Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Spirituality’

 

#The Sorceress

Image courtesy of cosmicpsychics.files.wordpress.com


As she stepped through the door

Her eyes drifted skyward

No need to be on guard

Ebony sky sparkling

Stars mesmerising

The Goddess rising over the horizon

A secretive smile played over red lips

The times had changed

Like a new lovers’ kiss

Blessings, shining brightly

With the Full moons’ embrace

The Executive Sorceress strode forth

Time now to hurry north

Her sister’s already gathering

˜ 

Standing under the moonlight

She took a breath to calm her mind

A second to sink within

Her mind formed a clear image

A Snowy Owl sparkling brightly

Her breath trickled slowly

Through her parted lips

The air shimmered brilliantly

Like sunlight on new cut crystal

Arms raised to the sky

Whirling through the air

The Snowy Owl flapped her powerful wings

Speeding away to the north

˜

Over the silent lake

Past the quiet woods

Quickly flying forth

From eyes seeing afar

From East, West and South

She saw her sisters arriving

With a wild cry of joy

She swooped earthward

Into the circle with her sisters

Celebrating the Goddess, the moon

Welcoming the Executive Sorceress

A new world

A new life

A new you.

#The Sorceress

The Moon Goddess rising

 

Blessings, Susan ♥

  © Susan Jamieson, August 2014

   ©The Executive Sorceress, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

 

“If you want to find the trail, if you want to find yourself, you must explore your dreams alone. You must grow at a slow pace in a dark cocoon of loneliness so you can fly like wind, like wings, when you awaken.”
Francesca Lia Block, Dangerous Angels

 

After our leisurely start to the day “P” and I set off in glorious sunshine, with the top down and Sasha, the pooch ensconced in the back. The air was so crisp, the wind brisk, despite the breeze from our travel I didn’t feel in the least cold. It was invigorating and brought back memories of England.

I had absolutely no idea where we were or where we were going, apart from the promise that I would be dropped off at my hotel in Fribourg.  One stretch of our journey took us along a winding mountain road. There was a stream on my left, and I could hear the water rushing along over the sound of the wind in my hair. On my right was the mountain.

 

Suddenly, I saw the water rushing down the mountain, pure snowmelt, cascading over the ground towards the stream on my left. We pulled over to the side of the narrow road, just before a quaint wooden bridge where the water ran underneath. The roar of the water as it finally went under the bridge and joined the stream was louder than I expected. I could imagine the side of the mountain suddenly slipping down and washing everything away. The smell of ice crystals in the air was amazing.

Further along the snowmelt had made the road impassable and we carefully turned around and backtracked until we found another road to turn onto. Asked about lunch I realised the fresh air had made me hungry and we made our way to a small town in the mountains, Neuchâtel, and had a beautiful cheese fondue, for which the town is famous. Once again, gazing around at the scenery, it all seemed surreal, the backdrop to a movie. Everywhere I looked I saw either verdant green pasture or higher up, the snow-capped mountains. It felt like a peaceful interlude and I was truly grateful that “P” had brought me here.

It was a wonderful gesture, a gesture of true friendship. “P” had asked me what my plans were in Switzerland, especially Fribourg, which isn’t really on the main tourist route. I had made arrangements to meet up with friends there, however, just before I left Athens I received an email to let me know they had a family emergency and had to leave, an absence which they were unable to return from before I had to leave.

We finally arrived in Fribourg at day’s end and as “P” helped me get my bag out of the car he made me promise to return to Geneva early if I was lonely. Checking in to the hotel I found I was feeling tired, another first, which I put down to the bracing air and the car with the top down. After settling in and a light snack, once I curled up in bed to read I fell quickly asleep.

The next ten days past swiftly as I wandered around the ancient town.  Part of Fribourg is French whilst across the Sarine River is the German-speaking area of Switzerland. The Bern Bridge is completely covered and the only wooden bridge left today.

As I walked around I saw amazing examples of architecture from many different eras. The Cathedral of Saint Nicholas seemed to draw me almost every day.  It has been the Cathedral of the diocese of Lausanne, Geneva and Fribourg since 1945.

The narrow cobbled streets and cafes made it a beautiful place to stop for coffee and watch the world roll by. The time seemed drawn out and at the same time condensed as I was swept away in daydreams. Each day I would end my trip with a walk to the Zaehringen Bridge, 165m long over the Sarine River. Gazing at it I was always drawn to the cliff face and the sight of the many buildings clinging precariously to the edge. It seemed to embody the tenacity to survive that you can sometimes see when there seems no logical reason for them to be able to survive the winters for those many hundreds of years.

Only a short train ride from Fribourg was Lausanne, a beautiful city with the towering Notre Dame and Lausanne Cathedral.  It is actually a city in Romandy, the French-speaking part of Switzerland. There are so many incredible buildings, historical buildings of note that I had a crick in my neck trying to take it all in. The gardens in the centre of town were full of spring flowers.

