unconditional love | Owls and Orchids

Posts Tagged ‘unconditional love’

I am…..You are

Posted in Blessings, Gratitude, Life, Love, Philosophy, Spirituality, tagged #Desiderata, #IamYouare, #MeaningofLife, BEing present, Inner-peace, Life, Living from the heart, Love, Mindfulness, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on March 10, 2015| 6 Comments »

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Sleep of the Damned

Posted in Blogging, Coping Skills, Life, Love, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged #restful sleep, #Sleep of the Damned, acceptance, Communication, coping skills, drugs, frustration, life lessons, patience, routines, unconditional love on August 25, 2014| 5 Comments »

: If Only I Could, I surely Would

“Life is all about timing… the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable… attainable. Have the patience, wait it out; it’s all about timing.” Stacey Charter

I know about the sleep of the damned. It’s not quite what you might think. No diving into a hellish deep, tortured souls tearing you apart – perhaps it is for some, but not for me.

Mine lies somewhere between a light doze and wakefulness. It’s the lightest doze imaginable where my heartbeat plays time with my thoughts. Thoughts in colour and action to make sleeping a sometimes joke. Occasionally I’ll slip in the transition between the two and fall into sleep’s welcome embrace. Of late, it’s filled with vibrant dreams, some easy to understand, some so confused I’m not sure where the middle, beginning and end are. But that too is immaterial here.

For several weeks, I have fought a good fight against the effects of a niacin flush. Sounds like a fancy cocktail, but without the little umbrella! Instead, it’s a detox strangle – melodramatic, I’m sure. Yet I told “them” I was allergic to “B” vitamins. I’ve had to be careful for years, guarding myself against anything containing “B” vitamins which it seems my body cannot tolerate, all except B12, in which I am so deficient they call it ‘Pernicious Anaemia’!

So my niacin flush – beautiful blushes of sunset red or sunrise hues – more like sunrise I think, as it’s followed by the rising heat of the blush and a raging conflagration – akin to a wildfire. It cannot be quenched or put out, nor tamped down. I have to allow it to – yes, flush through my body.

Like most things it’s good and bad. The good is the benefit of the detox, removing those things harmful to me. The bad – oh just the crippling migraines, light sensitivity, crushing aches and pains as though my body is being torn apart.

Even this could be managed with good rest. Yet the pain, muscle, bone, head all combine to throw a huge barricade across that nebulous boundary between the twilight doze and real sleep, hence the “sleep of the damned”!

It’s frustrating since I crave organisation. I like my ordered routines. Poetry, stories, conversation and more, photos and sharing my thoughts. That has been tossed out like yesterday’s garbage, until my niacin flush has gone away.

If I find it frustrating, it may be worse for those trying to follow my blog, since you have no idea what or when I’m publishing. It pains me to say it, as so much else does at present, but I’m having to learn patience. It’s a dreadful curse, one I’ve fought most of my life. But I promise you this, I will be back on track, with my writing and my schedule, just as soon as I’ve put out my bushfire!

Since today was my day to visit my doctor and half a dozen hypodermics later, thought is a vague thing, and vision is blurry. You might say the spirit is willing but the body is weak. Hence this little explanation for you to understand my dilemma. Now I look forward to another night of the sleep of the damned again!

Blessings, Susan, ♥

Image from http://www.josephienwallart.co.uk

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The Pact

Posted in Challenges, Family, Identity, Life, Love, Magic, Poetry, Things Metaphysical, tagged #longing, #shapeshifters, #the pact, Family, Magic, Poetry, sadness, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love, Wolves on January 26, 2014| Leave a Comment »

The Pact

Image from xose00100.deviantart.com

“We have doomed the wolf not for what it is, but for what we deliberately and mistakenly perceive it to be –the mythologized epitome of a savage ruthless killer – which is, in reality, no more than a reflected image of ourself.”
― Farley Mowat, Never Cry Wolf : Amazing True Story of Life Among Arctic Wolves

Silence

Weighed heavily as she waited

Hanging like a wet cloak on her shoulders

Wind

Whipped through the tops of the trees

Bringing gusts lashing the grass below

Rolling lines flowed away from her

As the wind blew the grass towards the plain

Confetti like fluttering heralded the autumn leaves

Fluttering

In colourful swathes around her head

In the silence she could hear them coming

Talking softly to each other

No need to shout

When the mind can say so much more

A pause

As they picked up her scent

Her family, her once family

Questions flickered swiftly through her mind

Why was she here?

