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Posts Tagged ‘soul mates’

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“Duty is heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather”.                      Robert Jordan in The Wheel of Time Series.

“Pride comes before a fall. ” (British & Australian something that you say which means if you are too confident about yourself, something bad will happen to show you that you are not as good as you think you are.

For me it  has always been an old saying and one which holds a great truth. It’s also true that it is a foolish person who tries to hide that they have been an absolute ass. Yet we still try. I still try!

An apology costs little – occasionally a little pride but not too much, and a great deal more to be gained from offering that apology willingly, sacrificing that small amount of pride than allowing an unpleasant situation to continue to fester. I have watched some people go so far out of their way to avoid giving that  apology that in doing so they have made an even bigger fool of themselves.  Such is what being human is all about.

So, from someone who has spent a lifetime observing human nature, take it from me, if you find yourself in a position where, however inadvertently you have caused some offense, swallow your pride and apologise before it becomes big enough to choke you! It clears the air much faster and causes much less grief.

I have a “bad back”, which is an understatement. What it does mean is that I have a lot of pain, a lot of the time. It can’t really be seen so no one else really knows, except those closest to me, such as my husband.  Many inconsequential acts  which are taken for granted cause me varying degrees of difficulty depending on how bad my back is.  There are days when a simple shower is a huge challenge; getting dressed a nightmare, especially pulling anything over my head; and putting on a pair of shoes, even slip on shoes – well, enough said. Simple things you wouldn’t give a second thought to.

image courtesy of michaelsmindandsoul

Even more than this is the truly awful feeling of not being able to sleep well. It ranges from the simple act of trying to find a position which causes you the least amount of discomfort (not no pain!), to sleeping so shallowly each night that each movement you make drags you painfully awake. Instead of being able to look forward to sleep at the end of the day I almost dread it.

Stress causes havoc as we all know, and of late it has decided to see how much it can load me with before I break. Layer upon layer it has been growing until I want to scream in pain, yet I won’t because that would hurt too much. A nice irony, hmm.  So I foolishly try to remain still and silent so that my husband can sleep and not worry quite as much as he does.

More lunacy! Weeks of this rough sleeping and I’m exhausted. I look like a prize-fighter after ten rounds with Mike Tyson, black circles so deep under my eyes no amount of make up can hide them, and my face so grey I’m looking ancient. So I’m angry. Angry at myself and my inability to change things. But at present, and I can hardly be anything but present in this,  I’m furious that I’ve allowed my situation to hurt the one person it never should – my husband.

He is, without a doubt, the reason I try not to complain. He is the reason I try so hard to do the things I know I should not do because underneath all this, I know that I want, more than anything, to make his load a little lighter and not add to his with my ‘petty’ problems.  Yet that is just what I have done.  He has done so darned much over the Christmas New Year period to make things easier for me, whilst also keeping up with his work schedule that he too is really over tired and needs a few early nights to catch up. Yet the idea of an early night – horrifies me.

image from fsphealth.co.za

So what did I do tonight? I pouted! I moaned! I begrudged his ability to fall asleep easily and sleep soundly throughout the night whilst I couldn’t even toss and turn. How many married people or couples out there enjoy being able to cuddle up to their partners during the night?  Just to wrap your arms around each other and sleep?  I know I used to and I miss it! With the pressures of late I have really missed it more than ever.  So, for the past four nights I have carefully crept back into bed after dawn and snuggled into his arms and fallen into a deep and dreamless sleep. YES!  Bliss! Heaven!  At least it has been until he has had to get up and I have woken again. I have paid the penalty for my stupidity in full.  My foolish pride has paid a steep price.

In the blink of an eye as he has gotten out of bed, I have woken to Thor’s hammer pounding my head. My neck, shoulders, back and… well whichever side I slept on, has been a mass of molten pain. It has been so bad I have had to ungraciously agree to wear my neck brace because my head and neck felt as though it was going to part company, painfully.  I have had to yield and accept help to get to the bathroom and then back to bed, where he has arranged the mountain of pillows for me to try to rest on, and a cup of tea which says “I love you” more easily than anything I know.

image from cutcaster.com

Am I grateful? You cannot imagine how grateful I feel and yet I more than simply grumbled at him because he was tired. He carried my load without complaint or asking for anything in return and I bitterly and selfishly grumbled at his need for an early night.  Do I feel ashamed? You bet I do.