I saw “P” and his friend one day in Lausanne. He had called the hotel and asked if I would like to meet there for lunch, and even though I had been there only a few days before it was delightful to go back and have a relaxing lunch in one of the many cafes.  The trains are so quiet and fast in Switzerland that I was back in Fribourg in little time.  A quick trip to see the bridge and I was back at the hotel for the evening.

As agreed I left Fribourg early to stay in Geneva. The more metropolitan air was so different after Fribourg and as I walked around Lake Geneva I spent many hours pondering the differences we feel about certain places as we “travel through life”. I sat and watched the swans in their nest on the bank of Lake Geneva. Their regal bearing has always enchanted me and to see them so close, after such a long time was truly magical. I could see the Alps surrounding Geneva, felt the special quality in the air that only the Alpine air could provide and became lost in daydreams, or were they memories?

I saw ladies in ankle length gowns, men in tailored suits, walking leisurely around the lake. I heard the quietly spoken conversations, which must have been in French and yet I understood what they were saying. I felt as though I was walking along with someone, looking out of someone’s eyes, and seeing these things as though I was there.  I could see the old gaslights being lit along the walkway as the light began to fade.

I finally came back to myself, realising that I was going to be late meeting “P” if I didn’t hurry. It was strange, but hurry did not seem to be a word to use in Switzerland and I knew he wouldn’t mind if I was late.  None the less, this was my last night in Geneva and I had to leave the next morning to begin my journey home.

We once again talked late into the night, but this time I asked to be woken early so that we could make our way to the airport without worrying about traffic problems, which he said were common in peak hours. Just like any big city!

Leaving was smooth and effortless and as the cloudbank hid the land beneath me I caught one last majestic sight of the mountains, as their snow-capped heads rose above even the clouds.

 

Next week – Going Home

 

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

 

Read Full Post »

#IAsked

image from imagine.omusilibelula.ro

“You will know who truly loves you when you ask them to do you an unconventional favour.”
Michael Bassey Johnson

 

I asked for help and none was given

I asked once more and received a smile

I asked again and received a puzzled frown

How many times do I ask before I ask no more?

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

Read Full Post »

This world of mine

Has somehow lost its shine

Why I ask

Does it have to be this way

Why does everyone I love have to turn away

Why do they leave til I’m all alone

With a heart so heavy it finds it hard to beat

It shouldn’t be such a mighty feat

My eyes are hurting from unshed tears

Holding tight to all my fears

The pain of it all held deep inside

Is there somewhere safe for me to hide

Why, oh why does it have to be this way

Can I wake up tomorrow to a bright new day

No more hurt or pain nor loneliness

No longer waiting for the blame

A new hurting game

No need to hold my breath

Wondering if this is the final death

Will it always be that way

The sun shines at the start of each new day

It just forgets to light up my way

#thisworld

image from sugaree33-art.deviantart.com

If I screamed to the heavens would they hear me

Would they answer if I cried loudly enough

Has my breaking heart not borne enough

Can they not hear me

Have I paid my way to a peaceful love

Safe from all the hurt and pain

Freed from endless games of shame

The hand that is held out

Is not the hand to hurt

The smile on a face

Doesn’t hide lies like a mill race

Rushing down to sweep me away

A hand to hold the heart with love

A smile that glows with truth from heaven above

How long now until it’s my turn to smile

How long til I hear my loved ones sigh

Is this to be my life

#thisworld

image from housechurchesuk.weebly.com

 

The answer!

Blessings, Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

 

 

Read Full Post »

“Finding oneself and one’s path is like waking up on a foggy day. Be patient, and presently the fog will clear and that which has always been there can be seen. The path is already there to follow”
Rasheed Ogunlaru, Soul Trader: Putting the Heart Back into Your Business

~

The next day we left Petra on the Kings Highway for our first stop at the ruins of the crusader fortress of Al Karak. It had the feel of a large open town, symmetrically laid out. It was almost possible to see crusaders marching around in full regalia. Situated at the edge of town there was a surreal feel to the place. More than ever history and modern day events lived side by side. Left to ramble over the ruins we wandered over what seemed like acres of ground. It would have been more than impressive in its day.

After the long exploration we drove to a lonely, windswept hill, Mount Nebo, which is believed to be the tomb of Moses and is where Moses looked out over the “promised land”, forbidden to enter by God. A mosaic floor still lies in the ruins of a 4th and 6th century church. This time we were the only people at the ruin and were able to spend quite a bit of time walking around and exploring the area. Looking out across the land it seemed desolate, nothing but sand and rock. It’s hard to imagine it as being “the Promised Land”, a “Land or Milk and Honey”, but seasons come and go and everything eventually changes. It really made you ask why there was so much blood shed over such a barren and desolate place. (It may not have been at the time).

