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Posts Tagged ‘Psychics’

image from spirit_elements-www-josephinewall-co

image from spirit_elements-www-josephinewall.co.uk

Two years before my marriage breakdown my father had passed away after a nasty battle with cancer. As anyone who has had anything to do with cancer knows, it isn’t an easy journey. Dad had Myeloid Leukemia and as time passed I became aware that I was hearing Nanny call me more and more often. I would lay awake at night waiting for her to call me, finally falling asleep only to wake when I heard her calling me, then lose any connection when I spoke. I became more frustrated with myself, wishing I could ‘wake’ just enough to ‘talk’ to her without saying anything, which I thought was stopping her from speaking to me.

I read everything I could find about Angels and spirit communication. I listened to anything I could on CD or video but couldn’t get to see or speak to anyone. (My ex called it “that rubbish”). I was frustrated and saddened by my failure to learn something which might bring some peace to Dad or Mum who was herself very ill. Yes, and answer some of my questions.

After his passing he seemed to be with me often. His particular scent was everywhere and I felt if I could turn quickly enough I might be able to glimpse him before he vanished. I began hearing him calling my name as I slept too. It was comforting but frustrating as I felt I was missing something important. Yet I had no idea where to go to find the answers. It seemed everyone was calling me and I was unable to hear what they wanted me to hear.

image from myvoiceonthewingsofchange.blogspot.com

Twelve months later my father in law passed away. I was shocked when I heard his voice call me. We had traveled out to Texas to see him, knowing in my heart we would be saying goodbye. Once I saw him in the hospital I heard voices all around me, his family waiting. A planned short visit became a dire need to stay overnight, one I knew would be the last but which my husband refused to accept. As I waited for him to return from collecting overnight items I heard his father calling my name. Yet neither of us said a word. Within minutes of his return his father passed away.

I was shocked by my experiences in the hospital. The last years had seen a growing divide between his father and I, almost in line with the decline of my marriage and I was stunned at the experience I had whilst I was alone with him.  Now I had even more questions. Why did he speak to me after all ‘this’ time’? “Why” could I hear his family when I had never been able to form a close relationship with them over the years? It was inexplicable to me at that time.

Twelve months later my marriage broke down completely and my foray into other avenues to find the answers which filled my mind finally began in earnest.

I began to actively seek out groups I could get to, Paganism, Wicca, Angelic workshops, Spiritual churches. Online and in person I searched for a reason for the why of life and death which perplexed me.  I pursued my Reiki healing and then followed with other healing modalities. I could feel my senses expanding and sense things even more intensely. I attended Doreen Virtues Angel workshops and became an accredited Angel practitioner. I bought and became proficient with a range of tarot cards but apart from friends lacked the trust in myself to read for anyone else. A wonderful ‘seminar’ with some famous psychics arranged by Hay House was a highlight at the time. I had so many questions bubbling away inside and no opportunity to ask any!

I became involved with a couple of Wiccan groups, only to find we didn’t ‘fit’, beautiful people and I had some answers and learned a great deal. Much of what I learned made sense but didn’t answer everything completely. In the process of searching through online groups I came across a colourful individual, I’ll call Evan, a colourful character who had led a colourful life.

Evan and his family lived in the Woodford area and I was invited up to meet them…. I gathered it was an inspection process to see if I would fit in with the group. It was a strange meeting, filled with questions and the impression of being ‘weighed and measured’.  In retrospect it was rather funny. They had their ceremonies which appeared to be very similar to the Wicca groups, but there was a hint that there was ‘more I could learn if things went well’. This intrigued me even more. What could be so secret that I had to ‘prove’ myself before I could find out about it. It certainly didn’t sound like any of the Wicca I’d been involved in or studied. It did, however, sound very much like it might lead to a darker kind of practice. My curiosity was piqued.

Now I know from my studies that Paganism is not ‘black magic’ yet I also know that there are those who do take such worship down darker paths. The feelings I received as we performed our full moon celebrations did not leave me feeling happy and joyous but uncomfortable and brooding, waiting for something further to happen. The secrecy and mystery they surrounded their celebrations with also made my hackles rise.

My years of reading Dennis Wheatley came to the fore and it took little time talking with the other members of the group to learn that the New Moon celebrations were more ‘interesting’. Now why should that be? Why were the chants so strange? Why were we not allowed to see them until the ceremony was about to start?

People stop seeing you for who you really are after a while and I sat and listened to what was happening. I’m sure everyone has seen the backward writing which your brain can read easily after a few seconds. All the words for their ceremonies were written in reversed order. Nothing ‘bad’ that I could ever saw, but what went on at those ceremonies I was not invited to?  As time passed I became more uncomfortable. Their costumes became more flamboyant and brief and their talk left me in no doubt that their altar was not a place to honour life. Not in the way I would like.

Common  sense told me to simply stop going there as I had already heard of past members having somewhat unfortunate accidents. My police ‘radar’ was working overtime, and my angels were pulling me away. After my snake episode. yes, it was Evan who gave me the cranky snake, I’d had enough searching down this avenue. Discretion was the better part of valor!

Then I met an old friend from my children’s primary school who was having weekly meetings at her home. Reiki practice, angelic and spiritual discussions and demonstrations. A new era was starting.

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

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Blessings, Susan x

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Next week, New worlds open up.

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Despite the passage of time, the death of my Nanny still troubled me. (In Search of…Part One  here) Not being able to understand all the ins and outs of the situation acted like a burr under my skin and I desperately wanted answers.  Granddad’s passing seemed surreal because we were so far away. From time to time I would hear one or the other calling me in my sleep, waking me up enough to answer them before they fell silent. It was only after the incident on board the ship, where Granddad’s voice woke me that I recalled the number of times Nanny had been doing just that. I now know that she was trying to reassure me because of the deep hurt I still felt.  However, that realisation was to come later.

Mum tried to get us to church once we settled into our new home but it was hot that summer of ’72 and inside those timber churches it felt like we were descending into a fiery hell. At least it seemed that way to me. It may have been the way I was thinking at the time but I didn’t struggle when she finally decided it was too much. Fainting every Sunday morning didn’t seem like the way to go and my heart wasn’t in it anyway.

I have always been so very fortunate in that Mum never restricted my reading material. I was always happy to be able to talk about the strange things I ‘learned’ and my taste was eclectic to say the least,  everything from my school texts, English literature to autobiographies, fiction and thrillers and eventually into Science fiction and fantasy. I started reading Dennis Wheatley, a prolific writer of thriller and the occult. At the time, one which stuck in my mind was “The Haunting of Toby Jugg”.

In one sense it was a way of searching’ for answers.  It was a strange place to look but I was so focused on getting through school, where I didn’t fit in, that in another way they were an escape.   Another author I remember being introduced to was Dr T. Lobsang Rampa, a Buddhist monk who wrote many stories, beginning with one called “The Third Eye”. More questions followed the answers I felt I might be finding.

Books, films, I scoured them all, searching for alternate ways to explain what happened in life and death. I wanted a reason for the apparent randomness of events. Why did some people seem to sail through life without a care in the world whilst others had no end of horrible things happening to them?  What was the purpose to the horrors which occurred on a daily basis, to people, places and entire countries? How could I find an explanation for the debasement of human beings by other human beings?

If I made a mistake during this time it was that I kept my search to myself. In my self-imposed exile I failed to talk to anyone or I might have found others to talk to, broaden my horizons and perhaps find the answers I was searching for. Yet I didn’t and so the search continued. I wanted to help people, people who were unable to help themselves or had been badly treated in one way or another.  I wanted to do what they could not, whatever that might be.

Joining the police department after finishing high school was another culture shock. My rather quiet and staid upbringing was knocked on its head. In a sink or swim situation I grabbed the only lifeline available…. a wall, not of indifference but distance, between the events I saw played out daily and myself. It was the only way to survive being dropped into the human melting pot of behaviour, where the standards accepted by society seemed not to exist.  What I saw and learned served to give me even more questions. I was very empathic with everyone I met, the physical pain which would scour my body often left me feeling overwhelmed. I was an empath but hadn’t yet found the meaning for it.

PW 377. From a time long, long ago.

PW 377. From a time long, long ago.

Oh my, how things have changed.  There are times when I wonder what happened to this fresh-faced and innocent wanderer.  I wonder most of all how she managed to survive with the naivety I approached my entry into the police force. Since I’m still here I can safely say I survived. I learned and I survived.

I met my first husband whilst I was a police officer.  It was after our marriage that the ‘voices’ started occurring more often. His maternal Grandmother was a lovely lady and we had just spent a beautiful long weekend at her property out on the Downs, past Toowoomba.  So it came as a shock to be woken from a sound sleep hearing her calling my name. Once again I awoke as soon as I answered her. The next morning the local police knocked on our door, a request to call his mother. His grandmother had passed away during the night – at the precise  time I woke from sleep answering her!

This was the first funeral I attended. It was sad, more so because it was so totally unexpected and we had seen her just a few days earlier.  Yet people are strange creatures, what followed after the ceremony was much worse. In the days and weeks that followed I was surrounded by the scent of her perfume and awoken frequently by Nanny calling my name.

I started reading books by known psychics, Doris Stokes, Sylvia Browne and anything I could find on the afterlife, spiritual beliefs, practices  and occurrences. Suddenly all my strange encounters as a child which I had put down to an over active imagination (at least Dad had) suddenly made so much more sense.  I read everything from tomes about Angels to Paganism and Wicca. At the time I was ‘researching’ all the books I read were purported to be by respected psychics.  I neither advocate nor denounce anyone since they all had information I found useful.

They were years when I was restricted to reading. Venturing further afield and attending meetings was ‘outlawed’  and hence the urge to see for myself what these people had to offer, as answers, was increasing.  I managed to start my Reiki healing and the results from that, the amazing feelings which came with it, sparked an ever-increasing yearning to go further.

It would not be until my marriage ended over two decades later that I was finally able to seek out these new avenues for answers and experiences.

Next week – My foray into another world.

image fromartel-art.livejournal.com

Blessings, Susan x

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