Oh yes, I apologised before he fell asleep, but is it enough?  He will say it is, but it isn’t for me. Not by a long way. He doesn’t deserve my lack of gratitude even for a moment. He tells me I would do the same for him if the roles were reversed, and he is right, but that is neither here nor there at present.  I shouldn’t blame myself either but it is hard not to. I feel like an ingrate. An ungrateful wretch and  wonder how I managed to deserve such a wonderful, generous and kind soul whose patience I must sorely test.

I pray for the opportunity to be able to show him how much I truly do care for him, and appreciate all he does for me. I pray he knows how much I love him and wish him the success he has earned with all that he does.  I can barely wait until we can do all the things we’ve planned and talked about. I know it will happen because – as he loves to say…..”that’s the way, uh huh, uh  huh, I like it”.  lol  I simply know that it will be and I am grateful for that knowledge from the Universe.

So, for all of the humans out there, who make the human mistakes I make, rest assured, all will be s it is meant to be in the fullness of time.

Love and a beautiful day to all.  Bless ❤

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friendship

There is so much talked and written about friendship. It is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone.  It warms your heart, it is a place you can go to when you hurt and someone you can trust to hear your every thought when you are so confused you don’t know what to do.  It is one of the rarest treasures to be found.  It cannot be bottled or sold, it must be earned, because friendship is based on trust.

It can also shred your heart into pieces, leave you devastated and betrayed and make you want to curl up and forget you woke up that morning.

This is not confined to friends or acquaintances, it can also be family, loved ones. The people you most likely will never expect to ‘turn on you’ in your time of need.  Let’s face it, with the stresses and strains of modern life we all need more than a casual shoulder to lean on.  We need to know that if we have placed our trust and faith in a friend that they will not find something more interesting to do when you call and need to talk.

Perhaps it’s just me, I’m no longer sure. I may be too difficult to get along with.  I may have more thorns than a prickly pear let alone a rose and no one wants to be bothered picking out the prickles any longer.  The pathetic and sad fact is that I don’t have a friend I can call or write to any longer.

image from therockatbc.com

I had a friend I wrote to without fail, every year for nearly forty years. We never missed a birthday or Christmas. Since coming to Australia it has been confined to letters, but that’s okay, I’ve always enjoyed writing letters.  Two years ago I had the Christmas card and letter I sent returned,”Not known this address”.  How odd I thought and checked the internet.  Nope, they were still registered at the same place.   Two years later they are still registered at the same address and I have no idea what, if anything, has happened to cause the sudden change of heart.

However, she was my last friend.  I had slowly over the years, found that one by one they had dropped off. Divorce has a way of culling friends very quickly.  Some would say it showed how much of a friend they really were. Perhaps that is so. However, at a time when I needed a friend more than ever before, I found not one of my quite large circle of supposed friends willing to take the time to speak to me or to meet me for coffee, and the last time I dropped around to see someone, I was made to feel so unwelcome (the icicles were forming on the ceiling) that I haven’t tried again. No  I haven’t heard from them either.  I didn’t know the heart was able to shrivel that way, but it certainly feels like it. One hurt wasn’t enough, it needed company it seems.

image from glogster.com

It’s not the end of the earth, I hear you say. There are many ways to make friends; join groups, start a class to learn something new, say hello to people in your street, join a church group or an interest group. The lists are endless.  Most good friendships, in my opinion, are either started whilst at school, during your intense work period when interests bind you first and then develop, childbirth and rearing, or through a crisis of some kind.  What happens when they are exhausted, or perhaps worse, you are exhausted from the effort and rejection you have already been through. You close down to save yourself from more hurt.

I don’t have the answers to this one. You see I’m rather tapped out with my previous efforts and failures. Does this mean it’s me who is the ‘square peg in the round hole?” I don’t know.  I do know that when I was challenged recently to take five minutes to call, write or be with a friend my heart melted one more time.

Rusty

I am longing for my dog who passed away, Rusty, …. with him I had a friend who never turned away when I needed a cuddle, a sloppy kiss if I was sad or simply sat with me if I was feeling low.  The best friend a girl could ever have. I miss him so much, to this day, especially this day.

So for all those who recognise themselves in this blog, or find the challenge of calling, writing or being with a friend today, beyond your abilities, I will be your friend, because I know what it feels like to have that hollow feeling of emptiness inside.

image from dostoyreflects.blogspot.com

Welcome, one and all.

“No one can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of a friend until he is unhappy”. –Thomas Fuller

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Ray, Mum New Year Eve 2011, Moruya

They “year” began with New Years Eve at Ray’s parents in Moruya.  A beautiful day and night set the tone for the year to come.  It was a wonderful few days, seeing the sights – a finding a great little crystal shop. Needless to say I came home with bags of crystals. (We drove or it wouldn’t have been possible).