Two legs could not be seen with the pack

Heart breaking silently she pleaded with them

Lift the promise she made

Her time with the two legs could end now

The pack was safe its territory secure

No longer was the bargain required

That one of the pack should stay with the two legs

Become one of the two legs

So they could feel safe

Safe that the pack would no longer bring them down

When they ventured into the pack’s territory

Puzzled they asked her

Why should the pact be broken?

Her family could hunt and kill the deer

The two legs no longer hunted them for their pelts

The cubs could grow in safety

Run with the wind

Play with the salmon

Raise their cubs in time

Two legs could never be trusted

If she returned

Two legs would hunt them once again

Thoughts were becoming fainter now

As the pack moved further away

Wait!

She silently cried to the night

Let me return! Let Me Return……

Silence

Weighed heavily as she waited

Hanging like a wet cloak on her shoulders

A heavy shroud for her heavy heart.

image from http://www.richardharland.net

image from howlingforjustice.wordpress.com

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What a lot of Hokum.

Posted in Challenges, Coping Skills, Depression, Gratitude, Health, Identity, Life, Lyme Disease, Philosophy, Psychology, Self Development, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged # X Files, #babesiosis, #being presnent, #elf development, #Imperfectly Perfect, #ME/CFS, #Star Trek, #We The People, acceptance, Bartonella, coping skills, frustration, Living from the heart, Lyme disease, Mindfulness, pain, self acceptance, Soul Growth, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on January 17, 2014| 4 Comments »

image from http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk

“The purpose of government is to enable the people of a nation to live in safety and happiness. Government exists for the interests of the governed, not for the governors.”
― Thomas Jefferson

