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Posts Tagged ‘personality’

Who is this person looking back at me

In the depths of this pool

Reflected back at me

Do you know me

Have I seen you before

Can you tell me if we spoke

Or did we just pass by

I wonder if you can see me

Or is it just a shadow of who I am

Did I really show you my true self

Or was I hidden behind another mask

It isn’t such a strange thing I ask

I really can’t remember when

The last time I let a stranger in

To see beneath the masks I wear

So many now it’s crowded here

There are so many to choose from

If I decide it’s safe to try

I might let you see me as you wander by

I doubt I’ll let you know who I am

Nor to speak to or get to know

Know who I truly am

For then I have to start anew

And craft a new me,

For you

… Shazam

Susan

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“True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.”   Arthur Ashe

After talking about sub personalities I was wondering if there was a better, more “close to home” example I could use to show how these sub personalities can be so helpful in our daily lives, and yes, they can be unhelpful also. Yesterday, that is precisely what happened.

I had been through an agonising night with my Lyme Disease, I thought, and it felt as though my right hip was being slowly pulled apart by red hot irons. Not terribly pleasant and definitely the stuff to keep you awake! I was most assuredly ‘The Victim’ of the tick/parasite, ‘The Predator’, and also ‘The Invalid’, as I achingly slowly trekked to the bathroom and back throughout the long night. I was finally trying to rest in bed. The bug ‘die off’ is painful and at times feels as though it is a never ending cycle. It isn’t, but ‘The Inner Child’ feels quite vulnerable.

Whilst no-one wants to be in an accident (‘Victim’), or to be in the position of seeing one (‘Witness’), sometimes you are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time or the right place at the right time. It depends on your perspective.

My husband, Ray (‘The Carer’), had brought a nice cup of Earl Grey tea and sat down for a reassuring chat. A nice comforting chat is always good for the soul and anything else which ails you.  Suddenly we heard that awful sound everyone automatically recognises, the dreadful squeal of brakes followed immediately by the heart stopping thud of two cars colliding.  This, right outside our house, close to the bedroom window.

We exchanged quick looks as he stood up to find out if he could see the accident, but unfortunately the hedge around the property completely blocked the scene. He dashed off to check things out. ‘The Protector’ had come out in both of us. Whilst he made a quick exit through the front door I shuffled up to the wardrobe and dragged out my dressing gown. Dressed in PJ’s, slippers and dressing gown I too headed out.

image from http://www.ebay.co.uk                    Comfy and cosy but not high fashion!

About now, everyone should realise the possible folly of this. Sans make up, something I NEVER do, and having a bad herx reaction I wasn’t fit to look after myself far less anyone else! None the less, “the calling” was there so I painfully shuffled past onlookers and seeing a couple of people around the car on the far side of the road, I went to the lady sitting alone inside the car closest to me. I don’t think I could have crossed the road but if the need had been there, I don’t doubt I would have done it!

“The Calling” is an inner pull which never goes and compels you to action; someone may have been hurt and I might be needed. I ‘knew’ Ray would be channeling ‘The Commander’, directing the rushing traffic coming over the crest of the hill. Despite a sign clearly indicating a cross road just before the crest, (why do Councils allow cross roads to be placed in such idiotic places?) cars were still coming over the hill at a speed dangerous to anyone standing there, far less an accident scene! By the way, that was ‘The Inner Critic’ passing comment on Councils.

There he stood, powerful and commanding. I could see the energy flowing from his hands as ‘The Commander’ waved in an imperious manner for the cars to slow down and stop – and they did! They stopped, then slowly made their way past the two cars which were pulled over onto the side of the road. A potential second accident was avoided.

image from dir.coolclips.com

Shuffling along I made my way to the nearest car and checked out the situation, ‘The Analyst’ realised that no-one was hurt, no blood, no broken bones. The driver, shaken and in shock, I moved between both ‘The Protector’ and ‘The Carer’ so that the driver I’ll call “Emma” could finally reach a state of relative calm and phone her son. Talking calmly is a great help in these cases. Her trembling stopped and she was able to speak to the Paramedics when they arrived.

The Paramedics became ‘The Professional Carers’ and also ‘Traffic Controllers’ as they positioned their ambulance van with lights flashing where approaching traffic could see and relieved Ray of that task.  Emma’s son arrived and  I too was relieved of my roles.

Ray gathered me up and started to half carry me back home. Away from the adrenal rush, the pain, sickness and discomfort came flooding back. I was more concerned with the Paramedics seeing me as the patient if my legs folded under me instead of the accident ‘Victims’, so I breathed a painful but relieved sigh when I reached my comfortable bed! Ray, ‘The Protector’ and ‘The Carer’ was once again taking care of Susan ‘The Invalid’.

image from blog.sequoiaseniorsolutions.com

Everyday occurrences can see the same exchange of sub personalities appear as they did when we attended this accident. If you pay attention you may also see sub personalities around you such as ‘The Office Bully’. ‘The Inner Child’, ‘The Organiser’,’The Pusher’, ‘The Pleaser’ and so on.

Integrating all these sub personalities is the work of Hal and Sidra Stone in Voice Dialogue and, in my opinion, is powerful.

If you are interested, read the following:

Which ‘me’ are you talking to?

A Day in the lives of…What’s Your Name?