Our next stop was at Madaba still driving along the 5000 year old King’s Highway. Madaba is known as the City of Mosaics. We were there to see the mosaic of the Holy Land which is part of a floor mosaic in the early Byzantine church of Saint George. The church is northwest of the city centre and was built in 1896 AD, over the remains of a much earlier 6th century Byzantine church. Madaba appeared to be a congested little town where every street was twisting one way or another. Of course we had no idea which way we were going and our guide gave a simple direction. “Make sure you can see the person in front of you. Don’t stop for any reason and don’t get lost. Do not stop to look in the shops or talk to the shop keepers. I will not be responsible if you stop. We may not be able to find you”. How much was for effect and how much real?

We did start to lose some of our party, those who were having trouble keeping up. The guide was not interested in moderating his pace and a few of the less fit, who would have enjoyed the excuse to stop and check out the local wares, began to fall behind. Soon it was obvious we were about to lose part of our party and all I could see was a sea of Arab faces, all  clamouring for us to stop and look at the things they had for sale along the street or enticing us to “Step inside and see our wares”.

To say I was annoyed would be putting it mildly. The people who had been the first to tattletale that we were being ‘kidnapped’, ‘arrested’ or grabbed by the Bedouin, made sure they remained hot on the heels of the guide and didn’t look back. The rest of us formed a relay of sorts, a string of white faces amongst the sea of Arab faces, ensuring we could see the person in front and behind. Eventually we made it to the Church and reformed our group again.  Words were spoken, both to the group who ignored the people falling behind and to the guide, who suddenly developed “English amnesia”.  There’s nothing like a goatherd when you need a guide in town!

The trek was worth it to see the mosaic, but the tension spoilt the journey. Strangely enough we managed to get back to the bus using a much more direct route and took much less time. The streets were also much wider and less congested. I wasn’t the only person pondering the strange behaviour of our guide; in fact I was convinced he had taken us through the seediest part of town. We were all relieved we had managed to keep a look out for each other and arrived safely back at the bus.

Once more on the bus we had one final stop, at a souvenir place. Once again, it seemed a place in the middle of nowhere and off the beaten track. They had the most amazing oil paintings done on canvas or velvet. Far too difficult to say no to something so beautiful when we knew this was the last opportunity we had to buy anything in Jordan. One of the salesmen decided to follow Mel and me around the store. It seemed that all the salesmen were determined to sell everyone something before we left.  Of course, this was the land of bartering and it had been fun in Egypt, which I totally forgot to mention. So, smiling sweetly we did the circuit of the store, once, twice, three times before finally getting down to choosing a few things we liked. Then it came time to start the haggling process.

Both Mel and I were travelling elsewhere after our stay in Jordan and the idea of trying to carry framed pictures with us, simply didn’t appeal. I had chosen a beautiful velvet oil of a Bedouin encampment amongst Roman ruins. It was beautiful and I did buy it for a very good price and persuaded him to remove the frame for me.  Then we smiled and asked him to remove the frames from Mel’s pictures.  Our friends were not impressed as they had pictures in frames whilst we had ours safely rolled to carry with us.

Once back in Amman I had the unequaled pleasure of trying to find a pharmacy which stocked the medication I needed. I had miscalculated somehow and I was fortunate to find a pharmacy with a pharmacist who understood English and had the right tablets. As luck would have it she was right around the corner about three hundred metres up the street. However I was pleased to get back inside.

The next day we had a guided tour of Amman. We ended up at the Citadel, the old Roman ruins in the centre of Amman. The Citadel is actually on a hill with the ruins of the Temple of Hercules. Below the Citadel’s southern rim is a stream known as Seil Amman. It is on the south bank that most of the Roman City of Philadelphia was situated. The ruins have a main Forum, Theatre, Odeon, and various shops. The Amphitheatre is the largest in Jordan, and could seat 6,000 spectators. The Theatre area is filled with stalls selling shish kebabs or ice creams as well as souvenir shops. There is also an exquisite example of a Byzantine mosaic from Madaba.

It was a great way to end our tour of Jordan and to end our time together. We had the afternoon to relax, compare notes of our tour together, exchange addresses with everyone and get our cases organised and repacked. Last minute laundry was essential for Mel and me.

The next day Mel was leaving for Mount Sinai, people were travelling home, to Brazil, Canada, the US and the UK whilst I was staying an extra day before going back to Israel. Everyone was leaving at different times so the whole day was spent saying ‘goodbyes’. It had been a wonderful trip and I was looking forward to going back to Israel.

#In Search of

The Siq, Petra

It had been a whirlwind trip, filled with so much history and scenery which at times took your breath away and at others left you wondering why there was so much fighting there. With so much history and so many different cultures all melting into a country and culture it was not surprising that there was the unique diversity amongst the people in the Middle East. From the Byzantine era, Crusaders, Moses and Romans, it was a land steeped in religious doctrines and wars. I felt awed and humbled but with a sense that I was gaining a clearer perspective of who I was, what I believed and where I was heading. It was going to be interesting going back to Israel again. I wondered if it would be as difficult to return as it had been to get in originally.

