Posts Tagged ‘Spirochetal’

It’s beautiful isn’t it? Looking through the pictures I was immediately captured by the different hues of the sunset. It brought to mind the harshness of the country and its changeable nature.  There is so much of Australia I would love to see, but I have to acknowledge that I would have to choose which time of year to go to some of the places. I so admire the people who live out west, the farmers and primary producers without whom we could not survive. I know I could not do it. I’m realistic if nothing else.

“Summer Love” is a song made famous by Sherbert in 1975. It had catchy lyrics which revolved around how wonderful it was to be in love in the summer, the summer being one of the main ingredients. I often wonder if I felt that way when I was younger…. and oh, I feel so Old right now.

I tell my family and friends that between September and May they have to be aware of one very important fact – treat with caution because a “Homicidal Maniac” could be lurking in the wings if the mercury goes over 30 degrees. She is one of my sub personalities, and is a tormented soul. You see, she was meant for a cooler clime and the heat makes her feel simply awful.

Imagine, if you will, that there is a furnace in the region of your solar plexus. As the mercury rises this furnace is stoked by a demented harridan until it’s a white-hot roaring blaze. The heat rises up through the heart making the blood boil. It travels through the throat, making you feel as though you are trying to breathe super heated gas. It continues to rise up into the brow, beating like a bass drum and finally all the way to the crown, turning the brain to a molten jelly. Not a pretty picture.

image from smileys-4-eva.deviantart.com

It’s too easy to say I’m feeling a tad sorry for myself and perhaps I am. I don’t believe I’m going to suddenly spontaneously burst into flames, (Spontaneous Combustion) although there are times it feels that way. Perhaps I spent too much time watching the X Files.  This was before I had begun my treatment for Lyme disease and its friendly co infection of Bartonella. My body is reacting to these drugs like it would to foreign invaders. It is trying to burn the blighters to ash, only I’m caught in the middle. At the moment I think if I sat in a cold bath I could boil the water after a while. I kid you not!

Everywhere I go I see the summer clothes, which I can’t wear because I’m so super sensitive I burn like on overcooked lobster.   Then there are the over cheerful weather reporters, and their cohorts, who delight in saying “It’s going to be a beautiful sunny day tomorrow. We’re expecting the temperature to be in the mid thirties”.  Oh No, no, no, no. I feel a deep primal rage bubbling to the surface (along with my inner furnace) and a murderous rage simmers behind my eyes. If I had laser sight I might just incinerate the weather reporters who are sitting in their nice frigid air-conditioned news room.

Of course, I know that the majority of this is caused by being ill and the drugs I’m taking, but it really doesn’t help very much.  I’ve had a rough couple of days. There have been things I had to do because I’ve put them off in the hope I would feel better – soon! Work on the computer, accounting, columns of figures and searching for information. It doesn’t help that I know I should have been doing this in small increments to make it easier. I didn’t but now it’s finished yet I still have to pay the Piper.

I lost myself for a while yesterday with my whales. Nearly got caught again today. Gazing out the window, having a break, I saw a beautiful sight – a whale doing a full breach. Completely forgot the camera, but then I wouldn’t have been able to focus it in time. It was wonderful though. So easy to get lost watching them pass by.

Having fun in the sun

Having fun in the sun

So, after messing up the publication of my poem yesterday, I apologise for being a tad miserable today. Too many figures, blurry eyes and headache, aching joints and my tummy doesn’t like me very much so I can’t sleep. I’ve borrowed my husbands magnifying glasses so I can see to type but it’s slow with all the mistakes. Time for dark shades again.

I’m heading back to my meditation to help me pull through. Morning always comes, doesn’t it, and this will not beat me. (I am woman hear me roar.) Later today I’m back on schedule for the next part of my search for answers – after my blood test that is! Pincushion time is still here. Ha!

Wishing everyone the days and nights you love, the love you want and the peace you deserve.  That’s what I’m focusing my meditation on for all of us.

Blessings. Susan x

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image from patcegan.wordpress.com

Have you worked out what makes you feel good? Where are you when you feel happy with the world, with the people you are with, when you are with yourself? Yes, that’s right, with yourself. If we cannot find that feeling of inner contentment when we are “with ourself,” when we are “looking within” and finding that “inner centre” which fills us with peace, then we have little chance of finding it elsewhere.

Of course there will be times when you feel all is well in your world. Things may be “In Flow” and you have this “warm and fuzzy” feeling which lulls you into a feeling of “She’s Right, Mate”.  So many little adjectives which we use to talk to ourselves and reassure ourselves that life is wonderful. All this ‘inner chatter’ is a form of “Voice Dialogue” first brought to light by Hal and Sidra Stone. If you are interested you can read more about it here, here and here. It is a fascinating subject.

In our search for peace and serenity we can practice finding and giving “Gratitude” to others and to ourselves. Once found it is not a simple matter to replicate. It takes repetition and dedication, plus a firm belief  that this is the way you wish to live your life, finding the good where we can and being grateful for the many Blessings in our lives.  However, if we persevere we find life becomes easier, the good we send out to others multiplies and comes back to us in wonderful ways. It makes sense of the trials and tribulations we may face.

Yes, this is the crucial point. No success is ever gained from doing something once. It must be repeated until it is an integral part of our existence. Our hearts expand as we are focused on the good and not worrying about the problems we face each day. Certainly problems will arise, problems which try incredibly hard to “Prick your Serenity Bubble”.

I know, because today was one of those days.

I have kept a journal, or diary if you are ‘old school’, for many years. However, for more than fifteen months a part of my journalling has focused on finding five, yes, just five things which I have been grateful for on that day. It doesn’t sound like very much, does it? Yet there are days when you can struggle to find one thing to be grateful for, especially if you have a run of difficult situations.