Tawny Frogmouth

A Tawny Frogmouth let himself be known early on and has been a visitor ever since.  We have at least four different owls living in the area, from a Powerful Owl, the Frogmouth and what looks like a Barn Owl, plus a very reclusive one we hear often but haven’t managed to get a good photo of yet.

Owls being my favourite birds, it was a real blessing seeing one so soon after we moved into our new home.

Presented to the guests, husband and wife

Presented to the guests, husband and wife

May was a brilliant month, and after months of preparation our wedding went off superbly. Here we are presented for the first time as Mr and Mrs  Jamieson, can you tell how happy we were – and are.  I’ve restrained myself to one photo, it’s hard to know which ones to use and there are so many!

Natalie and Christopher   Couldn’t pass the day up without showing off how fabulous my son and daughter looked on the day either.

One of my favourite gifts came from my husband shortly before we were to go away, a Nikon 150 camera. It is fantastic and even an amateur like me can get some marvellous shots. Most of all it made it super easy to have something to remember all the marvellous things which happened throughout the year.  A few lessons and I might make a reasonable photographer!

The Little Blowhole at Kiama, dodging salt spray to get a good picture.

The Little Blowhole at Kiama, dodging salt spray to get a good picture.

We had been so busy during the year that we hadn’t had a break – even after the wedding, so we spent a glorious week at Kiama, exploring the area and having a well-earned rest.  The Blowholes were in fine form and we saw lots of whales passing by.  Here’s the best picture we managed to get of the whales passing.

Occasionally I wished for a super zoom on my camera so I could get more photos – they really are beautiful creatures.

Humpback passing Kiama whilst we were there.

I found Nicole’s blog and became motivated to get back on track with my spiritual growth. It has been a wonderful year of rediscovery and discovery of new exciting things.

Full Moon Ceremony Aug 31 2012 (Copy)Thanks to Nicole we had a fantastic ceremony provided for the Blue Moon in August.  This was taken just after the “Releasing Ceremony” and the crystals were in the bowls of water. The next night we had a “Becoming Ceremony”  which finalised the entire ritual. It was an awesome feeling and really made us feel great.  My blogging journey began shortly after this.  Reading and writing have always been passions, now they are intertwined beautifully.

Cutting the birthday cake

With lots of work in between we went back to Moruya to celebrate my father in law’s 80th birthday bash in October.  It was a beautiful day and night – in fact they outdid the younger guests. It seems stamina comes with age!   The cake was superb, it was only spoiled by the fact we couldn’t bring any home with us!

Coffs Harbour, Crystsl Castle and home 034

On the way home we stopped at Coffs Harbour for the night and the next day were greeted by this beautiful water dragon on the decking near the water feature. He was so tame he let us get really close. Obviously very used to all the visitors, he’s probably quite the model by now!  See he even gave us a good pose for the camera.Getting friendly with the neighbours horse2012 022 (Copy)

Back home we were back hard at work but love to take a walk around the garden at the end of the day.  Here the neighbours horse came over to say hello and was really friendly.  My first ‘kiss’ from a horse – strangely enough it was a special moment for me and I’m blessed Ray got the photo and so filled with gratitude that the horse was so  friendly.

Ray hard at work, surprissed by the camera!

I’d love to know the identity of this little fellow but just love his colouring.

Blue flash honey eater

We have lots of honey eaters visiting with the flowering trees. Some like this fellow seem totally oblivious to our presence and let us snap away merrily as he feeds. His colouring is ‘electric’!

Kookaburra ready for a dip in the pool

We were graced by a family of kookaburra who came down several times a day to take a dip in our pool as the weather became hotter.  They made lots of noise but it was worth it.  Occasionally there would be a line up of all the different birds waiting to take a dip. It was really funny watching them take off one by one and then ruffling their feathers out as they waited their next turn.

Water Dragon sunning himself on our garden seat

We were surprised and pleased to find another water dragon sunning himself at home.  When he was in the pool area I “chased” him around the pool  – from the upstairs balcony, to get some photos of him. It was so funny seeing me trying to run around to capture a good shot. As soon as I had him in focus he would take off again after some other tidbit he’d spied.

Christmas surprises

Christmas seemed to arrive so quickly. It was a special time for us – the first one as a married couple (old-fashioned isn’t it?) and getting the decorating done together with the family coming down to celebrate Christmas Day together. We were grateful we could all be together and Ray and I felt blessed that our family could get together when so many couldn’t.

Full Moon 30th December 2012

The last full moon of the year, December 2012.  Even with the inclement weather we were able to get some beautiful photos of the moon through the trees and the weather remained fine for our ceremony.  The meditation from Nicole was a beautiful way to complete a wonderful year.