Next week…..Back to Tel Aviv.

Blessings,  Susan ♥

© Susan Jamieson 2014

Related articles

In Search of Part 19

In Search of Part 18

In Search of Part 17

Read Full Post »

#Which way Now?

Celtic Goddess Epona… Facebook.com

“Finding oneself and one’s path is like waking up on a foggy day. Be patient, and presently the fog will clear and that which has always been there can be seen. The path is already there to follow”
Rasheed Ogunlaru, Soul Trader: Putting the Heart Back into Your Business
“Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it, Do not believe simply because it has been handed down for many generations. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is written in the Holy Scriptures.  Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of teachers, elders , or wise men. Believe only after careful observation and analysis, when you find that it agrees with reason, and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all. Then accept it and live up to it.”
Buddha

There comes a time, in everyone’s life, when the questions far outweigh the answers.  This is the time when we need to look to other than the traditional fields for our answers. In many cases it may be that the answer lies in the most unimaginable places, within ourselves. Even then, they may be found not in our logical and rational mind.

We reach a time when we have to relinquish the hold on all that is safe and known and take a leap into the great unknown in search of these answers. It is only the “great unknown” because we have turned our back on the unknown, the vastness of our existence for all that is safe and comfortable. It may be we have no wish to stretch our minds into areas we are unfamiliar with.

Yet, it is within these unfamiliar landscapes that our minds and hearts open. Our souls flower and the heady scent we perceive is the beauty and grandeur of our Spiritual legacy. It is the place where colours have a more vibrant hue, the scents have a more delightful aroma and the images we see are not only more ‘fantastical’ they are also more familiar than anything we may dream in our everyday lives.

What has happened is that our incredible minds have opened to wonders we once had and which we have forgotten but are now returning. If we are open to the idea that we can be more than we are now, we can be all that it is possible for us to be. We can become limitless instead of limited!

Within the limitless abilities we can find are the abilities to cure the ills of the world, if we are willing to accept them. These are strange ideas but ones I feel comfortable and happy to accept as my birthright as a Spirit living in a physical body. The ills we are plagued with are manifestations within the physical body. Therefore, accepting and learning to use the abilities given on the Spiritual plane, we are able to ‘cure’ or eradicate these ailments, if our Spirit and purpose are in alignment.

These may be strange thoughts, alien thoughts, but I hope they may resonate within you. I hope that they may find a home in your consciousness and allow us all to move forward, enlightened and lightened of the heaviness of this physical plane.

“Don’t ask what the world needs – ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Harold Thurman Whitman

Blessings, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2014

Related articles

Spirits of the Universe

Words of the Future

Read Full Post »

#Pushed to the Limit

image from ogdenutahcriminaldefense.com

“Never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect.”
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

There are times when, irrespective of how much you try to do otherwise, you fly off the handle. These episodes are usually preceded by periods of intense pressure, things not going according to plan or life generally not playing out the way you hoped. Colloquially they are called “knee jerk’ reactions. They are usually regretted almost immediately as soon as the blood cools down sufficiently for coherent thought to return.

If, like me, that cooling off can be fairly quick, most of the time, it leads to a great deal of soul searching and castigation for behaving in a manner which isn’t liked. However, many times the damage has already been done. Trying to set things right is quite often impossible.

All my life I’ve been told I should behave in certain ways. I was “better than my protagonist” and so held to a higher standard.  “I knew better than that” and so should have controlled that impulse to retaliate.  When you are placed on a pedestal and expected to live up to everyone’s perception of who you are, it can be extremely difficult to find the real you.  You may not even recognise the‘real you’.

#Pushed to the Limit

image from cstl.semo.edu

There have been times, over the years, when that pedestal has rocked alarmingly as I tried to keep my footing living up to so many other people’s ideas of who and what I was. Can you imagine how difficult it might be to understand what you want in life when you are so busy living up to someone else’s ideal? The saddest part of the situation is that it all begins with the best of intentions.

Hard as it may be to understand I was a very shy and quiet child. Head down and mouth closed so I drew as little attention to myself as possible. Yet all the time I was trying to live up to firstly my parent’s expectations of me and later my first husband, my work colleagues, my brothers, and then it seemed everyone else. Everyone had this idea of who I was and how I would respond in certain circumstances.  My first husband had a whole list of ways in which I was allowed to behave and respond that I hardly knew who I was. Sad, pathetic but true. The fact that I did respond as they expected, because it was expected, simply cemented these thoughts in their mind. Sadly, very few of these personas held more than a grain of the real me.

Not wanting to disappoint anyone it was easier to continue to play the roles I was ‘given’. It was safer in one particular area to follow the ‘rules’ than to face the consequences. At the same time I was able to hold down responsible positions, firstly as a police officer, later as a bank official and mother, school chairpersons and so on. I wasn’t actually hidden away where it may have been easier.

