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Posts Tagged ‘spiritual growth’

#Life'sWoundings

Life can tear you apart

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
C. JoyBell C.

Life is not always peaches and cream, or so I’ve found. Things happen, for which you are totally unprepared, and in the process you can feel exposed, vulnerable and disenfranchised.

In my opinion, there is nothing more undermining than to be “called to account” for something which was alleged to happen, and for which you are not given the right to respond. It is especially onerous, in my opinion, if this tramples an area where you may be vulnerable, and even more so if the person who is mentoring that group drops the ball.

We go through life learning as we stumble along. We make friends, meet partners, have families, make and lose workmates, the death of family and friends, the list goes on. Along the way there is the possibility we may ‘suffer’ what has been termed “Wounding’s”.

To clarify, in this instance, a wounding is a life event which has traumatised you in some way. It’s not very difficult to find, a divorce, death of family or friend, abusive relationship etc.

#Life'sWounding

Growth is often painful

Some of us bounce back with ease. Some however, do not and hold this wounding inside, so tightly, it cannot find a way out. We cannot let it go, cannot grieve over the situation, because we have never felt safe enough to talk about the ‘incident’. If we finally feel we are in a place, safe enough for us to ‘share’ our story, we can be taken unawares by thoughtless judgement. This can be especially so, if both persons shared their ‘story’…

Long ago I recall being told that, it was of paramount importance to hear both sides of a story, before making a decision, as to what needed to be done in response. I have never forgotten the advice. I also believe that anyone who decides to ‘complain’ about another person, they should be willing to confront that person with their complaint. This seems to cause many complaints to be retracted.

I too, have had a “Great Wounding” which left me so traumatised I could not talk about it for many years. To this day I shy away from discussing it. However, I was recently in a place where a select group was gathered. Each person I interacted with in the first couple of days seemed to have their own story behind them, as we all do. After listening to someone discuss their situation I, unfortunately, shared some of my own “Wounding.”

#Life'sWoundings

The art of listening.

I was more than dumbfounded, when, as we made our way back into the meeting room I was taken to one side and informed I had “Inappropriately Shared” something. “People had complained”. I was temporarily unable to think, or speak as shock set in. To say I felt that I should leave and return home – more than crossed my mind. “Who, I wondered”. “What could I have said which was ‘Inappropriate’?” Then, No, why should I be forced away?

I remained, though it did mar my time there. To feel that every word, act or nuance, needed to be weighed and measured, made for an uncomfortable situation. I had only worked with a couple of people at that point, and the opportunity to speak with people only in a group situation apart from that, so the list of people who could have complained was small.

Is it worth remembering? Only the lessons. The lessons of forgiveness and compassion.

 

#Life'sWoundings

It is much sweeter to forgive than condemn

“Forgive but do not forget, or you will be hurt again. Forgiving changes the perspectives. Forgetting loses the lesson.”
Paulo Coelho

The incident, onerous enough by itself has embedded itself into the original “Wounding”. Being singled out later, in group, as an example of one who had come there with a “Great Wounding” in their past, did not help. I will continue, alone, to try to reconcile this “Wounding” from my past, finding compassion for those who behaved in this way. There will never be another discussion about it.

As for what happened in a group of my peers:

I forgive the pettiness of the person who felt the need to complain, even though they lacked the moral fibre to speak directly to me…. despite sharing their own story, and, If I was talking with them, and they preferred not to.

I forgive being spoken to in the manner and place I was. Leadership dictates such a discussion be private, or so I have been taught.

I forgive being used as an object lesson for the group…. Without giving permission to discuss my personal affairs before anyone else, and when there were other people there, who were also said to have shared their “Great Wounding’s”. I am still confused by exactly what constituted “Inappropriately sharing”, but the time to talk about that has passed.

#Life'sWoundings

The Secret of Life?

Lessons in Life arrive when we least expect them and often in ways we wish were different. I may not have liked this lesson, or lessons, but I can and will learn from them I already have learned from them.

I trust that if I am the person someone approaches with a “Great Wounding” and a need to share, that I have the grace and compassion to listen with as much understanding as possible.

I hope that I can recognise the privilege shown to me, that they feel safe enough to discuss something which may have devastated their life.

Finally, I pray, that if I ever have a situation in which I am uncomfortable or do not wish to be a part of, that I have the moral fibre to speak to that person myself. Showing them the dignity and respect they deserve and not behaving like a school child tattling on another.

 

#Life'sWoundings

Forgiveness, the lesson of life.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up.”
― Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

It has been a time of much learning from many lessons.

 

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson, 2014

 

 

 

Images courtesy of:-

http://www.avani-mehta.com : wordsofbalance.com:  http://www.pinterest.com http://www.searchquotes.com: encwor.blogspot.com

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I am tired

I am lonely

I live alone in my cocoon

image from http://www.counseling.org

Aware of nothing else

But the butterfly

Hiding somewhere inside

Cannot emerge too soon

Left hanging

Suspended

Time drifts slowly by

Whilst all around

Stars float softly

Across the sky

The sun passes

High in the sky

Still alone she waits

Time is no friend

Alone in her captivity

That never ends

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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There comes a time

When

With no warning

Up becomes down

You wonder why

You look at the sky

See the sun shining

Wispy clouds floating

Lazily across blue sky

Reflected in the ocean

Blue on blue

Without end

No beginning

No end

Wondering why

With so much blue

There is only black inside

The beating heart

image from picturesz.wordpress.com

Is weighed down

Tears fall

But cannot lighten the load

The sky finally darkens

Night is not falling

It’s time

Pull up the world

Hide

The dawn is coming

It always will.

