Posts Tagged ‘sadness’

Falling Softly

Like spring raindrops

Slowly trickling

Ever downwards

To the faint beat

The pulse of life

Always with gentle heat

The beat that’s all life

Slowly etched

In widening caverns

Like Tears of Acid Rain

Dreams unspoken

Love gave no token

By growing isolation


Raindrops of blood

Acid etched by sorrow

Never more tomorrow


Tears of Acid Rain

Tears of Acid Rain

image from bleeding_eye_by_flauschvampire91

Ciao, Susan

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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I looked with eyes of wonder

Wide with delight and awe

At all the new discoveries I made

With the start of each new dawn

Love and light surrounded me

Kept me safe and warm by turns

I learnt the ways of life and love

Through my parents eyes, hearts and hands

A childhood filled with glee and wonder

I’d live through it all once again.

As time slipped by my eyes grew round

With amazement, glee, then shock and horror

As life in all its intricacies

Bright Eyes

image from angiesdiary.com

Was laid bare before my feet

The chaos, hurt and cruelty

A police woman’s eyes must see

Yet love remained in sheltered places

In the eyes of sweet-smelling babes

Whose lives I cherished and nurtured

Through their own discovering years

Time slips by so swiftly

And eyes see more and more

Love sometimes leaves more scars behind

Than joy and laughter have been made.

Eyes grow wearied and tired

As pain and loneliness soar

And parents whose place is untarnished

Bright Eyes

Mum and Dad

Leave holes in your life as they go

Loneliness settles deep,

In heart and bone and soul

A bystander you find you’ve become

As your children take up adults reins

Then, without thought or warning

A miracle arrives beside you

In a pair of bright, loving hazel eyes

A life once thought lost and desiccated

Now blooms anew like youth

As loves great power enfolds them

And their garden, their life, flowers anew.

Bright Eyes

Beautiful Butterfly

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”   ― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

A strange thing happened to me tonight as I read through the blogs I follow on my reader.  Someone I have come to know very well, and for whom I have the greatest admiration for, was obviously having a very hard time. In fact, as I was reading this post my husband walked in to find tears streaming down my face. At that moment, at trying to explain what ‘was wrong,’ I came to a startling realisation.

For the first time in many long years I have found, here in cyberspace, on Word Press, a group of people who have become friends. In fact they are very dear friends, and this has happened without my being consciously aware of it. The realisation was, for me, quite momentous. I have spent the better part of my adult life without friends.

There had been several reasons. My ex was a police officer and many people find that confronting. They were polite, to a point, but really didn’t want to socialise. Then there were those who wanted to believe the worst of any police officer, and his family, during the Fitzgerald Corruption hearings, and as you can imagine some very cruel things were said. He had a phobia about retiring and finding he was penniless and so everything we had earned whilst working went into our home and investments. We owned our home but our family life had been – somewhat lacking. Holidays were something we dreamed of as everyone went away over the summer holidays.

Still, they couldn’t know this but it was said that ‘he must be corrupt because we owned our home’. Cruel, senseless and divisive. It was needlessly cruel towards our children and for that I despised, with a fierce intensity, those people. Then later there were those people who had professed to be friends and evaporated like a summer breeze the moment my ex husband and I separated. It felt like I had contracted some unknown contagion and I felt more isolated than ever.

“When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for, when nobody needs you, that’s when I think life is over.”    ― Audrey Hepburn

I was asked recently when I had built a wall around myself. It took a while for me to follow the thought back, inside myself, and to realise when it had begun. This protection mechanism to prevent the feelings of hurt and rejection. I had an image to protect, that of the competent no-nonsense individual who could do anything, despite the difficulties. It was a persona which had developed over many years and for those who have read my posts about Voice Dialogue and Sub Personalities you will recognise this was “The Protector”.

However, I have moved on and against the odds I have met and married a wonderful caring man, someone who takes the time to understand the complexities of my nature. I am daily grateful for this miracle. Yet he has also done more than allow me to love freely again. He has allowed that shield I erected to start to come down. I have extended myself to others and been accepted. I have found people who are genuine, who wish me well and whom I have come to care for deeply. Should anything happen to these people I would feel all the grief one would normally feel at the loss of a close friend or family member.


image from http://www.hbdragon.com     Lives entwined.