Realisation, when it seeped in was the beginning of the real humiliation. Knowing I had been this milksop of a person when I could think, had opinions and could do so many things was quite devastating. The fact that my husband was a police officer meant that I had nowhere to go and no-one to go to. Who would believe me over a serving police officer? It simply didn’t happen, not when the domination is psychological and emotional.

It is still hard for me to write these words, to accept them as reality and realise what I allowed myself to become – a doormat. I was a slave programmed to perform to command. I can never look at a woman in a domestic violence situation and condemn her, man, woman or child in that situation because it can be started so insidiously that it is too late by the time you realise. I was a slave to my ex-husband’s drive to achieve financial stability. The fact that he failed to support his children after I left, usurped part of my settlement and told the children it was theirs, all added to the ongoing manipulation. He is still doing this to my children, though they are grown and through them he is doing it to me because he knows they are the only way he can reach me.

#Pushed to the Limit

image from paulissakippisms.com –

Why have I told you all this. Because if it happened to me it can happen to anyone and if someone reads this and recognises where they are in this cycle and can get out, it is worth my embarrassment. If it helps someone reach out, to me or to someone else it is worth the embarrassment. I am tired of allowing him this hold over me. I am taking my life back, all of it and I refuse to allow him the space in my mind, in my life ever again.

This is real. It can happen to anyone, at any time. Please, if you recognise someone who is drowning under this type of treatment, offer a helping hand. Tell someone in authority and help them before it’s too late.  Life is a precious gift and shouldn’t be destroyed by insecure bullies.

#Pushed to the Limit

I am a woman, flesh and bone, heart and soul.

“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
Shannon L. Alder
Everyone has the right to respect, like breathing, take it away and the soul dies. – Susan Jamieson

Blessings, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2014

Read Full Post »

“The purpose of government is to enable the people of a nation to live in safety and happiness. Government exists for the interests of the governed, not for the governors.”
Thomas Jefferson