As always we are mindful that not everyone has been as fortunate as ourselves. Like most people we have had our ups and downs. At times it felt as though the downs were holding mired in one place for far too long, but 2013 will be a wonderful year – for everyone.  Throughout 2012 we have tried to remain mindful of what has been happening for us, being present at the important events was easy, how could we not. Being present when things were tough was harder, but we managed and it felt very heart centered in being able to do that. Ill health has been a drag but I’m hoping that with a new move, hopefully to a place with some space around it will give me the right atmosphere to get on top of things.  Country life seems to beckon.

For myself, the unconditional love I have been so grateful to find with Ray has made this a wonderful, love filled year. Heart centered and soul centered, we have felt the growing and stretching of our soul growth throughout the good times and the hard times.  We have also felt, and been awed by the presence of spirit, our loved ones who are no longer with us – in the flesh at least. It has made each special occasion that little bit more extraordinary and that is something I am incredibly grateful for.

The records for 2013 are now about to begin!

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Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.    Ralph Waldo Emerson

HAPPY 2013 EVERYONE.                                              Blessings and stay safe.

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image courtesy of positivethoughtsonlife.wordpress.com

“Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend or a meaningful day.”      Dalai Lama

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Each day is a mystery, an unopened present. We have only an idea of what the day may bring. Some follow each other like soldiers marching along in unison, with little change and either reassuring in their sameness or boring in their lack of difference.  Some, take our breath away with the explosions of unexpected news, loss and sadness we can do little to avoid.

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I struggle each day with patience, or I should say my lack of it.  I want so much to be able to Do – anything, everything, something!  The endless sameness of each day make the hours, minutes, even the seconds feel like an eternity. I am grateful for each day since it gives me an opportunity to grow. I know this sounds more like I’m not sure what I want or talking about, but it’s an accurate reflection of how I feel.

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Each day brings with it its own sweetness, the dew on the grass, the bright sunshine as the sun rises shining on the bright colours of the buds opening on my rose bushes, the birdsong caroling the start of the day. There is a magic in the air at the moment the sun crests the horizon, a hush in the air where, for a time, there is the feeling that anything may be possible.

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image courtesy of http://www.deviantart.com

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What better reminder of unconditional love than when I see this rose blooming in my garden. Yellow, my mothers favourite colour for roses, and also for me the same in this, the Peace Rose, a perennial reminder of all that she meant, and still means to me, even though she is no longer here with me.

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For me it is also another reminder that I struggle for patience which she teased me about and the search for peace, peace of mind since her leaving, which, whilst a blessing, is still a raw wound. Life is so full of contradictions.

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image courtesy of http://www.dreamthisday.com – None of us truly know what each day will bring.

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I often wondered how she managed to retain her inner strength of mind and will, when she undoubtedly knew what the day would most likely bring.  Her gratitude for another day, her happiness that she saw her children and grandchildren one more time, her acceptance that life is impermanent and each moment to be cherished for the tiny miracles it brought.  All of this countered with the knowledge that she was marking time, her health was not going to improve and time was a vanishing gift, one to cherish like a fragile snowflake, beautiful  yet gone too soon.

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All the things I struggle with, she had in spades. (old Yorkshire saying). I struggle against the inactivity brought about by not being well, and even though I’m doing all I can to become well again, meditation, chanting, praying, none have really brought me closer to the patience I hope to achieve. The inexhaustible patience she appeared to have, I know is also not quite true.  She railed against her ill-health, being unable to walk around her home or garden, not able to leave her home because the short trips by car were too exhausting. She was human, as human as I and struggling with the same things I do.

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My mother was a “Yorkshire Lass” and had all the hallmarks that entails. She was strong and unyielding, refusing to allow the state of affairs to bring her low. She was the epitome of all I could wish for. The word “indomitable” always comes to mind...Impossible to subdue or defeat: “indomitable spirit”.  Despite the passage of time, I am like her in so many ways.

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I struggle for the patience she had to learn over many years.  Many would think me unyielding, more because I refuse to yield if there is a chance of success, which I feel is different.  The gratitude, love, happiness, joy and contentment with my family and husband, I am overwhelmed by the unconditional giving and receiving of these treasures.

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I have been reminded once again of the impermanence of life, of its fragility.  My aunt has been struggling with cancer. A strong lady whom I pray for daily. Thus far she is winning her battle and I am grateful for this.  A wonderful friend and mentor is once more struggling with her fragile heart. A heart so full of the love of life, of the people in her life, her life in its entirety, and I pray for her also.