This may seem like a small thing for some. It may seem trite to others. Yet I have learned that friendship is one of the most important things we can give to each other. The knowledge that we need not put on a face to shield how we feel from them and that they will still offer support, an ear to hear you or kind words to help you knit those fraying emotions together again. It means, very simply, that no-one need ever feel alone because feeling alone, feeling isolated and misunderstood is corrosive to our hearts and souls. Our spirit is damaged by the isolation from other spirits, from other spirits in human form as we are here on earth.

So, to all those who I have come to value through my interaction with you, I offer you my friendship, a delight in your creativity, an empathy in your difficult times, and a joy in your happiness. As much as people crave love, friendship is the glue to make or lives a glowing beacon.

I wish everyone, true friendship, and my heartfelt thanks for allowing me to reclaim this wonderful feeling. Thank you.


image from quotes.lifehack.org

Be well, be supported, receive friendship and happiness, and smile at least once a day.

Ciao, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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image from spirit_elements-www-josephinewall-co.uk

image from spirit_elements-www-josephinewall-co.uk

Recollections of that Christmas are strange, some vague and others thrown into stark relief. At times I felt alone in a darkness so profound I wondered if I would ever emerge again. I can remember desperately wanting to make it as happy and carefree as possible, easy and light, a remembrance of all the beautiful Christmas’ we had spent together. Above all it had to be as far removed from the reality of the situation as possible.  Despite the strain in Mum’s face, she was happy. Her family were around her and the love was overflowing. It was all I could have asked for. I was grateful my prayers were answered.

As though Christmas had never occurred it was back to ‘normal’ as soon as the New Year came around.  Hubby had spent plenty of time fuming over my response and as a result I wasn’t too surprised when, early in the new year, he advised me he wasn’t interested in trying to make a go of things, he wanted a divorce. It was a bad move on his part. I had a strong feeling that I should move and quickly. I haven’t felt such an urging before so I did exactly as he asked. As soon as the courts opened for business in the new year I went in, filled out the paperwork and less than three months later it was all over. He got his divorce finalised (the decree nisi) on his birthday. It wasn’t planned that way by me, but I have a feeling Spirit, and of course Dad had a lot to do with the speed of things. I had more important things on my mind. The darkness was drawing in. I also decided to change my name – I needed to sever the ties to him completely.

In early March Mum was rushed back into hospital and we, at least I, had been told that she wouldn’t be going home again. She hated the hospital and couldn’t rest. I was called earlier each day because she was calling for me, so I was there from 5am or earlier until 7pm when my brothers arrived for their hour-long visit! All day I made sure she received her morphine shots to ease the pain.  When they wore off during the night she was too ‘out of it’ to ask for more. My brothers thought she was doing okay because they only saw her after a day with regular pain shots. She was alert and pain free for their short visit. They refused to accept how dire the situation was. Several falls from bed and very nasty injuries and the hospital talked hospice. Mum was terrified since, even in her muddled state, she was aware what it meant. She wouldn’t be going home. It was prophetic that she had always said she would die in a hospital and that had made her more concerned about hospital visits during her life.

image from blog.iloveqatar.net

I was taking some enormous risks. I wasn’t sleeping, hardly eating and began having strange ‘black outs’ as I was driving to the hospital. At 120km/hr it was scary, and yes I was exceeding the speed limit.  They had begun when she was at home but I wasn’t going to say anything. She needed me with her. I was the one who bathed her and changed her clothes, helped her into and out of bed. I held her hand and prayed as I sent Reiki into her frail body. I think by then I had stopped thinking about anything else. I had to be there.

The day I was informed she was being transferred to the hospice was horrendous. I had been there again since 4am after she had fallen from bed and had seriously hurt her arm. It was heart wrenching to see the nurses try to dress the wounds, finally admitting when they couldn’t remove the dressings that it didn’t matter if they were changed.  My universe was collapsing.