“A misstep many make: they mistake darkness for meaning. They think light is easy. They think light will find a way through the crack in the door by itself. But it doesn’t – you have to open the door & let it in.”
Melanie Gideon

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Emotions and mood are influenced by many things, some so ephemeral you may even miss the triggers. The most one can do when “The Dark Night of the Soul”  (Ekhart Tolle) appears is the focus on those things which bring light and laughter, happiness and joy to the heart and soul. All things have their time and place. We cannot appreciate the light without first experiencing the dark.

For everyone I wish the brightest of days and the joy of a light spirit.

Susan x

(c) Susan Jamieson

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bureau with drawers open

image courtesy of dollshousespastandpresent.com

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“When they talk of ghosts of the dead who wander in the night with things still undone in life, they approximate my subjective experience of this life.
Jack Henry Abbott

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As strange as it may sound, the first physical evidence of my other worldly visitor came one sunny day when I was at home alone.  I was studying for exams and it was very quiet – without my brothers around! I was sitting in the lounge, surrounded by my books when I thought I heard a noise upstairs. At first I put it down to the neighbour moving things around, but a check revealed the neighbours were out.  Ten minutes later there was another sound, louder and longer, the sound of furniture being pushed across the floor, coming from my parent bedroom.  You simply cannot mistake the sound of a heavy bureau being pushed across the floor.

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I stopped, listened intently and was about to begin studying again when I heard one of the drawers being opened. This particular bureau was quite old and the drawers had swollen,whch meant they squealed loudly when they were opened and closed. This had now become something I was feeling decidedly ‘not amused’ about. Not only were strange and unexplainable noises coming from directly overhead but there was no-one within cooee who was at home or expected home any time soon.  Then there was a flurry of drawers opening and closing in rapid succession!

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Books closed and held tightly I sat there staring towards the ceiling. I have no idea what I was expecting to see, thankfully nothing.  Quiet ensued. I was just beginning to persuade myself that I had imagined the entire episode when the cutlery in the kitchen bureau, directly behind me suddenly rattled as though someone was rifling through them. OH NO!   I was not impressed. I couldn’t decide if I was outflanked or trapped.  The only way out was through the kitchen, right where the kitchen bureau was. This was developing into a Laurel and Hardy comedy, only I wasn’t laughing.  Over heated imagination? No-one would ever convince me of that.

someone getting a fright

image courtesy of jigsawslair.blogspot.com

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Heartbeat returning to near normal and determined to remain inside to continue studying, I had just laid out my books again when I heard the unmistakable sound of footsteps, footsteps laboriously coming down the stairs from our bedrooms. My eyes glued to the door into the lounge as I grabbed my books as quietly as I could. Why? I have no idea, my visitor knew I was there so who was I kidding?  The footsteps continued slowly as I counted the steps down.  At the bottom there was a pause. As the door suddenly creaked open I was rushing madly for the kitchen door. I spent the rest of the afternoon in the garden studying, alternately watching the upstairs windows and the kitchen door.  Whilst I saw him in my brothers window looking out I thankfully didn’t hear any further noises downstairs or near the door.

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That was my one and only scary episode. I still saw him in my parents room and the cold became even more intense from there. So much so that my mother remarked on it. They never mentioned the bureau being moved so I cannot explain it, except to say that’s exactly what it sounded like and the picture in my head bore that out.  I felt his cold ethereal presence in my room on occasion when I couldn’t sleep, or if I suddenly woke, and at those times I feigned sleep.  He didn’t make me feel comfortable enough to let him know I was awake.  It was the same feeling I got when I was walking around Port Arthur many years later, where I know unimaginable horrors occurred.

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The epitaph to the story. I learned that the previous owner had been left by his family and he had become terminally ill. He had committed suicide in my parents bedroom.  Apparently the house had remained empty for a long time, several people had bought it but hadn’t stayed long before reselling it.  The rest of my family didn’t feel or sense the unhappy fellow, although Mum made some unusual comments many years later about feeling uncomfortable in her room at night, on occasions, and how cold the room became.   If I had known then what I know now it may have been a different story.  As trite as it sounds I know I was fortunate not to ‘come face to face’ with my spirit at that time. He was upset and angry and I was ill prepared to handle that.

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Perhaps I made a small difference though. I heard from the new owners several years later that they were extremely happy in the house and there were no unusual happenings any longer.  ( A small town and everyone knows the history of  what had happened there). That being so I’m grateful I may have been of some small help to him. I know I prayed for him many times.  Perhaps that was why he was drawn to me.  I’ll never really know. It was an interesting time, exciting, a little frightening and  very enlightening.  If it happened again I would know how to handle the situation instead I made it into a comedy of errors which amused my family for a long time.

Patrick Swazye Ghost
image courtesy of  justpressplay.net

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One of my favourite films which shows Patrick Swayze about to go into the light after he had finished protecting his wife. Beautiful!

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