What a lot of Hokum for We The People.

~~~~~

I had originally decided to do a short blog and call it ‘The Spirit is willing but the flesh is Weak”. Yet the more I thought about it the more I realised it simply was a hoax. Most importantly I was simply fooling myself. It sounds so pathetic to continually say, “It’s been a bad week” or “I’ve had a rough couple of days” or any number of other platitudes.

That’s not to say that they aren’t true, it’s just that I’m tired of using the same statements as if I trot out one after the other when things are… challenging. I’m not sure quite where I am on this sliding spectrum which I use to gauge how well I’m travelling. Truthfully, I’m feeling more than a little sick and tired with being sick and tired and not really knowing if I’m on the right track.

image from http://www.pcuseful.com Train track leading where?

For so long I dragged myself to the doctors and presented the same old symptoms, tiredness, aches in joints and muscles, my motivation slowly drained away as it became more and more difficult to do things. I’m a perfectionist. I’m also a control freak. I like things to be neat and tidy. I can find nothing wrong with being able to tell anyone exactly where to go to find anything they need in my home. At least I could do that a couple of years ago.

There are my detractors who accused me of OCD, but heck, at least I didn’t need to upend my home to locate a letter I need. I revel in my individuality and I don’t expect anyone else to follow suit – each to his own.

image from frommylivingroom.blogspot.com Everything in it’s pace and a place for everything.

Then I was told about Lyme disease. It seemed to fit so many of the anomalies in the symptoms I had. The medication protocols are – unpleasant. If Fibromyalgia causes Brain fog then Lyme – its co-infections and the medication to ‘treat’ it definitely increases it exponentially. But I’m no quitter. I’ve gone through the protocols, dragged myself in ever decreasing circles of confusion and despair trying to determine if I’m simply grasping at straws. And I’m still not finished.

I’ve blogged about it because I’ve struggled to find support groups or people who are willing to share information. How odd. Here is a disease the AMA refuse to accept is in Australia, penalise doctors who treat it and we cannot find anyone to give us recommendations to people who are helping the ‘sufferers’. Those who find these people, usually friends, or friends or friends, keep that information to themselves. Why? Is getting well to be a hoarded treasure? Bygone days of the privileged living and the disadvantaged fading away unnoticed.

image from alternews.com – Where did the floor come from?

I’m not simply tired, I’m exhausted. My arms scream at me in pain for typing, but this is my only outside contact. It’s lonely not being able to see or speak with people. One more day of crawling up the hallway is making me shake uncontrollably. Is this Lyme disease, Bartonella or Babesiosis or some other confounded co-infection I’ve yet to be advised of; or is it Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS or one of its familiars?

I was feeling blah this morning. I had several appointments and I’d had a rough night. In fact I crawled up to the bathroom and cried for about an hour. I’m not giving in, but where the hell do I go? How do I persuade my GP to look at my symptoms differently – not simply hand out stronger pain meds that leave me FOGGY!!!

To be able to think is such a gift. To know you are making sense and perhaps helping someone who needs to read this… that is my impetus for continuing. I have no answers, just a zillion questions. I want answers because I feel the medical establishment owe us that much – and then decent treatment. I have a right to a quality of life that is good enough to let me do what I’d like without crippling me. There is no need for it. If the damned doctors and insurance companies had done their due diligence when I had my accident, my simple accident, I wouldn’t be in this predicament now. I truly believe so. I wish I could sue the bejaysus out of them.

image from http://www.ehow.com How can I help you?

For the first time today, I ‘listened’ to someone who had always presented a positive push for the treatments they were given, the illness that accompanied them and was able to do so many physical activities I dream of doing’. Today I listened to them bemoaning their shuffling gait to reach the beach, crying because of the brain fog, the inability to raise your head from wherever it lays, and not be able to DO anything. I admire this person, but here they are, for the first time in my space.

I want to offer advice but I am unable since no-one shared advice with me, I have none to offer except to say, I understand, I am there still, drowning in this misery but determined not to let it win.

image from http://www.bannerhealth.com I’m right here, You are not Alone!

I am going to search for these mysterious support forums and try to find out if these diseases have the same symptoms or not and what works for them. I have a few answers from dear people today. Yoga terrifies me because the pain is well established but I’ll try. I may not have an answer, but by heavens, I will control my environment as much as I can so I can enjoy, to the fullest extent, the life I have been handed. I will also pass on any information I uncover – as a reference only, to be talked over with your doctors so that perhaps, in the fullness of time, we can beat these blasted torturous diseases. Such is my hope. Such is my prayer for all of us.

image from childrensbookshop.circlesoft.net Here come the answers!

As human beings, as Spirits having a human existence we search for answers. This is a prime directive so that we can learn. There is “a strange new world” out there, “new life and new civilisations” and, even more important, “The Truth is Out There”.