A Day in the lives of…What’s your Name, Sir?

“The intellectual is different from the ordinary man, but only in certain sections of his personality, and even then not all the time.”     George Orwell

There are more examples to be found in the film genre – for another time.

Happy reading,

Bless, Susan  xx

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image from hyperallergic.com

From earliest times men have been seen as the ‘Hunter – Gatherers’ and are still working on levels of sub personalities in this mode. However, in today’s society their personas have become much more divergent. Here is an example of what an atypical days in the life of a modern day married man might look like. This is a follow on from “A day in the life of….What’s Your Name?”

6am     Wake Up. ‘The Husband‘ greets his wife before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

7am      Breakfast. ‘The Husband‘ tries to talk to his wife whilst ‘The Father’ pays some attention to the children before he has to leave for work. He feels a little frustrated that he hasn’t been able to give either his wife or his children enough of his time.

7.30am   ‘The Husband’  leaves for work, getting into his car he becomes ‘The Aggressive Pusher’, jumping between lanes, tailgating in an attempt to get to work early and get a head start on work at the office.

8.30am  ‘The Executive’ walks into the office, politely speaking with fellow colleagues whilst ‘The Dictator’ demands coffee from his secretary, taking out his frustrations on the first person available.  ‘The Rationalist’ apologises for being abrupt when she brings in his coffee. ‘The Coordinator‘  arranges for meetings to be scheduled during the day.  ‘The Chairman’ runs these meetings ensuring everything runs to schedule. As the group leaves ‘The Flirt’ pops out to share a few moments with one of the girls.

12 noon   ‘The Executive’ walks quickly to the luncheon appointment. ‘The Connoisseur’  selects an impressive meal, suitably impressing the clients. ‘The Raconteur’ regales the clients with small anecdotes and little personal touches to endear himself with the clients and build a rapport to help establish a further working relationship. ‘The Flirt’ shows a little charm towards the ladies and receives a few coy smiles in return.

1.20pm   After lunch,  ‘The Executive’ has the clients in his office signing contracts. ‘The Banker’ steps in as he pays some of his personal accounts, followed by ‘The Husband’ as he brings his wife up to date so she wont pay the same accounts. ‘The Executive’ returns, calling on the secretary to arrange through ‘The Coordinator’ for more meetings the next day.  On the way out of the office ‘The Mate’ comes out as he exchanges banter with the male colleagues.

5pm    ‘The Husband’ (he’s been thinking about home) gets in the car. ‘The Marauding Speedster‘ takes over as he sees an open stretch of road and he wants to feel some wind in his face. ‘Road Rage Roger’ may make an appearance if he’s held up too.  Along the way he sees an elderly lady standing next to her car, apparently broken down.  ‘The Protector’ appears and he stops to help her out. Back behind the wheel again ‘The Speedster’ takes over until he reaches home.

6pm   ‘The Husband’ arrives home and greets his wife. The children surround him and ‘The Father‘ appears. For a time ‘The Inner Child’ surfaces as he plays with his children. The children are reluctant to go to bed so ‘The Stern Older Judge‘ appears and shuttles them off to bed.

7pm    ‘The Husband’ is able to spend some quality time with his wife, talking over the days affairs and asking after her day. ‘The Lover’ appears as the night  passes and he helps prepare the romantic bath for his wife. ‘The Seducer’ is preparing the way for romance.

9pm  Fully relaxed and he and his wife share some couples time, bringing each other up to date on their respective days, (although he doesn’t mention flirting with the ladies). ‘The Romantic’ has prepared a glass of wine and perhaps some chocolates to enjoy.

10.30pm    ‘The Armchair Sports Fan’ watches some sport whilst his wife has a long hot soak.

11pm      Soft music and lighting fill the bedroom from the fragrant candles he has lit. Refreshed and languorous from her bath she walks into the bedroom. ‘The Husband‘/’The Lover’ meets  ‘The Wife‘/ ‘The Lover’ and………..‘The Seducer‘ meets ‘The Seduced‘, or is it vice versa?

image from http://www.sitcomsonline.com (Herman’s Head)


I’m complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it’s shredded.    Unknown

This is a lighthearted look at a real situation. We are all complex human beings and these sub personalities assist us to complete sometimes difficult or mundane facets within out life. Look for example at the soldier; he undertakes hazardous duties which, under normal circumstances he would be unable to do. Training alone does not make a good soldier. ‘The Warrior’ is available for him or her to call upon to help him perform his duties, to keep him alert to danger and keep him safe.

Would we have it any other way? Perhaps only with Politicians, where we could expect that ‘The Negotiator’ or ‘The Politician’ would perform according to his promises, and not be ‘The Turncoat’ or ‘The Cheat’ or ‘The Deceiver’ they often turn into.  Such are the complexities of sub personalities.

Another, different look at this intriguing subject in a later blog.

Blessings, Susan x              ‘The Writer’ or ‘The Blogger’.

If you are interested in this article you might like to read:

Which ‘me’ are you talking to?

A Day in the Life of……What’s Your Name?

NB. The Voice Dialogue technique was the work of Hal and Sidra Stone. They identified hundreds of sub personalities and their interaction with each other and other people. This article in no way is a definitive work on the topic. If interested more detailed explanations can be found on their website.

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