So was my day. I’m in my heavy meds week and the associated irritation from them to counter the bugs from Lyme disease is enough to dampen a lot of enthusiasm. However, I know I’m killing those little blighters and so I’m grateful, even if I feel wretched. Yet I had a number of appointments I needed to schedule and I’ve put it off long enough.  I had already spoken to these receptionists previously so that I knew what to ask for and when to schedule things to fit into my woefully limited day.  I mean, at the end of the day I am asking them to do some fairly nasty things to me, all in the name of science and better health!

The cost of good health is no small thing. In fact it can be damned expensive! So you can imagine my chagrin when I called to make the first appointment only to be told it was going to be much more expensive than we had previously been told.  Oh, we can claim it back later, but they want payment up front…. ARGGGH.  With a swipe of my cards they can claim their payment from Medicare, but Noooo, they won’t do that, all money up front, if you please and then, when you’re dragging yourself around, line up and claim your refund from Medicare.

The worst part of this….. you will be told to drop your claim in the box, or wait and hand it to a claims officer and they will deposit the money LATER in your account. Now, I’m not sure about you but that seems backward. If I’m going to be given my money back, and the hospital are being paid by Medicare anyway, why are they unable to do the waiting? They don’t have to run around when they feel like someone has been running them down with a Mack truck! Better yet, you are instructed that you are not allowed to drive, you must have someone to accompany you, drive you home afterwards and make sure they can keep an eye on you for a while.

Pardon me, I think I missed something here.  You cannot fight the establishment. You can try but it’s a waste of time. So breathe deeply, breathing in calm and contentment and breathing out the tension. Works wonders, doesn’t it, I feel better already.  I am grateful I managed to get an appointment before I burst a bubble.

image from people-equation.com

So, back to the phone and blow me down, but it was a repeat of the first one.  I cannot get an appointment to fit into my schedule and so it will coincide with a week when all I want to do is crawl into a bath full of water and epsom salts to stop the perpetual itch.  Add a couple more annoyances and irritations and my “Serenity Bubble” was bulging alarmingly.

My “Inner Critic” was fighting with my “Inner Child” who was upset with my “Warrior Woman” because rather than crying she wanted to “bust some chops” but the “”Controller” said NO!

My bubble wobbled and shook, it rolled and bumped around and after many deep breaths and peaceful music, and my Tibetan singing bowl, (you can hear them at this link) it steadied and shone in pride of place, centered in my heart, filled with Gratitude that, I had managed to get everything arranged and “In the fullness of time, all things being equal etc” all will fall into place.  (I have to confess to being a fan of “Yes Minister”, the above quote from Sir Humphries in that show.

So, to everyone who is handling setbacks and frustration, whose Serenity Bubble has a really wonky wobble, rest assured, you are not alone. Grab hold of that small thing you can be grateful for, the sun on your face, the wind in your hair, the smell of the ocean or the freshness of the forest, a babies smile, a warm hug, a cup of tea, a dogs cuddle and remember,  this can all happen tomorrow and you can overcome it again. Be grateful that you will be here to be grateful for another day.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
Lao Tzu

May your days be filled with serenity, with gratitude and the inner fortitude to find both. It’s worth it.

Blessings, Susan x

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image from nopassportrequiredblog.wordpress.com

For some time now I have been writing my posts during the long hours of the night. That is, interspersed with some very unpleasant interruptions caused by medication. This, of course, is not entirely true. If the medication doesn’t make me ill then the bugs it kills makes me ill. Either way I’m feeling awful and try to keep my sanity, or what is left of it, by doing something I enjoy, and hopefully, that you enjoy reading.

It has always seemed strange to me that pills are made to look so nice, with pretty shapes and colours and the prettier they are the more foul they taste.  Plus, they always seem to want to go down sideways and get stuck. Always the ones with sharp corners on them.  So here I am with a throat full of noxious tasting pills, scraping furrows as they go down and dissolving along the way because it’s taking so long. Trying to be well is making me sick!

I thought I was well until I had a car accident. Two pinched nerves, several protruding discs and a completely stuffed rotator cuff and it seemed to be the signal for my body to become a traitor to the cause. The cause being good health. I barely took a pill of any kind in those days, just an occasional headache tablet. I was a gym junkie and fit. I loved it!

Now my day revolves around which batch of pills comes next. The problem it has caused is that by the time I’ve finished forcing down what feels like truckloads of pills to kill off the bugs, (Lyme disease and Bartonella to name just two), plus all the “good” stuff to help overcome what the ‘get me well’ pills are doing to my system, and the immune boosters, and so on, and on, and on, all day long into my now tenderised tummy, I feel as ‘sick as a dog’ (poor damn dog!).  To make it worse I know I have to repeat this all over again tomorrow, and the next day. Added to which I cannot take anything to stop, ease or lessen in any way the effects of the ‘get me well’  pills, or the cocktail of other pills I’ve ingested.

So I feel damned awful all night and spend far too much time either in a foetal position feeling sorry for myself or running to the bathroom. Either way I’m wishing hours of my life away and so I try to concentrate on something of interest to myself and possibly others.  It’s a painstaking process as the interruptions prolong the creative urge and resultant blogs.

Tonight I’m feeling too banged up to even think, so this is it. I’m letting people know I’ll be missing for a day or two until I can get some rest.  Hopefully, I can get some of the still functioning brain cells to work and get back to ‘normal’ programming soon. That’s the plan, as far as plans go.

DSCN2750 (Copy)

Sunrise from my back door. Like the sun rising I will return brighter (hopefully) than ever.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Blessings  Susan x

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