image from aliens.wikia.com

What more could we ask for? Who was right, Spock or Kirk? Does “The good of the many outweigh the good of the few” or Does “The good of the one outweigh the good of the many?

We all deserve a better future.

Blessings, Susan x

We The People

Imperfectly Perfect

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Forever and for Always

Posted in Love, tagged Love, true love, unconditional love on January 13, 2014| 1 Comment »

There is nothing to say…… this is true love, the man in my life. I love you Darling.

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My Husband, My Lover, My Friend.

Posted in Abundance, Accidents, Challenges, Coping Skills, Depression, Gratitude, Health, Identity, Life, Love, Lyme Disease, Philosophy, Psychology, Spirituality, Uncategorized, tagged #Life lessons, acceptance, BEing present, coping skills, frustration, Gratitude, happiness, Inner-peace, Living from the heart, Love, Lyme disease, Mindfulness, pain, Relationships, sadness, self acceptance, Self Development, Soul Growth, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on January 12, 2014| 26 Comments »

Ray and I on our wedding day May 11, 2011

“This is what our love is––a sacred pattern of unbroken unity sewn flawlessly invisible inside all other images, thoughts, smells, and sounds.” ― Aberjhani, The River of Winged Dreams

My Husband, My Lover, My Friend

It’s been a rough week here and although I’ve tried to play it down, inside my head and in my posts, there have been times when the thought of simply ‘giving up’ wasn’t far away. It’s very difficult to remain positive when you wake up and the moment of consciousness brings the awful knowledge that your entire body is screaming in agony.

It’s becoming a real nightmare, a waking nightmare and this morning was the worst to date. Let me explain, although it’s really hard for me to write this. I cannot move my legs, body, head or shoulders. I am fortunate that my hands and lower arms appear to be okay. I wake up feeling as though I’m in a roasting oven, on well done! I cannot push the covers off and I cannot get out of bed, (I can’t move).

image from autobio-blogs.plazilla.com

I’ve tried everything I can think of to get out of bed without waking my husband, especially as sometimes I wake really early and I’m ruining his rest. He needs it, he has to look after someone who is cranky because she can’t do the things she has previously done alone and I’m not in the right head space to “give in gracefully” and acknowledge that for the moment, this has to be my reality.

image from http://www.123rf.com – Is this what is coming?

So let’s go back to this morning. I had a magnificent sleep, six hours of deep sleep. It’s a shame it was drug enhanced but I can’t fight that any longer either. But, I heard Ray get up and that was enough to wake me. It was a world of hurt and I had no idea what to do. My entire body was locked in this agonising position and I had to move. I simply had to.

image from http://www.thedailydecibel.com

From a mental angle it is full on despair, a waking nightmare I cannot banish. Giving in is against my entire world view. I have always stood my ground, but that has become a joke since I cannot stand. Not first thing in the morning.

The first challenge is getting upright and Ray has to hold my hands and when I say “Pull” he has to pull me upright quickly. This morning I screamed as he did this. (Going slowly is more painful.) Ray has to slowly pull each leg around until I can reach the floor and then once again, pull me to my feet. He has to make sure I don’t fall backward or forwards or I’ll be on the floor. I’ve mentioned the ‘damned stairs’ before but this morning they almost defeated me. But he wouldn’t let go, nor would he give in and we painfully made our way along the corridor.

image from owlsandorchids.com Is this all that’s left?

It has brought home the simple dignity chronically ill people suffer which is taken by others as something they just have to get used to. I wonder if, in the same position, they would find it so easy or welcome! Well, we made the journey, back to bed and sitting back brought another stifled scream. (I have some pride left). It was not going to be an easy day. I swore I wouldn’t take the tablets but I was afraid, seriously afraid I might have to call the ambulance. Maybe it’s the meds but that’s tantamount to throwing in the towel and I’d rather the unthinkable than that.

So, doped up and basically incoherent I remained in a land somewhere between reality and who knows? I do know that after Ray had left I felt someone sitting down and then a cuddling into my legs, but that’s another story.

Image from http://www.prweb.com

We decided on a bath, detoxing again, but with added special things Ray thought up. He helped me to the main bathroom, (when we build I’m having a bath in the en suite!) and the most beautiful sight met my eyes. My special bath salts, lavender-scented had been liberally placed in the bath, extra Epsom salts, my coconut body wash, coconut scented body cream, candles, my bath pillow and my iPod. I could have cried. It was exquisite – and I forget to get a photo so this will have to do…

How can something so wonderful be so painful? Getting in and lying back caused another loud groan, but I wasn’t going to let it stop me. (Note to self – larger bath needed in our en suite). It was hot, as it needed to be and as I felt the warmth slowly seeping into my body, I felt a wonderful feeling enveloping me. I got my iPod and some meditation music and I was left in peaceful silence.

I came back to myself as the water lost its heat but over an hour had passed and I was a wrinkled prune – almost. Helped out and dried off and then the final surprise, the beautiful coconut butter lotion… He carefully and slowly rubbed it in from my toes to my neck and down my back. I had the most incredible massage of my back. His magical fingers caressed the painful knots and tender spots and relaxed the rest of my back. I was covered from head to toe with lotion and I felt amazing. Every muscle had turned to jelly.