What a lot of Hokum for We The People.

~~~~~

I had originally decided to do a short blog and call it ‘The Spirit is willing but the flesh is Weak”. Yet the more I thought about it the more I realised it simply was a hoax. Most importantly I was simply fooling myself. It sounds so pathetic to continually say, “It’s been a bad week” or “I’ve had a rough couple of days” or any number of other platitudes.

That’s not to say that they aren’t true, it’s just that I’m tired of using the same statements as if I trot out one after the other when things are… challenging. I’m not sure quite where I am on this sliding spectrum which I use to gauge how well I’m travelling. Truthfully, I’m feeling more than a little sick and tired with being sick and tired and not really knowing if I’m on the right track.

For so long I dragged myself to the doctors and presented the same old symptoms, tiredness, aches in joints and muscles, my motivation slowly drained away as it became more and more difficult to do things. I’m a perfectionist. I’m also a control freak. I like things to be neat and tidy. I can find nothing wrong with being able to tell anyone exactly where to go to find anything they need in my home. At least I could do that a couple of years ago.

There are my detractors who accused me of OCD, but heck, at least I didn’t need to upend my home to locate a letter I need. I revel in my individuality and I don’t expect anyone else to follow suit – each to his own.

#What a lot of Hokum

image from frommylivingroom.blogspot.com                                      Everything in it’s pace and a place for everything.

Then I was told about Lyme disease. It seemed to fit so many of the anomalies in the symptoms I had. The medication protocols are – unpleasant. If Fibromyalgia causes Brain fog then Lyme – its co-infections and the medication to ‘treat’ it definitely increases it exponentially. But I’m no quitter. I’ve gone through the protocols, dragged myself in ever decreasing circles of confusion and despair trying to determine if I’m simply grasping at straws. And I’m still not finished.

I’ve blogged about it because I’ve struggled to find support groups or people who are willing to share information. How odd. Here is a disease the AMA refuse to accept is in Australia, penalise doctors who treat it and we cannot find anyone to give us recommendations to people who are helping the ‘sufferers’. Those who find these people, usually friends, or friends or friends, keep that information to themselves. Why? Is getting well to be a hoarded treasure? Bygone days of the privileged living and the disadvantaged fading away unnoticed.

#What a lot of Hokum

image from alternews.com –      Where did the floor come from?

I’m not simply tired, I’m exhausted. My arms scream at me in pain for typing, but this is my only outside contact. It’s lonely not being able to see or speak with people. One more day of crawling up the hallway is making me shake uncontrollably. Is this Lyme disease, Bartonella or Babesiosis or some other confounded co-infection I’ve yet to be advised of; or is it Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS or one of its familiars?

I was feeling blah this morning. I had several appointments and I’d had a rough night. In fact I crawled up to the bathroom and cried for about an hour. I’m not giving in, but where the hell do I go?  How do I persuade my GP to look at my symptoms differently – not simply hand out stronger pain meds that leave me FOGGY!!!

To be able to think is such a gift. To know you are making sense and perhaps helping someone who needs to read this… that is my impetus for continuing. I have no answers, just a zillion questions. I want answers because I feel the medical establishment owe us that much – and then decent treatment. I have a right to a quality of life that is good enough to let me do what I’d like without crippling me. There is no need for it. If the damned doctors and insurance companies had done their due diligence when I had my accident, my simple accident, I wouldn’t be in this predicament now. I truly believe so. I wish I could sue the bejaysus out of them.

For the first time today, I ‘listened’ to someone who had always presented a positive push for the treatments they were given, the illness that accompanied them and was able to do so many physical activities I dream of doing’. Today I listened to them bemoaning their shuffling gait to reach the beach, crying because of the brain fog, the inability to raise your head from wherever it lays, and not be able to DO anything.  I admire this person, but here they are, for the first time in my space.

I want to offer advice but I am unable since no-one shared advice with me, I have none to offer except to say, I understand, I am there still, drowning in this misery but determined not to let it win.

#What a lot of Hokum

image from http://www.bannerhealth.com                                   I’m right here, You are not Alone!

I am going to search for these mysterious support forums and try to find out if these diseases have the same symptoms or not and what works for them. I have a few answers from dear people today. Yoga terrifies me because the pain is well established but I’ll try. I may not have  an answer, but by heavens, I will control my environment as much as I can so I can enjoy, to the fullest extent, the life I have been handed. I will also pass on any information I uncover – as a reference only, to be talked over with your doctors so that perhaps, in the fullness of time, we can beat these blasted torturous diseases. Such is my hope. Such is my prayer for all of us.

#What a lot of Hokum

image from childrensbookshop.circlesoft.net         Here come the answers!

As human beings, as Spirits having a human existence we search for answers. This is a prime directive so that we can learn. There is “a strange new world” out there, “new life and new civilisations” and, even more important, “The Truth is Out There”.

#What a lot of Hokum

image from aliens.wikia.com

What more could we ask for?  Who was right, Spock or Kirk?  Does “The good of the many outweigh the good of the few” or Does “The good of the one outweigh the good of the many?

We all deserve a better future.

Blessings, Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2014

Related Articles

We The People

Imperfectly Perfect

Read Full Post »

#Imperfectly perfect

Heavy orchid spray                      I love my orchids

Imperfectly Perfect
“Excellence is the Result of Caring more than others think is Wise, Risking more than others think is Safe, Dreaming more than others think is Practical, and Expecting more than others think is Possible.”
Ronnie Oldham
 ~

Doing anything half-heartedly gains you very little except dissatisfaction with life, and the reason is very simple; it is because you are settling for second best. There are hundreds, if not thousands of quotations, some by the rich and famous and some who would like to be. What they all have in common is to tell you what you should do to reach the top, whatever the top happens to be for you.

