Posts Tagged ‘wishful thinking’

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”   Eleanor Roosevelt

If I could turn back time…. How many times have ‘we’ thought that? What would we have done differently? What decisions we made, often in haste, sometimes after much thought, would we change if we had the chance to “turn back time”? What other things would we have changed if we had that chance to “turn back time”?



I have often wondered how many people could say that everything they had said and done, they had gotten right the first time round. That there was absolutely nothing in their life which could not have been done better, if only they had known then what they know now, if they could turn back time. Of course, we all know that this is part of learning and if we had the gift of future knowledge when we were going through life then we might not learn the things we could.

Yet does that mean that there is no value in knowing beforehand that the important choices we are about to make would be better if we did things differently? We would still have the free will to decide to go ahead with our original plan or make a change to improve the outcome. Would we, in actual fact, be better off if we could “turn back time”?

Turn Back Time

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“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”    Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

I have not had the pleasure of meeting anyone who has been able to say that every decision they have made, or everything they have done, has turned out right for them the first time round. Perhaps as importantly, that what they have done has turned out well for those affected by that decision. Would that make a difference in choosing which path to take?  Most would say they could have done better, and as Cher said in the song “If I could turn back time”, she’d “take back those words that hurt you”. The ending to that line could be different for many.

The song also says, “Pride’s like a knife, it can cut deep inside, Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes.” How often have the things we have said to someone in the heat of the moment been regretted almost immediately? I realise that the converse is true also, sometimes hard things need to be said for the canker which builds up to be freed so that healing can commence. Yet there are usually better ways to reach the same end, the right end without creating all the hurt and bitterness which harsh words create.

Turn Back Time

image from sarahsalleh.blogspot.com

“Life is a preparation for the future; and the best preparation for the future is to live as if there were none.”    Albert Einstein

After several nights of extremely vivid dreams I decided I needed to start recording them whilst they were still fresh in my memory. That they are still as fresh as when I woke means that they may be important, so my intuition tells me. I found myself going through some old journals. Like most people I have had some intensely beautiful times and some I would prefer to forget. Reading through then made me realise that I could have done things very differently. “If I could turn back time” I most definitely would and I began to wonder what my life might look like if I had made different decisions based on what I know now.

Would it have been so easy to leave England when I did? I mourned leaving a land I loved and my Grandfather, but there was nothing else I was leaving behind, my alleged friends had seen to that earlier.  Would I have married when I did? A harder question, but it is unlikely. If my time in the police department had continued it would have become a career which would have been difficult to leave.  So, if I could turn back time many things would have been different.

Turn Back Time

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“Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.”   Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown’s Little Book of Wisdom

That being the case I would not have had to go through an unpleasant divorce or then remarry, a decision which was taken in haste and repented in leisure. The irony in this scenario is that if I hadn’t remarried I would not have been in the two car accidents which have caused me so much grief. If I hadn’t decided to shelve my business to look after my mother when she became ill would my husband have stayed or would he have gone?  If I could turn back time I could have avoided being in that situation altogether.

Cher’s song has many parallels, “My world was shattered, I was torn apart, like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart”.  This was definitely the feelings when my mother passed away, and grief can take a long time to heal, especially when you are trying to find your way alone. “If I could turn back time” I would change that, most definitely.

However, the next stanza says, “When you walked out that door I swore that I didn’t care but I lost everything darling then and there”. For me this was as far from true as it could be. I was neither sorry nor wrong and I fortunately didn’t need foresight to tell me that, the immediate past has taught me that much.

If I had a crystal ball to tell me what I have learnt from my life then yes, I would certainly have made different decisions at times, said and done different things. However, that’s no guarantee that I would have ended up where I am now.  I believe I am here to learn. I believe I am a spiritual being in a human body and this life on earth is my schoolroom. I am here to learn and if the lessons I chose to learn are not learnt the way I had originally chosen to learn them, then they would have recurred in a different way, and who is to say it would have been easier of harder? I don’t have the answer to that.

Turn Back Time

image from 1ms.net –

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”   Eleanor Roosevelt

The fact is, having the ability to ‘turn back time’ may sound like a great gift, the solution to every mistake we make, but it may also be the slippery slope to a worse mess than we could have imagined. If we change one small thing in the past how many ripples will it create in the future, and how many lives will it change as a result of one small change?