The day was a nightmare.  The ambulance transfer was a trip from hell. Once we reached the hospice I helped get Mum changed and into her new bed. She curled up and “went to sleep.” I continued to give her Reiki until my brothers began to arrive.  They arrived around 7pm. After a half an hour they decided to leave since Mum was obviously “asleep”. My gut told me to stay. My car was back at the other hospital. Despite knowing I shouldn’t leave I allowed myself to be persuaded to go to my car and go home. Something inside screamed at me to stay, but out numbered and feeling cornered I felt I had no choice. I was so wrong and I can never forget that.

I debated, for the longest time, about going back to her, but I hadn’t seen my children and I was feeling drained. I arrived home as the phone began ringing. My mother had passed away ten minutes after I left her. I don’t remember the drive back, only coming back to myself when I arrived at the hospice as saw my brother there. I was angry. He had arrived first and had decided to sign all the paperwork. He didn’t want to stay at all. He didn’t want me to stay either, but he did want me to go back to Mum’s house with him  (where he was living) to talk about what ‘we’ had to do. A new nightmare was about to begin, one which would threaten to drown me.

image from bleeding_eye_by_flauschvampire91

image from bleeding_eye_by_flauschvampire91

That walk through Mum’s front door felt like a knife wrenching through my heart. Inside my head a scream reverberated. I wanted out! I wanted a little space to think! I needed to find something to hold onto! I was adrift in uncharted waters and I was drowning already. Somehow, some way, I had to find how to keep going and stay sane. I felt I was faced with a stacked deck, just how much that was true was to come to light soon enough.


Next week – A New Nightmare Begins.

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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DSCN2778 (Copy)In the inky darkness of early night

The wind’s rising howl shrieked

A keening round house and home

Through trees whipped madly

Seas tossed wildly aloft

The storm showed its fury

Mighty Oaks uprooted

Flying crazily across the sky

Deadly airborne missiles

Landing where whim and fate would have them lie

Never a care for the humans there

Seas rising grey into the sky

White caps curling, tossed high

Crashed ferociously onto man made walks

Stormy weather

Stormy weather

Throwing all before its might

The fury of the storm claimed the night

Mother Nature showing her dominion

With the daylight comes the count

The cost of her mighty roar

Reminding us of our small place

In the grandeur of the world

Challenging us to try again

To rebuild lives as they once were

To pray yet again for a miracle

To save us

When Mother Nature roars.

image from blogs.roanoke.com

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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image from spirit_elements-www-josephinewall-co.uk

image from spirit_elements-www-josephinewall-co.uk

I was waiting for the imminent disaster to fall on me, or us, not quite knowing what it was and thus unable to prepare myself for it. I suspected what it was, prayed it wasn’t and waited.

Time passed and things limped along, until the day arrived when Mum had to be admitted to hospital.  I can’t even begin to say why I knew this was different. The energies around Mum seemed thick and Dad’s presence was so strong. As she always had done in the past she rallied and the hospital were almost ready to let her come home – but only after we had made an appointment to see the doctors!

image from www.the guardian.com

image from http://www.the guardian.com

It really didn’t take Einstein to work out what was going to happen. We were told very simply that Mum had finally reached the terminal stage and that because of her condition she could only go home if they (the hospital) could be assured that she would have someone with her 24 hours a day. In less than a heartbeat I discounted my business, it wasn’t important, and told them I could look after her during the days. My brother, who hated living alone and had moved home before Dad died would be there in the evenings and nights. Even though he was at home, they looked to me to settle the matter.  It was my responsibility and I told them we could manage it. I was the eldest, it was what I did.

It goes almost without saying that my children were right behind me, it was their Grandma after all. It hurt to have to tell them the bad news, but I think we were all expecting it one day, we had simply hoped it wouldn’t be soon. I say soon, we had been prepared for years but when the time arrives it is always too soon. . I thought my hubby was also “on board”. They had gotten along well in the past and being embarrassed that things weren’t great at home I hadn’t talked to Mum about it. Since I was basically supporting him, and had been all along I really didn’t expect any hassles.