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These wonderful people are my inspiration.  I will find that elusive patience and I will continue to cultivate the ‘attitude of gratitude’ for all the many blessings I have in my life, in each day.  My grandmother always said, ” We are never given any burden to bear which we don’t have the strength to carry”. She was another indomitable lady whom I admire. So many wonderful women for me to emulate.

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image courtesy of magicalmysticalmimi.blogspot.com –     Dig deep and find the extraordinary in the ordinary of your day and be grateful for the miracle of sharing one day.    Being Mindful of all there is in each moment.

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Gratitude should not be just a reaction to getting what you want, but an all-the-time gratitude, the kind where you notice the little things and where you constantly look for the good, even in unpleasant situations. Start bringing gratitude to your experiences, instead of waiting for a positive experience in order to feel grateful.” – Marelisa Fábrega

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trials and tribulations

image courtesy of holisticwords.com

I don’t think that anything happens by coincidence… No one is here by accident… Everyone who crosses our path has a message for us. Otherwise they would have taken another path, or left earlier or later. The fact that these people are here means that they are here for some reason”…”
James Redfield, The Celestine Prophecy: A Pocket Guide to the Nine Insights

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Some of us believe we have one life only and the end is simply that. Some of us believe we return to earth to learn whatever lessons we have chosen for this earthly incarnation. The Earth is our school room, although I also believe that there are many school rooms and we have a choice when we choose what we wish to learn.  It stretches the imagination to think on that sometimes.  BEing present and mindful are essential qualities for learning.

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I have often found that lessons come in different ways. The ones which slide by, hardly making a ripple in the surface of our lives are lessons which make up a small part of the whole.  Then there are lessons which, as they occur make you sit up and take notice.  We usually have to do something in order to manoeuvre our way through them and emerge relatively unscathed. However, we remember the lesson because it has made an impact on us.  The lessons we don’t forget are the ones which arrive like a cataclysm.  They may sneak up on us but when they are ready they are unmistakable. We can choose to decline the lesson but we will have to repeat it later. If we pay attention we can neither ignore them, change them nor evade them. They make a lasting impact on our lives and we remember the lesson forever. Fortunately, once learnt we don’t have to repeat them.

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It seems a hard way to learn, but it is in fact, the substance of our nature and how far we have evolved which makes the lessons easy or more difficult. We have all chosen which lessons we have come here to learn. Our earthbound existence is the spirit’s school room. When one of the lessons we have come here to learn arrives, Spirit gives us a gently tap on the shoulder to draw our attention to it. If we pay attention, we learn the lesson with a minimum of fuss – and no pain or discomfort.  It’s a nice way of learning and the lesson is imprinted into our cells, our soul, never to be forgotten or repeated.

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easy way to learn
image courtesy of  myspace.com

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However, we are sometimes too preoccupied with our earthly existence. We are concentrating on our day to day lives and not paying much attention to our spiritual development.  The lesson arrives, we have ignored the gentle tap on the shoulder from Spirit and gone on our merry way. Hmmm, this isn’t good enough, we’ve come here to learn and like all students who fail to pay attention we need to be reminded to listen to the signs. I like to describe this reminder as a “Gibbs Slap”.  Anyone who watches NCIS will recognise the term. It is a quick but smart cuff on the back of the head.  “Pay Attention NOW!”

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gibbs
image courtesy of lynnhugginsblackburn.blogspot.com

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The quintessential wake up call. Unfortunately I seem to have missed a few of these wake up calls in the past. Where was Gibbs when I needed him? So what happens when we need that BIG wake up call to pay attention and learn? My reminders have been many and varied.  I wasn’t paying attention one day and didn’t check to see if my son had closed the rear door of the car before I reversed out of the garage….. CRUNCH – one door perpendicular to the car!   Another time I was at the gym, but paying little attention and managed to roll both ankles whilst doing step ups.  I thought I had managed to get away with it since my muscles were well and truly warmed up, but once I stopped (yes I continued exercising), the swelling and pain started and I somehow managed to drive home with both ankles bandaged, praying that I didn’t have to stop at any lights before I reached home and limped inside.  Needless to say I didn’t get much sympathy at the time.

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The next time my ‘lesson’ arrived I was in a car.  My ‘friend’ Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow shows clearly how I felt that time. Unfortunately I didn’t have his aptitude for slipping out of trouble as easily.

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Jack Sparrow
image courtesy of mirahashmi.wordpress.com

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At some point in time since then I realised that I had learned what I was meant to as I have had no more ‘lessons’ given to me. My accident prone existence has become one of relative normality. I am eternally grateful my attention was caught and I listened  carefully. Since I am still ‘recovering’ from my failure to pay attention earlier, I am also grateful that we get to choose how we are reminded to pay attention.