It seems difficult for me to acknowledge that today is Friday, that the ‘end’ of the week is almost here. When I sat down to type I suddenly wondered where the week had flown and what I had achieved during that time to make it appear to have vanished. An entire five days vanished almost without me being aware of it.

#Imperfectly Perfect

image from anndr.deviantart.com                 In your imagination anything is possible

Of course I could make excuses and blame something or nothing for the ‘loss of time’, yet the sad fact is, I don’t have a good reason. What I think may be of even more concern, is the fact that I don’t feel that I’m on my own with this. Would you say I was being “Mindful” or that I was “Being present” in everything I had done?

Strangely enough the answer is yes. I complete my Gratitude Journal every morning, refresh my Affirmations and send my healing to those I know and those I don’t. I complete my Life Change 90 program each day, all reminders of times passing and making the best use of it for myself and others. And of course, I write. When I have completed my morning ritual I think about writing and I write, whatever it is that has made an impact on me or whatever ‘comes’ to me.

#Imperfectly Perfect

image from aniisah.wordpress.com –   Time where does it go?

Today, time was concerning me. The fact that I felt I was losing time… great chunks of time which I couldn’t really account for. Was my mind taking a siesta? Were my subconscious busy planning things for me to do in the future? I’m not sure and that lack of surety has made me feel uncomfortable. Have I been losing time that I haven’t been aware of? That is a truly scary thought.

Thoughts of Alzheimer’s, blackouts, seizures, or other malady which have no name, just visceral fears, ran amok through my mind. The fear of losing one’s faculties is a great one since there is usually little chance of coming back from such a problem. “Accepting what is”, as I have read previously, would simply not be something I could comfortably acquiesce to.

#Imperfectly Perfect

image from http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk       Bubbles of time floating away

I have to add this little incident which occurred moments ago. My husband told me he had a rather unpleasant headache, something which is unusual for him. However he is off in his little den with computer, doing heaven only knows what.  Since there was silence in the house I called out to him – and since he is concerned about my welfare he came to see that I was alright. Checking on his ‘timetable’ to the days close I asked him if he had taken his little blue headache tablets. He replied in the negative. He had become caught up in whatever he was doing and his headache was still thumping away, something I can validate only too easily. In a mock stern voice I said, “Well, you’d better take some immediately, and I mean that with the utmost infection!”  Infection? The moment the word escaped my lips I knew it was wrong and he fell into gales of laughter. Charming! It is said that laughter is the best medicine, but take it from one who had some dreadful headaches, laughing with a headache is to be avoided. At least for me it is.

#Imperfectly Perfect

Pre Lyme meds

Taking the humour from the situation, I ask myself where my mind was. What was I thinking about? Was I thinking? Was I being courteous, mindful and present with my husband? I was thinking about him, his headache, and his little pills and hoping he would be finished soon, so he could rest. So what caused the slip?

Truthfully, it is a little unnerving, a little frightening, and preys on my mind. I can blame ill-health, the brain fog, the medication, but is it? Is that the cause of these slip ups and loss of time? I believe there is nothing serious wrong, but it remains an unanswered question.

I question whether I have the right diagnosis since I feel no better after nine months of treatment than before, in fact I feel worse, much worse. New horrors are affecting my mind, my stability, feeling as though my spine will fall apart like a domino stack at any moment, cracks and creaks and severe muscle and joint aches. All these should surely be getting better by now – or at least some of them?

#Imperfectly Perfect

image from gardeningwithconfidence.com     Because beauty hides the pain

Today I looked at some photos taken just two years ago, just after we became engaged. Happy days! I have some photos taken just a couple of weeks before my Lyme diagnosis and all the medication I began taking. In both instances I looked happy, full of life and energy, and slim and smart. I know people say being slim is not a benchmark for how your life is and “If you’re fat, you’re fat – accept it”.  No way! Not this little black duck. If I had been overweight previously I could say it was a fair comment. The only difference is the medication and my worsening physical state.

So I’m left with a conundrum and many questions. Perhaps that is the reason for the slip. I hope if any of my ‘fellow Lyme sufferers” or the “Fibromites”,  or fellow bloggers I have come to know, have any insights, suggestions, or anything to calm overwrought nerves, I would be more than simply grateful. In fact, if anyone has any words of advice to offer I would listen since I know that solutions come from many strange and otherwise discounted places.

#Imperfectly Perfect

Orchids, always Perfect

I know I am “Imperfectly Perfect. I might also be “Perfectly Imperfect” and that is how it should be. I am who and what I am. I care, for the people I have come to know, their hopes, their dreams, their problems and hurts. You, my readers, have become dear friends and I trust my dear friends to tell me the truth, their truth as they see it. From there it is my responsibility to find my truth.

That, to me is what a community is all about. It is, I hope, what our WordPress community has become. I have been welcomed, in my idiosyncrasies and that is a great gift, one I willingly reciprocate because friendship is a great gift.

I can live with “Imperfectly Perfect” since I accept I am a “work in progress. We all are.

#Imperfectly Perfect

My Dancing Lady Orchid.

“When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it.”  ~Bernard Baily

When the world seems full of imperfections, and answers are hard to find, there is a perfection in Orchids which soothes my heart, my mind and my soul.

Blessings,  Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2014

Read Full Post »

#My Husband, # My Lover, # My Friend

Ray and I on our wedding day May 11, 2011

“This is what our love is––a sacred pattern of unbroken unity sewn flawlessly invisible inside all other images, thoughts, smells, and sounds.”   Aberjhani, The River of Winged Dreams
My Husband, My Lover, My Friend