Is it ironic that I truly enjoyed the months I spent alone with Mum each day? When I could see how things were and had been happening every day, I felt ashamed that I hadn’t done something to correct it. I didn’t like how Mum had been looked after as she became more fail. I didn’t like the fact that I was so preoccupied with my woes that I hadn’t seen what was happening when I visited. I hadn’t visited enough! So, without telling my brother I started spoiling her. I bought her things which would tempt her to eat, treats to make her smile, little gifts she wanted but he disapproved of. What he didn’t know wasn’t going to cause a problem and I wasn’t seeking a pat on the back for loving my mother.

If I could have given her my lungs for her to breathe instead of the horrible asthma attacks compounded with the emphysema – I would have. I couldn’t do any of those things. I could send her healing to ease things, so my Reiki training was very useful. I could help her through the attacks but I couldn’t stop them and I knew time was running out. She loved watching that crazy soap, “Days of Our Lives” and each time I saw that hourglass and heard the theme…..”like sands through the hourglass” I had to bite my lip to stop tears.  I bathed her and washed her hair, bought new nighties to brighten her days and a lead light lamp which caused a furor.

I didn’t broadcast what I considered small things to help her through the dark days. I loved her and it was irrelevant that I tell anyone what ‘a wonderful daughter I was’. It’s strange how people perceive things later.

We talked a lot about “afterwards” and I explained to her all I knew and believed. Dad’s scent was so strong in the house and she admitted she could feel him. She was frightened that there may not be anything afterwards, and I fear it was one of the reasons she clung on for so long, but our talk brought some measure of comfort and I could feel her accept that there may be more for her than she had feared.

A month before Christmas I arrived home after a difficult day of asthma attacks to be welcomed by this statement. Hubby, “This isn’t working out. I’ll be moving out on Friday. I’ll take my things when I’ve worked out where I’m going.”  For one second I was dumbfounded and then I blazed like a volcano erupting. I know my voice was like ice, as though I had killed something inside.

I remember saying, “Don’t think about waiting until then. I’m not leaving you in my house alone until Friday. Pack your bags and get out now. You can call to talk about the rest on Saturday. Now – GO!”

With a frosty glare he opened his mouth and I said, “Don’t think about it, If you don’t leave now my son will put you out.” (My son is a big man and was capable of doing just that, in fact he would have loved it. Which shows the level of discontent still in the house).

image from footage.shutterstock.com –

He left, I had too much on my mind at that time to worry about it. I was advised by my insurance company that if I wanted to be covered in the event of ‘things’ being missed later, I had to have the locks changed. He came back when the locksmith was changing the locks. Such was the animosity in hubby’s face that he, the locksmith, was reluctant to leave. Truthfully, I think I would have welcomed him trying anything. It would have been a distraction. I was becoming numb and anything would have been a welcome distraction.

But, the end was fast approaching.

Losing myself.

Losing myself.

Each day I felt I was losing myself. I had no one to talk to, I had to remain strong for everyone and yet I felt the cracks widening more and more.


Next week – Losing my way

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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image from fabryking61.deviantart.com


Why did she look forlornly

Towards that distant house

Whose windows shone so cheerily

Festooned with coloured lights

Was she waiting for her lover

Had he promised her he would come

And meet her in the meadow

To run away as one

Alone she stood on the grassy knoll

Itself festooned with dew

Her dress of palest satin shone

In the light of the silvery moon

Adorned with shining pearls

It caught rainbows of glittering light

From the diamond caught net in her russet hair

The moon hung heavy in the darkened sky

It’s light filtered by trees all around

Through branch and leaf it fell

Softly finding its way

To form a halo upon the ground

Surrounding her without a sound

A sigh, soft as gossamer wings

Bitter as gall

Slipped through her bright red lips

As she turned to leave the meadow

Leaving her love behind

Her dark eyes awash with diamonds

Glistening teardrops yet to fall.

© Susan Jamieson

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He was small and sweet

A furry ball

No larger than my hand

Four white paws he had

A body of russet-brown

A black mask around his face

I called him Rusty

The keeper of my heart.