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Some people are not as fortunate. Some lose everything they hold dear, health, wealth, family, friends, even their lives. How the lessons eventuate is something we have already decided before we reach this mortal coil. We are given the tools we need to learn what we have come here for. It is up to us to learn these things or not. We are never forced to learn something if we don’t want to, although we will have to return to learn it in a future life.

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One thing we all learn is the truth and magic real love brings us.  Acceptance of who and what we are, our faults and imperfections as well as our capacity to forgive and offer our heart, our love without condition is a huge thing but the rewards are immense.  Receiving that unconditional love in return is like being wrapped in the silkiest fabric, held in strong arms and knowing nothing can harm you – ever.  When you have felt that love your capacity to extend your love to the world and people around you is increased exponentially. It brings a wonderful glow to all that you feel and do.  My wish for you is to find that wonder yourself.

love is a many splendid thing

image courtesy of home.comcast.net

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“The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along” – Rumi.

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couple in love

Couple in love, courtesy of istockphoto.com

“Love knows no boundaries” – Marius Gherghinescu.

For all the romantics who abound in this world, the above quote is most probably a truth they live by, however, for the many sceptics who feel all that ‘mushy’ love stuff is ridiculous, I’m sure they would prefer,

“There are none so blind as those who will not see”, a proverb traced back in English to John Heywood, 1546.

In reality both statements are true. Life simply cannot run as smoothly as a mill-pond. There will always be those twists and turns, which whilst unexpected, should really be expected because life never runs a smooth course. At least I haven’t heard of one going so smoothly. If life were so smooth, no bumps along the way, then it would be truly boring. Yet conversely, all those twists and turns, those bumps, the cavernous drops in the road ahead, all these can make life a struggle from beginning to end. It makes one wonder why anyone would bother with such a mammoth struggle. The reason why is simple, “Love Conquers All” which derives from the Latin phrase from Eclogue X by Virgil, “omnia vincit amor“. With love in your life, a belief in unconditional love from either another person or the Universe, all these hiccoughs along the way temper the character and make everyone appreciate the rich tapestry of life. In fact it irons out the twists, turns and bumps.

So where do the ‘skeletons in the closet” come in? That’s life, in all it’s rich and colourful complexity. The star struck couple have formed a deep friendship, trusting in each other and sharing the life lessons from their pasts which have made them into the people they are today. All is well, and time flows on smoothly. If there are any odd flashes of intuition which tells her that something isn’t quite what it seems to be, then she ignores it because she really wants to believe in him and doesn’t want to accept that there may be something, or several things which have been ‘glossed over”. In due time she finds out the wrong way ( is there ever a right way?) that the ‘glossing over’ is not a mild understatement but a complete obfuscation of fact! She has many faults of her own, not the least of which is an uncompromising view of the truth. In a world where white is never white and black is never black she holds the view that a lie is something which is something either said or misled or if omitted altogether is still a lie, a lie of omission. None of which fall under any category she allows as being acceptable. They jury is in and the gavel has fallen.
gavel

Gavel, image courtesy of saramarberry.blogspot.com

Through the unkind generosity of a computer hacker, who decides to disseminate the information gleaned back to her, she learns of every twist and turn her new-found love has travelled along life’s highway. The problem with this, he hasn’t told her about it, he has ‘fudged’ about other parts of it and completely obfuscated about a great deal of the rest. Does it really matter now? That’s a question a better person than she would need to answer. She only knows that the truth she holds so dear, especially after the misfortunes in her past love life, have left her without a clear barometer with which to calculate this information.

At every twist and turn this information rears its ugly head and plays havoc with her mind. She cannot, irrespective of how hard she tries, block it from her memory or ignore it. The questions multiply at an alarming rate and it threatens the peace and longevity of this wonderful relationship. There are many who would say it couldn’t be such a wonderful relationship if there are so many problems and lies at such an early stage, yet these are two people who know they have travelled life’s road many times before and are meant to be together again. This is a battle to put the past in perspective and relish the fortunes of the future, and so the truth will come out!

A business arrangement, from its outset blatantly abused by the other parties, has drained the reserves and strength of her partner. He had nowhere to turn and no one else to turn to. He was so close to finalising the business venture yet the capital fell short. Along came a funnel-web spider, disguised as a bleached blonde, intent on capturing its prey by whatever means at its disposal. Now, I cannot comment for anyone else but I hate spiders, and women who deliberately set out to ensnare men are lower than a spider. That’s simply my opinion. Here is an honest man, trying to do the right thing, being taken advantage of because of his good nature and is now falling into the clutches of a nasty death-dealing arachnid! Oh you can tell I don’t like spiders!
funnel web spider female

Female funnel-web spider ready to spring, image courtesy of smh.com.au

A business agreement is entered into and in time the business fails utterly. The man is devastated, everything he worked for is gone, without a penny to his name he has nowhere to live. Destitute. Does she act honourably? Does she understand the depth of despair this man is now drowning in? Not one whit! She blatantly propositions him for sexual favours. “Sleep” with her and work her farm and the loan is forgiven. Forgiven! Forgiven!! I must be dreaming. This is a business venture, a loan for a business venture and the business has collapsed. The business and loan have vanished into the ether and cannot be recovered. She is going to devour this man whichever way she can. Like any good flesh eating monster she simply revs up the attack.

What happens next? Being rebuffed does no good at all. She persists, like a spider who has its prey wrapped securely in a cocoon for digesting later, she sinks her fangs ever deeper and watches the death throes as he tries to survive.
funnel web abd prey

image courtesy of superstock.com
spider bite
funnel web bite – day 10. image courtesy of declubz.com

So what happens when his lady arrives on the scene and she, of the funnel-web analogy, finally cannot deny that her fangs have lost their deadly grip and he isn’t going to be her dinner? Then she becomes a death dealing viper, a fork tongued cold-blooded reptile who will destroy him in any way possible. She lies, she cheats, she tries to sue in court. She deliberately swears on oath that he lives in a place vacated years earlier. She knows where he is because she arrives uninvited one night and meets his new lady there. Yet lying to the court if the other party cannot get there to defend himself is easy. She glories in her perjury!

Synchronicity – what a wonderful thing. Through unbelievable twists and turns the information about the court case arrives at it’s intended destination, but not through any action of hers. With the smallest of margins ever he is able to get a defence lodged and fight the spurious claims she has perjured herself making. The truth finally sees the light of day. There is no validity of a court case where the truth is not in evidence. There is no possibility of a financial outcome. Even the solicitors are finally aware they have been duped by the venom of this creature. There has been a vexatious waste of the courts time as well as the solicitors, who cannot be recompensed for their time and efforts. Perhaps justice is served after all as the court throws the case out and the “plaintiff’ has to pay costs for bringing a claim without valid grounds. Justice is blind, I agree, but just occasionally Justice prevails, as it has this time.

blind justice Blind justice, image courtesy of boxing.com.

winning judgementWinning judgement; courtesy of ehow.com

Sometimes you simply have to believe and have faith. Love does conquer all!

VIVE L’AMOUR

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Best friends

Best Friends by oneinsightcloser.com

As small children it seems easy to make friends. We actually do it without thinking, a new child appears in the group and they are automatically included and join in whatever is happening. The most beautiful friendships can develop from there, some lasting a lifetime. The innocence is heartwarming and  everyone loves to see it. The friendship of small children is like a garden of flowers, bright, beautiful and always making you smile.

It’s a proven fact that the majority of friendships are made during the school years.  Some of us make them throughout lower school and some during university. The bonds of friendship are tested through time and we have someone we can rely on in good times and bad. They are there when we need a shoulder to cry on when our first love disappears, and are there with a hug and  simple acceptance when life turns sad as we lose someone close. There  is a closeness which nothing diminishes and we are all the better and stronger for it. Grief seems easier to bear with a close friend and a friendly shoulder.

Yet there are also those of us, who, for no apparent reason, go through our young lives without forming those close bonds. We may have been picked on because we didn’t conform to the norm. We were ‘fat’, wore strange clothes, had funny hair or spoke with a different accent. Sometimes there is no reason we can find for not being part of the group and not finding that closeness that friendship can bring. Occasionally something happens and after being part of a circle of friends the group decides to ostracize you. There seems no rhyme or reason yet it happens and you flounder to find a way through the rejection.  My friends ‘came back’ once they realised that I wasn’t going to ‘moon’ around after them. In fact I avoided being anywhere near them and they found that too uncomfortable. So, being in a relatively small community, I was invited back in again. There was one rather major problem though. I didn’t like being rejected and I definitely didn’t like being hurt. I rejoined the group but not before I had made a solemn promise to myself. Never again would I allow anyone to have the power to hurt me in that way again. No-one would get ‘in’ to break my heart.  For a long time it worked too.  I moved through life, apparently part of a group of friends, without anyone special, but still one of ‘the pack’.
Sad girl

Unless we are in this lonely situation we may not even think about it. Life is too hectic and we have too many things to distract us that we don’t see what may be right there in front of us. Of course, even worse than that blindness is being in the midst of that isolation yourself.  Who do you turn to for support if you don’t have a close friend, or for that matter, anyone you can call a friend. It’s not simply sad, it’s not even pathetic, it’s crushing and soul devouring. It can be even worse. My garden of flowers had become overrun with weeds.