image from http://www.dreamstime.com

Helping me dress and back upstairs we had a beautiful cup of tea.

I realised how lucky I was. I found in one inexplicable gift from the Universe, my soul mate who is my husband, my lover and my best friend. The pain notwithstanding, I realise I’m so darned lucky. To be loved and accepted by such a wonderful man, someone who not only stands by me, but helps me through my nightmare is a rare blessing. I don’t make it easy on him at times and my guilt becomes another torment. I feel stuck in this limbo, yet supported by a magical earth angel.

What more can I say? Love is beautiful and found in unexpected place and at unusual times. Enjoy it anytime you can.

image from 2guysphoto.wordpress.com

I feel my love flowing to all my friends out here, and to all the people everywhere. Love will eventually change our world. It is too great to ignore forever.

Blessings and love to all.

Susan x

For the Love of My Life and for the Love of Your Lives, whoever they may be.

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The Portal of the Standing Stones

Posted in Creativity, Life, Love, Magic, Philosophy, Poetry, Things Metaphysical, Uncategorized, tagged #New Bewginnings, #Portals, #Standing Stones, #The Portal of the Standing Stones, Life, Living from the heart, Love, Magic, Relationships, Soul Growth, unconditional love on January 6, 2014| 8 Comments »

callanish-standing-stones-scotland Image from Pinterest

The Portal of the Standing Stones

Silently

She slips from between warm sheets

Quietly

She tip toes towards the door

Noiselessly

She slips through the timber door

To small whispers

Of her dress as she hurries by

Mist

Trickles from her ruby lips

As the chill air envelops her form

Moonlight

Filters softly through the trees

As she hurriedly passes along

The narrow path

Made by countless feet

Towards the eerie moors

Shadows

Mockingly shiver and shake

As she rushes by

Wreathed with mist

They appear grotesquely misshapen

Their branches seeming

To reach for her slender form

Silver moonlight

Beckons her onwards

Through the twisted trees

Suddenly

The open expanse of moorland

Beckons her frantic footsteps

Glistening brightly on the dewy grass

Moonlight

Guiding her path

She trembles

Involuntary and

Incessant

As chill fingers wriggle along her spine

Ahead

The proud shadows of the Standing Stones

Behind

The waving branches of Spanish Moss covered trees

Forward and the future

Unknown to be sure

Backwards and despair

With a man unknown

Chosen as husband, but not by she

Soft pearlescent moonlight

Shines soothingly amidst the stones

Suddenly

A dark form moves

From beside the tallest stone

The form in ghostly moonlight

Becomes the figure of a man

Dark as night

His clothing hides

His presence from the unwary

Reaching his side they blend together

Two dark shapes become one

Strong arms enfold her slender red form

As they carefully walk widdershins

Round the Standing Stones

A Pause

A glance

Each looking deeply into the others eyes

A tender smile shared

A quick kiss

And hand in hand

They walk through the arch

Of the tallest Standing Stone

One moment of this world

The next

Together in another place

No-one knows

Safe together,

Loves sweet embrace

Protects them for all time.

The Portal of the Standing Stones.

image from desktopnexus

Will you walk through the Standing Stones?

Bless Susan x

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Arms of an Angel

Posted in Christmas, Health, Uncategorized, tagged coping skills, Gratitude, happiness, life lessons, Living from the heart, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on January 1, 2014| 7 Comments »

Image from http://www.josephinewallart.co.uk

“I have learned that you can go anywhere you want to go and do anything you want to do and buy all the things that you want to buy and meet all the people that you want to meet and learn all the things that you desire to learn and if you do all these things but are not madly in love: you have still not begun to live.”
― C. JoyBell C.

The New Year has well and truly arrived and, unfortunately as exected, a certain amount of, shall we say, low battery has also arrived. If I had a battery charger I’d be plugged in and possibly raring to go. As things are, and keeping to the battery imagery, I’m on a slow trickle charge so things are a trifle s l o w…..

I love Josephine Wall Art, the colour and imagery are beautiful and I find this restful and soothing. The quote, well she says it so much better than I and in far fewer words. I thought I’d done rather well. So I decided to share a sad, but truly evocative song from a movie I really enjoy. It’s life, the beauty, the sadness and the reality of living life to the full. In my opinion of course.

Enjoy….

Blessings, Susan x

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And so this is Christmas

Posted in Abundance, Blessings, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Gratitude, Health, Life, Moon, Philosophy, Uncategorized, Writing, tagged And so this is Christmas, BEing present, Boxing Day, Christmas, Christmas Day, Gratitude, health, life lessons, Love, New Year, self acceptance, So this is Christmas, Spirituality, unconditional love on December 28, 2013| 9 Comments »

image from creationinateapot.com The Holly and the Ivy

“False friendship, like the ivy, decays and ruins the walls it embraces; but true friendship gives new life and animation to the object it supports” Richard Burton

And so this is Christmas