His little tail would wag so fast

It was nothing but a blur

Each time he heard my footsteps

Or if I called him to my side

We loved each other shamelessly

He followed me everywhere I went

Beside me day and night

And if in bed I lay alone

With illness or in pain

This cuddly friend was there for me

Carefully creeping upon the bed

To lay his head beside me

His breathe a caress upon my neck

Loyal and true my beautiful friend

The keeper of my heart

No braver dog than he

He chased away the biggest dogs

Or stranger who came too close to me

We laughed and played for many a year

And loved each other truly

Time seemed to pass us by

Until it caught up too soon

Then one day he left me

I hadn’t seen how old he’d grown

The love we had still new

He left a hole deep in my heart

That one day he will fill

When he finds a dog to take his place

And sends him home to me.

For my beautiful friend, my dog, Rusty.

My beautiful friend...Rusty.

My beautiful friend…Rusty.

“Dogs are our link to paradise. They don’t know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring–it was peace.”
Milan Kundera

Rusty was a special dog, we fell in love from the moment we saw each other. He was by my side through the good and the bad and seemed to always know when I was hurting or lonely and he would appear as if by magic. Curled up on my lap I felt a love and acceptance which was unique. I loved him equally in return.

I count myself so Blessed to have shared his life for as long as I did and such gratitude that I had someone to love me so dearly. Years have passed and I miss his cheeky grin and wildly wagging tail still. I know, deep in my heart that he is sending me a dog he has chosen to be my best friend. I feel very strongly that it won’t be too much longer now and yet I will never forget this special dog who saved my sanity in my darkest days.

Blessings. Susan xx

© Susan Jamieson

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chasm in Lord of the Rings

image from bankruptcyandinsolvency.blogspot.com .. Scene from Lord of the Rings

“I am seeking for the bridge which leans from the visible to the invisible through reality. “
Max Beckmann

For me there is something in the wee small hours which brings reflection, an instinctual review of the day and all that has transpired.  Inevitably, I find that there are things I did OK, some well, some not so good and some I wish I had done so much better. It’s the ones I wish I could say “Re do!” that give me the greatest cause to pause and question why I did things that way.  I have an image of standing on the ledge of an awesome chasm, one false step and I will plunge into its fathomless depths.  If I make the right move I can find safe passage across the gap, my feet will find the invisible crossing which only becomes visible if you take that first step the right way.
The questions which haunt me more than any others are where other people are concerned, especially those I care about. That’s when the Chasm seems to beckon. I remember my parents always saying “Never go to bed angry” and I always wondered what was missing from that saying since it felt unfinished. Here it is.

“Never go to sleep angry. Because you never know if you or the person you’re mad at will wake up the next morning. Always forgive someone. Because you never know if you’ll talk to them again. Things happen. Get over it. Always forgive. You may not forget. But it’s better than knowing you’ll never get to say sorry or I love you again.”   Unknown

Gladiator ending

image from totalfilm.com

It doesn’t matter how many times I see this film, the brutality is always overshadowed by the sacrifices which are made along the way. The black warrior who tends the wound of our hero so he lives to fight another day.  The choice of the certainty of their own deaths to allow Marcus to escape. Finally, the poignant moment where his erstwhile comrades carry his body from the arena as he dies. Sacrifices are made in a moments decision when it counts the most. The Chasm either draws you in or you manage to safely cross.

The problem, of course, is that real life doesn’t really reflect the movies very much, apart from the mayhem which abounds. There is however, usually a point within the movie where the hero needs to become ‘at peace’ with himself and his possible future. In this it is a reflection of what we do. We need to make peace with what we have said and done so that we may reach a place where we can go forward with a light heart. I mean this in an everyday capacity and not simply as a last farewell.
That Lonely Chasm is always there and we must find a way past it or be lost. I sometimes wonder if this is where the Catholic Church came by their reason for giving “the last sacraments’ to a dying person so they may enter the kingdom of heaven cleansed of all sin. I am not being sacrilegious here, merely pondering the imponderable.