Not long ago I was in the situation where a long-term marriage was reaching its last gasp.  I had used up all my reserves of energy, was worn out and could no longer think of any alternatives to try in order to save a relationship already dead, it simply hadn’t remembered to stop breathing yet.  Everything had been tried. We talked to counsellors, friends, family and probably driven each other to the edge of insanity trying to talk through insurmountable problems with no end in sight. At least they had become insurmountable as I realised we had drifted so far from each other that there was no point of reference at which to begin a ‘rescue attempt’.  It was heartbreaking, not being able to save something I’d given over two decades of my life to and had believe would last a lifetime.  Two strangers sharing the same space with nothing in common any longer.   Ironically for me, my husband at the time really couldn’t see that we had a problem.  “Had a problem”, that was a laugh, the problems were so many it was hard to know where to begin when the counsellor asked what the problem was. I believe that was the point at which I realised a rescue attempt was simply not going to work. So he blamed me for the demise of our relationship. there always has to be someone at fault.
arguing couple

image courtesy of ourwayit.com

I wanted, for the sake of my  – our – children to stay as long as possible and let them have a ‘family’ life.  For me, for us, it was a stupid mistake. Instead of seeing a good family life they say what can happen when love has simply drifted away.  The best of marriages are founded on a basis of friendship. That deep connection where two people know, without words, that the other is always there for them, a support in good times and bad.   Now we had a situation where, whilst not enemies, there was nothing there to build anything on, not even for the children’s sake.  Yet the parting held “no such sweet sorrow” but only relief.  If only that had been the end of it. Some things just linger on and on.

There is a prevailing belief in society today that marriage breakdown is a disease, something which can be caught if you aren’t careful. All the ‘friends’ I believed I had suddenly melted into the ether.  Far from having someone to talk to, to help ease the confusion and sadness, share a coffee with and provide that warm hug to help give you strength, I found I was isolated and alone.  From a place where the struggle had been a nightmare, a new nightmare began.  For some reason this seemed even worse than before.  Now I was faced with a situation where I felt there had to be something ‘wrong’ with me or I wouldn’t be rejected yet again.  All the old hurts from my childhood returned with even more vigour and I had nowhere to turn to find out why it had happened.  My garden of weeds had become a jungle of weeds, thorny and poisonous.
thorny weeds

image courtesy of mooseyscountrygarden.com

I’d like to say there is an easy solution. I’d love to say there is a solution at all. I still don’t have that wonderful friend I’ve been searching for, someone to share a laugh and a coffee; go window shopping or watch a movie together’ share a heart to heart when we need one. I feel the lack frequently when I hear or read about someone enjoying time with a friend or friends.  I haven’t worked out what to do although I’m told I’m a nice person, helpful, kind and considerate. Not to blow my own trumpet, but who else will.   I need a friend. I know that and would welcome one into my life and one day one will turn up. That will be a beautiful day and I will treasure it forever.

There is a happy ending though.  After finally giving up on relationships completely and deciding to ‘retire’ to a unit ‘far, far away, spending the rest of a long life become a crabby old spinster, knitting in my rocking chair,  I met a wonderful and charming man who completely knocked me off my feet.  He was, not to exaggerate, everything I had always dreamed of but doubted I would ever find.  He is a gentleman. He opens my door and carries my parcels for me. Not because I can’t but because he likes to do something nice for me. He loves to make a cup of tea and we share cooking dinner together. In fact we share almost everything and it isn’t overpowering, it feels darned good. I can finish his thoughts, and pick up on what he is thinking. We will both decide at the same time that we feel like going out for a coffee or a movie, a walk on the beach or sharing a picnic when the moon is full. I found my ‘soul mate’ for real, and I couldn’t be happier for it.  My life has turned full circle.  My ‘best friend’ (apart from my husband who is also my best friend as well as my husband, lover and partner) will arrive one day soon and life will be complete.  We  have so many things we are planning, work, travel, fun, new businesses we love, life is so full it is breathtaking. I have been truly blessed. I know that life will continue to be blessed. Why, because that’s how it’s meant to be, how we are planning it to be and so it will be.

Garden of roses

Keep the faith, friends come and go, some take longer than others, weeds always grow in untended soil but when the roses bloom, magic fills the air, and of course the fairies.

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