Despite the many challenges I have, the things I wish I could have done differently, I would not go back now and change anything because, in the final analysis, I would not be the person I am today. With all my faults and imperfections, I think I might be better as I am than anything I might wish I was. So, no, if I could ‘turn back time’ I don’t believe I would. I would rather have my life now and my wonderful husband. So, all the possible mistakes have been worthwhile since they led me to this point in time.

“I’m choosing happiness over suffering, I know I am. I’m making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises.”    Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

We learn from our past and practice this in the present so that we have perfected it for our future. From there it all makes perfect sense and I don’t need to “turn back time.”

Blessings and know we are all loved and supported through life.

Susan x

© Susan Jamieson 2013

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“Behind this mask there is more than just flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea… and ideas are bulletproof.”
Alan Moore, V for Vendetta


For over a week now I haven’t been able to blog. My laptop had picked up some malware and it wouldn’t let me log on. It’s been frustrating to put it mildly. A simple job which I was told would take and hour and a half took the entire week, All those beautiful bright thoughts, that glittering inspiration which felt like a tingling in my fingers, just waiting for me to get them onto the page were stuck there, somewhere inside my head.

When I tried to write them down they seemed to become trapped in some mystical never-land and before I was past the first sentence they had become lost in a quagmire of sluggish thoughts, firmly swallowed by a thought eating monster who would refuse to let them out. I felt like a still pond  when someone drops a pebble into it, the ripples spread out but the surface is barely affected and soon returns to stillness,

By the time I  got my, allegedly fixed laptop back I had hit an awful blank wall. Nothing, but nothing wanted to come out. All that inspiration seemed to have been gobbled up in the despair of not getting those bright ideas onto ‘paper’. From a place where I had so many ideas waiting to burst out of me I reached a place where there was an arid desert – a nothingness where no ideas wanted to take root.

“Ideas are like legs: what good are they if you can’t run with them, or spread them?”
Jarod Kintz, The Days of Yay are Here! Wake Me Up When They’re Over.

I have a multitude of beautiful photos I’ve recently taken, and those I’ll share soon. The stories, well, I’m hoping they return once I start writing again. That’s my hope and plan. A slow trickle to begin with, like a slowly moving stream. It slowly meanders along making its way from the source to the river and then the ocean, carrying everything along with it. As it moves along it picks up little bits and pieces and carries them with it making it more than it was before.

Then, when the time is right, and my idea guzzling monster has fed well and decides to leave me for fresher pastures, I’m hoping that the bright scintillating plethora of ideas will come flooding back. They may not be the same ones, in fact they most probably won’t be, but they will be stories which want and need to be told.

I’m trying to be gentle with myself. The creative process cannot be forced. It either is or it isn’t and the difference can be felt. I don’t want to fill a ‘page’ with the nonsensical, a space-filling nothingness just to say, “Hey I’m here, I really can’t say anything but I want to say I’ve posted something today.” Which is really just a vain plea to say “Please don’t forget me, I really want your ‘likes’ and following and I just want to remind you not to forget me”.

I know the experts say regular posting builds a following, but I would rather post something meaningful, at least to me and hopefully my followers  than what feels like filling up empty space with ‘white noise’. (Have you ever seen that movies? It’s frightening because of the possibilities).

I want my river of ideas flowing with the magic and mystery of spirits and undines, sylphs and sprites to bring mystical and wondrous delight to the reader.

“A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on. Ideas have endurance without death.”    John F. Kennedy


This then is my feast or famine. It is a simple arid desert of nothingness of ideas, a slowly moving stream of  a budding flow of inspiration  and then a beautiful rushing river of creative wonders, just tumbling over one another to get out.

So I wondered, what is your inspiration?  How would you describe your feast or famine of ideas?  How do you get past that awful “writer’s block”.  There – I’ve said the dreaded words. They weren’t too difficult after all – it’s simply what they mean which is so awful.

May you always have bright ideas to fill your page.

“Dare to dream! If you did not have the capability to make your wildest wishes come true, your mind would not have the capacity to conjure such ideas in the first place. There is no limitation on what you can potentially achieve, except for the limitation you choose to impose on your own imagination. What you believe to be possible will always come to pass – to the extent that you deem it possible. It really is as simple as that.”
Anthon St. Maarten.


Blessings.   Susan x

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