image from itsabouttakingthejourney.blogspot.com

The only thing I know with any certainty is that there is nothing more painful than losing a loved one without being able to say those last important things to them. For them to hear the love in your voice, perhaps even the reconciliation if there has been bad words between you. There is nothing going to alter those final moments, the gut wrenching loss, but it does finally matter that you were able to say “I love you”, because even if they appear to be too far gone, they still hear the words. Eventually THAT matters more than you could ever realise. You understand that the Chasm has been defeated.
Families may drive us crazy, but we chose them. We love them and we learn from them, and we miss them when they are gone.  The small  mementos we keep become symbols to remind us of special moments. Being denied them is painful and cruel, yet it does happen. It can and has destroyed families. At times like that, for some, knowing we are only souls having an earthly incarnation does not help. They don’t want to hear. They need to hold onto all they can of the one they’ve lost and forget that there are others who are feeling the same. They become lost inside the Lonely Chasm and we cannot reach them or save them. That is our Chasm to deal with, that we cannot reach them. Standing on the edge we can only pray.

image from mondayartday.blogspot.com

“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.”
Herman Melville

Make every day count because you have no idea what will happen next. Each moment is precious.

Defy the Chasm… every day.

Blessings and much love. Susan x
© Susan Jamieson

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image from darkroaddesigns.com

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them”
― Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island

People are strange creatures at times, especially where matters of the heart are concerned. It seems that when love comes knocking at the door, many times common sense, or self-preservation goes out the rear exit.  It’s a sad and potentially disastrous situation and I’m certain it’s the reason so many relationships appear to end up falling apart. It’s sad because it leaves behind pain, heartache and often wariness to let love enter again.

When we are young and feeling invincible we rarely want to take advice from our elders. Advice from our parents, who cannot possibly know what ‘we’ feel is simply ridiculous. So when things start to feel wrong, we are reluctant to approach them for advice. So who do we turn to? Often its our friends…. the same age, the same experience, the same lifestyle as we ourselves have. So we get the same level of advice as is currently running through our own minds. In the end, there is a struggle to make things work or your friends will support you as you try to get over the ‘break up’.

What a difference it would make if our lifestyle was more akin to that of our great grandparents. The family unit was closer. There was more communication and reliance on parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles even cousins to teach us the ways of life. With the spread (or breakdown) of the family unit, that cohesiveness has vanished and sometimes we are left without a support network of any kind. Divorces are commonplace and rarely amicable, with children losing a stability taken for granted in bygone times.

It seems there is no guide-book for life, we are meant to flounder along and either succeed or fail depending on how we manage to navigate the currents of life. So many people in pain. So many people who in trying to do the best they can become shadows of the people they could be. It’s a time when sub personalities become dominant as they try to protect the vulnerable “Inner Child” from being hurt more than necessary.

However a downside to this is the burying of emotions which need to be dealt with so that growth as a person can continue. If left buried these emotions can rise to the surface at unfortunate times and create havoc, possibly even ruining the opportunity to have a successful relationship. Understanding human relationships, reactions, emotional responses and even how men and women speak to each other can be invaluable and yet are ignored by our ‘education system’.

Recently I read about a couple in their middle years (fifties) who failed to understand how they related to each other, their communication styles, to the extent that a wonderful relationship failed. How much simpler if, instead of fostering the divisiveness between cultures, between people, we learned how to really speak to each other, irrespective of race, colour, creed or gender simply between one human being and another. (Think the “5 Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman, for example.)

It makes so much sense, could save so much heartache and save so much money on the need for interminable therapy later in life as we learn these lessons, if we could have been equipped with this knowledge as we began our solo journeys into adulthood. If everyone began by reading this one simple book, and I don’t for a moment believe it is necessarily the quintessential answer, it might, just might be a beginning to learning how to relate to one another in a more meaningful way.

Perhaps I’ve seen too many families broken apart, too many broken people to not want to try to remedy the situation if we can. There are too many books, experts who are willing to say they can teach people how to understand the secrets of language and behaviour between the sexes. Isn’t it worth a try? For ourselves as well as our children’s sakes?

Love and happiness are our birthright, not a lucky dip.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love


May happiness follow you all the days of your life. You are always loved.

Blessings, Susan x

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