It’s been a rough week here and although I’ve tried to play it down, inside my head and in my posts, there have been times when the thought of simply ‘giving up’ wasn’t far away.  It’s very difficult to remain positive when you wake up and the moment of consciousness brings the awful knowledge that your entire body is screaming in agony.

It’s becoming a real nightmare, a waking nightmare and this morning was the worst to date. Let me explain, although it’s really hard for me to write this. I cannot move my legs, body, head or shoulders. I am fortunate that my hands and lower arms appear to be okay. I wake up feeling as though I’m in a roasting oven, on well done!  I cannot push the covers off and I cannot get out of bed, (I can’t move).

#My Husband, # My Lover, # My Friend

image from autobio-blogs.plazilla.com

I’ve tried everything I can think of to get out of bed without waking my husband, especially as sometimes I wake really early and I’m ruining his rest. He needs it, he has to look after someone who is cranky because she can’t do the things she has previously done alone and I’m not in the right head space to “give in gracefully” and acknowledge that for the moment, this has to be my reality.

#My Huasband, # My Lover,#  My Friend

image from http://www.123rf.com Is this what is coming?

So let’s go back to this morning. I had a magnificent sleep, six hours of deep sleep. It’s a shame it was drug enhanced but I can’t fight that any longer either. But, I heard Ray get up and that was enough to wake me.  It was a world of hurt and I had no idea what to do. My entire body was locked in this agonising position and I had to move. I simply had to.

From a mental angle it is full on despair, a waking nightmare I cannot banish. Giving in is against my entire world view. I have always stood my ground, but that has become a joke since I cannot stand. Not first thing in the morning.

The first challenge is getting upright and Ray has to hold my hands and when I say “Pull” he has to pull me upright quickly. This morning I screamed as he did this.  (Going slowly is more painful.) Ray has to slowly pull each leg around until I can reach the floor and then once again, pull me to my feet. He has to make sure I don’t fall backward or forwards or I’ll be on the floor. I’ve mentioned the ‘damned stairs’ before but this morning they almost defeated me. But he wouldn’t let go, nor would he give in and we painfully made our way along the corridor.

#My Husband, #My Lover, #My Friend

image from owlsandorchids.com       Is this all that’s left?

It has brought home the simple dignity chronically ill people suffer which is taken by others as something they just have to get used to. I wonder if, in the same position, they would find it so easy or welcome! Well, we made the journey, back to bed and sitting back brought another stifled scream. (I have some pride left). It was not going to be an easy day. I swore I wouldn’t take the tablets but I was afraid, seriously afraid I might have to call the ambulance.  Maybe it’s the meds but that’s tantamount to throwing in the towel and I’d rather the unthinkable than that.

So, doped up and basically incoherent I remained in a land somewhere between reality and who knows? I do know that after Ray had left I felt someone sitting down and then a cuddling into my legs, but that’s another story.

We decided on a bath, detoxing again, but with added special things Ray thought up. He helped me to the main bathroom, (when we build I’m having a bath in the en suite!) and the most beautiful sight met my eyes. My special bath salts, lavender-scented had been liberally placed in the bath, extra Epsom salts, my coconut body wash, coconut scented body cream, candles, my bath pillow and my iPod. I could have cried. It was exquisite – and I forget to get a photo so this will have to do…

How can something so wonderful be so painful? Getting in and lying back caused another loud groan, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me. (Note to self – larger bath needed in our en suite). It was hot, as it needed to be and as I felt the warmth slowly seeping into my body, I felt a wonderful feeling enveloping me. I got my iPod and some meditation music and I was left in peaceful silence.

I came back to myself as the water lost its heat but over an hour had passed and I was a wrinkled prune – almost. Helped out and dried off and then the final surprise, the beautiful coconut butter lotion… He carefully and slowly rubbed it in from my toes to my neck and down my back. I had the most incredible massage of my back. His magical fingers caressed the painful knots and tender spots and relaxed the rest of my back. I was covered from head to toe with lotion and I felt amazing. Every muscle had turned to jelly.

Helping me dress and back upstairs we had a beautiful cup of tea.

I realised how lucky I was. I found in one inexplicable gift from the Universe, my soul mate who is my husband, my lover and my best friend. The pain notwithstanding, I realise I’m so darned lucky. To be loved and accepted by such a wonderful man, someone who not only stands by me, but helps me through my nightmare is a rare blessing. I don’t make it easy on him at times and my guilt becomes another torment. I feel stuck in this limbo, yet supported by a magical earth angel.

What more can I say? Love is beautiful and found in unexpected place and at unusual times. Enjoy it anytime you can.

#My Husband, #My Lover, #My Friend

image from 2guysphoto.wordpress.com

I feel my love flowing to all my friends out here, and to all the people everywhere. Love will eventually change our world. It is too great to ignore forever.

Blessings and love to all.

Susan x

© Susan Jamieson  2014

~

For the Love of My Life and for the Love of Your Lives, whoever they may be.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »

Bipolar For Life

Memoirs of a Wounded Healer

thoughts alone

Just some thoughts along the journey back home

A Window Of Wisdom

Whispers from spirit heard with your heart

Sacred Ascension - Key of Life - Secrets of the Universe

Discover your True Self through the Vibrational Messages from Behind the Veil

shamanictracking

Opening doors to enhanced life experiences by uncovering the unseen

Kindness Blog

#Kindness Changes Everything

Witch Reads

magical book reviews

Kit Perriman

The Hill - A Historical Novel About Witches

weatheredwiseman

A Weathered Wise Man's Look At Life

Fireside Witch

A personal journey with the Ancients in a World of Ritual, with the Intent to Heal.

Mystical Magical Herbs

by friends who love herbs and want to share what they know...

Sunhealers

Nurture the Body, Free your Soul

aisha north

Channelings and words of inspiration

Dr Bairavee : The Sky Priestess

Spiritualist, Doctor of Political Science, Public Speaker

Circle of the PussyWillows

A Wiccan Circle Based on Green and White Magick

%d bloggers like this: