about retiring and finding he was penniless and so everything we had earned whilst working went into our home and investments. We owned our home but our family life had been – somewhat lacking. Holidays were something we dreamed of as everyone went away over the summer holidays.

Still, they couldn’t know this but it was said that ‘he must be corrupt because we owned our home’. Cruel, senseless and divisive. It was needlessly cruel towards our children and for that I despised, with a fierce intensity, those people. Then later there were those people who had professed to be friends and evaporated like a summer breeze the moment my ex husband and I separated. It felt like I had contracted some unknown contagion and I felt more isolated than ever.

“When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for, when nobody needs you, that’s when I think life is over.”    ― Audrey Hepburn

I was asked recently when I had built a wall around myself. It took a while for me to follow the thought back, inside myself, and to realise when it had begun. This protection mechanism to prevent the feelings of hurt and rejection. I had an image to protect, that of the competent no-nonsense individual who could do anything, despite the difficulties. It was a persona which had developed over many years and for those who have read my posts about Voice Dialogue and Sub Personalities you will recognise this was “The Protector”.

However, I have moved on and against the odds I have met and married a wonderful caring man, someone who takes the time to understand the complexities of my nature. I am daily grateful for this miracle. Yet he has also done more than allow me to love freely again. He has allowed that shield I erected to start to come down. I have extended myself to others and been accepted. I have found people who are genuine, who wish me well and whom I have come to care for deeply. Should anything happen to these people I would feel all the grief one would normally feel at the loss of a close friend or family member.

Friendship

image from http://www.hbdragon.com     Lives entwined.

This may seem like a small thing for some. It may seem trite to others. Yet I have learned that friendship is one of the most important things we can give to each other. The knowledge that we need not put on a face to shield how we feel from them and that they will still offer support, an ear to hear you or kind words to help you knit those fraying emotions together again. It means, very simply, that no-one need ever feel alone because feeling alone, feeling isolated and misunderstood is corrosive to our hearts and souls. Our spirit is damaged by the isolation from other spirits, from other spirits in human form as we are here on earth.

So, to all those who I have come to value through my interaction with you, I offer you my friendship, a delight in your creativity, an empathy in your difficult times, and a joy in your happiness. As much as people crave love, friendship is the glue to make or lives a glowing beacon.

I wish everyone, true friendship, and my heartfelt thanks for allowing me to reclaim this wonderful feeling. Thank you.

Friendship

image from quotes.lifehack.org

Be well, be supported, receive friendship and happiness, and smile at least once a day.

Ciao, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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