There is a certain element of “Why are you doing this?” It’s a question that surges through my mind often at midnight. Most people, or many people, are already in bed or at least preparing for bed. Their day is almost over and they are calm, relaxed and settled for the night. It is time to get into the rest and healing mode and allow our body to repair and recharge for the next day.

So I ask myself once again, why am I sitting here at this time of night? The answer is fairly simple.

And so this is Christmas

Am I tired? – Well yes I am. It’s been a big day. In fact it’s been a five big days for me, and I struggle with having to accept the reality of that. After all, Christmas only comes once a year. This year my husband did much of the physical work getting ready for the big day. In fact we both shared the work of readying the turkey. What I couldn’t manage I instructed him on what to do. Not being able to do it all myself was irritating. I’m sure it was quite trying for him too!

And so this is Christmas – Christmas Day

Technically, Christmas Day should have been relatively easy going as we were spending the day alone. There was neither family nor friends calling in that day, we were a duo of orphans for the day. Yet somehow, the very fact that it was Christmas, the expectations I had of the day, made it a day where, by days end I was feeling drained. Happy but none the less drained. I already know that this had to do with the change in my routine of many decades (oh I’m so ancient!) transitioning into a new phase. It’s something I have to work on and it is already part of my plan for 2014.

image from http://www.bigfatballoons.co.uk

And so this is Christmas – Boxing Day

Boxing Day was a special day; my son and his girlfriend came down to spend it with us. Once again my husband did much of the work, under supervision, but by the end of the day I was exhausted. I had a beautiful day but I drastically under estimated how I was going to respond to the physical part of the day. From spending whenever I needed to resting, to spending all the day talking, joking and reminiscing. Including preparing, with help, the lunch, and afterwards, the clean-up, it was a surprisingly big change. Whilst being really happy to see them I was truly disappointed that I hadn’t coped better. Reality can be a harsh task master or task mistress.

image from http://www.wallpaperhdrfree.com

And so this is Christmas – Friday

Hence, Friday was a mandatory day of rest. It had been decided beforehand when we realised my daughter would be unable to get down for Boxing Day and due to work pressures we agreed to travel up to Brisbane to see her. Once again I underestimated how much the mere trip would tire me. I find it frustrating, aggravating and annoying, and I have yet to come to terms with those feelings. We had a lovely lunch, more talk, laughter, reminiscing, and I also got to play with our dogs. One was mine but they have both been together since puppies and, since it would have been too difficult on the dogs, or was it on Natalie, she ended up with both dogs. It was wonderful and nostalgic at the same time seeing them again. It is astounding how draining the emotions can be, and yet eliminating them reduces the humanity of a person. I’ll stick with emotions and learn how to deal with these things in the coming year.

So this evening I’m feeling ‘fried’. The aches and pains are back and the brain fog is starting to creep from the corners of my mind with each passing minute. I knew it was going to happen when we arrived home and I could feel the stiffness as I tried to get out of the car.

image from http://www.warrenphotographic.co.uk

And so this is Christmas – Today

I mentioned in an earlier post, “I’m a work in progress” and I accept that I am a spirit having a human existence. All these physical and emotional knots are things I have to learn to deal with. That’s not to say they have to be easy, nor even hard, they simply are to be learned. I have time, plenty of time in which to learn these things. There will be days when I wish I didn’t have to learn them, days when I wish it would all go away. I’m hopeful there will be days when I can sail through these lessons with equanimity and aplomb, but I have a way to go yet before I reach that point.

quote by Audrey Hepburn

For now, I’m doing the best I can. I hope I see things realistically, without rose coloured glasses and without too much of the ‘poor me’ syndrome which I despise. No, I don’t like this situation but I have to learn to deal with it, without becoming a psychoanalysing “Dr Phil”, and without feeling sorry for myself at every twist and turn. A little is okay, but too much is…. Well it’s too much. I’m sure my husband will let me know if I go too far down that track.

So, I’m hoping everyone has enjoyed the festive season thus far and is gearing up for New Year if they are going to be ‘doing it’. Personally I think I’ll be spending it quietly with my cards and books. There is a New Moon on the 1^st of January and I will most probably get myself ready for that. It’s something my husband and I look forward to. That’s the plan at this point in time. You can have a drink for me.

Blessings. Susan x

Christmas Traditions (owlsandorchids.com)

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Spirit of Christmas

Posted in Abundance, Blessings, Departed loved ones, Depression, Family, Gratitude, Health, Identity, Life, Life lessons, Personality, Philosophy, Self Development, Soul Growth, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, Uncategorized, Writing, tagged BEing present, Boxing Day, Christmas, Christmas Spirit, Family, Gratitude, happiness, Inner-peace, life lessons, Living from the heart, Magic, Merry Christmas, pain, Relationships, sadness, self acceptance, Spirit of Christmas, Spirituality, Susan Jamieson, unconditional love on December 22, 2013| 18 Comments »

image from http://www.josephinewall.co.uk “Snow Flake” #spirit of Christmas

