Owls and Orchids

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Have you worked out what makes you feel good? Where are you when you feel happy with the world, with the people you are with, when you are with yourself? Yes, that’s right, with yourself. If we cannot find that feeling of inner contentment when we are “with ourself,” when we are “looking within” and finding that “inner centre” which fills us with peace, then we have little chance of finding it elsewhere.

Of course there will be times when you feel all is well in your world. Things may be “In Flow” and you have this “warm and fuzzy” feeling which lulls you into a feeling of “She’s Right, Mate”.  So many little adjectives which we use to talk to ourselves and reassure ourselves that life is wonderful. All this ‘inner chatter’ is a form of “Voice Dialogue” first brought to light by Hal and Sidra Stone. If you are interested you can read more about it here, here and here. It is a fascinating subject.

In our search for peace and serenity we can practice finding and giving “Gratitude” to others and to ourselves. Once found it is not a simple matter to replicate. It takes repetition and dedication, plus a firm belief  that this is the way you wish to live your life, finding the good where we can and being grateful for the many Blessings in our lives.  However, if we persevere we find life becomes easier, the good we send out to others multiplies and comes back to us in wonderful ways. It makes sense of the trials and tribulations we may face.

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Yes, this is the crucial point. No success is ever gained from doing something once. It must be repeated until it is an integral part of our existence. Our hearts expand as we are focused on the good and not worrying about the problems we face each day. Certainly problems will arise, problems which try incredibly hard to “Prick your Serenity Bubble”.

I know, because today was one of those days.

I have kept a journal, or diary if you are ‘old school’, for many years. However, for more than fifteen months a part of my journalling has focused on finding five, yes, just five things which I have been grateful for on that day. It doesn’t sound like very much, does it? Yet there are days when you can struggle to find one thing to be grateful for, especially if you have a run of difficult situations.

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So was my day. I’m in my heavy meds week and the associated irritation from them to counter the bugs from Lyme disease is enough to dampen a lot of enthusiasm. However, I know I’m killing those little blighters and so I’m grateful, even if I feel wretched. Yet I had a number of appointments I needed to schedule and I’ve put it off long enough.  I had already spoken to these receptionists previously so that I knew what to ask for and when to schedule things to fit into my woefully limited day.  I mean, at the end of the day I am asking them to do some fairly nasty things to me, all in the name of science and better health!

The cost of good health is no small thing. In fact it can be damned expensive! So you can imagine my chagrin when I called to make the first appointment only to be told it was going to be much more expensive than we had previously been told.  Oh, we can claim it back later, but they want payment up front…. ARGGGH.  With a swipe of my cards they can claim their payment from Medicare, but Noooo, they won’t do that, all money up front, if you please and then, when you’re dragging yourself around, line up and claim your refund from Medicare.

The worst part of this….. you will be told to drop your claim in the box, or wait and hand it to a claims officer and they will deposit the money LATER in your account. Now, I’m not sure about you but that seems backward. If I’m going to be given my money back, and the hospital are being paid by Medicare anyway, why are they unable to do the waiting? They don’t have to run around when they feel like someone has been running them down with a Mack truck! Better yet, you are instructed that you are not allowed to drive, you must have someone to accompany you, drive you home afterwards and make sure they can keep an eye on you for a while.

Pardon me, I think I missed something here.  You cannot fight the establishment. You can try but it’s a waste of time. So breathe deeply, breathing in calm and contentment and breathing out the tension. Works wonders, doesn’t it, I feel better already.  I am grateful I managed to get an appointment before I burst a bubble.

image from people-equation.com

So, back to the phone and blow me down, but it was a repeat of the first one.  I cannot get an appointment to fit into my schedule and so it will coincide with a week when all I want to do is crawl into a bath full of water and epsom salts to stop the perpetual itch.  Add a couple more annoyances and irritations and my “Serenity Bubble” was bulging alarmingly.

My “Inner Critic” was fighting with my “Inner Child” who was upset with my “Warrior Woman” because rather than crying she wanted to “bust some chops” but the “”Controller” said NO!

My bubble wobbled and shook, it rolled and bumped around and after many deep breaths and peaceful music, and my Tibetan singing bowl, (you can hear them at this link) it steadied and shone in pride of place, centered in my heart, filled with Gratitude that, I had managed to get everything arranged and “In the fullness of time, all things being equal etc” all will fall into place.  (I have to confess to being a fan of “Yes Minister”, the above quote from Sir Humphries in that show.

So, to everyone who is handling setbacks and frustration, whose Serenity Bubble has a really wonky wobble, rest assured, you are not alone. Grab hold of that small thing you can be grateful for, the sun on your face, the wind in your hair, the smell of the ocean or the freshness of the forest, a babies smile, a warm hug, a cup of tea, a dogs cuddle and remember,  this can all happen tomorrow and you can overcome it again. Be grateful that you will be here to be grateful for another day.

image from http://www.lightly.com

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
― Lao Tzu

May your days be filled with serenity, with gratitude and the inner fortitude to find both. It’s worth it.

Blessings, Susan x

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