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Posts Tagged ‘self-esteem’

“I believe in intuition and inspiration. Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution. It is, strictly speaking, a real factor in scientific research.”
Albert Einstein, On Cosmic Religion and Other Opinions and Aphorisms

~

Something went slightly awry today and my routine changed. As a result of that I went into my reader before I did my post. It spawned a changed of topic.

There has been much debate about the proliferation of self-development courses, which I am differentiating from professional development and Spiritual development. All have elements in common but I don’t wish to get embroiled in the necessity for or against professional or spiritual development. Suffice it to say that there seems to be a consensus that there is no need for self-development courses other than those which are followed ad hoc via free online tutorials. They have their place, but are they fulfilling the needs of society?

When I read through the posts in my reader I found some of the posts I expected, the poetry which I enjoy, including the various themes from spiritual to mythical and love. There were the inspirational image quotes and just straight forward quotes, always something a little different.

There were my usual posters who talk about various struggles with illness and how to cope with different aspects of them. Obviously I’m following these people because they know their subject, are very helpful and supportive and have become good friends. In a mutual supportive environment it is gratifying to find people who are altruistic enough to share their triumphs and failures and help each other out.

In other topical pieces I found references to posts which were basically a running commentary on the applause for self-gratification in one’s own sexploits.  Again, I have no problem with this as I can read it or not since it is reader beware.

Then there were a number of reblogged articles. Reblogs are helpful because you learn about a far wider audience than you might hope to cover alone.

There was:

  • an article about a young African American still in prison after 3 years because she defended herself from domestic violence;
  • the harrowing open letter by Dylan Farrow about her sexual abuse by Woody Allen
  • the pollution of the Dan River in Eden, N.C after an aged pipeline burst, sending poisonous grey ash into the river
  • the FBI sting which rescued 16 child sex slaves and 45 “pimps” at the time of the Superbowl, which the FBI have asserted is common practice for these groups when any major event is on
  • Suicide Prevention week in Canada coincides with Love Yourself month, an indictment on some of the most famous originators of self-development such as Nathaniel Brandon, Virginia Satir and Wayne Dyer, who made improving oneself big business and forgot about really helping people to improve their self-esteem
  • The US allegedly using Weather Warfare against the Philippines
  • Top Black History Month Scholarships – a great idea unless it is balanced against the abysmal treatment of African American students elsewhere in the school system
  • The ABC reveals the scam claims by Big Pharma that the anti-Cholesterol lowering drug Statin reduces cholesterol. Big Pharma pushing medicine which does not work, again
  • Judging Philip Seymour Hoffman, a lovely article which does not seek to criticise or condemn but simply regrets the passing, too soon, of a good man with a problem
  • Black History Month in Canada where artists were acknowledged
  • Facebook celebrates its 10th birthday with a ‘movie of your life’ day. I didn’t know it was 10 years old which speaks volumes
  • A young woman in Scotland who cannot get decent treatment for Fibro or other ailments after leaving the UK
  • More from Sochi, first they are killing all the dogs near the stadium, now the facilities are falling apart and repairs are impossible, and finally
  • How there are 7 things from High School repeated later in life

From the posts I have briefly mentioned, and I hasten to add I am in no way passing any criticism on these blogs, they are all excellent posts and have valid stories, but this is my point. Of those listed above, of the fourteen stories (14) there are ten (10) which are bad/depressing/just plain wrong news plus one which rates 50:50.  They are wrong in the sense that they are a poor indictment on society.

#Enough or Nor Enough

image from ceslava.com

What are we doing accepting wrongful imprisonment of a woman defending herself from domestic violence? When did it become alright to arrange child sex slaves for big events? How did we let Big Pharma con us with all their nasty pills and potions which are making us more ill and not less? Why did we applaud a paedophile for making big money making films and ignoring his deplorable behaviour? Child sex abuse is an offence and it doesn’t matter who the hell you are, you do the crime, you do the time. What you don’t do is haul the child, now grown, over the coals for being unable to see the case through to the court stage where she would have been blamed for the events anyway.

This brings me back to my first point. We may have lost faith in the big names of the personal development arena that have become rich telling us how to act, but if the above is a representation of the norm for behaviour then self-improvement is still needed, and it doesn’t matter what you call it.   We are supposed to evolve to become better people as time goes by, not revert to base animal behaviour and not against children and the ill.

Society, in general needs to take a hard look at itself and take the steps to improve. Unless, of course, they are trying to tell us that the behaviour of the day is stupendously wonderful. I pray not.

“Folks, it’s time to evolve. That’s why we’re troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything’s failing? It’s because, um – they’re no longer relevant. We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?”
Bill Hicks

Blessings and prayers, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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#What's the Safety Word?

Image from footage.shutterstock.com –

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

Everyone has heard about the ‘safety word’. The safety word is the serious-I-mean-it-now time-to-stop word. The word the ‘client’ arranges when he visits his S&M bondage person so he doesn’t accidentally get himself killed during the ‘play’.

What I wonder, is the safety word when you’ve had enough of the ‘merry go round’? I’m referring to that time when you feel you literally cannot face another minute of the hurt, the pain, the torment, the abuse, the depression, the………. (just fill in the blank).

It almost sounds like the beginning to a play or a movie script. The notes followed by the story board before shooting begins. Except it isn’t part of a fictitious film, instead it’s a serious and real part of life. Not the calculated gambles people want to take with their fetishes or fantasies. If something goes wrong there then you almost have to say – ‘they knew what they were getting themselves into.’ But what happens when life pushes you too far?

Talking to people is easy. For some reason I’ve been fortunate that people find it easy to talk to me. I’ve been told many things. I’ve been blessed by sharing the good news of a daughter’s engagement, a son’s engagement, marriages, the unhappier news of divorces, accidents, windfalls and tragedies. It may sound strange to include windfalls as part of the unhappier news, but for many people it hasn’t brought them the happiness they hoped for. Sometimes yes, but many times they have found themselves in a much worse place than they were before their good fortune.

Sometimes there simply are no words to express how you feel. Sometimes you need to rely on a hug or holding someone’s hand and send them strength because there is nothing you can say or do to change things. Having to tell someone their child, husband or wife is dead is one of those times. Words just aren’t made to let people understand you feel their pain.

I had many talks with ‘Sharon’, a lovely lady who was always putting herself down. She simply couldn’t believe she was good at anything she did or that she was wanted or needed by anyone. Despite having a good job she was convinced she was stupid, since her husband continually told her she was. Even though she had two children she couldn’t persuade herself that there was any purpose to her being there. She convinced herself that they would be better off if she was no longer around.

Sharon took a bottle of pills and curled up waiting for the end to steal quietly over her. Her husband came home early and she was rushed to hospital. Unfortunately she didn’t get the help she needed and her unhappiness and feelings of low self-worth grew. Her husband helped her with that part. When she finally left him he embarked on a calculated plan to undermine her self-confidence and she found herself spiraling further down that dark hole.

She moved and I lost track of the family for a while. In trying to out run the influence of her ex-husband she isolated herself from everyone who knew her. She avoided anyone he knew and anywhere he was likely to go. There was nowhere for her to turn to. Her children moved out, as they do when they finally grow their wings and she fell into a deep depression. Depressed or not she still managed to work.

I met her again a short time ago. She often spoke to me of her struggle with ‘The Black Dog’, but being alone it was too difficult for her. She began trying to out run her problems. She would drive day and night when she was not working until she finally fell into a stupor to get some rest. But you can’t roll those dice for long before the stakes get too high. It’s almost like putting your hand in a basket of snakes and expecting not to get bitten.

Sharon told me she didn’t want to leave her children without some kind of support. She didn’t want them to be dependent on their father to “look after them”. Years later he still influenced how she thought and she didn’t trust him to do the right thing by his children. So her game of Russian roulette on the roads didn’t seem to make much sense on one hand, but knowing how her ex-husband had eroded her self-worth, it did.

It felt as though she was holding on by some tenuous thread and at times I wasn’t sure she really heard me. She did see a doctor and get medication, but it was going to be a long haul back.

Sharon died in a pile up on the motorway. She was on her way home from her mother’s funeral. A drunk driver had lost control and ploughed into the oncoming traffic. Her car was hit head on.

What was Sharon’s safety word?  I can’t help but wonder if she had a safety word.  Who could she have called out to, so that she could stop the merry go round? If she had a safety word when should she have used it?

Tell me, do you have a safety word?

#What's the Safety Word

image from s279.photobucket.com

Blessings, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2014

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