“Christmas, when observed with the right spirit, still has the power to call miracles from Heaven to Earth.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway

Spirit of Christmas

I’ve let myself down this year. More than this I’ve let everyone else down. I lost the spirit of Christmas. After meditating for a long time to gain some perspective, some equanimity to look at everything I’ve made some remarkable discoveries.

As well as an existing back/neck problem which has seen me ‘confined’ for long periods I finally discovered:
I have Lyme disease and a host of companion diseases to confront.
From being “flat on my back” from the injury now I’m “flat on my back” from the medication, most of the time
I have been challenged to re-define my approach to the spirit of Christmas

image from caixinhadepirlimpimpim.blogspot.com

I found that I had allowed my existing beliefs about who and what I am, my beliefs about “how” Christmas should be and my role in it, the very spirit of Christmas, to push me into a position where I was severely depressed because I could not meet these expectations. What was more devastating was that I allowed this to almost ruin Christmas this year.

image from http://www.superstock.co Remember – if you were naughty you got coal in your stocking?

I have found, with the help and support from my husband and some very dear friends that this does not have to be my reality at all. The spirit of Christmas which is so important to me is still alive within me. Whilst this may sound such a simple thing it is, in itself, incredibly profound. Anything which alters your perception in such a manner is life changing, if you allow it to be.

I found:

I have pain, at times intense and unremitting pain, but it does not define me, it is not ME
I have some nasty bugs running my internal programs but they do not define me, they are not ME
The lack of support for the spirit of Christmas I have always held as a family tradition is not defined by the presence of others, they are not ME

Most importantly I have found that:

I am a unique spiritual being having a human existence, my spirituality is not affected by any pain I might suffer, I am ME
My unique spiritual being is not the zillion bugs attacking my human body because I am ME and
It is my spiritual being which creates the magic, joy and belief in the Spirit of Christmas because I am ME

Such a simple and profound statement: I am ME.

image from http://www.juxtapost.com –

Knowing who and what you are, is something which people search for their entire life. I have not found the full scope of Who, and What I Am, but I am content that I have found the ME who is here, right now.

I have always known and accepted I was a “work in progress” since that is the purpose of my spiritual presence here. I simply forgot that changes in the lives around me, which affected my own life, did not change my purpose. I had to learn how to adapt to those changes, to learn something new perhaps, but I retained the essence of who I am. I can retain the spirit of Christmas within me.

I am so grateful that this incredible appreciation has arrived now. I have been struggling with my meditation but today I found it was there all along. I have welcomed it back with so much happiness that it feels as though a great light has been re-lit and a beacon now shines in the place of the darkness the depression had enveloped me in.

: “Beacon of Light” walking into sunshine Spirit of Christmas

I am celebrating Christmas Day with my husband, our first alone together and it is going to be uniquely special because we are together.
I am celebrating Boxing Day with my son and his girlfriend, a first, which is another uniquely special occasion.
I will see my daughter when I can before New Year’s Eve, and I am grateful I can see her then. Whilst she cannot be here “at Christmas” she is here in spirit, in my heart, which is all I need at the moment.
Most importantly, my parents, Mum and Dad, will be here in spirit. I miss them more each year but I now know, beyond any doubt, that they will be with me as I sit at my dinner table with my husband eating our Christmas dinner.
In all of these and many more the spirit of Christmas I rejoice in is alive and well within me.

It may be the first time I have been ‘alone’ on Christmas Day but it will also be the first time that I have been able to put aside the crushing loneliness their absence brought – even if it is just a little. It makes it a little easier not to have my family physically with me at Christmas when I have always believed that family and the spirit of Christmas were synonymous with each other. I have no idea when or why that changed but since it has and I cannot turn back the clock, I have to “move with the times”.

As the saying goes, “life goes on”, and it does, whether we will it so or not. Whether it hurts or not, life always goes on. It is a spiritual lesson our human selves must accept. When we do, life isn’t as bad, even if just by a little.

Whilst my family may be moving in other directions, as their lives change, then so has mine. Now I have a wonderful and loving husband who spoils me, not just on Christmas Day but every day. As our love grows it encompasses all the changes which occur. Our spirit of Christmas is alive and growing each year.

image from twu.ca

“When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things – not the great occasions – give off the greatest glow of happiness.”
― Bob Hope

When so much seemed to have been taken away I looked and saw that I have so much to be grateful for, a family who are strong and capable individuals, who care enough to want to be around, and a husband whose love will wrap me round and always keep me safe and warm.

The Spirit of Christmas – what a wonderful thing to be grateful for, I know I am. I hope you are too!

Blessings for a wonderful Christmas with the Spirit of Christmas alive in your own hearts.

Merry Christmas, Susan x